Li Dan's first reaction after watching the debate was, it's wonderful to be a man. He can choose anything. His wife earns 1 million a year. Can you choose to be a full-time father or not?
Why didn't a woman jump out and say, you earn millions a year to let me take care of the children at home full time?
Whether you choose to give up your job and whether you are willing to accompany your children full-time depends on your own wishes rather than your partner's financial level. As fu Seoul said, "the progress of thought is to respect everyone's value ranking and life choice."
There are too many stereotypes about the division of labor between men and women in society. Women are suitable for raising children at home, while men are suitable for supporting their families. However, this practice has become increasingly unworkable. As long as the family is harmonious, children can grow up healthily and happily, and it is not necessary to be "male outside, female inside".
This short story is about a group of men who are willing to be full-time fathers. Among them, some people are not afraid of the middle-aged curse in the workplace at the age of 35, and are willing to leave the world's top 100 enterprises and take care of their babies at home for 7*24 hours. The biggest pain is the loss of "freedom of coffee"; Some people leave their children at home on the first day after becoming full-time fathers. There is also a full-time father who resigned to take care of the baby after his wife offered a monthly salary of 20 thousand, and now he is enjoying himself.
The following is a true story about them:
Text | plum
On my first day as a nanny, I left my children at home.
Not only are the bags under the eyes getting deeper and deeper, but they also have gastroenteritis.
Liang Liang's father, full-time nanny 1 year, from Anhui.
My daughter's name is Liang Jing. She will be two years old soon. I have been a full-time father since she was 1 year old.
There are two reasons for choosing to be a full-time father. First of all, I think it's easy to take care of babies. I can rest at home. Now my bags under my eyes are getting deeper every day, which proves that my thoughts at that time were a bit naive.
Jing Jing still can't sleep. On average, she wakes up twice a night. I wake up more often. When she moved, I woke up to have a look. I used to stay up late playing games, but waking up every night was much more tiring than playing games.
Tu, Liang Liang and I.
Another reason is that my wife married from Xiamen to Anhui. Jingjing has been at home full-time since she was born. Originally, she wanted to accompany Jingjing to kindergarten.
Considering that many mothers have given birth to children, caring at home will bring depression to children. She has no friends in the local area, and after a long time, she will be derailed from society.
Now our own small company has been operating for several years, which is relatively stable. I will discuss with her, and we will exchange roles, let her take care of the company and let her communicate with others more.
After returning to society, her whole state is much better than before. She goes out in makeup every day and becomes in a good mood. No matter how tired you are outside every day, you will be happy to play with Jingjing when you get home.
My stay-at-home dad's journey with the baby is not as smooth as my wife's return to the workplace.
On my first day as a full-time father, I had an important task: to take Liangliang to get vaccinated. I got everything ready, dressed myself as a fashionable father and went out happily.
When I met my neighbors in the community, I greeted them and asked what I was doing. I said I would take Jingjing for vaccination, and my neighbor asked me where Jingjing was. I realized that I had left Jingjing at home, so I rushed home at a speed of 100 meters.
At first, I took Jingjing to take a nap with me. I forgot that she has the habit of kicking the quilt. I only care about sleeping comfortably. I turned down the air conditioner a little, and she caught a cold. Even my mother-in-law told me to pay attention and be careful.
After nearly 1 year of training, I have worked hard to learn all kinds of parenting knowledge, and now I have become a little expert in taking care of my baby. I not only take good care of my beautiful life, but also accompany her to study, listen to music, read books and speak English every day, which has won great praise from my wife.
Figure 3 and Liang Liang are in the aquarium.
Many friends are surprised by this. They didn't expect that I, a big man, would gradually become so careful and take good care of my baby.
In fact, many female friends around us may not be able to take care of their children. I know some friends who are mixed with society. They play mahjong every day, put their children beside the mahjong table and leave them alone.
As a qualified full-time father, I have not only deeper and deeper bags under my eyes, but also gastroenteritis.
You know, it is very rare for a person to take care of children and have hot meals on time.
Feeding Jingjing is a particularly time-consuming thing. Sometimes I can start cooking lunch for myself after feeding her lunch at 2-3 o'clock. Do it, she cried. I'll turn off the fire and give her a hug.
Sometimes when you're too tired, you call it takeout. If I don't eat on time for a long time, I start to have a stomachache. One day, the pain was unbearable, so I took Jingjing to the hospital for examination. The doctor told me that I had gastroenteritis.
At that time, I realized the hardship of taking care of the baby full-time by myself. I don't know if you have noticed that in the hospital, the mothers of a family of several people who take their children to the hospital often dress up very exquisitely, but a mother who takes her children alone reveals fatigue in her eyes.
