First, what kind of resistance is "normal"
In the process of children's independence, you will encounter the following things:
1, refusing parents' request;
2. Sing against your parents;
3. Ignoring parents;
4, don't cuddle with parents, don't be intimate with parents;
5. Don't stay with your parents and run away from them.
These things happen from time to time when children are one year old, and they are more frequent and intense when they are around two years old. This is because their language function is not perfect, children can't understand their parents' meaning well, so they can't fully implement their parents' meaning, and they don't have enough vocabulary to express their feelings and needs. Therefore, parents now feel that children are deliberately targeting them.
With the growth of age, children will become "good" again. Children aged 3-5 have improved their memory and thinking ability. They can learn more by listening and using languages, and they can control their emotions and behaviors better.
Children around the age of two begin to learn to think, form their own outlook on life, and hope to do things in their own way. At this time, the development of body and movement enables them to express their resistance through action and resist what they don't like. Although independence is an important step in children's growth, parents should not forget that children around two years old are too young to know the consequences of their actions and cannot foresee possible dangers. Therefore, parents should not only protect their children's safety, but also teach their children to learn to consider the feelings of others. Important matters must be discussed with their parents.
Chapter two: How to deal with the rebellious period of the baby at the age of two? With the growth of age, children will become "good". Children aged 3-5 will have better memory and thinking ability. They can learn more by listening and using language, and they can control their emotions and behaviors better.
The first rebellious period: 8 months of irritability makes you feel strange.
Everyone likes a baby who smiles at everyone. It doesn't matter who hugs him. However, suddenly one day, he stopped accepting anyone's hug and kept a straight face to all those who were not close, and his carefree smile turned into anxiety and anxiety; Sticking to his mother from morning till night, as long as his mother is far away, he will talk to himself discontentedly and nag. At this time, often even dad's kiss can't calm him down. Only the mother who is by his side every day and feeds him to eat and change clothes can get close to him.
What's going on here?
Babies begin to recognize strangers, which can not only distinguish relatives from strangers, but also have differences in emotional depth between relatives. In addition to his closest mother, he even needs to keep his distance from anyone to have private space. He began to realize that he was not a doll that could be pushed around by others, and his character gradually emerged. At this time, the baby's world is what he sees, and those objects that are out of his sight are in another world.
He thinks his mother's existence depends on him. If his mother leaves him and enters a world without him, it will only exclude him from his mother's life. How can he accept it? ! Put yourself in his shoes: Your baby really doesn't understand, "Why can't my mother stay with me 24 hours a day?"
How to spend this period?
Let him associate with strangers naturally, don't force him, but don't pamper him too much. Just try to make him feel safe.
Don't be separated from him by force, just to get him used to life without you. Don't expect a short disappearance to get him used to being apart from you.
If you have started to work again, be sure to leave him alone during the day and leave him something that smells like you, such as a soft pajamas and a silk scarf, to make him feel that you have not completely left. Don't think that he can't understand what you said. Tell him you'll be back soon. There is no need to gush, just a few simple words are enough. For example: mom likes you, mom kisses you, and mom will be right back. These simple sentences will reassure him.
Don't start when he is sleeping, and don't leave without saying goodbye. Maybe you will find it much easier to do this now than to go out in his desperate cry; But next time, he will even resist sleep, because his mother will disappear when he is ignorant.
Play hide-and-seek to hide your face, then show it again, repeat it several times, then hide your face and show a little doll, so that although we are not with him, body double still exists.
The second rebellious period: 1 year and a half to 2 and a half years old.
When feeding, he turned his head and refused; When dressing, he looked around and pretended not to see it; Or just say "no"! He opposed all our suggestions: go out for a walk, or take a bath, visit grandma's house, and even pretend to refuse something he usually likes.
What's going on here?
So far, the child has only done what his parents told him to do. But now, he is beginning to realize that you don't do what he wants. It was further discovered that even his parents were strongly opposed to him. He has no right to touch those beautiful vases, eat those dazzling foods, run fast, wear less, and ...
