As a parent, I often feel this way. These days, after careful analysis, I think there are roughly several reasons. Now I'll write them out and share them with you.
1. Has a long career and unlimited greed.
At noon, after lunch, I am sleepy and ready to take a nap. My relatives called to discuss my daughter's volunteering.
The little girl did well in the exam this year and was considered as a normal performance. She is higher than the second line 18 points. I think her relatives should be very satisfied. Who knows, as soon as relatives came up, they said, "If this child can get 2 points more, he can get a better major." It's too high now, too low, alas. . . . . . "
"Take an examination of 2 points more? You still won't be satisfied if you take 20 more points! " I exposed her lie directly, because I knew it very well. Every year, countless relatives, friends and classmates repeat this story in front of me. I already know every detail and every line.
At that time, my friend's son chose to repeat the college entrance examination in the first year because he was a few points short of a line, and he was more than 30 points higher than a line in the second year. I thought my friend would hold hands with him to celebrate. Who knows, what he waited for was a sentence: "You can go to your favorite school with a few more points."
As for my classmate's daughter, according to her grades before the college entrance examination, the target schools are National People's Congress and Beijing Normal University. Who knows, the child played beyond the standard, which was more than 100. Of course, going to the National People's Congress is not a problem, but that classmate is still as entangled as a Xianglinsao: if you take a few more exams, Peking University will be able to get insurance!
I'll go! For this college entrance examination, our children have been struggling since kindergarten 15 years, and have exhausted all ammunition, weapons and strength, but you still want to make them work harder by peeling and bleeding. Why not move a ladder and let them conquer the sky?
Infinite greed exhausted children's limited abilities. The child has tried his best, but he is more demanding. Therefore, you always feel that your children are not as good as others. Because he can never satisfy your endless greed.
2. Because of your vanity, regardless of the child's actual ability, forcibly promote the child.
This phenomenon is most prominent when entering higher schools and placing classes.
Universities only know Peking University Tsinghua. In recent years, there have been more foreign schools, such as Harvard and Cambridge. The Chinese Academy will know what top classes and rocket classes are needed in key middle schools of one or two key schools in the city. There is really no ladder to heaven, otherwise, I wish my child was the one who could step on the ladder and push the cloud.
What impressed me the most was when a friend's son was in junior high school.
My friend's son's grade in primary school is not generally poor, and it is even more difficult to enter junior high school. It is almost impossible to go to a first-class school, but it is relatively easy to go to a second-class school without spending too much manpower and financial resources. Moreover, from the perspective of children's academic qualifications and academic performance, it is a wise choice to go to a second-class junior high school.
But friends don't do it! His friends, neighbors, and children's primary school classmates all went to first-class junior high schools, and it seems that the face problem is very serious. As a result, the great god began to toss and turn for a month and spent a lot of money that made his flesh ache every time he mentioned it. Finally, his son went to a first-class junior high school. As a result, my friend has a bright face, because whenever someone asks his son where to go to school? Friends can answer loudly: in a school! That's a cow school! But the question is, does the school cow have anything to do with your children? !
What was the result? Three years later, when other children successfully entered the senior middle school of the school, my friend's son ended his father's three-year tour of the high-priced customized school and still returned to the original point and went to a second-rate high school.
We really can't ignore the great harm caused by parents' vanity. Often, just because they can have a loud and proud hypocritical answer when others ask, they directly shield their children's true ability, deliberately raise their status, put their children in the position of the strong, constantly compare their children with others, stifle their self-confidence and self-esteem, and complain that their children are not as good as others.
Not everything can be achieved through hard work, such as love, such as happiness, such as natural IQ and EQ. Only vanity can be easily acquired by everyone, but it is difficult to give up. Therefore, under the influence of parents' vanity, no matter how hard children try, they will never be as good as others if they fail to meet the standards they expect to show off.
3. Extremely inflated utilitarianism makes whether a child can be admitted to a prestigious school the only criterion to measure whether a child is excellent or not.
I remember when my daughter was in the third grade, the new class teacher read us an article at the first parent-teacher meeting. That was 13 years ago. This article has been very popular on various platforms and various WeChat friends in recent years.
The article tells the story of a mother who trained her son to be a principal through appreciation education. The general content is as follows: From primary school, the mother of the child was criticized by the teacher for her frequent violation of discipline. At the first parent-teacher meeting, the teacher told her mother that the children couldn't sit still in class and often made small moves. The mother who came home didn't criticize the child according to the teacher's statement, but said to the child: The teacher praised you and said that you have made progress than before. How long can you sit? Then encourage children to observe classroom discipline more and more. All these. . . . . . Every time the teacher criticizes, the mother will translate it into praise and tell it to the children. Children also constantly correct their mistakes because of their mother's encouragement and make progress every time. Finally, the child rewarded his mother's appreciation education with an admission notice from Tsinghua University.
