I have a psychological topic, and the proposed topic is "Try not to be a' two-faced person'". Recently, a friend's house found that so-and-so was abnormal. He is sometimes depressed, sometimes excited, sometimes concerned about his family and friends, and sometimes indifferent. I checked, "two-faced people" may be a mental disorder caused by great emotional changes, ups and downs and uncontrollable self-control, which needs effective diagnosis and treatment. Is that so? So many friends now say that they have a dual personality when introducing themselves. Is this good or bad? How should family members deal with the situation of friends? How should I adjust myself?
According to your topic "Try not to be two-faced", it reflects that two-faced people are not good. In your several inquiries, the focus is also on how to adjust and deal with it. To answer this question, we must first understand what a "two-faced person" is.
? What is a two-faced man? Do you need treatment?
Literally, "two-faced person" is a person with two faces or faces, but in fact it refers to a person with two contradictory personality characteristics. There are bad (pathological) two-faced people, and there are two-faced people who don't care about good or bad.
Two-faced people who need treatment belong to the category of mental disorder. There are three main types: bipolar disorder, borderline personality and dissociative disorder. For example, someone in your friend's family may be suspected of bipolar disorder or borderline personality problems. Of course, this requires the psychologist to know the details of the client before making a diagnosis. The premise of effective diagnosis and treatment is accurate diagnosis.
Here, it is necessary to briefly introduce three kinds of spiritual phenomena like two-faced people.
Everyone is familiar with the manifestations of depression and mania. The so-called bipolar disorder is a disease characterized by depressive episodes such as decreased vitality, slow thinking, laziness and autism, and manic episodes such as escape from thinking and hyperactivity. These two situations occur periodically at unequal intervals. The causes are complex, including biological, psychological and social adaptation factors. Psychodynamic explanations include: basic needs are frustrated, especially because mothers can't satisfy the impulse of mouth desire, inhibit mouth desire and attack desire, and produce sexual dependence.
Borderline personality disorder includes borderline personality, paranoid personality, schizophrenic personality and narcissistic personality. They are different in pathogenesis and some manifestations, but the early obstacles are the same, that is, they all have a defective parent-child relationship in the early stage (infants) and have experienced extremely unsafe fears. The overall performance is the same: self-image is inconsistent, contradictory, emotional, too good for people, or they want to kill you (such as An Jiahe in Don't Talk to Strangers), and they are very afraid of loneliness and abandonment.
Dissociative disorder. Separation means that an idea is independent of the whole. Separation is a difficult process to describe. People who originally belonged to the whole are now separated from each other, and the same body of a mental activity is dissolved (but this has nothing to do with the "split" of schizophrenia). International psychiatry (ICD 10: F44.8 1) has the diagnosis of "separation of personality", which is an extreme form of separation obstacle: a person seems to have two or more completely different personality structures, which can be transformed into each other, and one of them knows nothing about the other. This extreme situation is rare, and some phenomena are similar to pretending to be sick. Common separation experiences include daydreaming, hypnosis, mind wandering, supernormal state, personality disintegration under fatigue, addiction to movies, books, games and so on. In real life, we can see this contrasting double life: being a gentleman during the day and being a criminal at night, such as lawyer Cheng in the TV series Silent Witness; Male during the day and female at night (excluding physiological bisexuals); On the one hand, he is honest and kind, on the other hand, he is a destructive attacker. The serious situation or pathological state of separation disorder is amnesia, identity transformation, personality disintegration and so on. Its pathological mechanism is psychological failure. Psychodynamics holds that the expression of this inconsistent emotional pursuit is related to the requirement of "superego"
Strictly speaking, the above-mentioned psychological phenomenon belongs to the structural problem of personality (identity obstacle), and its root lies in the early obstacle, that is, the childhood that needs care, positive identity and necessary frustration experience in the process of psychological development to form stable and confident values and personality characteristics. For various reasons, he didn't get it completely, but was in a bad relationship environment and educational environment (including overindulgence), and he experienced persistent or profound tension, fear and helplessness inside. This kind of childhood experience can be sensitized in the corresponding experiences in the future, forming anxiety, depression or paranoid personality quality. When manic depression, paranoia or delusion reach the level of identity disorder (generally speaking, lack of self-awareness), which seriously affects interpersonal relationships, it is the level that needs treatment.
Now when many friends introduce themselves, they all say that they have a dual personality. Is this good or bad?
It should be said that most of them belong to the normal "two-faced people" mentioned above, and it doesn't matter whether they are good or bad. Because each of our personalities can't be pure, double or multiple. Everyone has many personalities besides the main personality. A double-faced person with dual personality is a very healthy personality as long as he has good social functions and good manners, enjoys a happy life and can also bring happiness to others.
However, some people with dual personalities are sub-healthy at best. They often unconsciously put a certain relationship into a deadlock and make themselves not human inside and outside. For example, Yaping in the TV series Double-sided Adhesive is a dutiful son in front of a traditional stubborn mother and an obedient husband in front of a fashionable and independent wife. It seems that the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law led to Yaping's emotional loss of control and madness. He is pitiful and compassionate. But such people do have something hateful: cowardice and selfishness. As a man in the family, he could have acted as a bridge between two cultures and life, helping his mother and wife coexist in different lifestyles. But his weak attitude of ambiguity, contradiction, helplessness and pain angered both sides and expanded the hostility and anger between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. From the analysis, if Yaping is better at self-differentiation, has a clear self-boundary, and has mature psychological ability, then he will soon have his own principles to deal with life in conflict relations to solve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. But because of his contradictory personality and values, he can't make a decision and doesn't want to take any responsibility. In front of two completely different types of women, he seems fair, but in fact he is a worse two-faced man. This kind of double-faced person often creates many interpersonal problems unconsciously.