Between 1 year-old and 18 months, children found the word "no" from their parents-a simple but magical word. No, it is a strong confirmation of self, no, it is a profound expression of self-will. I decide my own business! The child's self-awareness has further awakened.
How to spend this period?
His first "no" is easy to reverse, because they haven't learned to bargain yet. First of all, you should stick to your opinion, and then start to think of ways: at this time, you can use some distractions, such as mom going shopping, but you can pass by the small park on the street. He will dress himself and forget that he said not to go out.
Learn to be decisive on some major issues: that's it, there is no other choice! Parents can cooperate with each other and have a unified opinion, leaving no room for their children.
Grasp the principle
Sleep time, good eating habits and respect for others are all things you can't compromise. Others, such as wearing a pink skirt or red pants, why not let the children choose for themselves?
As the child grows up, his refusal becomes more and more difficult to be reversed, and even leads to conflicts between impatient parents and him. Children seem to have been challenging their parents' right to decide: who is the boss? At this time, what parents have to do is to let him know that in this matter, the "boss" is definitely not him. Of course, some parents' compromise may bring temporary relief, but stubborn people need to learn the scale of things more.
The third rebellious period: 1 grumpy from half to four years old.
He lost his temper for a trivial matter: he was forbidden to eat a piece of candy, and you refused to give him his mobile phone, or he just came to dinner because you told him not to play with toys, so he became extremely violent and cried so badly that when he started talking, he even said something you couldn't accept: his mother was not good and he hated her.
What's going on here?
Your child is currently in a new stage: the first rebellious period in life. From learning to say "no" to waging war. His anger is often related to the rights he was deprived of: you rejected his wishes or confiscated his property. Children of this age only know pleasure. When happiness is deprived, they can't control their emotions and have no patience and tolerance; Of course, this has nothing to do with his undeveloped brain.
How to spend this period?
Keep calm
This is a normal child behavior and a weakness of human nature. Don't lose confidence in educating children and find mistakes in your own education for no reason.
If you shout loudly, you will only add fuel to the fire. Maybe he will stop crying because of your violent behavior, but he will feel more insecure in his heart.
In the face of such crying, it is better to entertain yourself and divert your attention.
"Come, let's listen to music! Let's dance! " If he still ignores you, you can start by yourself. If this doesn't calm him down, let him go back to his room and sulk. Isolate him for a while, wait until he calms down, and then stay with him. "Can we go out to play now?" Are you thirsty? "
Pay attention to treat children with the same attitude in public places and at home.
Otherwise, children's self-expression and anger can simply cultivate a good actor. With the attention of a large audience, now he is like finding an umbrella, and he will cry more and more. If the child cries in public, immediately isolate the child from everyone and take him home as soon as possible.
Avoid turning him against you, and try to give him a choice every time. For example, in the face of children who don't want to go to kindergarten in the morning, should they go to kindergarten or hospital?
Every time after crying, the child has experienced physical and mental exhaustion, and after crying, it will be accompanied by sobbing for a few minutes. At this time, he should rest assured that your relationship has not changed, and a gentle hug will make him forget the unhappiness just now. Finally, comfort the child, tell him that you understand his feelings, he has the right to be angry, and then deny his protest. Crying doesn't change your decision.
The fourth rebellious period: 2-5 years old declared independence.
Suddenly one day, he decided to do everything by himself: get up, get dressed, press the button on the elevator … even go to kindergarten by himself! Whoever helps him is in a hurry; The next day, he didn't want to do anything and didn't even bother to take off his socks. Which one is the real him?
What's going on here?
From the stage of rejecting others, children begin to have a desire for independence. The desire to accomplish independently shows his small desire for power and instinct to challenge his own limits: to what extent can he change his environment? This is a good opportunity for the child to make progress, but many parents still take care of him in every way before they react. Parents' well-intentioned protective measures stifled children's independent self-control. In addition, inertia also interferes with and affects children's progress. No wonder three days of fishing and two days of drying nets.
How to spend this period?
