In Understanding Children from the Heart, Mr. Chen Xin introduced a famous "rhesus monkey" experiment. The famous Harlow put a little monkey into the laboratory. There was a fake mother made of wire with a bottle hanging on her body, and a mother made of velvet without a bottle hanging. In the experiment, although the monkey will go to mother wire to drink milk, he will stay at mother velvet for the rest of the time. When he is frightened, he just hugs mother velvet and then explores the surrounding environment. But when the velvet mother is replaced by the tightrope mother, the little monkey will only hold himself tightly.

This experiment proves that physical contact and comfort are conducive to the establishment of a sense of security and the importance of security.

The experiment is not over yet. When Harlow put the monkey back into the group of monkeys, he found that it had serious problems, that is, it could not communicate with other monkeys normally, and it retreated or acted violently.

Later, Harlow thought of a way to put the experimental monkey and the newborn normal monkey together. Monkeys have the need and behavior of hugging and fighting. Although the experimental monkey was very violent to the monkey at first, the monkey was persistent. Over time, the experimental monkeys changed, and then they were put back into the monkey group, and they could communicate with other monkeys normally, and they could not see their differences.

All the above experiments tell us three things:

First, establish a normal relationship through two-way interaction. If only one kind of relationship is adjusted unilaterally, it is unhealthy, just like the relationship between experimental monkeys and flannel mothers, just like those parents who want their children to be obedient and want to control the parent-child relationship unilaterally, then various problems will arise.

Second, the relationship is established by long-term interaction, which is dynamic, not static! This can be extended to a problem. Many parents worry that their children are not close to themselves, feel that the parent-child relationship is not good, or some second-born mothers don't know how to balance their love for their two children. As long as we remember one thing, the relationship is not static, it is always flowing and developing! As long as we love children as always and let them know that we really love them, children will love us, which is the result of two-way interaction. Therefore, parents should be mature and actively adjust and maintain the parent-child relationship, instead of waiting for the children to adjust themselves while complaining.

What is the specific practice? When it is time to express love, express love, verbal expression, hug, expression, behavior and so on! Maybe when listening to teacher Huang's lecture before, some people thought that her parent-child relationship was really good, but many families were totally different and could not express their love. If it is a problem of knowing the reason, isn't it easy to solve? Show your love bravely from now on, and your children may ignore you. If you persist, you will see changes. However, persistence requires consciousness. You can't just talk about love, but you do the opposite. Children are very sensitive and can feel whether their parents are sincere. Someone said, "I tell my child that I love him/her every day, but the child is still rebellious." Then think about it. Before saying "love", did you respect and understand your child? If not, it is futile to say more.

Third, the experiment also proves to us that the sooner we find the child's problems, the more we can help him and repair some early injuries!