Although I am very tired, I feel very happy. I have many friends around me. In order to live and make money, I work outside and start a business. I leave my children with my spouse or the elderly and go home once or twice a year.
Now Jingjing wakes me up every morning and lets me soak her milk. It is worthwhile to watch her grow up healthily and happily day by day.
The picture is bright in the museum.
The cutest age of children is 1 to 3 years old, which is also very important for the development of children's personality. The company of parents is very important to them. When children grow up and go to school, parents will come back to accompany them, which will be more or less lacking.
Although my wife and I have started to register because of Jingjing, I still want to accompany her to kindergarten. Don't miss her growth, and don't let her childhood lack of fatherly love and maternal love.
Resign from the top 500 and grow up with her.
Say goodbye to the freedom of coffee and supermarket, and welcome the freedom of bringing a baby.
Dabai Nanpa, full-time with baby 10 months, Beijing.
I am 36 years old. I am the father of two children. My brother is 6 years old and my sister is almost 2 years old.
In April 2020, I resigned from the company where I worked for five years and became a full-time father. This identity has kept my circle of friends busy for a long time. At that time, many people thought I was crazy.
In fact, this decision is not abrupt. I had thought about it for a whole year before choosing to resign.
When I was a child, I had a father who didn't go home often. My father graduated from Shanghai International Studies University and can speak five languages. He is the first wave of overseas laborers in China.
As far as I can remember, like Santa Claus, he will appear in the middle of the night, once a year, with gifts. Sometimes it's a pack of imported snacks, and sometimes it's an imported children's bike bought from the Friendship Store.
I was busy at my previous job, and sometimes I had to travel. Once, I was away from home for about 20 days. When I came back, my sister cried and wouldn't let me hug her. She doesn't remember me.
Tu Tu's brother and sister.
In order to spend more time with my children, I decided to quit my job and switch roles with my wife who has been a full-time mother for five years and return to my family.
It turns out that everything revolves around the child's wife, who has returned to the workplace. She started wearing makeup again, and her mental state was different. I'm very happy for her.
I now take care of everything I buy and eat at home, and accompany my children to interest classes and early education classes. She is also at ease with me, because I take care of the rear, and she is also separated from the details at home.
She appears more as a mother, playing with her children, making them feel maternal love and playing the role of father in traditional families.
Like when I was working, she would put all her salary into family account every month, so I wouldn't be embarrassed to ask my wife for living expenses.
The role of stay-at-home dad needs the trust and understanding of the other half of 200%, which is very important to me at least.
If you have been a full-time father, you will know that your wife casually said, "How did you buy this for your child?" "Where did all the money go?" and "Why is XXX so expensive?" will be harsh.
If your heart is not strong enough, you can't bear such great pressure for a long time, and family conflicts will gradually intensify.
Of course, this kind of trust and understanding is equally important to every stay-at-home mother. During my wife's full-time work, I have great respect for her so that she won't feel uncomfortable in this respect.
Although I can freely control the money in family account, I still have savings from years of work and income from investment and financial management. But without a stable income, I will feel less confident in doing things and less car-scrapping in spending money.
There used to be "no coffee" at work, and Starbucks and Costa drank several cups a day. Later, when I didn't go to work, I passed Costa once and hesitated.
I also bid farewell to "supermarket freedom" and began to look at supermarket receipts. Pork used to be very expensive. My favorite oranges 16 yuan, 1 kg, and the sausages I usually eat are nearly 10 yuan. ...
I also calculated the expenses of my family for one year. I didn't know, but I was shocked. Our ordinary two-child family actually spends nearly 600 thousand a year. I'm not usually a spendthrift, but it really costs a lot to count carefully.
Childcare wife is 90,000 yuan a year, and hourly workers are almost 1 10,000 yuan a year. My brother has 20,000 equestrian classes, 20,000 English classes, art and Sanda classes 1 10,000, and the interest kindergarten delay fee is 20,000. Sister early education 20 thousand, swimming class 1 10 thousand, milk powder and diaper 30 thousand.
Childcare expenditure * * * 240,000.
Tu San takes the baby out to play.
Eating, socializing, car maintenance and short-distance travel are about 20,000 yuan per month, the house rent is about 6,543,800 yuan a year, and the family's annual expenditure is about 600,000 yuan.
Friends have always wondered, as a native of Beijing, why do you want to rent a house? In fact, our family has an old house in Xicheng, only 40 square meters, which is not enough for two children. Change to a two-bedroom apartment 1 hall 100 square meter.
