After reading Especially Cruel and Love, I feel 1 Until today, I really found the problem and found a good solution. It turns out that all this is caused by our parents, because we don't understand the law of children's growth, and give them "pre-satisfaction", "over-satisfaction" and "immediate satisfaction". What suddenly dawned on me was a book written by Jewish mother Sarah-especially cruel and loving.
It took me half a month to finish reading 272 pages of 250,000 words of Special Cruelty and Love. I think while reading and rowing, compare my experiences of raising children, and find out the similarities and differences between Sarah and me in educating children. The more you read, the more you find your own shortcomings. The more I read, the more I admire the wisdom of Jews in educating their children. The more I read it, the more I feel suddenly enlightened. The more I read it, the more I feel that my daughter and I are very lucky, because we found a set of lessons when she was still growing up and receiving survival training.
Based on her own growing and changing experience as a mother, Sarah's advice to all Chinese mothers is: don't be a child's "rice cooker", "washing machine" and "obstacle sweeper", don't be a child's slave or helicopter parent, don't teach children the educational concept of "getting rich first, then being expensive and extravagant", and don't "satisfy instantly" or "over-satisfy". She used a large number of examples to analyze and explain the four misunderstandings of loving children, namely: quality education ≠ art education, habitually meeting various requirements, knowing love without teaching, and over-nurturing (caring for compulsion and excessive enthusiasm). These four misunderstandings are indisputable facts in China, and we parents have been caught.
Sarah repeatedly emphasized Gorky's words: Giving birth is something that even hens can do, and raising children is another matter. She warned us that it is not enough to rely on parents' full love for children, but also to master the scientific concept, the art and knowledge of loving children, and then introduce us to the secret of Jewish love for children: especially cruel, especially loving!
Sarah compared China's old saying that "three generations are not rich" with many Israeli family fortune generations, and found that the fundamental reason for the inheritance of wealth is that Jews pay more attention to the skills and quality of survival, which is a spirit of being responsible for their own lives and society. To do such a good job of inheritance, Sarah put forward three connotations and corresponding skills of "special cruelty and special love" through her own experience, efforts and thinking of transforming three children in Israel. One is to love children in the paid living mechanism, the other is to delay satisfaction and be dissatisfied appropriately, and the third is to take a step back and learn to let go. The book introduces three connotations and three corresponding skills in detail, which is highly comparable, operable and instructive. In the process of reading, I have ideas that I can't wait to implement, and I also want to recommend these ideas and practices to my family and relatives. My first thought is to make sure that my wife and daughter also pay close attention to reading this book; Later, I contacted Huanzhe Bookstore, ordered five books, and prepared to give them to my brothers, sisters and friends to help them optimize their ways of raising children as soon as possible. More importantly, write down this reading experience and recommend it to friends around you, so that more people can find this book in time, so that more parents will not be confused, take fewer detours and leave less regrets.
My daughter and I are lucky to read this book! Thanks to my bug friend, Sister Tuggs, for recommending me and giving me gifts, so that my understanding of daughter's cultivation and upbringing and my experience of life can grow and sublimate again!
Thanksgiving life, let me meet you, meet good friends, meet good books, meet better myself!
After reading the second part of "Particularly Cruel and Love", first of all, the name of this book deeply attracted me. The author of this book is a Jewish descendant who was born in Shanghai, China. She gave up the superior living conditions in Shanghai and came to Israel with three children, starting a special experience of transnational education.
You can imagine how difficult it is for a single mother to live in Israel with three underage children. Sarah used to be a typical "Chinese mother". In order to give children enough time to study, she didn't let them do housework. The previous salad was also exhausted, and she was scolded by her neighbor's aunt and told her: Don't bring unscientific maternal love to Israel, and don't think that you will become a mother after giving birth. There are no parents in the world who don't love their children, but they should be measured, principled and methodical. After that, Sarah made a long-term plan for the children and gave them the most expensive gift of learning to live independently.
