When giving positive incentives, don't pay too much attention to material rewards, because paying too much attention to material rewards will sometimes have the opposite effect of education over time and develop children's money worship and materialism. Without motivation, you will no longer do well. Rewarding children can be a compliment or appreciation, a hug, a kiss, a small red flower, watching TV for ten minutes (or playing computer for ten more minutes) or promising children to travel somewhere. Of course, toys and money can be rewarded occasionally. But no matter what kind of reward, sometimes it is necessary to emphasize to children: "Is this something you should do well? If there is no reward, you must do it well. I don't reward you every time, you know? " Usually, children will give you a positive answer.
In addition, when encouraging children, we should pay attention to spiritual encouragement, especially to improve their self-awareness, and always give them a positive message: you are smart, kind and obedient ... When children develop this awareness, education will be successful.
However, positive and negative incentives are only auxiliary means of education. Educating children mainly depends on parents' "words and deeds", among which "role models" have the greatest and most far-reaching influence on children. Therefore, for the sake of children, every parent must first change himself and make himself better and better, so that children will learn better and better.
We should grasp the scale of reward.
Many parents know how to encourage their children and praise them more. But how to master the scale of praise and how to praise children correctly? I will introduce some problems that should be paid attention to when praising children based on my own practice:
First, praise is best carried out after good behavior, which can enhance children's awareness of good behavior and praise should be specific. The more specific the praise, the easier it is for children to understand what good behavior is, and the easier it is to find the direction of their efforts. For example, after reading a book, children put it back in its original place and put it in order. If parents just say, "You did a good job today." The effect of praise will be greatly reduced, because children don't understand what "good" means. If you say, "I'm so glad you put the books so neatly!" " "Next time, the child will do it more attentively.
Second, praise depends not only on the results, but also on the process. Children often do "bad things" with good intentions. For example, a child wants to "do his own thing", washes the bowl after eating, and accidentally breaks the bowl. At this time, parents criticize indiscriminately, and children may not dare to try to do things by themselves. If parents calm down and say, "You can do things by yourself, but the kitchen road is slippery, so be careful!" " "The child's mood will be very relaxed. He will not only like to do his own thing, but also be happy to help you with other housework. Therefore, as long as a child is "kind", he should be praised, and then help him analyze the causes of "bad things" and tell him how to improve, which will get better results.
Third, praise the child's little progress. In life, affirming children's little progress is an important means to consolidate children's good behavior and form good habits. For example, children's things are often thrown away after use. You can ask them to pack their things. As long as the child can pick up one thing, praise "it's very kind of you to do so." It would be better if you could tidy up other things. " In this way, children will gradually consolidate their good behaviors and form good habits.
Fourth, it is not good to praise children too often and exaggerate them. "Now many parents realize that praise can stimulate their children's motivation, but they don't know that too frequent and excessive praise will also hurt their confidence and motivation." In the process of cultivating children's good habits, many parents often take the form of praise and encouragement. For example, when he finishes his homework on time and cleans the room consciously, he will praise it in time or reward a small red flower. At the beginning, parents should really praise their children in time when they find that their children have made progress, but after their children get into the habit, it is best to gradually reduce the number of praises and lengthen the interval of praise. Don't exaggerate praise, otherwise it will easily make children proud. Especially when children have certain evaluation and judgment ability, exaggerated praise from parents will make children feel that their parents are not sincere. Over time, the encouragement of praise will be greatly reduced, and even his parents will be disgusted and rejected.
In short, praise is also an art. Too much praise will affect children's behavior motivation, so that they often act for praise. Without praise, they will be unhappy. Excessive praise will make children unable to estimate themselves correctly, while proper praise can help children have good habits and make them grow better.
(The first class is provided by Wu Danyue's parents)
(Teacher Hua comments: What a devoted parent this is! "I'm so glad you put the books so neatly!" Yes, praise should be specific, the direction should be clear, and children should know what kind of behavior to carry forward. "Praise depends not only on the results, but also on the process" and "It is not good to praise children too often and too exaggeratedly", which can be described as insightful! )
Good boy is bragging.
Lei Lei is a lively and naughty child. Because too many people in the family spoil her, her behavior becomes lawless. When eating, she refused to eat by herself. When she changes clothes in the morning, she bothers me to change it for her. When she came home from school, her schoolbags and shoes were everywhere. If I don't nag, she won't take the initiative to practice dulcimer. ...
In order to make her more obedient, I drew up a reward and punishment system to encourage Lei Lei to abandon bad habits and cultivate good ones.
