As guardians of adults, especially "unfortunate children", we can't instill pity and misfortune into their young hearts, because the doting of others can't make up for their misfortune. They need a normal growth environment. If you treat him specially, he will only be spoiled. Because with the growth of age, he will unconsciously accept the idea that I am unfortunate and others should constantly give me special care. The expert's view is that misfortune is inevitable in life, and our pity will do more harm to children than misfortune. A person who always pities himself from the bottom of his heart can hardly become an active member of society, because his attention is completely focused on himself and he is always complaining about life. In fact, children's endurance is much stronger than we thought. As long as the elders can guide and support them correctly, children can get rid of the shadow left by any misfortune and grow up healthily. In real life, we can't let our children completely avoid unexpected misfortune, but our courage and strength to overcome life difficulties began to be cultivated and developed in childhood. Therefore, it is responsible to let the "unfortunate child" bravely accept the reality and cheer him up in his heart.
The mother's tone affects the child's life. Core Tip: Experts say that successful tutoring is closely related to parents' oral expression. In particular, the tone of parents talking to their children will have a far-reaching impact on their emotional intelligence, IQ, temperament and self-cultivation.
The tone of trust
Children especially want to gain the trust of adults, especially parents, so they should show full trust when talking to children. For example, if a child wants to learn to play badminton, you say in a trusting tone, "Star, as long as you study hard and study hard, you will definitely learn to play." This invisibly gives the child a kind of self-confidence and makes him understand that only persistence can achieve success. If you use an ironic tone: "Do you still want to play ball after three minutes of enthusiasm?" It will hurt the child's self-esteem and make him feel insecure about his ability.
Respectful tone
From the age of two or three, children's self-awareness begins to sprout, and this self-awareness will become stronger with age. Children have their own opinions, which shows that children know their own strength and ability. When he puts forward his own different views and demands, don't think that he doesn't listen to you, opposes you and rudely opposes him. If you let your child learn English, but he wants to play with friends, you can't lose your temper: "The older you are, the more disobedient you are. Don't study hard and see what you can do when you grow up. " Doing so will only make children more disgusted with learning. You should use a respectful tone: "Then you can play for a while, but after that, you must learn English." Children are willing to accept it.
The tone of discussion
Every child has self-esteem. If you want your child to do something, you can let him know that he is equal to you and you respect him. For example, if you want your children to pick up toys that have fallen on the ground, you can say, "Stars and toys are littered. What a bad habit. Will you organize toys with your mother? " Never use a commanding tone: "What's the matter with you? Toys are thrown everywhere. Hurry up and clean them up! " "Otherwise, children will be disgusted with your criticism, and even if they do what you ask, they will be unhappy.
An appreciative tone
Every child has advantages and a desire to show. Finding and appreciating a child's advantages will make him more willing to show it. The child drew a picture, perhaps not very well, but the enthusiasm and seriousness of the child's painting is the greatest advantage. When a child shows you a picture, you can't simply say, "It's just so-so, practice hard." This will make children lose enthusiasm and confidence in painting. His works should be affirmed in an appreciative tone: "I didn't expect my baby to draw so well." If you continue to work hard, you will definitely draw better. " Children's desire for expression is satisfied, and they will be more interested in painting if they have a happy emotional experience.
An encouraging tone
Children can't be blameless. When a child does something wrong, don't criticize blindly, but help him learn from his mistakes, accumulate experience and encourage him to succeed again. For example, when a child helped his mother to fill a meal for the first time, her mother fell to the ground and smashed it. You can't blame him: "It's stupid to even hold a bowl unsteadily." This will hurt children's confidence and courage to try new things. You should use an encouraging tone: "The star accidentally broke the bowl, it doesn't matter. Try to iron it with your fingers before serving. " This not only teaches practical methods, but also gives children the confidence to try again.
Decipher the eight little things that the baby fears most. Fear event 1 Mommy's gone. Did she leave me? She never came back?
Mom went out to work for the first time. At that time, Zhuang Zhuang was having fun with his grandmother, so Mommy went out quietly. He didn't cry at all. When he thought of looking for mommy, he found that she suddenly disappeared. She cried for a long time, and finally she was tired of crying and fell asleep in her grandmother's arms. From then on, Zhuang Zhuang stared at Mommy every day. As soon as I was ready to go out, my strong little hands clung to Mommy's clothes like iron hooks and refused to let go.
