There is a crazy cry, "Why don't you sleep?"

Having "Xiong Haizi" at home will really drive you crazy.

Speaking of children sleeping, people who are not mothers may never imagine what it is like to put the baby to sleep.

And when everyone is promoted to mother, of course, there are also fathers who have experienced it. Speaking of this matter, I am afraid it is more bitter and helpless.

Like many mothers, since I became a mother, I have also added a circle of friends-mom circle.

Some time ago, a mother shared such a sentence in the WeChat group: The life of children sleeping at nine o'clock is simply profitable.

As soon as this statement came out, it immediately attracted countless posts, which really poked our parents' hearts: after the baby slept, I just wanted to be myself for a while.

For a time, the WeChat group exploded, and it turned out that not only my family was in a mess every day.

Of course there are exceptions.

A mother suddenly came up with this sentence: my baby always goes to bed at eight o'clock, and there is no need to coax. Go to sleep semi-automatically at eight o'clock at the latest.

This mother may think it's too high-profile. After saying this, it flashed by in an instant.

Then I can only say silently in my heart that you have raised an angel baby.

But from the voices of the mothers in the group, I still found that angel babies are a minority after all, and more children still use various tricks at night.

And their purpose is simple-not sleeping, and then painting style, hehe, I'm afraid everyone is a world champion who doesn't sleep.

02

"I am a world champion who doesn't sleep."

Although my daughter is not a typical night owl, during that time, that is, when I just entered the threshold of three-year military service, my family fought with sleep almost every day.

Until then, my little daughter can keep our agreement with each other.

Every day after dinner, it seems to be around seven o'clock. First, I play Lego with my parents for a while, and then I build her favorite cushion castle. At this time, it's almost eight o'clock.

Then, go to bed and tell stories while drinking milk. After an hour, get out of bed and wash. From 9: 30 to 10: 00, I can basically fall asleep.

After the children go to bed, to be exact, after falling asleep early, you can really feel that your Yuan Shen has finally returned to his original place, and you have changed back to yourself.

At this point, you can do what you want with confidence. Don't mention how relaxed and cool this feeling is.

But now, not to mention the little person lying helpless beside you, it is very difficult to put her on the bed.

You should always be ready to deal with her various needs, sometimes even inexplicable needs.

Let me briefly talk about a few episodes. Most of these episodes will pop up when everything is ready and the key step of turning off the lights is OK.

Sometimes, as soon as you turn off the lights, those strange little people will "rub" out of bed, followed by a clear and loud sentence, "Mom, I want to drink water." Then there is a series of pouring water, carrying water and drinking water. It is easy to meet the demand, even small people have to think about where to put the water cup for a long time and fiddle with it for a long time.

When we "see through" drinking water, we simply prepare a cup at the bedside in advance, or turn off the lights after drinking enough at one time.

But the little man is a child prodigy. When I saw that drinking water was useless, I blocked it and there was a way to cover it.

Drink too much water, what will happen? Pee. Okay, here comes the fun again.

After drinking for a while, the little man got up again and shouted to the dark bedroom, "I have to pee."

It's like letting the whole world know that the whole world is peeing with you.

Mom and dad want to steal the fun, but they have to carry it on their backs, and they can't be discovered by the little genius.

Otherwise, once you grasp your weakness, you may do something next.

Tell me an episode before going to bed.

After all the activities, it's time to drink milk, but my little daughter has to make it herself.

Your pupils are suddenly dilated several times, and what is more tangled is whether to let go.

The plot that is likely to happen after that can be guessed by parents without brain tonic.

The child won't give in, so you have to let go. To tell the truth, real money milk powder is really no less than tuition.

Although I have been instructed many times, I am still worried that talking too much will be counterproductive.

What affects children's self-construction, destroys their self-confidence and their ability to solve problems ... I have been worried about these problems.

Being a mother is heartbreaking.

Knowing that there is a "fire pit" ahead, you have to let go quietly, not only to encourage children to explore, but also to give appropriate guidance and help in the middle.

Finally, I am proficient in making milk powder, but my sleeping time is obviously delayed.

Of course, this is only one of the incentives for the tug-of-war.

03

When the tug-of-war is heating up, waves of unrest rise again.

Another big cause of sleep tug-of-war is that because I discussed with Dad Dou before, my daughter will lift the restricted area for watching TV after she turns three.

It should be noted that bullfighting actually watches TV like many children, mainly cartoons.

