A classic case of educating children
Case 1: forced communication
When my daughter Tong Tong was 2 years old, I realized that she should make more friends by reading, so I always say hello to the children with great enthusiasm. But Tong Tong just doesn't like talking, so if she gets impatient, I will speak for her. If she doesn't want to play games, I will take part in it for her, and Tong Tong always follows silently. Later, I found out that when Tong Tong was alone, she didn't know what she was playing. She was particularly concerned about whether others regarded her as a friend. After going to kindergarten, she often said that she didn't want to go to kindergarten because she had no good friends. I began to realize that I forced my child to associate, which brought her deep anxiety and anxiety.
I won't force Tong Tong any more. I'll take her out and slowly guide her to play by herself. My transformation has also brought about the transformation of my children. She has become more and more confident, and it is natural to say hello to children, and her friends have gradually increased. This incident made me deeply feel that every child has his unique personality, he needs to grow up at his own pace, and his parents only need to take care of him properly, instead of interfering or even arranging his life.
Expert comments:
Children are different, there is no uniform standard for education, and it is even more impossible to find a method suitable for each child from books. Parents should not worry about books, but kneel down and listen to their children's voices. Only by respecting children can children gain a sense of security and self-confidence and naturally learn to communicate.
Case 2: Why not give it to grandparents?
My nephew is always willing to share good things with me, and my father is also very concerned. Quite complaining? :? Everything should be given to my aunt, and my grandparents don't want to taste it. The child lived in vain. ? In fact, my nephew used to be very generous, and he was willing to share anything delicious with his grandparents. But grandparents often tease him: give them something delicious, too! ? The child's hand was handed over at once, and they quickly said: Grandparents don't eat, eat by themselves! ? After several times, the child stopped taking it seriously. When my nephew shares it with me, I will thank him and share it with him sincerely. I also praised his delicious dishes, and my nephew was happy to share them with me. Dad even blamed me for saying: why do adults still eat children's food! ?
Expert comments:
The child's heart is pure and beautiful, and he will take every requirement of the adult world seriously. As an adult, the most important thing is to respect the simplicity and beauty of children, not to tease them for fun or intimacy. Many unintentional actions in life that seem funny to children are behind deep disrespect for children. If you love your child, please treat him equally.
Case 3:? "Seedlings encourage growth"? Can our children be happy?
It is important for children who are about to enter primary school to develop good study habits, but many parents attach too much importance to knowledge and skills. ? Teacher, did you learn the decomposition of 7 today? Why are there only two kinds of children coming back? My friend's child learned the decomposition of 13. Is she too stupid? What if primary school can't keep up? Today, I taught her to know clocks. I have taught her many times, but she doesn't know them. I also made a video. Why do you think her performance is like this? ! ? In the video, the child is crying hard on the table. Reminiscent of normal times, the little girl flinched at the first little difficulty in class: teacher, this is too difficult. I don't want to be involved. ? I finally understand, living in such an urgent, anxious and negative environment, can children be confident?
Expert comments:
Being ahead is not necessarily the best, nor should it be the yardstick for children to grow up sooner or later. No matter how urgent parents are, don't let each other's comparison and blindly follow the trend blind their hearts, otherwise they will eventually hurt their children's hearts. Giving children enough time and space, smiling and waiting for him to bloom, is the best love for children!
Case 4:? Snail? Take me for a walk.
As usual in the morning, I urged my son to get up quickly and go to kindergarten so that he could practice driving and take the exam the next day. I was anxious, only to find that my son was brushing his teeth and standing in front of the toy rack playing with toys. I shouted his name in anger and patted his ass. My son was startled by my sudden move, and stood there stupidly, with fear in his eyes and an unfinished magnetic bar in his hand. After my criticism, my son said timidly, Mom, I want to spell a sunflower. If you wish on a sunflower, you will surely pass the exam tomorrow. ? I froze, handfuls of him in my arms, speechless.
The pressure of work and life often makes me physically and mentally exhausted, impetuous and anxious, and it is inevitable to take it out on my son. But what about mine? Little snail? But I ironed my impetuous heart with his love and kindness.
Expert comments:
When children show behaviors that do not meet the expectations of synthetic people, adults often criticize and even beat and scold them simply and rudely, which is a great disrespect for children. In fact, if you listen to the children patiently? Why are you doing this? You will find that you must like it in return? Sunflowers? Generally warm and happy love and surprise.
