I saw a topic this morning, "Should I trade my mother's three years for my child's thirty years? The success of any career can't make up for the failure of children's education. The article has a clear theme and a clear point of view. It talks about the influence of family and the important role of early education in children's life.
As an educator, everything I know and learn agrees that family is the irreplaceable first class for children. But for the first half of the topic, I think more, starting with my experience and knowledge.
1. The first three years of "new mother"
"Experienced people" all know that family conflicts around core issues such as parenting mostly occur in the first three years of the baby's birth. After the new mother has a baby, how to face a series of life changes, the division of labor in the family, and the depression for several months or even longer after delivery are all challenges for the new mother.
Look at the children and mothers in the first, second and third tier cities where I lived in the late 1970s and 1980s. Most of them are only children in the family. Graduate students graduate for more than four years, enter the workplace competition, and get married two to five years after graduation. As soon as the world improves, they are faced with the problem of changing their family roles.
The rhythm of the new mother's life has not only been completely disrupted, but her position in the family has also changed with the arrival of the newborn. In every family, the mother shifts the focus of life to take care of the newborn, while the father will mostly continue his original professional life.
Anyone who has worked hard in the workplace knows that even normal maternity leave will have an impact on the original work and career development, let alone leaving the workplace to take care of the children full-time.
The train of the times is advancing rapidly. When children enter kindergarten and mothers can free their hands to return to work, how can they continue to work along the track of three years ago? In a brand-new environment, all previous efforts and efforts are often cleared and started again. Often in just a few years, people have the trouble and embarrassment of "going to the countryside like rotten ke"
If the man's financial strength is good, of course, he can take care of the baby at home full time. But there is another problem that may lead to contradictions. Whether it is a society or a family, "the economic base determines the superstructure" is an eternal truth. The new mother has returned home from the workplace and is already facing various adjustments in her psychology and life. In addition, since then, they have no income, and the economy is dependent on people. It is really a big challenge for a new mother who was originally economically independent.
Traditional thinking also believes that whoever earns money to support his family in the family will have more say; I don't regard going out to earn money and full-time parenting at home as different family divisions. Then the new father can reduce and refuse to participate in child-rearing work for more reasons, such as busy work, too many social activities, too tired and so on.
"I have earned money to support my family, and you can look after the children at home. What else? " Like this, it may be said from the new father's mouth at any time to stop the complaining new mother.
As a new mother who is also an only child, if the parents of origin family need financial help at this time, will they face new embarrassment?
Therefore, judging from the current social environment and the recognition of public ideas, it is still a great challenge for mothers to sacrifice three years after delivery and go home full-time to take care of their children.
If so, you need the support and help of relatives and friends headed by dad.
First of all, dad needs to agree that raising a family and raising a child are different families with equal status. It's not that my mother is unable to participate in family economic construction, but because of the division of labor, she needs to temporarily "transfer" to a new post-full-time child care.
Secondly, we should not have any selfish and arrogant views and practices that despise stay-at-home mothers for economic reasons.
Last but not least, in a family, children are the responsibility of both parents. You can't shirk, evade or reduce the responsibility of taking care of your baby in the name of work, actively participate in family life, create a happy and harmonious family atmosphere, and work hard with your mother for your baby's growth.
2. On the influence of good family atmosphere on children's growth.
Mr. Hu Shi, who is famous for his good temper and fear of his wife, once wrote in his article that "the most hateful thing in the world is an angry face, and the worst thing in the world is to show an angry face to people."
Family atmosphere is very important to the life of every family member, not to mention the baby who just came to this world. Before going to kindergarten, family, parents and four seniors were almost the whole world of the baby.
Many articles describe mother as the core soul of a family, which plays a vital role in creating a family atmosphere. This puts too much pressure and responsibility on my mother.
Imagine a new mother coming home from a broad and promising social workplace and worrying about her children's food and drink all day. At night, I finally expected my father to come back and see a smelly face, or I felt I was bossing around, or I was bored and ignored, or I looked tired. There is nowhere to talk about the fatigue, grievances and nagging of children's mothers, and there is no happy, relaxed and happy atmosphere.
Does her father only emphasize that her mother should be tolerant and bear the burden of humiliation no matter what she does, and has only children in her eyes and no emotions of her own?
