What if children don't like learning? What if children don't like to eat? What if the child procrastinates? What if you don't cry with your child? What if the child doesn't do his homework well? ..... What should I do?
In this book, there are many clever tricks for mothers to solve the problem of what mothers should do. Parents can use it whenever they want, which is simple and effective.
At first, this book caught my attention because its author was the host of a program I once liked very much. Many years ago, CCTV had a program called Exchange Space. I believe many people have seen it. Its owner, Wang Xiaoqian, is the author of this book.
After having a daughter, Xiaoqian often found that she didn't know what to do when educating her children. She said she felt very nervous. In order not to delay her daughter's growth, she took up her schoolbag and went to the Institute of Psychology of Chinese Academy of Sciences for a master's degree.
Thanks to Xiaoqian's super learning ability, she is now an expert in parenting education, the founder of Wang Xiaoqian's Parent-child Theory, the "marriage and family psychological consultant" of the Institute of Psychology of Chinese Academy of Sciences, the expert consultant of the "Love the Future" family early education public welfare project, and the love promotion ambassador of the "Family Growth Plan" of China Women's Foundation. She deeply studies practical and operable parenting concepts and family solutions, and is trusted by millions of parents.
Next, I will learn the book "Mom knows what to do" with you from these six themes: what to do if children don't listen to adults, what to do if parents can't control their emotions, how to cultivate their children's character, what kind of growth and nourishment parents should provide for their children, what to do if children don't like learning, and how parents should love their children in the end.
Let's start today's study-what if children don't listen to adults?
Have you ever had a headache because your child is watching his mobile phone?
I don't want my child to watch the mobile phone because I'm afraid it will affect her eyesight, but if I don't show it to her, she will cry. So we asked her to watch it for ten minutes, and the child agreed, but after ten minutes, the child still refused to return the phone to you. How did you do it at this time?
I guess there are only two situations. One is that my mother can't help it, let her watch it for a while, and then take it away without giving it to her. Another situation is to reprimand the child loudly, and the child is wronged to hand over the mobile phone because of fear.
In either case, the child is in a bad mood. This kind of "communication" seems to be the victory of the mother, but it is actually a very failed communication between the child and the mother.
Really effective communication must not be "oppressing" children at the expense of parent-child relationship.
So what is effective communication? The author tells us a law, a law-
Law 55387 tells us to use correct communication attitude, and Lapoport's law tells us four concrete communication steps.
Albert Rabian, an American psychologist and communicator, put forward the famous "55387" law.
55387, namely 55%+38%+7%= 100%. 55% is the attitude in communication, including movements and expressions; 38% is the tone of voice; 7% is the content of the speech.
In other words, the effect of interpersonal communication is determined by attitude, body language, facial expression and whether the instrument is appropriate or not. 38% is determined by mood and tone; Only 7% comes from what we say.
And we are always used to focusing on the content of the speech, ignoring the tone and attitude, but the tone and attitude account for 93% of the communication effect, that is to say, if your tone and attitude are wrong, 7% of your speech content will not be passed on to the children at all.
In fact, this is not difficult to understand. When we talk to children, if the tone is not good, the children's resistance will come up immediately. They won't listen to what we tell them. And when we talk to them gently and kindly, they are often more willing to listen to us.
How to express 7% of the conversation with the right tone and attitude?
Anatole-rapoport, a world-famous expert in game theory, put forward the "rapoport's Rule", which tells us how to communicate in four clear steps to avoid quarrels and reach an understanding.
Let's use the problem of children watching mobile phones mentioned at the beginning of the article to demonstrate how to use this rule.
The first step is to repeat the child's thoughts and let the child know that we understand her thoughts.
("Baby, you still want to watch it for a while?" )
The second step is to express your understanding of the child.
("Well, this animation episode is not finished yet. You must want to finish it. " )
The third step is to recognize the child's feelings.
("If you interrupt now, you don't know what's going on behind it. It's really hard. " )
The fourth step is to put forward our objections and give sufficient reasons.
("But it's time for our appointment. We should go to bed. I think this episode will be over soon, so turn off your cell phone after watching this episode, okay? " )
When you use this method, you must remember 93% tone and attitude, and always be gentle and sincere, otherwise all your efforts will be in vain.
Teacher Yin Jianli, a famous education expert, put forward the educational idea of "inserting willows into the shadows unintentionally". Treat children with "heart" and educate children to make them feel "seamless". We should make our education so natural that even children will not notice that we are educating him. In this way, you did the right thing. Congratulations to your child for having a happy childhood memory.
In the next article, I will tell you how parents can't control their emotions, so stay tuned.