When she was twelve years old, once she was taking a bath, and her mother would come back to wash her. She didn't agree, and her mother rudely grabbed the towel and rubbed her body. I brushed it twice and saw her nakedness. I proudly said, "I'm still shy. You and I were born, but I didn't look anywhere!" " "
/kloc-when she was 0/6 years old, her mother disapproved of her going to ordinary high school and forced her to go out to work to earn money. What is the principle of the Golden Pyramid? She has studied and trained well since she was a child, especially her excellent compositions, which are often read by teachers as examples in class. Regardless of the hard work, my mother said, "You are a girl, what's the use of reading! Can I support you for nothing? "
Cece's hatred for her mother was only caused in recent years.
She asked for help because she was deeply manipulated and controlled in her marriage.
She had been in love several times before and found that every boy she found manipulated her like her mother and even abused her.
It is worth mentioning that she noticed that her neighbors are people who are close to her mother, such as bosses and homeowners.
This made her realize that her mother may be the root of her miserable life, and she had obvious hatred for her mother.
During the inquiry, I found that when "manipulation" becomes a key problem for a person, he usually has a self-righteous mother or father.
0 1 Are your parents self-righteous
If you want to know if you have a self-righteous father or mother, you can ask yourself a difficult question: Am I in charge in this life?
This problem can be broken down into countless small problems:
Do you want to decide which hairstyle to keep?
Have you decided what clothes and pants to wear?
Have you decided what to do?
Marry who? Is it up to you?
It's up to you to decide whether to have a second child or not.
Is it up to you to divorce yourself?
If your answer is that all aspects of your life are beyond your control and your parents must intervene, then your parents may be self-righteous.
Karel McBride, a scholar of married life and psychotherapy who applied for registration in the UK, is engaged in scientific research on the influence of parents on their children.
In "The fetters of Motherly Love", she clearly put forward the related problems of 10 mother-daughter relationship when the mother has self-righteous characteristics, and praised this 10 mother-daughter relationship as "10 poison thorn".
1, you find that you often want love, attention and praise, but you can hardly please your mother.
Your mother cares more about how things look than how you feel.
Mom is jealous of you.
4. Mother and your self-expression of physical and mental health are incompatible, especially when this expression conflicts with her own needs or threatens her.
At home, everything revolves around mom.
6. Your mother is responsible.
7. Your mother's own mentality can't be solved.
8. My mother is critical and scolds others.
9. Your mother treats you as a basin friend, not a prostitute.
10, you are always in front of your mother _ with boundaries and privacy protection.
A man asked for help and said, "I really expect my mother, like most mothers, to focus only on academic performance, so at least I know how to please her." However, I never know what she will be angry with today. "
Cece also found that her mother screamed at the top of her lungs for no reason, causing the whole family to jump. She had no boundaries in front of her eyes and her mother did not allow her to have her own privacy protection.
Self-righteous parents don't allow you to be yourself.
A soybean leaves the pod and falls into the soil layer. After a rain, it will grow into bean sprouts.
If this growth stage is not cut off by the outside world, it can grow into a bean seedling and then blossom and bear fruit.
A child is born like this. Montessori's early education thinks that children can develop according to spontaneous essential procedural flow and discipline under the guidance of spiritual essence test-tube embryos.
If this growth stage is violated or distorted by his parents, he can develop into himself.
However, self-righteous parents do not allow their children to be themselves.
Karel mcbride divides self-righteous mothers into three categories:
Hands-on type: This kind of mother tries to influence and manipulate all aspects of her daughter's life. She made decisions for her daughter, dressed herself, behaved herself, and experienced her thoughts. Her daughter basically had an indoor space for self-growth or awareness of her own nature, which became her mother's attachment on many levels.
Impatient type: What specific instructions does the mother have, the appropriate mentality and emotional voice are not shown to the child. They never consider or even deny your mentality.
Combination of hands-on and impatience: Most self-righteous people often show one of the two, but these two are not exclusive, and mothers may switch between hands-on and impatience. In other words, the two children have two extremes: one is to attack the eldest son, and the other is to be impatient with the daughter; Hands-on, old and young, impatient with big brother.
What do you mean by a bad feeling? These three kinds of parents do different harm to their children.
Hands-on parents make their children feel swallowed up.
A helper expressed this pain: "My mother wants to take care of me, and I hope she can help me breathe." .
What this kind of parents love to do is to play the creator and feel that everything they do is right, all for the good of the baby.
The child itself is basically completely swallowed up by his parents, only living on the human body, and his spirit is completely obliterated.
Children with such parents have a sense of self: I am useless.
Impatient parents make children feel abandoned, which reduces their sense of belonging and value.
What is the forbidden fruit effect? The self-cognition of children with such parents is: "I am rejected", "I will not be liked" and "I have no use value".