One of my high school classmates has been meditating and asked her what she was thinking. She said whether to work first or have children later. At that time, we were still overwhelmed by the college entrance examination, and it was incredible that she still had leisure to think about the future.

At that time, her grades were not very good, and her thinking was naturally a bit of talk and laughing stock after dinner.

Most of the students who are still in contact later take work as their main business and love as their sideline. And she went to a second-tier city, married a small local tyrant, traveled all over the world, and just gave birth to a child not long ago. The specific experience was not disclosed. However, when we are struggling to submit resumes to find jobs, desperately looking at dry goods in the workplace, and boasting to each other with Hr, people may travel to various countries to take photos, go shopping in shopping malls, or they may hear their children crying on the maternity bed.

While admiring her feeling of being a winner in life, we lament that it is still too early to dedicate ourselves to the family.

At the age of 20, in our common cognition, we should have accumulated experience in the workplace, and then found the right person. They got married only after they had a certain economic foundation. Many articles do tell us this: but unlike those who have been poor together, women must have their own careers, marry later if possible, and so on.

For workplace pregnancy, after all kinds of maternity leave, childbirth and confinement, if your job has long been replaced, you will become a dispensable person. Some unscrupulous companies will find fault with you after you get pregnant and fire you for various reasons. After all, it is much better to get one month's salary less than 40% more monthly salary.

This is the consciousness of my former female classmates, which I realized only a few years after the information explosion, but I want to talk about other ways of thinking.

02

As a rookie in the workplace, everyone has seen many disgraceful things caused by pregnancy.

The rumor that we once suspected does exist. The cruelty of the workplace scares us, but it also inspires us to stand firm. Besides excellent skills, interpersonal skills are really the most important. Small companies are intrigued with each other, and large companies have serious layoffs. In short, even if you are the boss, if the major shareholder sees you unhappy and wants to replace you, you can't say a word.

Because there is no shortage of talents in China.

Even though the law has introduced relevant policies to protect women, the employment relationship is actually two-way. From the enterprise's point of view, if the job is dispensable, then you don't have to be hired. If a radish is a hole and there is not enough manpower, you have to ask others to pay you at the same time. I think this is the conscience of private enterprises.

Whether the company is formal or not is on the one hand, and on the other hand, whether you deserve to be retained, in other words, whether the person who replaces you is better than you.

So you have to be awesome, arrange your work for several months, and communicate with people in the company at any time, because you don't know if the person who temporarily replaces you will change; Otherwise, let yourself become a married and fertile woman, and have no worries in this respect.

03

However, getting married and having children too early is a problem. For example, if you don't have grandparents to help you at home, you must do it yourself. It will take at least two or three years to wait for your children to go to kindergarten.

People of the same age have two or three years of work experience, how many KPIs have been completed, which big companies have cooperated with and how many projects have been completed. And your experience is like a new moon that kills youth.

In addition, at an early age, your friend became an aunt who shared her parenting experience. For example, people on Taobao focus on buying Haitao cosmetics luxury goods, while you focus on diapers and early education toys; People go to buy a buffet with their boyfriends and girlfriends after work, but you have to pick up the children and buy a barbecue. In addition to enjoyment, what's more, once there is a contradiction at the family level, will there be a trace of regret and resentment: is it different to get married two years later?

Are many only children in our generation ready to take on family responsibilities? Or do you think this person likes it and both families are suitable, so you get married? Things after marriage, anyway, cross the bridge when you come to it; Anyway, my parents are retired and like to take care of their children; Anyway, I'm busy, stressed and inexperienced, and I pass the buck.

Finally, when the grandparents in the community went out to sit in the sun with their babies in their arms, the first thing they chanted was: young people now. ......

Even if you paid a lot to have a child, what if it was erased by one sentence? In terms of social division of labor and human division of labor, women should be like this, even if a few emotional bloggers jump out and say that people should not be restricted, influenced by the secular world and surrounded by men's families.

But you will breed, you will need fireworks, and you will grow old.

04

So should women have children or work first?

Exclude yourself from being too hard to care, and exclude the second generation from playing games in the world. If you are as ordinary as me, but confused, and your plan is still unclear, then here are my suggestions:

Have a precise positioning, level, ability, personality and career planning for yourself. In the ever-changing environment, in an environment that may be eliminated by society at any time, try to cultivate a key interest related to your career that you like.

For example, now that I am a medical editor, I can not only read papers, but also watch movies and write film reviews, trying to make myself feel the screen design with a classic aesthetic feeling. When I am studying PS for illustration and typesetting, I will naturally not be rigid, and this feeling is subtle.

Some people may say that the style of writing is very broad, but it is not. Because you will find that what you want to write has already been written, and the same thing over and over again is nothing more than language ability and ideological level, which mainly depends on the quality of the audience. Writing can be divided into broad sense and narrow sense, because our ordinary people's thoughts are such a realm, whether for readers or authors.

And you don't have to cut too much, just love and live.

There are two situations. Parents are willing to take care of their children and suggest working first. If it is inconvenient for parents to take care of their children, it is still recommended to work first, because you don't have to do it yourself, you can pay for it with money, but there are advantages and disadvantages. Unless you are rich and both of you don't have to work, it is possible for your children to be truly and completely cared for.

Otherwise, according to the psychologist's point of view, the bad adults are attributed to the lack of love in parents' childhood, which is somewhat contradictory and difficult to achieve in real families, because not working at the same time is equivalent to eating the elderly.

Just let nature take its course and leave it to fate?

Of course not.

The more practical way is to compromise and fight for it. Compromise the inconvenience of pregnancy with colleagues in the unit, and also strive for your own pregnancy rights; Compromise the personality deviation caused by pregnancy to your family, but try to do a lot of housework because of pregnancy, not because of great changes in temperament. I think a reasonable family is understandable. So the extended question is how hard and soft is it?

Articles on improving emotional intelligence are flying all over the sky, so I won't go into details if I search for keywords. But what I want to say is, understand some of them and consciously start to change. Some people are afraid of being late. In fact, it's not too late from the moment you realize it. On the contrary, it was the earliest time.

If your husband is rich and treats you well, you can guarantee that he will treat you well all his life, then the problem is that you like it, or it can't be called a problem at all.

But I think, how can you predict a person who can't even predict his own future?

A cliche: men/others are unreliable. Because there are too many variables, but you can't just rely on yourself. Helping each other is a science.

Finally, I don't need to see single dog after graduating from college, because I have no choice.

——end——