My two children have been involved in raising children since kindergarten. Most families in Japan are "nuclear families"-that is, they are separated from the elderly and do not interfere with each other, and each enjoys the greatest freedom of movement, but young mothers must bear the hardships and pressures of parenting alone. Under such circumstances, it is easy for mothers whose children are similar in age and live close to each other to form a small alliance to jointly solve the difficulties in parenting and share the psychological pressure, troubles and difficulties in real life.
1, Dr. Calm's wife refreshed my three views.
At that time, the children went to a kindergarten affiliated to a university, and the parents' economic conditions were generally high. There are doctors' wives, former TV hosts, bosses' wives, abbots' wives in temples (Japanese monks can get married), nurses, kindergarten teachers and the most ordinary housewives. Everyone has his own talent. They are excellent in cooking, music, tailoring, dressing and home decoration. Some people also have their own ideas about parenting, and some people attach importance to early education and intellectual development.
In contact with other mothers, you can clearly show your own shortcomings. Instead of picking on children's shortcomings, it is better to pick your own and think about how to improve. Once, a doctor's wife came to play with three children. The oldest is 7 years old, the second is 5 years old and the third is 3 years old. I had tea and chatted with her, and five children went to other rooms to play. After a while, I heard the children crying loudly. I rushed over and looked at them. My brother rode on my sister, and his left hand tugged at her hair to keep her from moving. His right hand was beating her, and her sister gave a sad cry. I hurried to tell my friend. It's terrible. The doctor's wife took a sip of tea and said disapprovingly, Never mind. ...
Sure enough, they soon solved it themselves. I just know that there is someone outside, and there is a day behind. Listening to two little girls yelling all day, I feel great. After watching the "killing" between their brother and sister, I felt that my family was nothing at all. I am worthy of the doctor's wife, and I am much more relaxed than I am.
Step 2 find yourself a "grandma"
I once wrote, "What do Japanese elderly people who have no children usually do?" My Japanese mother-in-law does not live with us. Some domestic friends occasionally complain that getting along with their mother-in-law makes them feel constrained and not free, but to be honest, children can get more love with their grandmother around.
The two children grew up without an old man, so I quickly found one for them. There are old people who love their children unconditionally everywhere. I soon got acquainted with the local old ladies and asked them to take care of the children when I was inconvenient or in an emergency. Older people tend to take care of their children more meticulously than young mothers like me, and they even love their mothers and children together.
This is the "grandma" now. When I had to go to work after a sudden break in kindergarten or primary school, my neighbor "grandma" not only took care of my children, but also took care of my meals, so that I could work with peace of mind. Similarly, if I cook something delicious, I will share it with her. Seeing her working, I often ask my two children for help.
3. How to enjoy and save resources?
Several families can also enjoy and save resources by raising children together. For example, children love to play with water in summer, and many people have plastic inflatable swimming pools. After water injection in the morning, the water temperature is just right at noon, so it often doesn't matter if they play for a few days. A big pool of water is not as interesting as playing with many people. We are often invited by friends.
In addition to sharing a swimming pool, you can also share a car when you go out and exchange your children's old clothes, toys and vegetables from relatives. People often eat together. Everyone likes to live economically, but pay attention to sharing with friends, don't take advantage, and don't compare with others, otherwise a long-term relationship can't be maintained.
Conflict is inevitable. It is feasible not to help children easily when they have contradictions, so that children can gradually learn how to solve contradictions in a relatively safe environment and cultivate their social coordination ability. Mothers can also learn more about their children's characteristics in disputes in order to find out the countermeasures.
4. Mothers need friends, don't they?
Our circle of friends will change after having children. People with children and people without children, mothers with children of the same sex and similar age, and mothers with children attending or studying in the same school gradually began to form new circle of friends. Share the same and similar troubles, set an example of learning from each other, share resources and help each other. If the circle of friends is too narrow, if there are contradictions, everyone will be embarrassed and the children will be implicated. Therefore, we should make as many friends as possible and get along well with our neighbors. When encountering unexpected things, distant relatives are really not as good as neighbors.
I used to say that I was raising a child by myself, but later I slowly found out that it was not. When the kindergarten suddenly had a holiday, my neighbor's grandmother helped me take care of my children and let me work with peace of mind. Before I could drive, my mother and friends drove me to play with distant children and told me many places to play and many delicious foods ... Recently, my neighbor's mother had to go out to work, and sometimes it was too late to send her son to the kindergarten bus in the morning, so my family had a three-year-old boy. The little boy has become more and more lively after adapting, and has started jumping up and down in my house. Daughter like a big sister gently guarding him ...
China has the custom of recognizing kinship, and so does Japan. For example, in Okinawa, there is still the custom of letting children recognize a girl in a senior elementary school as their sister, and the "sister" is responsible for taking care of the younger brother and sister until they grow up, and the two sides maintain a good relationship. A child is like a small tree without deep roots. Only with mom's help, the young tree will totter when it meets the wind. With the help of mom and dad, the little tree can't stand the strong wind. Only by relying on the strength of parents and grandparents can young trees thrive. Only with the help of neighbors, friends and even strangers can young trees thrive in the most stable environment.