Traditionally, it is true that children "don't come home for three days to uncover their tiles", and there is another saying that "a dutiful son comes out under a stick" also means this. Of course, this statement is no longer applicable to modern early childhood education, and it has also been criticized by experts and netizens countless times. Now many parents know that children can't fight, which is also protected by law. So they really can't "hit children" at all?
Rugao believes that children are not fully developed psychologically and physically, and are in a fragile and sensitive period of growth. In any case, parents can't hit their children, but in dangerous situations, parents can "subtly" scare their children to avoid danger.
Recently, Rugao found a particularly "sensible" boy in our early education center. Because there are many picture books that children like in the early education center, and they are free to read. There is a little boy, brought by his mother. After he got the picture book from our picture book shelf, he could read it intently for 6 minutes. Children under the age of three can read for six minutes, which is a good concentration. After reading, children can put the picture books back on the bookshelf.
At that time, Rugao admired the family for educating their children well and the children were very polite. But then something happened. It was after this child put the picture book back on the bookshelf that another child took the picture book he had just finished reading and sat reading it by himself. Then the boy immediately went over and took the picture book back from the child's hand and put it back on the shelf. Then this is the problem.
Later, the child's mother said that it was her proud behavior to put the picture book back after reading it. Because the baby didn't have the habit of putting it back or storing it before, he hit the child several times. Although Ma Bao regrets hitting the child in her heart, she has a good habit of putting it back when she sees it. This Ma Bao still has a sense of accomplishment in his heart.
Now everyone understands that the child remembered the behavior of putting the book back on the shelf because of being beaten, and formed a mechanical memory of this behavior. But he doesn't know that other children have the right to read the picture book he put back. Therefore, sometimes hitting a child seems to form a behavioral habit for the child, but it is actually not a behavioral habit, but a mechanical behavioral stimulus (reflection), which means that the child does not understand the meaning of this behavior.
We usually give our children life skills lessons. One of the contents is to let the baby hold the spoon, hold the spoon with three fingers, and scoop the ball from one bowl into another empty bowl. This course is also based on Montessori education, which can improve children's concentration and finger flexibility.
Children like to play this game very much, but because their fingers are immature, their fine movements are not well developed. A baby scoops up the ball and before it reaches the next bowl, it falls to the ground, and then the baby cries with a "wow".
At that time, I felt very surprised, because no one criticized the baby at the scene, and no one said that the ball hit my foot, because the ball was a soft plastic ball. Why did the baby have such a big emotional reaction? At that time, we didn't know the reason, but we comforted the baby and the baby returned to normal mood. Another time, the baby accidentally fell to the ground while eating and immediately began to cry. After two or three times, I found that as long as something fell, it would cause a great emotional reaction.
This is obviously a problem. The baby is so small that the problem is obvious to parents. Later, as expected, Ma Bao said that children often break things at home, and even break and break some things. The mother always beats or scolds the child, just hoping that the child will be careful not to drop anything on the ground. It can be seen that the mother's beating on the child did not have the educational effect that parents wanted, but deepened the child's fear of the normal thing of throwing things.
Both cases involve parents beating their children in a hurry. One is to form a mechanical behavioral reflex, and the other is to form a negative emotional reflex. So, I don't think it's useful to hit children. More is a kind of helplessness and emotional catharsis of parents at that time. More seriously, sometimes this kind of excessive violence will lead to childhood trauma of children, and childhood trauma will have a particularly obvious rebound in children's adolescence.
Beating children can also cause the following hazards, so parents should never beat their children.
First, the parent-child gap
As we all know, when the baby is young, it is the most dependent on his parents. Beating the child will directly cause the gap between the child and his parents. The more times a child is beaten, the more fear, resentment and rebellion will arise in his heart. The gap between children and parents will become deeper and deeper, and family affection will become more and more indifferent.
Second, let children lose confidence.
The growth of children is a process of continuous learning and progress, which requires the correct guidance and encouragement of parents. Beating children will make them lose self-confidence, because what they do is not recognized and praised by the closest relatives, but is beating and cursing. Over time, children will think that their parents are not good to them. In children's cognition, the world is not friendly and warm, which leads to children's lack of confidence in themselves and the outside world, easy to feel inferior, and serious harm to their healthy growth in the future.
Third, it will make children form rebellious psychology.
Parents want their children to have good behavior habits, so sometimes they can't help hitting their children because they hate iron and don't produce steel or are angry. But beating and scolding children often leads them to the opposite side of this hope. When the number of beatings is more, the child will have a sense of resistance and an obvious emotional response. This reaction will break out in the child's adolescence, and the form of expression is rebellion and rebellious psychology.
A child's personality is like spring. The rougher the crackdown, the more it rebounds. Once a child becomes rebellious and does not listen to his parents, it will have unpredictable consequences.
However, as the song says at the beginning, you can skillfully hit children under "special circumstances". What's going on here? In fact, it's very simple and skillful "means that anger or anger should be clearly expressed, language criticism and education should be severe, but never really hit the child, that is," scare "instead of really hitting him.
That is to say, when a child makes a dangerous action, or reaches some dangerous scenes, "cleverly hitting the child" makes the child remember this danger, so that the child can form emotional memory and mechanical behavioral reflex at this moment. This behavior is due to children's avoidance and protection of dangerous situations.
As we all know, children's psychological perception is very sensitive to emotional perception, which will form the principle of behavioral reflex, so they can "scare" children away from these dangerous things in dangerous situations, while other "unprincipled" mistakes do not need to be educated by hitting children at all, and they can't be scared or hit.
Do you have any different opinions about this? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area for discussion.