Today is Children's Day, not only on the Internet, but also in the air. There is also a big wave of giant babies preparing to bask in children's day gifts in the circle of friends. At this moment, I think of my niece Xixi, a 2-and-a-half-year-old bud whose childhood curtain is about to open. I don't know why, my childhood memories are few, what I can remember is monotonous, and there are not many happy ones. Fortunately, the three views have grown smoothly, but the more you grow up, the more you learn, and the more you can see the influence and limitations of your childhood imprint. That's why I want to write this article.
Xi, which means beautiful, is a word I added to her name. I hope she can grow up healthily and happily in a beautiful environment, and then become a kind of beauty of her own, bringing beauty to people around her and the world in the future. Just as her mother (my own sister) expected: a stable life and good years.
What is the significance of raising a daughter? In the author's original words, "When your daughter grows up, you will see the connection between the childhood you gave her and the strength and quality she has now." When you leave, a good woman will continue to live, and she will pass on everything you taught her to her descendants! "Cultivating a daughter is equivalent to cultivating a family. Girls are really important to the world, and it is especially important to raise good girls.
The prelude has been laid for so long, it's time to get to the point. The original title is "How should an excellent woman spend her childhood?" But I feel that the word "goddess" is more in line with the current usage of words, so the previous modifier "really excellent" is very important. "True Excellence" includes, but is not limited to, intelligence, elegance, strong independence and strong inner strength. The next content comes from a book called Raising Girls, which is the author of the global bestseller Raising Boys. Biddulph's required reading for girls' parents.
Raising boys is very different from raising girls. Their development, intelligence, hobbies, making friends, learning and sports are almost completely different. Girls need their mothers more, and boys rely on their fathers more. Of course, mom and dad are very important and indispensable to everyone. But you need to understand that your meaning will be significantly different and focus on them.
We all know the importance of interpersonal communication, but in fact the key period is 6 to 12 months. Babies attach great importance to who the people around them are, and girls are more sensitive to social relations than boys. Babies can't comfort themselves, so they are easily upset, groan and cry. At this time, they must get a response from their mother, and when her mother responds, their mood will be relieved.
Mom needs to respond with voice and action, pick her up, comfort her and help her relax. Later, she will learn to comfort herself. These interactions and dialogues can help children to confirm their mother's love for her, which will help her to perceive the feelings of others and learn the feelings of others in adulthood. If the mother is emotional during pregnancy, it will have a very bad influence on the baby. Mothers often get angry when their children are still in infancy. She can feel this anxiety personally, and this anxiety will be passed on to the children and displayed. Therefore, mothers should keep their emotions normal and healthy.
Babies need to be calm and calm, but they also need to be accompanied by excitement and happiness, such as hide-and-seek games. Dad will throw the children high into the air and chase after them. Studies have shown that children who grow up playing games with their fathers are much more resistant to stress than children who only play gentle games. It is very important to play with children. Playing can stimulate their brain potential. People who love to play are good at innovation, and children who grow up in a happy state are not timid, dull and full of vitality. The author hates all kinds of early education projects in this period. Don't give her children to some strangers, remember that what she really needs is you!
At this stage, the focus of girls is exploration. You should know that both art and sports ability begin at the stage of 1~5 years old. Don't emphasize emotional experience on girls from an early age and ignore rational feelings. In fact, you can talk more about numbers and building blocks with your daughter, which is of great benefit to cultivating their digital space ability.
Let the children choose their own toys, and don't rush to buy a bunch of dolls, so there is no way to start. Too much will limit children's thinking ability. Then, prepare some toys for the children, put them in convenient and easy-to-get boxes, and change a few often. For girls, some waste paper, colored pens, crayons, pigments, used greeting cards and stickers are a very creative toy library.
Don't buy toys for your daughter that emphasize appearance and wearing. Girls will also like rockets, castles, trucks and farms. Please remember that nature is the most important thing. Electronic products are far less important to them than three-dimensional nature. If learning piano and other learning activities start too early, it will damage her intelligence. Children need their own time, daydreaming and free space, so as to develop their imagination. Turn off the TV so that the children can think and talk to themselves.
There is no doubt that girls love beauty more than boys, but some mothers dress girls up too beautifully. All kinds of beautiful skirts, headdresses and shoes will only bind children's hands and feet to explore. On the contrary, those convenient and strong clothes will make her play with water, mud and painting unscrupulously. Mom should be more concerned about whether she is comfortable or not. If you hear a lot about appearance and figure when you are young, you will have a heavy psychological burden when you grow up.
We should teach girls discipline and rules gently but firmly, and cultivate their self-cultivation from this period on, such as not talking loudly in public places and eating politely. At the same time, help them deal with their feelings, especially when their emotions are strong.
Judging from the development process, the baby will not be too interested in the cute baby like her, because mom and dad are more fun; Two children under the age of 3 can get along well together within a few minutes. But after four or five years old, girls really need playmates. Playing with peers is the basis of cultivating creativity. We learn how to communicate with others through playing.
Friends are as important to girls as oxygen. Boys of the same age had a fight with their friends, and they may go out to play again an hour later, but it is not so easy for girls to go out after they are uncomfortable. She needs her parents to care for her and comfort her. You are her social leader, but in most cases, you don't have to intervene at all. When she asks for help, just help her analyze it and give her some advice.
In making friends, the author gives seven suggestions: being friendly, sharing, empathizing, controlling aggression, apologizing, understanding emotions and knowing who can be trusted. In terms of empathy, don't ignore the child's feelings. Mother's neglect will lead her to ignore the feelings of others. When a child is sad, say "Mom knows you are really having a hard time" to show understanding of her emotions, instead of directly denying it. Mom is a role model for girls in society. If you often lose control with your husband in front of your children, she is either completely different from you or exactly the same, then it is very stupid to do that.