I wanted my daughter to go to primary school a few days ago. This is the second stage of my life. I will make 100% efforts to make children have enough nutrition, accompany them to study and meet their material needs. I unconsciously approached my mother, a child slave. After reading this book, I realized a lot. Let me understand that excessive love is unbearable for children, just like a full cup overflowing. Isn't it wonderful to give children free space without whipping themselves?
Salad also told us: "Make up your mind to lead the child or watch the child go, not hold the child!" ! Appear when the child needs it most, when it should appear, and parents should never grow up instead of their children. "This is a mother of three full of educational wisdom-Sarah. She compared the family education in China and Israel with her own personal experience. Through comparison, we find that there are great problems in family education in China. If this educational method is not changed in time, parents in China will really become slaves to their children, and many children in China will become neets.
"Giving birth to children is something that all hens know, and raising children is another matter." This is Gorky's famous saying that once human beings give children educational factors, it becomes not so simple. It is not enough to rely solely on parents' full love for their children. You also need to master scientific concepts and the art and knowledge of loving children. If the educational ideas and methods are not appropriate, it will be counterproductive. Jewish education fully shows the cleverness of Jews.
"Delaying gratification" is the way Jews treat their children. Because "delayed gratification" has the following advantages. First, "delayed satisfaction" allows children to learn patience and let him know that the world is not his own, and what he wants is not readily available. Second, "delayed gratification" enhances children's psychological tolerance for rejection and cultivates negative injuries that are crucial to success. Third, "delayed gratification" also trains children to hone their will and expectations of life in delayed enjoyment, thus becoming more flexible and patient in learning. The education adopted in China is "over-satisfaction", "ahead-of-time satisfaction" and "timely satisfaction". Under such education, are children still enterprising? Still have patience? Is there still the will quality of suffering and frustration?
Jews put survival education first in education. Let children learn to do housework, cultivate their financial quotient from an early age, stimulate their survival skills and ignite their ideals and pursuits, instead of being a cruel mother. Jewish mothers will not be slaves to ATMs, washing machines, rice cookers and children. The most profound art of being a mother is not to be a big housekeeper, but to be a strategist who observes, reminds and suggests. The children in China live a life of "clothes to reach out, food to mouth" (of course, not all). Parents take care of primary school, accompany them to high school, provide them with college education, and buy a house and get married. China's mother really became a child slave.
The rich in China send their children to aristocratic schools, receive the best education and enjoy the best treatment. Wealthy Jews also send their children to "aristocratic schools", which is an education to cultivate students' hard work and self-care ability.
The education of Jews is world-famous. Sarah highly praises this kind of education, giving up the superior life and education in Shanghai and choosing this kind of hard life and education.
This wise mother of China and Jewish descent gave her children three keys-strength, self-confidence and tolerance. Three successful children also gave their mother three keys, the eldest son gave her the key to a luxury car, the second son gave her the key to a luxury villa, and the daughter gave her the key to a safe full of jewels. Mother is very happy to receive such a gift, and even happier is to train her three children into excellent world-class talents.
We congratulate this successful mother and are even happier for her! As parents, we should learn from this kind of education. Let's make progress with our children.
Thoughts after reading "Especially Cruel and Love" 3 Recently, I carefully read Sarah's new book "Especially Cruel and Love" and left a deep impression on me. Jewish family education has the love of China's parents, but it is more rational and wise. This book introduced me to a great Jewish mother, Sarah, whose godson benefited me a lot.
Sarah is a descendant of Jews who was born in Shanghai, China. She has two sons and a daughter. After the establishment of diplomatic relations between China and Israel, out of her father's last wish and curiosity about Israel's educational philosophy, Sarah returned to her motherland-Israel with her three children. In order to make her children grow up healthily and learn to be strong, she gave up her superior life in Shanghai and returned to modern Meng Mu. Different ways of education give her a better visual contrast, and also enable her to better educate her children in a scientific way, and finally cultivate them into useful people 2.