It is an inspirational article to earn tears. The highlight is at the end. Did Tsinghua's name deceive us?
Yes, because of Tsinghua's ending, the story is more inspiring, the children are better, and the mother's education method is more successful. Suppose the child didn't get into a prestigious school in the end, isn't this story worth mentioning, because it seems that all other schools except Tsinghua Peking University are inhuman?
Parents' extremely inflated utilitarian heart makes whether they are admitted to a prestigious school the only criterion to measure whether a child is excellent or not. It also makes education a carrot hanging on a stick, and children become rabbits chasing carrots. They caught up with the good rabbit and the successful rabbit, but they didn't catch up. Even if your roadside is covered with weeds, you are still your own child, not as good as others.
Just because being admitted to a good middle school means stepping into a famous university, being admitted to a famous university means having a good job in the future, and having a good job means having a successful life.
If a child is not admitted to a good middle school or a good university, it is certainly not as good as being admitted to a good middle school or a good university.
You can't objectively evaluate your children, and some even deceive themselves and overestimate their abilities.
The ruler is good, but the inch is short. This mantra has been sung for thousands of years. Once we meet parents who want our children to succeed and our daughters to succeed, we immediately become a cloud and are forgotten.
I only saw Deng Yaping's efforts, but forgot Phelps' innate advantages. When it comes to learning, children become omnipotent superman and ultraman who can beat anything strange, deceiving themselves and overestimating their abilities.
My son's intelligence and ability are average, but the problem is that he unfortunately has an omnipotent sister who is a schoolmaster. This gave me the illusion that my son would be a bully like his sister.
Since the first grade, I have always regarded my son as a bully, but after three years, my son's various performances made me worry from kindergarten, and everything was ahead until my sister who was admitted to a key university became a slag. I am full of disappointment about my son's future life direction.
Until I met my child's olympiad teacher.
Learning olympiad mathematics is purely accidental.
One day, my son's classmate's mother invited me to attend a class. Nothing happened at that time, so I took my son with me. I didn't know it was an Olympic math class until I entered the classroom. I suddenly regretted it because the teaching materials were still not good. It is unthinkable for my son to study such a complicated and profound subject. But I was already here and embarrassed to leave, so I listened. Who knows, after listening to this, my son is addicted, and I am also very interested.
Since everyone is interested, let's try it in the newspaper. In a word, I don't want my son to know what kind of person he is. If he can listen, he might as well learn and train his mind.
The Olympic Mathematics teacher is a particularly interesting and experienced teacher, and the boring Olympic Mathematics class almost made him a story class. My son listened carefully in class, and when he came home from class, he actively did his homework and explained it to me clearly while doing it. It was quite lifeless.
The first exam after a few days of school, because of full preparation, my son actually got the highest score in the class. Although the title of this exam is the original title in the book, and the results can't explain more problems, such results still far exceed my expectations, because in my heart, he should be the one at the bottom, but actually the one at the highest. It really impressed me.
One thing that happened soon gave me a new understanding of my son.
Once in class, my son was called to the podium to do the problem. When my son was still hesitating on the podium, the shouts from the audience had become paste, and almost all the children were shouting an answer: "9! 9! 9! "I thought it was the answer, too, but my son stood on the podium and stared at the questions on the blackboard for a long time, motionless. After a long hesitation, my son surprised everyone and wrote an answer: "10". The teacher drew a big tick under his answer.
He wrote it right! The teacher said. And praised his son for not listening to the opinions of most people, but sticking to his own answers.
At that moment, I thought, maybe, I should get to know this little man again.
From what I think is the bottom, to what I think is ok, to what I think is not too bad compared with others, to the extent that I can be a little better than others. . . . . . My son's progress has refreshed my cognition and constantly boosted my confidence and hope for him.
I think, if I think he is a great kid from the beginning, I won't be surprised even if he answers the question correctly. If he does something wrong, I definitely think he can't.
Perhaps, if we look down on our children, we will be more satisfied; Look at the shortcomings of children more, and we will appreciate the advantages of children more; If we treat our children as ordinary people, we won't feel that our children are always inferior to others.
It is often difficult to do this, because our parents often say modestly that children can't do it verbally. In fact, in their proud hearts, they always think that their children are the best and always compare their children with the best people. If it passes, it should have reached the original level. If not, of course, I always feel that my children are not as good as others.
Always compare your own shortcomings with the advantages of others. Perhaps, you will never get the surprise of your child's growth!
More often, the process of children's growth is actually a practice of parents, or even a rebirth, from the inside out, from body to mind!
May we sink our hearts and grow up with our children!
Author Hedong Xueduckweed, also known as Gongjia WeChat official account ancient nine niang Weibo Hedong Xueduckweed writer circle signing author
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