Courage strategy:
Before the baby's separation anxiety begins to form, he should be trained to adapt to his mother's short separation and taught to say goodbye to her every time she leaves. Every time you go out, you should clearly tell your baby where mommy is going and tell him when to come back in a way that your baby can understand, such as the next meal. Whether he understands it or not, he must persist in doing it. Play a separate game with your baby, give him a favorite toy when you say goodbye to him, give him some commitments that he is interested in, and so on. , can bring him some pleasant emotional experience, can effectively reduce or even eliminate the fear of separation from mommy.
Fear event 2 will call the appliance.
Will that long nose that eats dust eat me, too?
Whenever Mommy uses the vacuum cleaner, Tintin will cry and shout. Once, he even saw it eat a small piece of paper! Nothing is more terrible than this. You didn't see its long nose sniffing around on the ground and its stomach was growling with hunger. Maybe mommy won't look, but it will eat by itself.
Courage strategy:
Besides the vacuum cleaner, the baby may be afraid of other household appliances that make noise. Whether the baby understands it or not, simply explain to him the function of the vacuum cleaner and the reason for its "strange call", and tell the baby that this thing will not hurt him. Patiently showing the baby how to switch on and off these appliances and letting him control this thing through a small switch can help him understand that these appliances can't hurt him.
Fear event 3 foliage plants
Will the multi-eyed flowers on the balcony catch me?
Some tropical foliage plants have bright colors or lines, and their large leaves sometimes make babies feel fearless. Lulu is like this. She didn't dare to look, let alone touch the flowerpot called "flower" by mommy on the balcony. Even if her parents are holding leaves in their hands, she will cry out in fear and keep hiding: "Mommy, look, many eyes!" " ..... to prevent children from being afraid.
Courage strategy:
Don't force your baby to get close to the foliage plants he is afraid of, which will aggravate his fear. Parents can often touch the foliage plants in front of their babies and praise their beautiful colors. And tell the baby by action that it won't harm people. Wait until the baby dares to look at the plants, then hold him and look at them, and slowly transition to touching them with your hands. Through these, the baby can get an experience about this plant and gradually establish the concept that it will not "eat people".
Fear Event 4: Will that tearing thing tear me to pieces and eat me?
Doudou looked at the sky torn by lightning outside the window and was shocked to hear the deafening thunder. Doudou cried and hid in mommy's arms. She covered her ears with her little hand and buried her little face in mommy's chest. She didn't dare to look or listen, but she couldn't help turning her head quietly to look out of the window. "It tore the sky ... and it was angry!" She said these two words over and over again, waiting for the screaming thing that tore the sky to disappear.
Courage strategy:
Unusual thunder or other loud noises can make your baby feel scared and puzzled. At this time, no matter what the baby doesn't understand, parents should explain to her the source of these sounds and tell her that these things won't hurt him. In order to help your baby get used to these noises, you can play noise games with him at home, such as buying a toy that can make a lot of noise, such as a small gong, or simply beating kitchen utensils, such as metal pots and pans, at home to make your baby get used to this noise, and explain to your baby that thunder is only a sound, and it only appears when it rains, so it is not terrible.
Fear event 5 strangers
Someone who doesn't know me wants to hug me and kiss me. He must want to take me away from my mother.
Dangdang is lively and naughty at home, which often makes the whole family laugh. This little guy, who is very active at home, wilts when he goes out. Grandma wanted to hug him, so he quickly hid his head in Mommy's arms and tugged at Mommy's clothes tightly for fear of being taken away. Uncle wanted to touch his little head, and he cried with a wow. When a guest comes home, he must catch his mother and satisfy his uncle to look stronger. He was so scared that he kept crying, and he wouldn't stop until he cried people away.
Courage strategy:
Fear of life is a stage that most babies will go through. Generally, at the age of 2, this phenomenon will be alleviated until it finally disappears. When treating a timid baby, we must respect his choice. If he doesn't want to be hugged by strangers, don't force him. Parents can hold their baby in their arms and chat with strangers at a certain distance, so that he can gradually adapt to those strange faces and accept strangers bit by bit. Usually you can take your baby out to play, and greet your neighbors and friends every time you go out, so that he can have more opportunities to contact strangers and help him gradually eliminate his fear of strangers.
Fear event 6 stinks and is sucked down. Will I be pulled down by the screaming vortex?
MengMeng is used to sitting in a basin and taking a bath in his own small bathtub. When Mommy first taught her to sit in the toilet, she saw that her bad smell was washed down by the whirlpool in the toilet, and she cried. That night, when she took a bath in the bathtub for the first time, another similar fear experience made her scream again when she was hung by her mother's neck.