A stay-at-home mother who came home from the workplace described her life like this: "I am still very tired when I wash clothes, cook and take care of my children." In winter, sometimes I can't go downstairs for two or three days, and there is an inexplicable depression in my heart. "
As a father, going home to chat with his lover and taking care of the children alone while the mother is washing, this definitely makes the children's mother happier than spending a diamond ring.
Children are the most sensitive observers of parents, and the harmonious and warm atmosphere flowing in the family has an inestimable influence on the development of children's personality.
The best tutor is father and mother. Children who grow up in a happy family have a more peaceful personality, more stable emotions, more sense of security and love, less aggressive personality and stronger ability to feel and give love. It can be said that parents' love planted a happy seed for their children's future in childhood.
When my son was two years old, he said to me, "I was washing fruit in the kitchen, and his father watched TV with his son." There is my son's favorite strawberry cake on the coffee table. The son wants to eat, and his father says that it's really hard for his mother to cook. Let's wait for mom to come out and eat together. Then my son ran to the kitchen and pulled me out with his meaty little hand on my apron. As he walked, he said,' The baby is waiting for his mother to eat cake with him. Please come quickly!' After listening to my son's words, I can't say how I feel in my heart. "Look at the intimate tone and expression, which can show off wealth more than a mink bag.
My son, a close friend, has no bad habit of "Xiong Haizi" whether he goes out for dinner or traveling. We took him on the road and saw the puppy barking at us. He took us both by the hand and said, "Auntie is not afraid, the baby will protect you." Protecting mom with dad is rooted in the baby's heart since childhood.
Another friend complained to me that her father was a male chauvinist since childhood, thinking that women could only take shovels and brooms at home, and her mother obeyed everything and had no position. As far as I can remember, when my father came home, he was always bossing around and finding fault. Later, like my dad, my brother ate without working and lost his temper.
She said, I feel that I grew up looking up at my father with my mother carefully, and I never knew what it was like to be spoiled by my father. Later, besides my dad, I did the same to my brother. So now that I have moved out and lived alone, I feel quite good. Sometimes I can't think of a reason to find a boyfriend to get married.
The best gift is time, and companionship and dedication are irreplaceable gifts in life. Some dads show up at home in the name of being busy with work, but avoid refusing to undertake work related to their babies. Such "invisible single parents" are not uncommon in urban families.
Don't say that you have been busy. The children are waiting for you at home, but what about the time? When you are free, he will grow up and come back to listen to your sermon honestly? Accompanied in childhood, children are irreplaceable responsibilities, and the best education is better than all early education classes. Remember, this is your parents' company, and dad can't be without you!
3. On the Irreplaceability of Father
You can check online. There are hundreds of articles telling your father the benefits of taking care of children.
Mom pays more attention to the details of life, and dad cultivates ability and improves self-care consciousness.
Fathers are more knowledgeable than mothers in history, politics, science and other fields, and better cultivate children's rational thinking ability.
Dad takes care of the children, and the children have higher emotional intelligence.
…………
So, I won't list them one by one.
Once, the baby's father took the baby to the naughty castle in the supermarket alone, and I prepared fruit pots and socks for them. After coming back, the baby's father is particularly proud, saying that other mothers are particularly envious of you!
What happened? I didn't go.
Mom brought them all, and dad followed them at most. They tried their best to make it convenient for me to take my baby everywhere, and praised me for taking my daughter out to play. It was really good to take care of my children.
Hearing these words, I felt a little in distress situation. I also take my children to play. It's natural for mom to take them away, and dad will become a rare species if he takes them alone?
It can also be seen that dad's absence is not a case when it comes to taking care of children.
Fathers, you can be busy with your work and have less time; But you must have time to attend this big class of baby growth, because your participation with your mother can create a good family environment. Mom and dad's care and education, just like science and liberal arts can't be partial subjects, both of them can't be lacking, and together * * * shape children's character and future.
Finally, tell dads that in our eyes, the sexiest look of a mature man is not driving a fancy car or sweating in the gym, but you and your baby running in a pile on the grass in the sun. I took a kettle and sat on a bench in the sun, capturing your happy smiling faces with my camera.