This book is mainly about children's education and the hard work of the Salad family. I am very touched and inspired by Sarah's unique maternal love for her children and her way of education. Parents all over the world love their children and want their children to be dragons and their daughters to be phoenixes, but many parents don't know how to raise their children. The value of salad is that she can accurately grasp the boundary between maternal love and doting. She knows that the most important thing in cultivating children is not to give them anything, but to teach them how to fight for something better in this society. She gave all her love to the children and let them know what to do and what not to do. Thanksgiving parents, parents return, this is the child should know from an early age. Most parents in China neglected education when their children were young, and regarded them as little emperors. When they are old and weak, they keep nagging about how unfilial other people's children are and regret that they love in the wrong way, but salad is really wise and smart.
Children's education varies from person to person, teaching students in accordance with their aptitude. The same method will have different effects on different children, and different educational methods should be adopted according to children's personality. I am glad to see that my son has changed a lot under my education. For example, I ask that everything I eat should be given to my grandparents first, then to my parents and then to him. For example, Niu Niu spent much less on snacks and clothes than other children from birth. I am not reluctant to spend money, mainly to let children develop good eating habits and the consumption concept of not keeping up with the joneses. Of course, I also have many shortcomings. I'm also a typical China helicopter mom. After watching "Particularly Cruel and Love", I am also slowly reviewing myself. One thing makes me feel that as long as we are willing to give up, as long as we have the determination, our children can do it, which is great. Two weeks ago, I had an upset stomach. I said to my son Niu Niu, can you go to the drugstore to buy stomach medicine for my mother now? Niu Niu looked at me stupidly: Mom, can I? I'm not going, I'm going to cross the street ... What happened? You are a man. You said you would protect your mother. Niu Niu said reluctantly, ok! I gave him my medical insurance card and password when I left. Ten minutes later, he came back happily and said excitedly, my aunt at the drugstore said I was very capable. Mom, I'll get you some water to take your medicine. I give a thumbs up: Mom loves you! Niu Niu smiled a little embarrassedly. I am both a teacher and a parent. I really hope that parents don't pin all their education on schools and teachers, because 80% of children's habits are formed at home. Don't neglect the education of children because they are busy and leave them in school. If there is no good family education, the school will be famous, the teacher will be responsible, and the children will not be educated well. Family education is the foundation. Without a good foundation, there will be no better life.
The truly successful love of parents is to let children become independent individuals as soon as possible and face the world with independent personality. As Sarah said: You give everything, your life, your wealth, your status, your time and your energy to your children, and your children may never be happy. Let's learn how to love children!
After watching "Special Heartless Love", I saw such a program, Sarah and her children, in a program of CCTV 4 "Chinese World". It tells the story of a great Jewish mother educating her children. Sarah wrote a book called Special Heart and Special Love.
Sarah is a woman of both Jewish and China descent. Her father is Jewish. In order to escape World War II, she came to Shanghai, China, married in China and gave birth to Sarah. Sarah experienced three failed marriages in China and Shanghai, and lived a comfortable life in Shanghai with three children alone. Slowly, she came up with the idea of taking three children to live in Israel. At that time, Israel was in the violent stage of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, with the fear of war and insecurity. As a mother, why put her children in danger at this time? She said firmly: "War makes people mature and war makes people grow." "After such a test and baptism, what other life setbacks and difficulties can they face?"
So, she started a difficult war journey with three children. They have no financial resources. They run all kinds of bomb shelters all day, eat bread and wear clothes in trash cans. Under such pressure and fear of life, she insisted on all kinds of early education, and did not pass on the pressure she suffered to her children at all. In the war, children got ubiquitous love and strict education from their mothers.
Drawing on the essence of ideas and experiences of China education and Jewish education, Sarah created her own "particularly cruel and loving" education method, and creatively made her two sons who could not make ends meet become the richest people in the world before the age of 30 through the concepts of delayed gratification and family education. This is an educational note about how to train children into billionaires. The author's paid education mechanism not only taps children's wealth-making potential, but also cultivates children's ability to weave contacts, and also cultivates children's good qualities of psychological adjustment and self-discipline.
