"Ah Yan lost control of her mood again yesterday!" At the family dinner last Saturday, my sister-in-law took advantage of her children to play in the living room and suddenly complained.
"ah? What is it this time? " My mother listened and asked nervously.
"I was in a meeting and my phone was silent. I didn't pay attention to her phone, so I was a few minutes late. Later, when I saw the missed calls from her, her father and her life teacher on my mobile phone, I knew something must have happened to her.
I quickly put my phone back. Sure enough, Yan's life teacher said that after I didn't answer her phone, she called her dad crazily and kept telling the teacher if something was wrong when her mother didn't answer the phone. The teacher said that the child was completely out of control! "Sister-in-law said what happened before lunch break on Friday.
"alas!" My mother sighed heavily, and then said, "Then call her father if she has anything!" " "
"Other children may be able to, but she can't. She will call me until she sees me! Last time her father drove her to give me something, because I couldn't go home after working overtime, so she and her father left first. She didn't want to live or die, and finally lost her temper for a long time before leaving. " Sister-in-law said, her expression was helpless and full of sadness.
"I can't help it. Her brain lacks substances to regulate emotions. Didn't you take her to Guangzhou specialized hospital for examination before? The doctor said that she should cooperate with medicine and diet treatment. " My father took part in the discussion.
Hearing this, my brother felt a little helpless and said, "That's true, but she is mainly insecure! When she first went to kindergarten, she just gave birth to a younger sister, so she was fostered in a relative's house. She hasn't seen her mother for almost a month. It is estimated that she left a psychological shadow on the child at that time! "
Sister-in-law also expressed helplessness at the time. She was silent for a long time, sighed and said, "Maybe she will get better when she grows up."
However, I think a large part of the reason for children is the lack of maternal love. I have read the book of American psychologist Erickson. In his famous eight-stage theory of personality development, I once said that children should know the world through their senses from birth to 18 months and gain trust from their mother's image. If they are cared and caressed by their mothers, their physiological needs will be met and they will feel safe. In this way, people around you will have a sense of trust, but if the mother doesn't care enough or even teach her children, the children will have inexplicable fears about others and the world, which will lead to distrust.
The British "Daily Mail" also reported that a neuroscientist in the United States once pointed out that the lack of maternal love in early childhood will reduce the brain capacity of young children and affect their lives.
So I think, on weekdays, when something goes wrong, Yan either throws things or curses, or cries hysterically. In life, we also see some reports about people's aggressive behavior towards others or society. In fact, most of these reasons are caused by their lack of maternal love in childhood.
My niece, Yan, grew up with her relatives and parents. My brother and sister-in-law only take her home for a few days every weekend or when she is free. My sister-in-law has never given her real companionship and care. When she went back to live with her sister-in-law, she was separated again because of her sister's childbirth and confinement. Now that primary school has sent her to boarding school, her desire for maternal love can be imagined.
Many doctors say that beauty is a psychological problem, and children have not improved after taking many drugs. In fact, they ignore the psychological needs of children. Drugs only treat the symptoms, not the root cause, because children who have never been loved must be eager for maternal love. Without maternal love, children will not feel safe and there will be various problems.
I remember watching a documentary about an excellent highly educated mother. When she was pregnant, she was full of expectations for the child, but the child was abnormal when she was 2 years old. She wants children to grow tall, fast and strong, and children to grow low, slow and weak.
After she took the child for examination, the doctor told her that your child has autism, which is incurable. Not only can it not be cured, but there is no medicine for the disease, which means there is no solution to the disease.
Hearing this, she was very sad. She doesn't believe the facts and has been to many countries. But as the doctor said, there is no way, but mother is not discouraged. With her enthusiasm and love for her children, her children have actually become better. In the past, children didn't care about others, but now they care about her.
When the child cared about her for the first time, she was so excited that tears came to her eyes. This is her hard work day and night. She talks to the children every day, saying this and that. Although the child didn't respond to her and people around her advised her to give up, she just didn't give up. She stroked the child every day, held the child and talked to him, and finally the child responded.
She said: "In fact, there is no incurable disease in this world. Motherly love is the best prescription. "
She said that she would continue to work hard to find her own way and then help those children in need.
Yes, there are really many children around us who have all kinds of abnormal behaviors. In fact, most of them are caused by lack of maternal love and security. Because children need their mothers most in the first three years of their lives.
Harold, an American psychologist, once did a famous rhesus monkey experiment: let the newborn monkey be separated from its mother from the day it was born, and give it two alternative "mothers"-wire mother and flannel mother. The mother silk is tied with bottles, and the mother flannel is wrapped with soft cloth. The experimental results show that when the baby monkey is hungry, it will jump on the mother silk and drink a few mouthfuls of milk, and most of the time it will snuggle up on the mother flannel.
Although the object of this experiment is a little monkey, this warm hug from mother is as important to children as maternal love.
Gorky once said that love is the greatest power in the world. Without the help of selfless self-sacrificing maternal love, the child's mind will be barren.
So whenever the shadow is sick and uncomfortable, she always likes to cling to me, often begging for a hug when I'm doing something, or letting me hug her when I'm sleeping, or when she doesn't sleep well at night, I will respond positively to her.
Because I give children a sense of security, they are very gentle in character and temperament.
I am glad that I resolutely chose to quit my job and be a full-time mother to accompany my shadow. It is precisely because of this that she has enough maternal love and security, so that sometimes even if I am not around, she can adapt happily.
In fact, no matter whether it is a full-time mother or a working mother, many diseases can be cured as long as children are given enough maternal love.
Of course, children at every stage have their own needs, and we should also grasp the scale of maternal love and not overindulge and indulge:
(1) 0- 1 year-old children are in infancy, at this time, no matter how much maternal love is given. For children's needs at this stage, we should meet them as soon as possible and give them unlimited love.
(2) Children aged 2-5 have self-awareness. As a mother, we should pay attention to children's thoughts, respect their wishes, encourage children to learn to make decisions, and give them necessary support and help. When children make mistakes, mothers should pay more attention to understanding their real psychological needs and give them tolerant love.
(3) Children over 6 years old are adults, and mothers need to pay attention to protecting their children's self-esteem. Children at this stage like to explore and enjoy all new things, and their mother should be their strong spiritual pillar, giving them encouragement and support when they hit a wall and are frustrated.
It is said that love is the best medicine to cure everything. It's true. If we have time and energy, please spend more time with our children, because we brought them into this world and we are responsible for them.
About the author: Little Shadow Mother, a full-time nanny born in 1980s, has a four-year-old girl at home. She insists on parent-child early education for three years, firmly believes that science can raise children, and hopes to keep up with their growth through learning. Work hard with children and grow together! Be a practitioner of parent-child rearing.