My agreement with her is: if one day she behaves well, she will be rewarded with a small red flower; If the kindergarten teacher praises her, or gets full marks in the exam, she can also be rewarded with a small red flower; If one day she behaves badly, her mother can punish her and buckle her with a small red flower. Collecting five small red flowers can meet her requirements, such as going out to play or buying toys and snacks.
Lei Lei implemented this "system" very seriously and correctly. She pays special attention to every little red flower she gets. After all, only when children grow up with encouragement and praise can they have more confidence in themselves and be more confident in doing things. Good children are actually "boasted". (Provided by parents in Lei Huang, freshman class)
5 find advantages and reward them appropriately
In life, many parents always like to compare their children with other children, not compared with others, not compared with others. They compare their children's shortcomings with other children's advantages, which will only hurt their self-esteem, affect the formation of their good character, and even produce behaviors such as self-abandonment, extreme and attack.
We know that everyone wants to succeed. For our children, success means being praised by adults. Praise, let alone children, even we adults don't like praise from others and leaders? Because praise is appreciation, recognition and praise.
So I think good children are boasted, not approved.
When children make progress, as parents, how to guide and reward them correctly?
To praise a child's progress, we must first set a goal. When the child's behavior moves towards this goal, even if the progress is small, praise it. For example, your goal is to let children clean up after playing with toys. Although children never do this, you should keep repeating this request. If he ever put a toy in a pencil box, it's time for praise. "It's very kind of you to put the doll in the pencil box. Will mom help you put away other toys? " For another example, when you talk to others, children always interrupt and make a hullabaloo about. I hope you don't ignore him. At first, the child listened to you quietly. After a while (say two minutes), you stop and say "good boy" to him, and then go on. At this time, you can praise him again so that the child will learn to wait. When the goal is achieved, a new behavior is completely established. A little praise is enough to maintain this behavior, but we still can't give up praise completely.
As we all know, ten fingers are long and short, and each child's intelligence and acceptance are different. Parents should fully understand their children, set some easy-to-achieve small goals for their children according to their specific conditions, and let them feel that they can do it, so that they will have the confidence and motivation to do it and will succeed. When he shows the joy of success, he will have the interest and confidence to achieve his next goal. With the realization of small goals, children will continue to improve. Some parents, seeing their children's poor academic performance, only scored 40 or 50 points in the unit exam, said to their children, "If you can score more than 90 points, I will reward you 100 yuan to buy toys." For children, this award is really attractive, and children want it very much, but he knows he doesn't have the ability to get 90 points. How could he be interested in fighting for it? Set goals and directions with your children, step by step, and don't rush into it. Therefore, the goals set by parents should be appropriate, not too high, so as to arouse children's interest in learning.
Praise is a means that parents often use in the process of educating their children. Most parents want their children to develop good behavior habits expected by society in this way. However, in the specific family education practice, the effect of praise is not the same, and it may even be counterproductive. Why? Because they use compliments in different ways. So, how should we praise children?
In children's life, only criticism, without praise, will make children feel inferior, lack self-confidence, and sometimes even give up on themselves, and they will not listen to any opinions.
Parents always find their children's shortcomings easily, but turn a blind eye to their children's advantages. For example, children consciously finish their homework after school, and parents take it for granted and do not praise it in time; But when children watch TV as soon as they get home, parents often scold them loudly.
Parents don't respond when children have good behaviors, but children can attract their attention when they engage in negative activities. Over time, children often create negative "accidents" to attract parents' attention.
In fact, the bounden duty of parents is to constantly discover the advantages of children and let them develop, instead of amplifying their shortcomings to criticize or contain them! Don't stare at children's shortcomings all day. Why not try to amplify his advantages? You may say: criticize his shortcomings all day, and the child pushes his nose and face! Enlarge his advantages. Hasn't he been on the wall yet? If you ask me, how do you know if you haven't tried it? Maybe you will get unexpected results!
Some parents may worry that too much praise will make their children arrogant. Too much praise will really make children self-centered. It is important to praise them appropriately. Praising a child should be praising the child's behavior. Every time a child makes progress, proper praise can shape his character and change his life.
Praise children's behavior rather than their personality. Praise should be as specific as possible, such as: "Mao Mao, mom is glad that you can go to bed on time today." In this way, children can know their specific shortcomings and advantages without hurting their self-esteem, and real praise can enhance their self-confidence.
Praise the child for every progress. If a child has made some small progress in something, parents should praise it in time. If every little progress is praised, children will always get the motivation to make progress. (provided by Yang Jiachang, a freshman)
Effective encouragement can make children fully understand themselves.