In addition, there are ancient poetry exercises and English children's songs in the kindergarten class, which are her favorite and most interesting activities on weekdays.

But since this precedent has been set, there is another activity before going to bed at night, and the sleep time is naturally postponed.

As far as I can remember, I didn't go to bed until half past eleven at the latest. My little hand clenched my fist and kept rubbing against my little eyes, but my little eyes just refused to rest and sleep.

In those days, almost every day after dinner, during the parent-child interaction time of a family of three, Dad Dou and I began to feel anxious.

Watching TV, children can be quiet for a while, and adults can also have time and energy to do what they want.

However, arranging these contents every day really goes against our original intention.

Compared with adults' own relaxation, we still hope that children and parents have more real interaction.

However, it's like a child eating candy for the first time. Once she knew it was sweet, she felt very happy after eating it. After she wanted to eat it again, it was difficult for adults to take it away from her memory.

So this kind of rhythm suddenly makes my father and I feel happy, and there is a sudden loss and tension.

In retrospect, at that time, the rhythm of my family from after dinner to bedtime could not be said to be chaotic, but it could be described as full of busyness.

There are parent-child games, cartoons, playing with toys, telling stories and even washing your face and brushing your teeth. Children are too excited to speak, and adults are too busy to speak.

Many times, we are tired and fall asleep before the children put on their pajamas and lie quietly in bed.

This is not the most deadly. The most fatal thing is that this arrangement directly causes children to get up late the next day, take a nap late, and then continue to sleep late, which is simply an infinite loop.

They all said they couldn't bear to sleep. It is a curable disease!

Think about it, aren't we adults like this? After a day of things and activities, whether interesting or not, at night, I just refuse to sleep.

Actually, that's who I am. I used to think so. How boring it is to sleep If you lie there, it will be a new day. I'm not full today.

Children, like adults, don't want to sleep at night, no matter how much fun they have experienced during the day and how many activities they have carried out.

And they make all kinds of complicated and unreasonable demands again and again, just to kill time and not sleep.

It seems that children's reluctance to sleep is a kind of "disease" and must be treated! My family has obviously reached the point where it must be cured.

04

How should I deal with the baby's inability to sleep step by step? -A principle: Don't sleep like a "war".

Actually, it's not that exaggerated to say and do it. At most, it is self-exploration in the way of raising. After all, children are a unique existence, where they know the truth and logic in a large population, and everything is in an instinctive spontaneous state.

Childhood is a unique world. Therefore, we will often see all kinds of overreactions of children, sometimes appearing out of thin air, and sometimes disappearing out of thin air; Sometimes it's a good-natured baby, and sometimes it becomes a little devil in the blink of an eye.

Perhaps it is precisely because the characteristics of children of this age are constantly evolving that one of the main challenges faced by parents is to keep themselves in an unknown state at all times. It can be said that this is a state of groping forward.

With this premise, then, on the way to reach a * * * understanding with children, we should be more careful with our parents.

"Be careful"? Raising a child is in this state? Don't spray! Otherwise, do you really want to take your "eighteen dragons" to see that ever-changing "little monster"?

My family's "careful machine" is to let go on the one hand and realize that when children exercise their rights, they naturally include sleeping.

It is said that children's ability to be independent of adults' arms depends largely on whether our parents release your tightly held hand in time.

Children in early childhood have begun to have self-awareness. When they find themselves independent of the world, they will naturally be interested in when to go to bed and what to do before going to bed. What's more, this is their own right.

Therefore, in my family, the first move to break the chaotic state before going to bed is that dinner and what to do before going to bed are completely up to the children themselves.

It is precisely because of this "letting go" that a new space has emerged between children and parents. Sometimes she just needs her father to accompany me, and I am "liberated"; Sometimes she just wants to watch cartoons, and my father and I are "liberated".

In fact, in order to reverse this sleep tug-of-war, I also consulted an expert, my best friend in high school. So she told me. Think about it. When a child can't eat well, the more we force him to eat more, the less he will eat.

The same is true of sleeping. The more you think about it, the better, my child. You should let your mother go to bed quickly and go to bed early. The child will probably stay awake.

Just like children eating, our parents can't control it if they want to. The same is true of sleeping. This was originally people's own right, and we didn't give orders. "Now you want to sleep", "Now you want to close your eyes and shout", and the children will obey your password.

Only under the premise of conforming to children's development level and personality characteristics can we respond to every situation tactfully, instead of copying the so-called parenting methods in the past-intervention and control.

