First, put "love" on your lips. China people can't say they love children, but westerners must say they love children. This is a cultural difference. It's not that people in China are afraid to speak, but that people in China know it's best not to speak. For example, on Mother's Day, the child asked, "Mom, it's Mother's Day. What gift should I give you?" I believe that no mother will ask her child to give something and sayno. If the child really doesn't give it, the mother will look unhappy on Mother's Day. Why doesn't a mother just tell her son what she wants? Mom would say, "If I really say it, my son will be miserable. I want to move out and let him buy me a house, but he can't do it at all. He should think for himself about what I need. " This is the people of China. If you are sincere, others will know at a glance.
Loving children is what hens do, and it is the instinct of animals. We often say that "tiger poison doesn't eat children" is the truth, so we shouldn't talk about love. Too much emphasis on love will spoil children.
What does it mean to have sex? Love is to give him considerable restrictions. So the real meaning of loving children is to give them proper restrictions. We love our children too much, and we only give them love without restrictions. This is the biggest scourge in the 20th century and the biggest killer of parenting education. Because children need affection, love, sympathy and parents' instruction. Why are children not sensible? Just because he has no knowledge, he doesn't know much about the whole world. We are older than him and we are more experienced than him, so we have the responsibility to teach him. If our children don't teach him, who will?
Loving children is only the foundation of parent-child relationship, not the whole. Many people think that loving children is to meet their material and spiritual needs. In fact, the flowers in the greenhouse can't stand the wind and rain. If you meet all the requirements of your child now, he will be at a loss when he enters the society in the future, because no one will regard him as a darling. Recently, a phenomenon that is not optimistic has formed in society-6+1syndrome, that is, grandparents, grandparents and parents are surrounded by a child. The child is naturally regarded as the apple of her eye and is loved by thousands of people. There's a saying in China that you can't be rich for three generations. In other words, once people have money, they will spoil their children and let them live a superior life and have no worries about food and clothing. Naturally, they have no idea of developing their family business and will not eat anything. After the third generation, they will lose their family business.
Remember, your child is not God. Anyone born into a human family is a very ordinary person. If you treat him as an ordinary person, ordinary people will be restricted and have no privileges, and their wishes cannot be fully satisfied. We love our children so that they can face all kinds of differences.
The situation has caused him some complicated psychology and some contradictions.
Restrictions are set to make people self-disciplined. Self-discipline means that children should manage themselves, and parents should manage themselves first. Self-discipline is actually a manifestation of self-love. Westerners talk about love, not lovers. People in China seldom talk about love, but about self-love. No one can do anything without self-love. How can a person who doesn't know how to love himself be qualified to love? A person loves himself first, so that his whole body is full of love, and there is extra love to love others. This is called putting yourself in the other's shoes. A person who doesn't love himself has no love at all, and all love is empty.
A person who loves himself will not talk about love, because he really knows what love is. Love is caring, caring, caring for others, and regulating yourself. Why do people who come in together have to let go? This is self-love. Many people don't understand, saying it is a waste of time and a sign of hypocrisy. People who don't understand say it's hypocritical, and people who know it make sense. This truth should be taught to your children as soon as possible. When a child is young, don't rush to teach him scientific knowledge. When he is interested, he will naturally learn. Parents should instill something in their children that will be useful for their whole lives. For example, people do not have full freedom, only limited freedom, and can't say what I like. China is called the country of etiquette, because we know the truth of humility. We can't indulge children, because society doesn't allow people to indulge.
Second, train children to be Americans. One of the great crises of modern China families is that China's parents try their best to raise their children like Americans. As we all know, Americans have the American way of life, while China people have the China way of life, which is quite different. American children's birth certificates only have their mothers' names, while China children's birth certificates clearly show their parents' names. Because American doctors only see with their own eyes which mother gave birth to the child, but they don't know who the father is. In fact, this practice is very scientific, but what we do is not wrong, just different cultures.
The living environment, concepts and habits of Chinese and American people are different, so we can't learn their way of life. However, some people think that everything in the United States is fine, so let children learn English from an early age, which leads to many children speaking English very well, but Chinese is very poor. Is he still like a porcelain?