Courage strategy:
Sewers are one of the reasons why many babies can't understand and fear. Therefore, some babies are used to sitting at home, and when they arrive at kindergarten, they may have inexplicable fear of the small toilet or toilet pit in kindergarten, and even refuse to go to kindergarten again. When the baby is afraid of this, parents should not force the baby to continue to sit in the basin and take a bath. Give him a week or two to ease this fear. At the same time, when there is no water in the bathtub, you can let the baby play in the bathtub, let him get familiar with the bathtub, and gradually eliminate the fear of the bathtub. The baby in kindergarten can discuss with the teacher and let him bring his own bedpan for a transition. Every time you bathe your baby in the bathtub, remember to wrap him in a bath towel and hold him in your arms before releasing water, which can also reduce his fear.
Fear Event 7: The kitten bristled, hunched over and looked at me unhappily. It tried to bite me hard.
Hanghang was curious when he saw the little Persian cat in his neighbor's aunt's house, and always wanted to touch this furry little animal. On this day, Hangzhou finally seized the opportunity of close contact with the little Persian cat. As soon as his little hand stretched out, the kitten bristled and hunched over, looking unhappy. Hangzhou immediately burst into tears. From then on, whenever he saw a furry little animal, he was afraid to get into his mother's arms.
Courage strategy:
Baby, this phenomenon of being alert to external things is a normal psychological phenomenon and a manifestation of psychological growth. If the baby is too afraid of small animals, you can buy him some books and CDs about small animals and let him know more about these small animals, which can help him eliminate his fear. Usually, you can give him more opportunities to get in touch with these small animals, try to feed them, watch them play, touch them while ensuring safety, and so on. As the baby grows up, he will gradually accept small animals, and his fear of small animals will disappear.
Fear Event 8: Do you think that darkroom is a monster's big mouth? Those invisible teeth will definitely chew me up.
Tong Tong is afraid of the dark and turns on the light every night. As soon as it was dark, he dared not go out and insisted on turning on all the lights. No matter where he is, the lights in every room should be turned on, so that he can play with peace of mind, otherwise he will keep crying: "Mommy, that black monster is going to eat me. Turn on the light! "
Courage strategy:
Because I can't see anything, with the increase of baby's life experience and rich imagination, many babies will have many strange imaginations in the dark environment for no reason, and they will be terrified. Therefore, parents should not tell horror stories to their babies, and don't use "If you don't sleep, the wolf will eat you!" Before going to bed. "If you don't sleep, the police uncle will arrest you!" Let the baby sleep. If the baby is afraid of the dark, you can give him a nightlight before he goes to bed. Usually, you can play dark games, or blindfolded to catch people.
Early education should lay the foundation for children's lifelong development. With the rapid development of society and the progress of the times, people's cognition and attitude towards education are constantly updated and developed. The word "early education" is no longer strange in modern families, and the concept of "not letting children lose at the starting line" circulates in the hearts of parents. "Early education" actually refers to educational activities carried out by preschool children aged 0-3. Children at this stage are in infancy, which is a critical period for the development of life intelligence. Some people think that children aged 2-3 are the best age to learn spoken English. Grasping early education can improve the learning effect, which is also the result of the interaction between heredity and environment. Therefore, it is very important to seize the opportunity of education and learning in early education.
Parents pay special attention to their children's preschool education and hope to develop their intelligence and potential in the initial stage of education. However, many parents blindly follow the trend and simply don't understand the concept and significance of "early education".
In fact, early education refers to the preschool education that children receive. But as we all know, children aged 0-3 belong to the category of early education. It is generally recognized that the education of children aged 0-3 is called enlightenment education or children's education. Zhou Hanmin, an expert in baby-friendly early education, said that this period is the most critical period for children's nervous system development and various potential development, and it is indeed a good opportunity for education. The core of early education is to provide an educational and nutritious environment to "activate" children's brain development and personality growth, thus laying a solid foundation for their future development.
In recent years, the state has also given recognition and support to the implementation of early education, encouraging children's intellectual development and education at this stage, thus greatly promoting parents' awareness of early education. From the country to the family, we can fully realize the importance of early education to children.
Parents should also follow their children's interests in the course selection of early education. In infancy, children's interests are difficult to grasp, but after a period of time, children slowly begin to look for their favorite images or sounds, and parents can find their interests from these details. We can't expect a 23-year-old baby to study hard, but as long as the child is interested, he can concentrate on an activity for a long time. As long as parents discover their children's interests, they can create many situations and teach their children to learn literacy and reading. When interviewing the parents of children who participated in early education, Ms. Zhang said that children were "fans" when they were very young. They heard the phone ring and followed. After the observation, they signed up their children for music lessons. The children not only listened carefully, but also accepted the course content happily.