Case 5: Give children a happy childhood.
Before my daughter blossoming was born, I began to plan her future. Reading from 7 months, all furniture is labeled with Chinese characters; She was taught to recite word for word from San Qian to Tang poetry. Duoduo has a good memory and can recite quickly and accurately. This makes me very proud. But when she was 3 years old, the problem came: she was too quiet, and all the children of her age were playing outside, but she was reading in the corner alone. This made me start to reflect: Will my haste ruin her happy childhood? When I was a child, I played happily with my friends. Close contact with the magical nature, how can there be early education? Where can you hear anything? I'm fine now, aren't I
I decided to change and stop forcing blossoming to learn too much redundant knowledge, but blossoming has always been among the best. Looking at those free and happy smiling faces every day, I feel extremely satisfied.
Expert comments:
Childhood life has unique and irreplaceable value. But children's childhood often bears the expectations of too many adults and is born early. Planning? Teach literacy in 7 months and recite Tang poems in advance? Can't lose at the starting line? At the expense of children's happiness and freedom. Fortunately, my mother reflected on her own problems in time and was decisive? Give up? Let the daughter return to a happy childhood and grow up healthily.
Advice on educating children
1. Listen patiently
When impatient and aggressive parents face unruly children, the most direct reaction is usually swearing. But it doesn't solve the problem at all. The key to disciplining children is to find out the reasons why children make mistakes, start from the source and remove the reasons.
At this time, parents should calm down, be more patient and ask their children what the reason is. When parents' minds have been focused on understanding their children's thoughts and trying to help them solve problems, they may find that their children's behaviors are actually excusable and release a lot of negative emotions.
Put down your body.
Negotiating with children Some parents always like dignity in front of their children and are used to treating them with the above attitude, but this will often intensify contradictions and tell them not to force them. At this time, parents may wish to put down their posture, not always order their children, but negotiate with them. It might be a good idea to say the least.
For example, if the child wants to jump on the sofa, but the parents have something to consider, they can let the child jump on the bed in the bedroom, or let him jump later, or try to take the child to the park to jump after the parents have handled the matter.
3. Let children experience the consequences
It's no use shouting if children always don't listen to adults. Then, under the premise of ensuring safety and no adverse consequences, can parents also let their children teach themselves? Self-inflicted consequences? Taste. Through their own practical experience, children will be able to deeply understand how correct and important their parents' teaching is.
4. Reasoning with children In addition to the usual warnings, parents should also teach their children some truth in actual situations.
Let the child have empathy, let him stand in the perspective of others and truly understand how his actions will affect others. As for the way of reasoning, the depth of explanation can be chosen according to the age of children, especially children can tell stories.
5. Give your child another choice. When a child makes a mistake, you should not just yell at the child and preach the truth, but give the child another choice.
In other words, don't just say? Can't you? Please show him a possible way. The brain is like a prairie with a road from A to B. If you don't want him to take this road, just take his hand and take another road to B. After a long walk, the grass on the new road will be trampled flat and a new road will be formed. However, if the old road doesn't last long, it will be covered with longer and bigger grass, and you won't be able to see it.
A good way to educate children.
First, always have an appreciation attitude towards children.
In the process of interacting with successful parents, you will feel that their appreciation of their children sometimes moves you. For example, excellent children have their own nicknames at home. When parents call, you will feel that nicknames belong to their parents through their voice and intonation. People will be eclipsed when they call. They never scold or complain when talking about their children. Even if their children are unattractive and sometimes do poorly in exams, they never complain and help them analyze problems calmly. Appreciation is not unrealistic praise and encouragement, but a kind of silent support from the heart, a kind of tacit power. In the contact with successful parents, you can feel that parents have an inexhaustible motivation to appreciate their children from beginning to end.
Second, it is principled, and it is not easy for people to change their views because of things.
Parents clearly know what their children should and should not do, and make rules. Never change easily. For example, when it's time to do your homework, you must do it. When it's time to study, you must study. It won't change because today is a weekend or because today is a special situation. Respect parents, don't lie, be honest, and offenders will never be soft. This is the bottom line of being a man.
Third, be good at running your own family.