Children learn both Chinese and English. If they don't have the same proficiency, they will become neither fish nor fowl. You raised your children to be Americans. How will you face your ancestors in a hundred years?
A China native who can't speak Chinese or can't speak Chinese well feels sorry for his ancestors.
Educate your child as an American, and he will get along with you in an American way. American father-son relationship is very strange. Get along well like friends, get along badly like strangers. Nowadays, many people preach that parents should be friends with their children. I don't quite agree with this view. If the father becomes a child's friend, then the child is the most unfortunate person in the world, because he has lost his father because he has an older friend. Friends can be changed. When he is unhappy, even his father will be changed, because he has no father-son relationship with you, only the friendship of friends.
In America, if a child says to his mother, "You are my good friend." His mother was very happy: "Yes, we are very good friends." If this happens in China, his friends will be very angry: "I am your mother, I am not your friend." I can't force you to take any way, but if you are too biased towards the former way, you will reap the consequences sooner or later.
Second brother, cultivate children into the best people. Don't always try to educate your children to be the best. The world needs all kinds of parents and all kinds of children. Because our society needs all kinds of people, so that society can coordinate. If everyone becomes a doctor, who will clean up? The ancients also said, "I urge God to be angry again and drop talents without sticking to one pattern." We don't need to train our children exactly the same, and it is impossible to train our children exactly the same. Even twin brothers are different. Therefore, we should start from the fact that parent-child relationship is naturally cultivated. If you try your best to get on well with your child, he may not appreciate it. Parents, it is best to be what kind of person they are and what kind of person their children are.
Through interaction, they give in to each other and grow together.
The same tree will bear different sweet and sour fruits; The same teacher will teach different students. There are 3,000 disciples of Confucius and only 72 sages. You are destined to follow Confucius, and you may not learn well. Therefore, we should treat the parent-child relationship with a normal heart, define the starting point, define the concept, do what we can, and the most important thing is to follow the trend. In order to improve the parent-child relationship, some people admit their mistakes when facing their children, which is human misfortune. It is better for parents to do this than not to do it at all.
Children are born to their parents, but they are not owned by their parents. Parents only have the right to education. Children belong to heaven. God entrusted a child to a pair of parents and asked them to raise it well. As for how to bring them up, every family is different. If children are raised in a unified way, the whole society will be the same as a result, and this society will be destroyed. Society should be pluralistic and human life should be colorful, so we need all kinds of people, not everyone.
Don't compare your children with other people's homes. Not only can you not compare, but you don't need to compare. People are born with different heights and weights. How can they compete? Forcing their children to be the same as others is one of the reasons why parents are annoyed.
We just need to cultivate him into a very unique person. After a child is born, his qualifications are different from others, his height and weight are different from others, and his interests are different from others. Every child is unique, irreplaceable and unique. We should have this idea, because it is a fact. Everyone's potential is different: some people are good at talking, while others just don't like talking; Some people are good at doing things, while others are lazy. Some people are superficial, others are practical. This is a gift, not a character. If it is personality, it is not easy to change. If it is a habit, it can be changed.
No matter how great parents are, it is impossible to change their children; No matter how great the teacher is, he can't change your students. Unless the student changes himself, the teacher can't do anything about him; There is nothing you can do about your children unless they change themselves. Try to make your child change himself, not him, and you can't change him.
What kind of person Jade Girl wants to be is decided by him, not by her parents. But we can guide him, give him reference, guide him and help him grow.
When parents raise their children, they need to respect their rights. It can only inspire, not instill, and can't transplant ideas to children. On the one hand, parents should conform to nature, on the other hand, they should give him the opportunity to choose, because children don't know themselves. For children, it is good for parents to be a little overbearing and autocratic. Some people advocate letting children develop freely, so he prefers playing every day to reading. Children are born ignorant, so they need the guidance of their parents.
If the parent-child relationship is not good, people often blame their parents and think that the child is not wrong. I never thought of it that way. Children are born destroyers. If you leave him alone, he will make a mess of everything. No child has ever taken the initiative to clean up the house.
Children need the care and discipline of their parents before they grow up. If children were born perfect, there would be no word education in the world. Parents are irreplaceable for children; Children are irreplaceable to parents.
