Let's restore the world of two people before giving birth to a baby. Before giving birth to a baby, two people can go out to watch movies, eat, go shopping and travel at will. Men can play games until late at night, women can chat with their girlfriends until early morning, and both men and women can brush their mobile phones until dawn. Life after giving birth to a baby is simply upside down. There are a lot of baby products at home, and novice parents know almost nothing about caring for the baby. Hot and cold, the baby cries; Sleepy and hungry, the baby cries; Sick and uncomfortable, the baby cries; In a bad mood, the baby cries; Somehow, Eva cried, too. The only way to express a newborn baby is to cry, crying so helplessly and pitifully, and novice parents are anxious and agitated in the heartbreaking cry. The most terrible thing is that babies wake up every 2-3 hours to eat milk, and adults are seriously deprived of sleep. They have to deal with eating, drinking and bathing every day. When the baby has allergies, eczema, otitis media and other diseases, it is necessary to pick up the baby and squeeze into a crowded pediatric clinic. Even the second-born parents who have had the experience of bringing a baby can't escape this robbery. Within three months, you must be physically and mentally exhausted. In short, it's heartbreaking. Recently, South Korean actor Anglenala took the video of the baby alone, and watched countless mothers cry, which triggered a strong * * * sound, that is, the daily life of taking the baby.
The daily life before and after giving birth is very different, but are you ready for the changes after giving birth? Let's start with women. They say having a baby is like walking in the gate of hell. After giving birth, I am very weak. You need a good rest to recover, but it is almost impossible for you to have a good sleep for the next month. Your body is not only weak but also ugly. Belly, stretch marks, chloasma and scars have all become a part of your body. Hair loss, wrist pain, knee pain, backache and other sequelae may be with you, and you no longer have confidence in your body. Research shows that women are older than before after giving birth 1 1 year. As a mother, women undoubtedly pay the most for their children. Taking care of the baby day and night has not recovered, and you have no time and energy to do skin care for yourself, and you have no desire to slap a man. You are so tired, you just want to pray for a whole sleep, just once. I have overdrawn my physical strength and energy for a long time, gradually turning yellow, and finally becoming a yellow-faced woman I don't want to be. Tell me more about men. Faced with the sudden change of life, a man doesn't realize that this great change needs him to change. He thinks that taking care of children is a woman's business and will not have much impact on his original life. Who knows, if the baby is crying, he can't be alone. When a woman asked him for help, he was reluctant, thinking that he was tired enough to go to work during the day and had to help take care of the baby when he came home at night. I don't know that women have to take care of their babies day and night, which is far more tiring than going to work. Working mothers who continue to go to work after maternity leave still have to take care of their babies when they come back from work. It is inevitable that men will be out of balance when they are shop assistants. Men who don't help naturally can't understand why there is postpartum depression. They only complain about the decrease of slapping times, accusing the docile wife of becoming a bitch, so they want to escape from the chaos and noise at home and come home late on the pretext of working overtime. Two people in a bad mood began to complain and quarrel with each other until they were scarred and hated each other.
In many cases, the post-90s generation can't afford their own houses, and most of them live with the older generation. Different parenting concepts often lead to contradictions. Both young people and old people think that what they do is good for BB, and they are very opinionated, but they never communicate with each other on parenting issues, so they cannot understand each other. As a young man, it is difficult for the old man to help you with your baby. You should be less picky. As an old man, the old concept of parenting has not adapted to the new era, so we should learn more new ideas from young people. I can't understand each other because I can't understand each other. Living in the parents-in-law's house, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not harmonious, and taking the baby back to the parents-in-law's house looks unpleasant. Over time, the contradiction between the young and the old escalates, and once it breaks out, it is easy to endanger marriage.
In that case, can't we live separately? No, because the economy doesn't allow it and it doesn't have the ability. Many post-90 s jobs didn't last long and the economy was not well off. If you rent a house, there is no extra money for someone to look after the children. If you resign and bring your own, you have to raise a baby without income, and the economy is even more stretched. There is also a common reason, that is, the post-90s generation have no confidence to cope with BB's hectic care independently. If they can't handle it themselves, they still have to rely on the help of the elderly.
