However, parents are so hard to train their children, and the children are still very mediocre. They only listen to parents complaining that their children are not talented, procrastinating, playful and always careless in class. ...
In the face of children's shortcomings, parents can only inculcate their children, criticize them and make them correct, but children are indifferent at all, and even turn against their parents when they are forced to be anxious. Finally, anxious parents can only "mourn" when they look at their children's shortcomings.
Yes, it has always been an ideal educational standard for parents to "hope their children succeed and their daughters succeed". However, have parents ever thought that their interest classes are really suitable for their children? Do children really have only shortcomings? In fact, every child has his own advantages. Your starting point is different, and what you see naturally is different. If we start with our own shortcomings, it is easy to ignore the advantages behind children, so that there are more and more shortcomings. When educating children, I always feel at a loss. Maybe you just need to change your education.
The book Advantage Education gives us another way of education: Advantage Education. This is a way of parenting based on the advantages of children. The book published by CITIC has two parts: discovering the advantages of children and cultivating them. Many inspiring real cases and practical skills are quoted in the book. We will learn what advantages are, and how to find and give play to children's advantages. Helping us to use advantages to discipline children can not only help children overcome difficulties in adversity and become better themselves, but also make the relationship between children and parents more intimate and harmonious.
The author of this book is Sally Waters. She is not only a famous positive psychologist in Australia, but also an expert in positive subjects. She is active in the international education forum and is known as one of the most influential women in 20 15. She not only educates her children with advantages as the starting point, but also applies them to her work, which not only makes her achieve good results in educating her children, but also makes her perform extraordinary in her work.
Sally Waters' research and interest in higher education is closely related to her own growing environment. When she was a child, she lived in the shadow of a mentally ill mother and was bullied and excluded by the school bully. Seeing her own shortcomings, she felt deeply self-loathing and could only eat too much every day to paralyze herself. This situation lasted for seven years. Later, she finally overcame bulimia, but suffered from depression. It was not until she became pregnant that she realized that her problems could not affect her children. She accidentally came into contact with positive psychology. From then on, she seemed to find a lifeline, began to realize her many advantages and saw the infinite energy of life. So she decided to teach her children from the advantages, and also wanted to help other parents cultivate positive and optimistic children. The book "Advantage Education" came into being under this premise.
The author Sally Waters divides the book into two parts: discovering the advantages of children and cultivating them. Let's take a look at the trilogy of superior education.
First, the first step of advantage education: abandon negative thinking and discover the advantages of children.
Our perception of ourselves and others is mainly limited by the way of thinking. The negative thinking that affects our judgment mainly includes selective attention and negative prejudice.
The first is selective attention. For example, if we focus on one aspect of things, it is easy to ignore all other relevant information. If a certain aspect is consistent with our sense of surprise and crisis, it is easy for us to pay attention to it and filter out information that is inconsistent with our ideas. It's like if you have a low opinion of yourself, then you will focus on your poor performance and ignore some valuable performance. This is why when you are pregnant, you will find more pregnant women around you; When you take care of children, you will find children everywhere.
Therefore, when we pay attention to the shortcomings of children, it is easy to ignore other advantages of children. This selective concern has caused an imbalance in our way of thinking.
Second, negative prejudice. Negative prejudice allows us to see the bad side faster than the good side, which is also related to the structure of the brain itself. I don't know if you have noticed that when we are in contact with others, we will inadvertently notice one of their shortcomings, and then have a bad impression on them, and then he will do a lot of good things to erase his bad image in your eyes. If what you see at first is a beautiful image, once it exposes a little shortcoming, then all the previous beauty will be ruined.
In fact, everyone has advantages and disadvantages. Sometimes we only see one side of others, not all of them. We can't deny the whole person with one shortcoming.
We should always check our negative thoughts. When negative thinking strikes, we should change our perspective, learn to talk to ourselves, and look at this problem from the perspective of superiority. Only by abandoning one's negative thinking first can we explore the advantages of children and cultivate positive and optimistic children.
Advantages include talent advantage and character strengths. Talent advantage refers to the advantages of playing chess, drawing and dancing, and character strengths refers to the advantages of being careful, kind and gentle. These manifestations can be naturally revealed in daily life. Generally speaking, we can observe them from the following three aspects:
1. Is there anything that children are particularly good at?
2. Is the child particularly passionate when doing this?
3. Does this child often do this?
To sum up, it is good at doing it, passionate and often doing it. These three points constitute the core advantages of children. If children have these three performances, we can help them develop their advantages.
Second, the second step of advantage education: make good use of positive thinking and develop children's advantages.
Our mode of thinking will not only affect our views on ourselves and others, but also exert a subtle influence on our children. They will learn from their parents' thinking patterns.
Ning Yuan once said in the book, "As a mother, my understanding is to constantly cultivate and improve myself. If I don't do it, I don't know how to make my children do it; If I do, I don't need to let the child do it because he has already seen how to do it. "
This shows the influence of parents' "role models" on children, so we need to set an example, deal with problems with growth thinking, and let children learn to grow up thinking. This will affect their views on their own advantages. For example, his advantage is painting. When encountering difficulties and feeling that there is no breakthrough, the fixed thinker may feel depressed and think that painting may not be his own specialty, so he wants to give up. Growth thinkers will think that even what they are good at needs constant practice and hard work to become more proficient and hard-working.
This is the importance of positive thinking mode, which can help children stay away from negative behavior and let us see the different side of children. The book lists an example of a child who often steals things and can't even finish school. When he found his leadership advantage under the guidance of positive thinking, he couldn't help but burst into tears. He did not expect that his shortcomings would have unexpected advantages. Later, with the help of others, he exerted his advantages and successfully completed his studies.
Therefore, even in the worst case, positive thinking will let people see the advantages of children, so that children can develop.
The book also talks about effective cases of using superior parenting methods to communicate with children and how to cultivate children's self-control. Interested friends can take this book home and think it over. This book is suitable not only for parents, but also for everyone in work and life. In teaching and managing children, you will become a better parent by using superiority; At work, you will become more efficient by using superiority; In life, by using the sense of superiority, you will manage your emotions better, thus changing the relationship with the people around you. I believe you will find the anxiety that has troubled you for a long time in the book and find a better self.