In the senior grade of primary school, girls are very adult, sensitive and mature. You think you can finally relax, but please be careful not to let go. Girls at this stage need more attention and companionship, more teaching, more explanations, more inquiries and more meaningful activities, instead of pushing her out to grow up alone and bear all kinds of pressures.
We often say that education is not to fill a bucket of water, but to light a fire. Peter Benson, a top American adolescent expert, has a very useful spark theory. He thinks that all teenagers and children have some kind of enthusiasm. He divided the flame into three categories: talent (such as writing and drawing) and personality (courage and empathy), and they can get great happiness from undertaking a certain task (such as protecting nature). The task of parents is to find and strengthen the spark in their children, which can make them behave happier in school.
Help her find her soul. The soul is stationed in children's hearts to help them distinguish right from wrong, which is what Wang Yangming said. Against your conscience, you will hate yourself if others don't tell you. The soul is creative, it is the true self, and children need to discover it, admit it and get along with it. At the same time, we should help her set up her ideals, not just talk about grades, senior high school entrance examinations and college entrance examinations.
In the search for the soul, just as boys need a male parent as an example, girls also need an older woman as an example, so that she can know how to be a powerful and connotative woman, such as a teacher, a coach of some favorite projects, and aunts. Their hearts should be warm and calm, not boring, and appreciate and support your daughter. For example, communicate with them often, attend their concerts and sports meetings, and invite them to your home for the night. And set an example for her daughter by getting along.
The fifth stage (14 years old-18 years old): make rules for her and prepare for adulthood.
/kloc-after 0/4 years old, children are no longer considered legally. Can we let go? The answer is no in capital letters. This time is the most critical. Never let go. You need to make rules for your children. Many problem girls are at this stage, which can't be blamed on children. The control center of their prefrontal cortex has not been "completed". When she feels stressed and nervous, the "amygdala" of her brain, the center of impulse and emotional response, will immediately control her. Therefore, at this time, they still need parents, not friends. You need to stipulate that she must be at home at night, no drinking, and always know where she is and who she is with. Maybe this is a bit old-fashioned and unpopular, but this is exactly what responsible parents should do.
Children at this stage should learn to be self-reliant, clear-minded, emotionally strong, handle the relationship with others and do things with a purpose, but this process is very difficult.
If you want to cultivate an excellent daughter, a real goddess, then do it according to the above points and create a loving, restrained, joyful and challenging childhood for her. In addition, there are two paragraphs that I want to say to the parents of the future outstanding goddess.
A mother is a role model for her daughter. For 95% of girls, the same sex has the greatest influence, and it is usually the mother who makes them understand the meaning of becoming a woman. At different stages of her life, she may worship, hate, admire and accuse her, but no daughter will think she is unimportant. This is the "mirror neuron", which unconsciously transforms the behavior we see others into the way we do things.
So get ready, your daughter will be you! How do you get along with your friends? How do you face the pressure? How do you relax? Especially how do you get along with your lover? Are you a road rage patient? Did you suddenly have an emotional outburst? With children, it is necessary to install a detector for various behaviors.
Let children know your values, such as paying attention to safety, being considerate of others, keeping promises, making necessary concessions and compromises, short-term and long-term attitudes, diligence and gains. Although she may disagree, they will gradually adopt your opinion.
After girls enter school, if you can create a regular and rhythmic life for them, it will help children calm down from the noisy and competitive environment in school, such as eating with the whole family, sleeping at a fixed time (reading before going to bed), regularly arranging some outdoor activities, some quiz activities (crossword puzzles, crossword puzzles), birthday parties, and talking or traveling alone with their parents.
Remember, letting go is inevitable and part of helping her grow. When 16 years old, she won't want you to accompany her too much. The better you raise her, the farther she will go, but you must know that the more a child nourished by love grows up, the closer she is to her mother, although the space is farther.
Research shows that if fathers invest more in training their daughters, their daughters will show more self-confidence and better grades, and there will be few problems of teenage pregnancy, alcoholism or drug abuse. If fathers do more housework, their daughters will be more confident to choose some challenging jobs, such as becoming leaders and scientists.
If you want your child to feel safe, you need to speak in a gentle voice at home, not only to her, but also to all family members. If you want to wrestle with him on horseback and pretend to be defeated by her, she will be very excited and think you are protecting her. Give her enough sense of security and care.
Psychologists have found that the roles of mom and dad on girls are complementary, with mom reassuring girls and dad giving them confidence. And the relationship between father and daughter is the basis for her to get along with men in the future. If her father respects her and listens to her opinion, she won't accept that other boys don't respect her. If dad often jokes with her and discusses some profound topics with her, she will be more confident and will not be manipulated by others; If dad is always happy to play with her, she will know that she is attractive and liked!
Many adolescent daughters will be against their father, who is not pleasing to the eye and wants to be themselves; Dad wants to control his daughter, and her daughter treats control with hostility. However, it is suggested that dads should know something. Adolescent daughters are difficult to control their emotions. Her prefrontal cortex is being reconstructed and her amygdala controls her brain. She will either fight back or run away. She is hard to listen to other people's opinions and likes crazy things, but that is short-lived. If you want to help her, you need to show your listening, patience, gentleness, humor and empathy, not reason and blame.
I want to give this document to Xixi and her parents. Also share it with parents who want to raise girls and are raising girls.