Encourage and support his desire for independence, such as his decision to wear his own shoes, even if his left foot wears his right foot. All you have to do is keep things interesting and give directional guidance. Just help him remember what signs can distinguish his left and right feet, and finally congratulate him on his progress!
Some small losses are inevitable. You may delay some time at present, but you will gain more time from now on. A child has the desire to learn, and his inner maturity has taken a big step forward. On the contrary, if you stop him from seeking knowledge, he may lose this learning ability. If you are in a hurry, try to let him practice more or help him finish it directly at ordinary times. If at the age of 4, he is still struggling to make ends meet, then you should re-examine the previous education methods.
Maybe the clothes were buttoned wrong and the face was not cleaned. Accept that what he has done is not perfect, and don't be demanding.
Of course, we can't ignore security issues. When he proposes to do things beyond his ability, explain to him that some things can be done at an age, and he is still too young. Let him look forward to his growth
Chapter 3: How to deal with the rebellious period of two-year-old baby? Before 1 year-old, my son's fruit has been docile and clever. But when he was one to three years old, he seemed to be a different person. He is particularly rebellious and irritable, crying and making trouble, which gives people a headache. For my son's bad temper, I initially took the same measures as most mothers: reprimanding, corporal punishment, and even "confinement." However, Guoguo's bad temper is getting worse.
After reading many books on parenting, I learned that the fruit is in the first "rebellious period" of life. During this period, his self-consciousness began to form slowly. On the one hand, he was eager to express his emotions and wishes, on the other hand, he did not have enough self-control to restrain his behavior. Experts suggest that during this period, don't blindly suppress the baby, try to look at the problem from the baby's point of view and patiently help him through this period. In this way, every "rebellious baby" will become a "happy baby", and "troubled parents" will naturally become "happy parents"!
Understand the baby's feelings
I no longer put myself on the opposite side of the baby, but learn to stand in the baby's position and feel his feelings with my heart.
One day, we took Guoguo to the playground for two hours as planned, but when it was time to leave, Guoguo refused to leave. As soon as his father took his hand, he squatted on the ground, crying and struggling. I feel particularly embarrassed in front of so many people. I used to "use force", but that day I tried my best to calm myself down, bent down and hugged Guoguo, and said softly, "The playground is so fun that we seldom come to Guoguo. Of course I don't want to go, do I? " Probably didn't expect me to speak for him, but I stopped crying. I stroked Guoguo's little head and said, "But look, it's getting dark, and mom and dad are very tired. Shall we come again next time? " Wanted to think, Guoguo actually stood up from the ground and sobbed with us.
Find out the psychological reasons for resistance.
Understanding doesn't mean not making rules, but when making rules for my baby, I won't "enforce" those rules that he has been resisting, but find out the reasons why my baby resists and try to solve them.
Guoguo is used to sleeping with the light on. People say that children who fall asleep under the light are prone to myopia, so I let the fruit turn off the light and sleep. Who knows that he is very sad and cries from time to time. After observation, I found that fruits are usually scared during the day or after watching scary scenes on TV, and then they ask to turn on the light to sleep at night. Considering that the baby is really afraid of sleeping alone in a dark room under this stimulus, I installed a nightlight in Guoguo's bedroom, allowing him to sleep in nightlight occasionally. The problem is solved in this way, and the baby's mood is relatively stable.
Find an outlet for emotions
Education experts believe that many times, babies deliberately do things that adults are not allowed to do in order to vent bad emotions or anxiety. In view of this, if I lose my temper again, I won't scold him or punish him.
I laid a colorful carpet in the corner of the study, put colorful pillows, and put some toys and books that my son likes. As long as he is in the mood, I will let him go to that corner and stay alone for a while. Practice has proved that this method is effective, and every time you come out of the study, your mood will return to calm.
Looking for the baby's good performance
Praise can indirectly let the baby understand right and wrong, so I pay more attention to some good performances of fruits and praise them in time.
