American psychologists David Macmillan and James Austin have done such psychological experiments on some older children. Before testing some children, they arranged for a child who had finished the test to enter the classroom, deliberately revealing that most of the answers were B. Later, when handing out papers to these children, the experimenter asked him if he knew the information of the test in advance. Some children didn't lie and say "yes", while others lied and said "no". At the end of the test, the experimenter said, "You can leave after the test, but if you are free, can you help me grade some questionnaires?" As a result, the children who didn't lie only paid 2 minutes more, while the children who lied actually paid 63 minutes more. This shows that guilty children have a good psychological tendency.

Therefore, psychologists generally believe that guilt has many benefits. It urges children to confess, apologize, offer help and avoid making mistakes again. It also makes children more sensitive and makes intimate relationships last longer. Therefore, the highest state of education is actually that parents are taking advantage of their children's guilt and let them take the initiative to make up for and correct themselves, thus achieving the goal of educating their children.

Story 1:

A mother told me such a thing:

Her son is over 7 years old and has a bad habit of petty theft. The first time I brought back a toy car model from someone else's house, my husband gave me a good beating, and the child promised not to steal it again. Not long after, the child was found to have brought back an electric dog from another child's house and was fined by his mother for one day. The child also said that he would never steal again. The third time, the child brought back a brand-name watch and accidentally broke it. This time the child's father happened to be on a business trip, and the child's mother was disheartened and didn't say a word. She cried and took out all the cash and wallet at home to compensate each other, then let the children eat instant noodles and locked herself in the room without eating or drinking.

Not long after, her son cried to his mother in the living room: "Mom, please hit me ... Mom, please scold me ..." The next day, she opened the door and found her son lying on the floor of the living room asleep without a quilt. The child next to him wrote a letter of guarantee, saying that he was "extremely guilty" about his behavior, hoping that his mother would forgive him, and even pressed his handprint with dignity.

However, the child really didn't steal anything again, and the things that parents worried about for a long time were solved.

Story 2:

At a university party, two students took their children with them.

Both boys are about 6 years old. Everyone was chatting when suddenly, with a bang, two small stones hit the TV screen in the hotel room. The little boys look scared. The parents of two children negotiated with the hotel owner and lost money.

Then the classmate pulled his son to the front and whispered, "Bastard, do you know how much your father lost?" The little boy was shocked by his father's tone. In a trembling voice, he explained to his father that the quality of the TV screen was poor, the slingshot was out of control, and another child encouraged him. Finally, Xiao was very angry and slapped his son on the palm. Finally, the child was put into the toilet.

And Xiao B took his son outdoors, and it didn't take long for the father and son to calmly return to their seats. At this time, I just finished teaching my son Xiao Ah and asked Xiao B why he didn't teach his children. Xiao B said that his son was already very guilty and regretted it. He not only promised not to break things in the future, but also promised to help his father wash the car when he got home, so Xiao B has forgiven his son. At this time, the little son was still crying in the toilet.

Story 3:

When I was a child, I was greedy and went to the field with several children to steal sweet potatoes and bake them until the last piece was chased by farmers in the field. Later, people complained at home, and grandma lost all the sweet potatoes she had just dug home. I stood in front of my grandmother, ready for training. But grandma just said, "It's a pity that she ate five sweet potatoes and lost fifty. Your grandmother doesn't want to eat them. The sweet potato planted this year is very sweet, but unfortunately grandma can't eat it. " I am ashamed, as if I had made a big mistake. Later, I went to someone's house to admit my mistake and promised to cut five-day grass (the grass that cows like to eat) for five sweet potatoes. When I worked hard to get back five sweet potatoes, I found there were still sweet potatoes under my grandmother's bed. Now that I think about it, my grandmother is all fools. However, I didn't do anything bad afterwards.

Some parents say that those children with simple nature will be affected by guilt, right?

Those children with bad nature will not be at your mercy. Is that really the case? In fact, these so-called "children with bad nature" are really because their parents have not touched their guilty nerves. Once a child feels guilty, all education and preaching can be easily completed. Because guilty children will have the psychological will to make up for their guilt, which is a weakness of human nature.

So, how should parents take advantage of their children's guilt?

1, remember: children who are beaten and scolded feel less guilty.

Beating and scolding children will not only bring guilt to children, but also lead to emotional rebound of children, such as anger, stubbornness and rebellion. It is often caused by beating and scolding children. The consequence of beating and scolding children is not only that the medicine can't stop, but the more antibiotics are used, the worse the effect will be. No wonder parents who are used to beating and scolding their children often say, "If you don't fight for a day, you will climb on your head and shit!" "Children who are often beaten and scolded rarely feel guilty.

2. Tell the child the consequences and costs caused by his fault.

Parents had better tell them what the consequences and costs will be because of their mistakes. The greater the child's mistake or fault, the stronger the guilt of forgiveness. In this way, children have a strong psychological need to try to correct or avoid making the same mistake again next time, and finally guide children to develop in a positive direction.

3. Express feelings and put forward expectations for children's future.

"Your mother is very sad to do this." Make it clear to the child in this tone that what the child is doing is right or wrong. Forgiveness does not mean approval. Don't forget to tell your child your expectation for his correction and progress. "Mom believes you won't make it again next time" and "Dad thinks you will take it seriously next time and won't make the same mistake again" … The purpose is to point out the right direction for your child.

Writing here, I feel a little evil, and it seems a bit like using human nature to "play" children. But I'll think about it. When a child makes a mistake, parents don't blame him, but forgive him, then let the child independently and actively correct himself, and finally make the child better and better. Parents just used a little skill to raise a good child, that's all. I will be calm.

Key words: guilt and compensation, children's psychology, parenting skills, children's mistakes, early family education.

The author of "Children's Story" is a psychological counselor, a second-born mother, and focuses on parent-child psychology. It is a cartoon imitated from her son's story book.