Fourth, set the goal of education very low. In China, many people have been criticizing us for setting our educational goals too high. But don't forget, "take the law, only get it; If you take the law, you can only get it. "Parents must aim high. Many people criticize that it is wrong to expect sons to succeed and daughters to succeed. I don't think so. We should always give our children some encouragement. People all over the world will give up, only China people will never give up. Americans usually shave their heads when they lose; When the Japanese lose, they usually commit suicide by caesarean section; If China people lose, they will drag out an ignoble existence in the third way and make a comeback in the future.
China people never educate their children like this: "Son, your grandfather has never succeeded in his life, and your father is incompetent. I don't think you can either. Forget it. " China people will only say, "Son, don't look at your grandfather. He is the victim of a traitor. " Don't think your dad can't, he's unlucky.
They are both very capable, and so are you. "
If parents have no confidence in their children, who else do they have confidence in? The people of China will never bow to fate, nor will they accept its cloth. A nation that does not admit defeat is very respectable. You see, we have experienced five thousand years of ups and downs, but we are not discouraged. If we fall, we will get up one day. Therefore, parents must set higher goals when educating their children. However, he can't do it. We should not force him to look forward to his son's success and his daughter's success. We should not force his son to become a dragon and his daughter to become a phoenix. Remember, children are geniuses, you can't suppress them, and you can't help them without genius.
Refuse children to give back to themselves. Many people say that raising children is to prevent old age. When parents are old, children will come back to take care of them. Some people say that this concept is wrong. Children have children's business, parents have parents' business, and children have no responsibility to take care of their parents. These are two extreme methods, and I don't think they are reliable. If parents insist that their children give back, it is called making love. I am good to you today, so you must be good to me in the future. Today, I will train you wholeheartedly. If you make money in the future, you must repay me. This is an act of investing and lending.
There should be no such concept in the relationship of killing children. An entrepreneur in Taiwan Province Province is very successful. He said, "My mother is the best investor. She gave me a look, so she invested in me. I am very successful now, and she has also achieved great returns, so she is the best investor. " This kind of person is very unfilial. He regards his mother's concern for him as an investment, which is an insult to his mother. Parents are selfless to their children and ask for nothing in return.
But parents said to their children, "We are old, so you don't have to worry about us. You just have to live a good life. " This is also wrong. To tell the truth, no one can tell what people will be like in ten or twenty years. Now parents have the ability to take care of themselves, but when they are old, they will definitely need the care of others. However, no one is more reliable and safer than his own children, so it is not a bad thing to raise children to prevent old age, but it is wrong to insist.
A reasonable explanation should be adopted for raising children to prevent old age: if it is regarded as filial piety, it is the most precious thing in the world. Parents have money but no money, and their children send living expenses every month, which is their filial piety. Parents should not refuse, let alone be cruel to their children, because they cut off the way for children to be filial to their parents. Most old people in the world have a hard time. When they were young, they had no savings. All the money was spent on their children. They just want their children to make contributions to society when they grow up. Children need to drink water, think about their parents' great kindness.
Everyone should reflect, we can have today, not one person's credit, parents, relatives and friends, classmates, teachers ... too many people have helped us, otherwise it will be impossible to succeed. If it weren't for your parents, you wouldn't be here today; Without brothers and sisters, there can be no today; If there were no national association, you wouldn't be here today. I hope everyone has this idea, so the first thing to give back is parents, and then try to take care of others and do more charity.
In this case, children should have the heart to support their parents, but parents can't force them.
To tell the truth, it is rare for children to have filial piety. You can't cut off a child's filial piety cruelly, which is wrong. If you can't force it, it will cause a lot of distress to your child.
We should respect everyone's situation and everyone's practice. You can neither force you to want nor force you not to. This is the indispensable spirit of Confucius. Children should be filial, just say it. More is more, less is less. It doesn't matter. Parents can't say, "Why does my brother get more than you?" How can you be a brother with so little? "Just like doing business. How can you be like a family?
For the sake of our children, we should cultivate them into the spirit of everything. Many of our ideas today are wrong, because we believe a lot of hearsay. As a result, it is not only the children who suffer, but the whole family. If your child can't be the spirit of everything, you should at least educate him as an ordinary animal, and never train him to be worse than an animal.