Once I went to my grandmother's house, and Guoguo never took a nap. When grandma forced me, his stubbornness came up and swept a bucket of building blocks on the table to the ground with a clash. Just then, Guoguo's little cousin Niu Niu came. Guoguo took care of Niu Niu, took food and drank. I took the opportunity to praise Guoguo for being "sensible". In this way, the fruit was embarrassed, not only cleaned up the building blocks on the ground, but also took the initiative to find grandma to apologize.
Give the baby some autonomy.
Since the baby is in a rebellious period, I will no longer make rigid rules on some things, but conditionally let the fruit enjoy democratic rights.
In view of the problem of fruit picky eaters, I have specially drawn up several sets of recipes, including meat and vegetables. Please make a decision on the fruit before making it for him. When he took Guoguo out to play, he wanted to wear those airtight new shoes, so I reasoned with him and took out some comfortable and breathable shoes for him to choose from. In this way, my goal has been achieved, and I feel that my wishes have been respected, and everyone is very happy.
Everywhere constraint
Children are children. You can't bind him everywhere with your standards. It is best to "control his behavior".
Whenever Guoguo has a proud painting, he will happily stick it on the wall to make it colorful. His father said it was ugly and he was not allowed to post it. I think this is the baby's pride and hard work, so I advised my husband to let his son stick to it. For another example, I used to take my son to a restaurant for dinner and always let him sit there and behave himself. Now, as long as it doesn't affect others, I will allow him to walk around the dining table to satisfy his active nature. There are fewer contradictions and conflicts between us, and his "stubbornness" is naturally unknown.
About 2 years old is the first rebellious period of a baby's life. Parents should adopt corresponding coping styles according to their babies' different rebellious psychology to help them get through this period smoothly. According to the research of CTV windmill early education institution, about 2 years old is the first rebellious period of baby's life. Will you be surprised as a parent when you hear your little tail say "no" to yourself? The negative behavior of children is that children begin to have a sense of autonomy, trying to understand the surrounding environment, establish their own likes and dislikes, and express their personal needs. In real life, children often say "no" to their parents. Although it is a positive thing for children to have their own opinions, it will also have a negative impact on their growth if parents do not handle it well.
What kind of' rebellious performance' is' normal'? In the process of children's independence, you will encounter the following things:
1, refusing parents' request;
2. Sing against your parents;
3. Ignoring parents;
4, don't cuddle with parents, don't be intimate with parents;
5. Don't stay with your parents and run away from them.
These things happen when children are one year old, and they are more frequent and intense when they are around two years old. This is because their language function is not perfect, children can't understand their parents' meaning well, so they can't fully implement their parents' meaning, and they don't have enough vocabulary to express their feelings and needs. Therefore, parents now feel that children are deliberately targeting them. With the growth of age, children will become "good" again. Children aged 3-5 have improved their memory and thinking ability. They can learn more by listening and using languages, and they can control their emotions and behaviors better.
The causes of rebellious psychology
Children's curiosity and thirst for knowledge are not satisfied. Children around the age of 2 are curious and eager to learn, and they have to touch everything, which often annoys adults, from limited movement to reprimanding corporal punishment. Treating children so simply is bound to arouse their disgust.
Adults don't respect children's personality. Although children are young, they also have self-esteem. Adults should respect them and educate them according to their physical and mental characteristics. That kind of "filial son under the stick", irony, sarcasm, abuse and corporal punishment can only cause children's rebellious psychology.
Talk about something. Some parents think that children can't do this and that, and pay attention to this and that for a while. If you don't stop nagging, children will get bored and have rebellious psychology.
Regardless of the individual differences and wishes of children, they are forced to "orient". Some parents are eager for their children to succeed. They want their children to learn this and that, such as how many words to read and how many hours to practice the piano every day, or they will be punished. This is easy to cause children's opposition.
Lack of emotional communication. Parents lack frequent emotional communication with their children and respect for their children, and children will disrespect their parents.
Adults indulge their children too much. Children think they won't be criticized for their mistakes. This kind of wrong information puzzled them. Once parents want to discipline, children will be very uncomfortable and rebellious.
Paternalistic style. Arbitrary education makes children feel uncomfortable and depressed, so they answer their parents with resistance.