Before having a baby, I only had eyes for you; After giving birth, I only have eyes for children. This is a true portrayal of many young couples. A woman's natural maternity makes her naturally devote almost all her energy to taking care of her baby, thus ignoring her husband and not knowing it. Her husband was in high spirits and she didn't share it; Her husband was depressed and she was not comforted; Her husband was depressed and she didn't even notice. Based on limited economic planning, men will also have different ways to treat them: he can buy expensive clothes, supplies and toys for his baby to go to early education, but he is unwilling to buy a birthday present for his wife, unwilling to transfer a 520 WeChat red envelope to his wife on May 20, and even refused to pay for a dress. Such a gap will make both people complain and feel that the other party has lost themselves.
Many young mothers always complain that their husbands are useless in taking care of babies. However, have mothers ever thought about how waste is formed? You shoulder everything, be a father and mother at the same time, and make yourself a woman. The baby cried, got up in the middle of the night to milk, and dad slept like a dead pig; The baby was ill, and a mother took the bus and changed to the subway to go to the hospital with her baby on her back. When the baby is sleepy, the mother will accompany him; The baby is noisy, and the mother is coming; ; Changing diapers, dad won't; Playing with the baby, the father has no patience ... since the mother is omnipotent, the baby's father is naturally "the father loves the mountain and does not move like a mountain." Not to mention an invisible father every day. Worst of all, you should not only take care of the baby, but also take care of your husband, just like there is an ironic saying, "My first child is a baby, and my second child is a husband." How long can you stand such a life? When you can't stand it, then divorce will come.
Do you want to be a woman? See an article I wrote before, "When there is no man, be a woman; Be a woman when there is a man. It is suggested that mothers let their father return to his position and participate in raising children. Invisible dad is not desirable. Only when * * * takes the baby with him can a man understand that being a full-time mother is a profession, respect and understand a woman's contribution to the family, assume the responsibility of the father, and make the family more harmonious.
Communication is the most important means for couples to resolve their inner conflicts. Unfortunately, for many young couples, even if they don't have children, surfing the Internet, playing games, making friends and using mobile phones usually take up most of their spare time, leaving little time for communication with each other. In addition, many people are in the form of flash marriage, so they don't know each other very well. There is no communication after marriage, and the feelings are no longer mika, but they are getting weaker and weaker. With a baby, there is no time to communicate in busy days. Lack of communication leads to feelings getting weaker and weaker, and there is nothing to say to each other. They just quarrel about their children from time to time, or blame each other for family conflicts. As a result, over time, mutual resentment is getting deeper and deeper, and it is easy to break up the marriage.
The post-90s couples are still young, married and have children earlier, their thoughts are not mature enough, and their economy is not independent enough. After marriage, they still put themselves first, not their families. The sense of family responsibility is not a heavy commitment, but a faint lie. Some people have not grown up psychologically, but they have become the parents of their babies. There is an extreme example. A mother is very young. She gave birth to a baby at the age of 19. Because neither she nor the father of the child is under the legal age, they are not registered to get married. Five months after the baby was born, she was pregnant again and had an abortion under the scales. I quarreled with my father the other day, and they broke up. The man took a woman home the next day. She was stimulated to leave home and drink too much, which made her haggard. At this time, no one thinks about children, only cares about themselves.
One or two years after having children, the hectic and different life aggravated the disappointment and boredom of young couples on marriage life, and their immature thoughts made them unable to face the marriage dilemma together, so they simply gave up. Some choose to continue to endure, just because the economy is not independent and they can't support their children alone.
Why is one or two years after giving birth to a baby an emotional test period for young couples born after 90? In short, marriage is too early and maturity is too late.
Since one or two years after giving birth to a baby is easy to become an emotional test period, how to break it? There are only two ways to do this. One is to lay a good emotional foundation before giving birth. As long as two people have a good relationship, any problems in marriage can be solved through consultation. Second, forbearance, early marriage and flash marriage people don't know each other very well and get married on impulse. Only by enduring, surviving the test period and becoming a habit can they continue to live together. As the baby grows up day by day, the two may also slowly cultivate their feelings. If you have a higher pursuit of the quality of marriage, you must let both parties participate in raising children together.