A good family atmosphere is the foundation of children's growth. Look at the family of successful parents, and the family atmosphere is harmonious and warm. There are few disputes between parents, and children feel warm and dependent in such a family. Mothers usually play an important role in the family. They keep the house clean and tidy. It doesn't matter how expensive clothes you wear or how expensive things you use. The key is to dress children and adults neatly.
Fourth, be reasonable, behave steadily, and be simple and low-key.
Parents are very reasonable and considerate. Views on problems are often very eclectic, not extreme and stubborn, with steady manners and elegant speech, which will not give people the feeling of arrogance, and rarely boast about their family and income in front of others.
5. Care but don't spoil your children.
They are very concerned about their children, but they can flatly refuse their unreasonable demands, never regret it, and will not tolerate their mistakes.
Sixth, parents cooperate tacitly.
On the issue of educating children, they echo each other and cooperate tacitly. A good COP must be a bad COP. Parents should not undermine each other and blame each other. This is a big no-no. I have seen it with my own eyes. A child disobeyed his mother and had an argument with her. Father severely reprimanded him for this behavior. The child cocked his head and refused to accept it. His father used to kick him. The child cried, but the father did not compromise. Seriously point out his misconduct. Mother told her the truth at once, and the two of them cooperated tacitly. Soon the child will no longer be stubborn.
Seven, work hard and be practical.
Parents' attitudes towards life and work will exert a subtle influence on their children. Look at the successful parents. They not only educate their children to succeed, but also work diligently and conscientiously. I also did a good job in the unit. It can be said that work and life are correct.
Eight, pay regular attention to children's learning.
Every day, I will spend a certain amount of time paying attention to my children, which can be fixed regularly. When my children finish their homework, they should check it again. I have time to study with my children, even if I don't study, I will stay with them. They all have their own desks at home. There is a period of homework reading time every day, and parents will lower their voices or turn off the TV so as not to affect their children's study.
9. I am not proficient in the Internet. I have never entertained myself on the Internet except looking up information on the Internet.
It may be hard to believe that most successful parents are not proficient in the Internet and have no good feelings for it. May be busy with housework at ordinary times, no time to go to Internet cafes. They hardly spend time and play games on the Internet except consulting relevant materials and completing necessary materials at work. In contrast, some parents go online for recreation whenever they have time, which is in sharp contrast. Children love to play games, and many of them are influenced by their parents.
Ten, pay attention to children's healthy diet and cook well.
They are very concerned about the health of their children's diet. They make a reasonable and healthy diet for their children. Those things have additives, and those things are not good for children. Obviously, they cook in person most of the time and seldom buy ready-made ones. A carefully cooked dish.
Eleven, never let children make friends.
Let children only communicate with children who know each other well among friends. They never make friends at will, and rarely see how they make friends. Parents strictly restrict their children from making friends. Never let children associate with children who have bad hobbies and love to fight and play. They let their children associate with the children of colleagues or friends who know each other well. Both parents are familiar with each other, and the children are naturally not bad.
Twelve, never contact with complaining parents.
They are independent, seldom complain, and can understand others. There is little or no close contact with the parents of children's classmates, so that children can always maintain a relationship with their classmates in class? A friendship between gentlemen is as light as water? The state of. Always put learning first, and never dilute the main task because of other things. Never contact complaining parents, and always keep a healthy and upward attitude.
Thirteen, strict with children.
Strictly speaking, it's not about beating and cursing, but about controlling children's behaviors and habits and paying attention to her little by little. If there are any deficiencies, correct them in time. For example, strictly control children's play time. Is the industry so idle? This is the unchangeable creed of educating children.
Fourteen, understand the child, don't ask too much of the child.
Evaluate your children objectively, don't give too high expectations and don't be pessimistic. Instead, set goals according to children's actual abilities. A successful father said, I don't expect my children to be the first in the exam. I just want her to strive for the best result through her own efforts. If she can't get into Tsinghua, she will get into a big school. If she can't get into a university, it's not bad to get into a local college. All she has to do is work hard. In fact, the father is trying to pay attention to the process, not the result.
Make friends with children and listen to their voices.
Successful parents respect their children very much, and they will listen to their voices. Whenever children talk to them, they will put down their housework and listen carefully. Even if what children say is trivial, it is an important part of their lives.
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