Children are dissatisfied with their families and parents. Especially when parents' emotional disharmony makes children have psychological obstacles, children often express their dissatisfaction with rebellious behavior. Also, when parents often feel that their children have no spiritual support because they have no role models, they will also vent their rebellious psychology.
Lack of satisfaction. For various reasons, parents can't always stay with their children. Although the material is very rich, the child feels very hungry emotionally. After a long time, they will express their dissatisfaction with rebellion and silence in the absence of their two closest relatives.
Help the "rebellious" baby through the rebellious period
Parents don't have to worry too much about this situation. In fact, children are only pursuing their own independent personality at this age, and they don't have a strong rebellious mentality like some parents think. As long as parents give appropriate guidance, it is entirely possible to successfully pass this dangerous period.
1, parents should have a correct attitude. They should neither regard their children as their own private property, ask them to do as they say, nor regard them as the body to realize their dreams, body double, and impose the wishes of adults on their children in an attempt to make them live according to the lifestyle arranged by their parents. It is to give children a certain living space and respect their choices and wishes.
2. When children and parents have conflicts, parents can avoid the intensification of conflicts and resolve them through soft treatment and cold treatment. Give each other a space for reflection and relief.
3. Parents should fully respect and trust their children, establish a good partnership with their children, establish an equal and harmonious family atmosphere, make children willing to communicate with their parents, and regard their parents as bosom friends, instead of thinking that there is a generation gap between parents and them, which is difficult to understand, thus creating a sense of alienation.
Parents should create a more democratic family environment for their children. Plans, arrangements and activities in the family can be discussed with children, so that children can participate in discussion and decision-making, give them the right to speak and listen to their ideas, so that children can truly enjoy the status of masters, so that their enthusiasm will be high, their love for their parents will be deeper and their resistance will be less.
Children have a strong desire for expression and are very willing to help their parents do something. They think it's glorious. Therefore, parents should support and protect their children's enthusiasm, and don't think that children are making trouble or adding trouble. Even if the child does badly, or makes a complete mistake, it is necessary to analyze the reasons for the child's mistake. Children grow up slowly in life.
6. When children are frustrated, unhappy, wronged or neglected, parents should not use some words or actions to stimulate their children, but should give them caress and help. Then choose the right time, patiently help children analyze the reasons, find mistakes, encourage guidance, increase children's self-confidence, and make children feel that their parents are the most reliable and trustworthy.
7. Determine a reasonable age limit and stick to it. At the same time, we should also communicate well with our children, reason with them, and let them really accept these rules and restrictions ideologically. In this way, on the one hand, children have no conflict with their subjective wishes and can consciously follow them. At the same time, it can also cultivate children's self-control and self-control ability and lay a good foundation for future study and life.
Three Ways to Alleviate Parent-child Conflict in Rebellious Period
1, multiple-choice method
When parents and children are at odds, you don't have to rush to resolutely implement your own opinions. We can try this: "honey, we must go to bed, because we have a lot of things to do tomorrow." If you don't want to sleep now, you can choose to listen to another story or play for ten minutes. Which one do you choose? " This multiple-choice method is very effective for babies. Many babies like the feeling that they can make their own decisions even if neither plan is what they originally wanted, so they can accept it, and because the plan is their own choice, it is very neat to implement. You might as well try.
2, the three chapters of the contract
Babies are born with a sense of order. You can use this psychology to reach an agreement with him in the daily schedule and the way to deal with certain things-reach an agreement with him, otherwise an external rule will be rejected by the baby as a different kind. Once he participates in the formulation, he will feel that these rules are sacred and will try to abide by them. You should also take the baby's consent seriously. In case of conflict, you can remind him to keep it.
3, role-playing method
Simple parent-child games can let the baby know what to do. You can pretend to be a procrastinating and extremely disobedient child, let the baby play the role of mother and see how he treats you.
Some babies will treat you the way you usually do, and some babies will treat you the way he expects you to treat him. You need to observe carefully. Through role playing, the confrontation between parents and children will disappear a lot!