Zhou Hanmin, president of Baby-Friendly Early Education, suggested that parents should first choose brands when choosing early education institutions. The brand behind it represents the quality of education and years of experience, and education must rely on the accumulation of time and good ideas to continuously improve; At the same time, it also depends on the educational philosophy of this institution and course. Nowadays, parents' ideas are diversified, the curriculum system at home and abroad is in institutions, and the classification is also detailed; In addition, ask parents who are already in class to see their comments and word of mouth.
When children talk big, parents should review lying, which seems to be a common problem for growing children. In fact, children's lying is the result of improper parents' education, because children can't tell the difference between reality and imagination. Psychologists have found that children under the age of 4 regard whether their parents are happy or not as the standard to measure whether their behavior is right or wrong. If the child tells his mother who comes back from work, "I broke the mirror today." Mom will be very angry and maybe give him a beating. But if the child put it another way, the mother would not be angry. From here, the child learned to "lie", but at this time, the child did not realize the essence of his behavior. All he knows is that his mother and father are angry and he has done something wrong. However, when children are very young, they are afraid that their parents will be angry and refuse to admit their mistakes. If they lie and are not properly corrected, they will gradually settle down and form cheating behavior. Therefore, parents should cultivate their children's honest conduct from an early age according to their age and understanding.
Parents should not teach their children to lie.
Many parents don't realize the influence of their little behavior on their children. For example, if you don't like receiving visitors, teach your children to say, "If someone comes to see me, just say I'm not here." If you do something you don't want your spouse to know, say "Don't let mom know" to your child. Some parents say that they can't do it, and give their children a bad check. Because parents have a certain prestige in children's minds, children think that what parents say or do is right and gradually learn to lie. Parents often don't realize the consequences of this behavior at first, and children get angry when they have problems. In fact, the root of children's problems lies in parents themselves. Therefore, to cultivate children's honesty, parents must first be honest in front of their children.
Don't punish children who tell the truth.
In real life, it is often the case that parents will severely criticize and even punish children who tell the truth. For example, a mother called in sick and went out to play. As a result, the child told the truth to his colleagues who came to visit his mother. After the mother found out, she gave him a good beating and taught him to say "I went to the hospital" to others in the future. In this way, children will gradually realize that telling the truth will be punished, but not telling the truth will be safe and even win the appreciation of their parents. If the child makes a mistake next time, he will try his best to hide the past to escape punishment. Therefore, the correct way for parents should be: after the child admits the mistake, praise his honesty first, and then help the child analyze the cause of the mistake.
Help children distinguish between imagination and reality
Psychologists have found that only about 18% of 6-year-old children can distinguish truth from imagination, while 90% of 9-year-old children can understand whether the story is fabricated or true. 1 1- 12 years old, they begin to understand honesty from a new angle, that is, children gradually understand "lies" with their age. Therefore, parents should help their children learn to tell what is false and what is true when they are 3-4 years old. For example, when playing games, parents pretend to be wolves, and children feel scared. At this time, you can explain to him what "pretending" is. Older children can discuss the difference between fact and fiction for characters and children in science fiction movies, fairy tales and plays.
When children can't distinguish fantasy from reality, they often say what they want to happen is what is happening or has happened, and brag about their "heroic achievements" to their parents and classmates. Such children have a strong sense of inferiority, which makes them often compensate themselves with superiority to show their "ability". For children who lie like this, parents should judge the reasons for their lies and correct them in time, and can't let them go.
Reward honest behavior in time.
To cultivate good behavior habits, reward is more important than punishment. When you find your child in trouble, don't ask angrily, "Did you do this?" At this point, the child is likely to lie for fear of being beaten. This way of asking questions is actually to induce children to lie. Parents can look their children in the eyes and wait for them to tell the truth, or say, "What's the matter?" If a child admits his mistake or asks for forgiveness, he should praise his honesty first, then criticize it, and his punishment should be reduced accordingly.
Any behavior is the easiest to correct at first. Therefore, when parents first discover that their children are lying, they should attach great importance to this problem and punish them in time. The average child will feel extremely uneasy when he tells a lie for the first time. Even if they get away with it, they will be very worried. If parents don't find and stop it in time, children will get used to it and lie that it is "sex".