Let's look at Israel first. Israel is a small country, founded in 1948. From an unknown small country to an economic power, modern industry, agriculture and science and technology have attracted worldwide attention. Its main race is Jews, and the Jewish nation is a mysterious nation. It has a high IQ and attaches importance to knowledge. Jews train children to remember from the age of one and a half, and teach them to read the Old Testament from the moment they can speak. Jews also dip honey in the Bible to let children know that books are sweet. Sarah, the author, changed her mind in such a big atmosphere and cultivated three proud children. You should learn from Israel's concept of parenting.
"Paid survival mechanism" is the essence of Jewish survival education. Jewish parents have abandoned many flashy things and put survival education in the first place, which should be the voice of every parent. I want my children to learn to manage their own accounts, participate in family financial management, and let my son judge whether it is necessary when there are major expenses, so that his son will feel that he is the master of his own affairs, which invisibly improves his sense of responsibility. The school's annual trade festival is very good and provides a platform for children. Senior children will know the commodity circulation to earn the price difference and exercise the ability of cost management.
Under the operation of the paid living mechanism, the communication ability of each child is actually cultivated. Ultimately, what children need to go to society is these emotional intelligence. Learning "appropriate dissatisfaction and delayed satisfaction" education, the author suggests that children should learn to be patient and let him know that the world is not his own, and what he wants is not readily available. Now everyone's life is very good, and most of them are satisfied in advance and over-satisfied with their children. The family's requirements for children are basically met. It seems that it is going to be changed. Spoil is not love. Love with determination, educate children to have the psychological endurance of rejection, and children are impetuous, just to cultivate adversity quotient who is patient and crucial in learning.
Therefore, as parents, we should pay attention to teaching children the concept of money from an early age, instill the knowledge of financial management, know how to control desires and save money; Know how to make money and get rich through your own labor and wisdom. If children have no concept of financial management, they will live in poverty even if they have money in the future. Therefore, in modern society, people put forward the concepts of emotional intelligence, IQ and financial quotient. Learning to survive and know how to manage money is an important lesson that parents must give their children, and it is also a lesson that children will benefit from all their lives!
The author Sarah tells us that if you give everything, your life, wealth, status, time and energy to your children, your children may never be happy. Only by teaching children how to make a living, how to pursue their own goals, and how to enjoy the happiness and satisfaction after reaching their goals, will you have a leisurely old age and your children will have a successful life. The truly successful love of parents is to let children face the world as an independent individual and an independent personality as soon as possible. The sooner you let go, the sooner your child will embark on the road to independence. Spoiling is harmful, cruelty is love, parents learn to love, and children win the future!
After reading "Special Heart, Special Love", I read the book "Special Heart, Special Love" on the recommendation of my mother at the weekend, which also gave me a lot of inspiration.
Sarah, the author of this book, is a Jewish mother living in China. She first told the story of her failure as a helicopter mother to educate her children in China. Her three children are all teenagers, and they don't even know how to eat and help wash dishes, which makes her mother very hard. After arriving in Israel's own country, Sarah began to change her attitude towards children's education through the advice and education of her neighbors and aunts. She lets her children do what she can at home and gives them tasks to temper their children in life. After her education mode changed, all her children were excellent, and finally they all made their mother proud.
Through this book, on the one hand, I admire salad children for their courage to challenge themselves, and they can sell things to help their mothers do housework at an early age. I'm not doing very well in this respect. I need to learn from them, do my own thing and help my family do some housework at the same time.
On the other hand, I envy her children having such a mother, who can encourage and guide them to do things. In my family, sometimes I want to help with something, but the adults at home are afraid that I can't do it well and will interfere and won't let me do it. Slowly, I became a little lazy. I also hope that they can read this book well, learn from the author Sarah, let go, don't interfere with children's work, learn to encourage and praise me, and I will have more courage to change myself. I believe I can do many things, too.