Although this feeling will make you feel good for a while, children may not always be as you wish. What is even more frightening is that it will disrupt your child's growth rhythm and lay a curse for growth.

Because in children's lives, spontaneous impulses, uncertain events and even unexpected situations will happen at any time. If you always use control, pressure or even screaming, one day, children will treat you in the same way, treat their own lives and treat their next generation.

Childhood is a chaotic stage. Maybe you told him to wear a sleeping bag, and he just showed it to you. Maybe you ask him to brush his teeth, and he just plays with water for you. ...

For you, this is simply unbearable, especially when you don't have the time and patience to deal with all this, because it means you need to give up your plan, so you make unexpected shouts or even screams to your children, and your smell is unpleasant, and your children may be disobedient to you from now on.

In the process of getting along with children, just as the laughter brought by children makes us feel gratified and happy, we must also accept and embrace the inevitable maddening things in this journey.

Being a parent is a physical, psychological, emotional and economic expense, and the anxiety and pain of being a parent are completely in line with human nature. Therefore, it is also doomed that our children will contact us at the simplest, most common and most basic level.

To put it bluntly, instead of keeping yourself on the verge of losing control, it is better to face all this calmly, face the child's physical and mental state, face the child's emotional needs, and of course face your own heart-is it this little devil in front of you, or your tense pace of life, or all kinds of distractions brought to you by the outside world, which really challenges or even collapses your last line of defense?

The establishment of this ideology is very important. After all, once children are bound to negative emotions and sleep together, it is far from spending more time and energy to untie the knot.

05

How should I deal with the baby's inability to sleep step by step? -Regular work and rest, how to strike a balance between "laissez-faire" and "strict adherence"?

However, on the road to independence, another thorny problem that comes with "letting go" is that our parents often unconsciously interfere with some behaviors made by their children.

When children play too late and the rhythm is too exciting, parents who have a strong desire for control can no longer sit still. Because the child's behavior is challenging our bottom line again.

This involves the second key of the "careful machine" I mentioned earlier-children must be made to understand that there can be no restrictions on words and deeds. Nature also includes bedtime activities.

Whether you have noticed or not, many parents often become autocratic because of confusion when dividing the boundaries of children's behavior norms. How to calculate excessive, how to calculate insufficient? How can it be just right?

Take sleeping as an example. Although the child is still full of energy, parents must make their own decisions about whether or not to sleep and when to sleep, and persevere in doing things.

In other words, when parents say "no" to their children at the beginning, they must make them realize that although some of their words and deeds are acceptable to adults, some of them are unacceptable.

Don't underestimate this first "no", it's really too important. Whether adults speak appropriately and consistently will directly affect the relationship between parents and children in the future.

This is also reminding our parents that your children are not young, and you can't fool them with the way you treat them.

What stimulation, what cajoling, what inducements, although these routines may work for a while, over time, not only can't you and your child achieve the results they want, but it is likely to deprive your child of his spontaneous nature.

In other words, it's almost bedtime. Remind your child half an hour in advance, and remind him every once in a while, just like taking a vaccination in advance. Tell your child accurately, "In another minute, you will go to bed, or do something else."

Or when watching cartoons, don't talk to your child about the conditions at a critical time, but talk to your child in advance about how long.

Every time you say this, be firm and consistent. You can't be the good COP today and the bad COP tomorrow.

We may find ourselves saying no all the time. Don't think that such innocent instructions are futile. Gentle drizzle is important, but consistency should be the bottom line for setting children's behavior.

In fact, the idea of realizing "restriction" is what we often say: regular work and rest, which involves not only regular sleep at night, but also reasonable arrangements for taking a nap and getting up early.

We need to realize a basic fact. While encouraging children to participate in the sleep plan, we should also initially establish some awareness of rules and restrictions for children.

Another thing to note is that children must be "fully discharged" during the day, especially in winter. In this season when there are more days to stay at home, children should be ensured to have more activities during the day. If the discharge is insufficient during the day, it will also affect the child's sleep time at night.

There is no fixed answer to when children go to bed at night, because the situation of each child in each family is very different, and there is no need to force unity. However, how to make children fall asleep happily is what every parent should do.

In this process, if you can accompany your child wholeheartedly and aimlessly, the child will naturally feel your love, feel gratified that his needs have been met, and go to sleep with a sweet smile, just like a lovely angel.