? How should your family deal with your friend's situation and how should they adjust themselves?
First of all, the family should realize that this phenomenon of the child (or object) is a problem of personality and psychology, and should persuade him (her) to see a psychologist in time to determine whether it is psychotherapy, medication or a combination of the two through psychological diagnosis.
2. Family members respond strategically. Whether in family or marriage, if you get along with people with borderline personality, if you have no patience, flexibility, tolerance and acceptance, you will be very borderline-nervous and neurotic. It's like being infected and assimilated by people who are close to Zhu Zhechi and Mexico.
Of course, whether it is assimilated or not depends not on the people who are close to the ink, but on the people who are close to the ink. There is such a "Mohist" at home, and the family must get along with him artistically. In addition to being patient enough to give him understanding and tolerance, the most important strategy is not to confront the parties directly, such as confrontation, accusations, lessons, etc. Instead of accepting the bad emotions (bad things) projected by him! Invalidate other projections (childish behavior). There are many kinds of art that you don't accept, but there is only one principle, which is to gently and firmly reject what he throws. Family members can play freely, and any method that can refuse to be in place can be regarded as art, because only by refusing to be in place again and again can we reverse the defense of the parties' double-sided projection of identity under contradictions and conflicts.
3. Receive psychotherapy. Without the psychotherapy of personality analysis, it is difficult for the client to adjust himself, let alone how. Because his problem itself is uncontrollable, and he doesn't know how to control his out-of-control emotions. A typical borderline or schizophrenic personality must be a combination of medication and psychotherapy. Medicine is to control mania and depression, while psychotherapy is to "focus on the solution and integration of identity disorder and primitive defense mechanism" Its goal is to make the person concerned gradually have a normal identity, make his personal internal state and external environment gradually coordinated, and better adapt to social interaction.
4. How should I adjust myself? The parties can master some skills of self-regulation:
Emotional management. Don't shy away: when you feel that emotions are coming, feel them first and then vent them. When you feel it, you can feel where the emotion comes from, and then you can truly express your dissatisfaction without denying it. No seizures: When you feel anxious or angry, tell yourself to "feel as much as possible, stop the seizures", allow yourself to endure fantasies, and train your tolerance for bipolar disorder by delaying the satisfaction of your needs. Not afraid of depression or anger: find and choose a harmless way to vent your emotions. Learn to ask yourself: Is my bipolar disorder a compulsive way to protect myself from harm? What are my unsatisfied needs and desires? Do I need to be cared for or accepted? What do I need to do to get love and happiness and make mania disappear?
Self-confidence training learns to actively express their feelings and opinions, such as changing habitual negative thinking and expression such as "I can't, I'm afraid … I don't want to … what if" into positive thinking and expression such as "I can … I can … I need … I hope …"; Feel and express your true thoughts, be able to refuse others honestly and bear the rejection from others; Constantly remind yourself to learn tolerance or patience when you are aware of hatred; Ask relatives for help, so as to urge yourself to do what you say, do what you need to change, and be more sure of yourself.
Set a goal in life and learn to endure loneliness. Two-faced people seem to only love themselves, but in fact they don't love themselves or others, and they are consistent. Because he is most afraid of loneliness and separation, he often gets along with people in a flattering or attacking way.
Therefore, consciously ask yourself-learn to be self-sufficient, have more sex with other people's things, and enhance your self-awareness by establishing interesting and meaningful life goals. Reflecting the growth of psychological ability is to gradually feel that you are an independent and unique individual and can be separated from others. At the same time, you don't have to cater to or attack others. You believe that others understand and love you.
5. Pay attention to early education. From the two-faced people who need treatment, we know that the root of bad is the early environment, so whether to become a sick two-faced person can be decided by the non-party. Therefore, if we "try not to be two-faced", we should basically start from the source-early education. Too many mental diseases, without exception, tell us that they all have deep memories of childhood trauma; Too many cases of personality disorder are presented without exception, all of which have chilling early pathological (relational) environment. Their experience undoubtedly appeals to people: is it healthy for you to know your own personality and psychology before you prepare to be a parent? Can you provide a healthy relationship environment and education environment for the life to be born?
All caregivers should learn and understand what is pathological parent-child relationship and what is good early education. Anyone who is going to be a parent must understand that a child who has been fostered as a baby, or raised by parents of different generations, or raised by parents, but lacks breast milk and skin contact, or has never experienced tenderness, or has experienced too much indifference and indifference, or has been overindulged. , called a flawed relationship. Under such a relationship, children's psychological structure will live in many "fear, inferiority, helplessness and incompetence" bad selves. Those bad selves in adulthood make people feel extremely isolated and it is difficult to establish friendly and harmonious relations with others. The so-called marginal people are all isolated selves in their hearts. Only the early pathological environment can lead to a person's personality conflict. This warns people, especially parents, that if they want to produce and cultivate healthy new people, they must provide an absolutely safe environment in their children's early life. This environment includes: loving and harmonious relationship between husband and wife, relatively healthy personality and psychology of husband and wife, and both sides can give children the elements they need to grow up (if you don't know what safe parent-child relationship and good early education are, you can get them through special study). This is another big topic, so I won't go into details here).
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