Therefore, I choose to rent a house outside the Fifth Ring Road, and the surrounding facilities are also perfect. Moreover, there are many kindergartens with 1500-3000 nearby, and the education problem of children has also been solved.
Now, I have been a full-time father for almost 1 year. Those friends who think I am crazy now admire my courage even more, and they will say that I am a good father and ask my children what to do if they don't eat green peppers and have a fever. ...
I am not ashamed to be a full-time father, but I feel particularly honored.
You don't need to work from nine to six, and you don't need to check your mobile email habitually. Time has become coherent. I can read several thick story books to my brother in one breath and play with my sister for hours.
Tu3 went out to play alone with her sister for the first time.
Putting on an apron, I started to go to the kitchen, cooking spaghetti, curry rice, all kinds of cooking, and even learned to make pies.
My world has become smaller and time has slowed down, but the pace of my progress has not stopped. I will use my own time to exercise, write and study every day and week.
I know it is difficult to leave the workplace at the age of 36 and take a few years off before going back, so I have no plans in this regard.
While being a full-time father, I began to try to do some work that became more and more valuable over time, and achieved certain results. My family and I believe that I will have a new starting point and a new beginning.
Maori gave me a monthly salary of 20 thousand, and I resigned as a nanny.
I think staying-at-home dad is a real career.
Elvin's father, a full-time nanny for 3 years, Shanghai.
2065438+In March 2008, at the age of 33, I resigned and went to a job with a monthly tax of 20,000 yuan. I was "hired" by my wife Mao with the same monthly salary and became a full-time father.
Before that, I worked in a company engaged in electric power environmental protection engineering. I often go to clients' companies for meetings and bids, and spend most of my time on business trips at home and abroad, with limited time at home in a year.
At that time, my son had to prepare for the senior high school entrance examination in the second day of junior high school and needed companionship and education. As a writer's wife, her career is booming, and she also sold the copyright of a novel, accounting for more than one million.
So I discussed with my wife that since my income was guaranteed, I would devote myself to my family and take care of my son full-time, and she would concentrate on her work.
Before making this decision, I didn't tell my parents that they are rural and have traditional ideas, and that men should work hard for their careers. Later, when they found out that I had been at home, they asked politely, "Are you staying temporarily for a while?" You will return to your career in the future. "
I'm not beating around the bush. I just told them rudely that I take care of my children at home and my family is my new workplace. My reply made them a little disappointed and worried, and it took them a long time to accept this reality.
In my opinion, the main reason why they can accept it is because I work at home full-time, so there is nothing wrong.
Now we have a good relationship. Four months ago, we welcomed a lovely daughter. I like watching her grow up with a smile. This is a wonderful feeling.
Tu's brother and sister say hello.
My son has also become a very optimistic and cheerful child. When he was so young, I was not with him and missed his growth at that stage. Now, I send him to school every day, pick him up from school, take him to practice, remind him to practice cucurbit and violin, take a bath, read books and sleep.
My friends envy me more now.
On the one hand, they envy that I can always be with my children, especially my former colleagues, who often travel far away and spend less time with their families. On the other hand, people are envious that I can travel around the world with my children.
Tu Tu took his son Elvin to Izu.
I will send photos of my trip to my circle of friends, but I won't do housework. If you read them all, you may still feel comfortable working in an office.
You know, whether it's a stay-at-home dad or a stay-at-home mom, our working hours are almost 7X24 hours, and there are no holidays. There are many things to do besides going to work. If you encounter difficulties in your work, you can ask your colleagues for support. If you are unhappy, you can resign.
With a child, from his birth, his parents' term of office is life. At all stages of children's growth, they will face all kinds of difficulties and need to face and solve them with their children. Compared with the experience of taking care of children in recent years, I don't think I have encountered any real challenges at work before.
My "employer" wife also respects my work and pays me a monthly salary, so I can control my income freely. If we have other family expenses, we can reimburse them separately.
I will also tell my son that if I need to introduce my parents' occupation to my teachers and classmates, my father's occupation is "full-time father" and his job responsibility is to take care of him and this family. Now he not only has a deep understanding of this profession, but also thinks that a full-time father is the real profession.
He also told me that sometimes I don't do well and need to study harder. When he grows up, he wants to open a father's school. How can godfathers be a good father who satisfies their children?
Of course, every family is different, and it is unrealistic for society to encourage more stay-at-home fathers.
I hope to share my experience of being a full-time father, which can encourage more fathers to care more about their children, not to take care of their families on the grounds of busy work, to participate more in the process of parenting, to put down their mobile phones and to accompany their children wholeheartedly.