Once a child said that he raised his hand to answer questions in class, but he was too nervous to say it correctly. In the past, I would rush to ask my children the questions asked by the teacher and guide them to find the correct answers. But then I saw the child unhappy. I thought about it and said, "You didn't dare to raise your hand before, but today you can boldly raise your hand to answer the teacher's question." Although the answer is not good, my mother thinks it is also an improvement. "I asked," do you know why you are nervous? "The child thought for a moment and said," Because I seldom answer questions. " "That's right, so you should exercise yourself more, think more about the teacher's problems and speak boldly, so that you won't be nervous. "
Many times, children's evaluation of their performance is often one-sided, and parents should encourage and guide their children to fully understand themselves. Guide children correctly. In particular, saying more words to encourage children will sometimes affect their lives. (The first class is provided by Sun Ying and Sun Yi's parents)
Don't let children live only in praise.
Don't let children live only in praise, not to pursue "stick" education, but to advocate "punishment" in praise.
I remember when my daughter was a child, I was really afraid of falling into my hand and melting in my mouth. As pearl as treasure, every time my daughter makes a little progress, I will praise her "great baby!" " ""the baby is really capable! "As for my daughter, she lives up to my praise. She is better than other children of the same age around her in literacy, nursery rhymes, coordination of movements and self-care. Just when I was intoxicated with "good children are praised for their good educational achievements", I gradually found many problems: my daughter just wanted to stick to her mother all day, not to her grandparents or her father, because they were not as happy to praise themselves as her mother; Crying in the morning to accompany my mother to work; When kindergarten teachers criticize children with poor grades, their daughters are worse than others; When I was around my mother, I was in high spirits and learned everything quickly. When my mother was away, I shrugged my little head, listless, lonely and helpless, like a little wretch ... "
At this time, my husband reminded me: "It's time to adjust your educational philosophy. You don't have a book, you might as well believe it. " Think carefully about Mr. Wang's words, it is true. I didn't properly handle this kind of praise, which made the children lose their way in praise and reduced their psychological endurance. So I gradually reduced my praise and became "awesome" and "really capable" at any time. Then carefully criticize her daughter's minor faults and minor faults. Not only praise is love, but also criticism is love, so my mother never criticizes other children like she criticizes you. If you understand and accept this truth, you won't have to be so "cautious" when criticizing in the future. In this way, the child's endurance is getting better and better. The whole person is also sunny and happy.
So I think that "a good boy is boasted", but we must grasp this "degree". This does not violate our original intention of educating children with praise and praise, and we have to give them some "color" when necessary.
(provided by a good parent in freshman class)
Teacher Hua's comment: This is an educational case that needs special attention from our parents and friends. This parent speaks very well, so we should grasp the "degree" of praising children. This world is not just a world for children. We have the responsibility to bring our children back to this competitive and challenging world. Children who are independent, adaptable and have a good personality will be more gregarious and likable. Then, the children will be healthier and happier. )
8 encouragement of love
The growth of children needs encouragement, just as the growth of grass needs sunshine. When you see that children have excellent performance, you must also give them "encouragement of love", which is conducive to their physical and mental development! Here are some ways to encourage children:
1, arouse children's sense of honor
When children have good performance in kindergarten, teachers will reward them with red flowers to arouse their sense of honor. When we go home, we will stick these red flowers on the wall. Let the children see it and be proud of it.
2. Allow children to do what they like.
When a child has good behavior and discipline, we allow him to do what he wants. For example, if children listen to adults today and do what they should do, we will let them do what they like in due course. For example, watching children's programs on TV, such as cartoons, let her know that she will get permission from her parents to do what she likes because of her good behavior, and gradually the child can form a fixed and accurate action form.
3. Appropriate material encouragement
Children like to receive presents. Children always look happy when they receive their favorite gifts, so we sometimes reward them with material encouragement for their correct behavior.
4. Meet her needs appropriately.
But when the child's behavior meets the mother's living standard in daily life, we will meet the child's requirements appropriately according to the situation. For example, children are required to go to bed at 9 o'clock every night on time, and sometimes children can't reach it. If one day, the child consciously goes to bed on time, the next day we will reward her for her good performance in other ways, such as taking her to eat her favorite snacks or seeing what she needs to meet her needs properly.
Encouragement is a kind of mentality of parents towards their children, an effective early education method, and being encouraged is an inherent need of children. For the sake of children, please ask parents to give their children generous encouragement!