Parents,

Do you need a reason to lose your temper with your child?

Sometimes, it's because children make mistakes.

Sometimes it's because children procrastinate.

Sometimes, it's because the child is an asshole.

Sometimes, it is because children are too clingy.

Sometimes, it's because children don't sleep

Sometimes it's because children don't get up.

In short, many children's behaviors will instantly ignite the fire in their parents' hearts, and it is really impossible not to vent.

Part 1

I believe many parents know that losing your temper is ineffective, harmful to parent-child relationship and not good.

Then, how can parents not lose their temper when their children are not full? Don't worry, let's analyze it bit by bit.

A vicious circle of two tantrums.

The first is to form a bad parent-child communication model.

We often see that the more stubborn the child is, the greater the temper of the parents; The more angry parents are, the more difficult it is for children to manage; When parents lose their temper, children's bad behavior is also escalating.

Watching a child make a mistake and not correct it immediately or learn a lesson is actually a very test of parents' psychological endurance. However, please also believe that children have the ability to correct themselves. Even, children's learning and growth is a process of self-correction.

With this adjustment of mentality, the source of temper tantrums will naturally decrease. We often find that many good-tempered parents, their children are often so good that they don't need to move a finger and say an ugly word.

The second vicious circle is long-term.

Children are the mirrors of parents, and parents are the first objects for children to learn. Children don't like being scolded or beaten, but they have no choice.

Therefore, although he feels very hurt, he often thinks deeply that children will "not be used to children" when they grow up, and this bad parent-child communication mode will probably be brought from family of origin to his new family, forming a "family tradition".

Therefore, parents are advised not to take losing their temper and scolding as the choice of disciplining their children. Because only in this way, your heart will open and your attention will naturally turn to finding real solutions.

the second part

Control emotions: both husband and wife are psychologists.

If parents have emotions outside the family, how can they not bring them to their children?

The best way is for husband and wife to be each other's "psychologists". One of my girlfriends told me that she has a very good temper because there is a "psychologist" at home, and that is her husband.

Every time something goes wrong at work, and even she has bad feelings with her friends, she always chooses to talk to her husband. Under the treatment of "psychological doctor", her emotions can often be calmed down and no longer bring negative energy to her children.

In fact, it is very simple to be a psychologist for your lover, that is, to listen patiently and affirm each other's emotions in the process of listening (please note that it is not an affirmative behavior).

For example, when your lover tells you how bad their boss is, you don't have to follow the judgment and say that the boss is really bad, let alone fan the flames and say "Let's resign", and don't be busy making suggestions, just affirm the other person's mood: "You must be angry! You are so angry! " Just repeating each other's feelings can let TA's emotions get out.

This method is called * * * emotion in psychology.

Similarly, children are wronged outside, and the first thing parents do is not to be reasonable, but to listen and affirm their emotions. Only when the children take out the garbage inside can they fit your teaching!

How to control your emotions?

Friends who often lose their temper, if you stay patiently for a while and recall the process of losing your temper every time, you will find that the "procedure" of losing your temper every time is similar.

When you are calm inside, just like playing a CD, play the whole process of losing your temper in your mind.

Now, we are like the crew of our own lives. You are the director of our own lives. You can press pause at any time. You can modify the plot at will and let the actors perform it again according to your requirements. The editor will re-edit it according to your wishes, readjust your emotions and replace your anger with other ways until you are satisfied.

Then, let's play this perfect movie in our minds and try to understand the way you handle every link-your words, your tone, your body language. Write these new behavior programs into your brain.

This method of playing CD is actually a kind of hypnotherapy, which looks like a summary meeting after we finish a major project. This kind of hypnotherapy is very safe and effective.

This method is also very suitable for changing those children who are angry every day. They lose their temper easily, and after losing their temper, they are isolated by their peers and regret it very much.

the third part

The first skill: abdominal breathing

The simplest way to control emotions is abdominal breathing. Abdominal breathing is also called diaphragm breathing, and the abdomen moves the diaphragm up and down.

Because when inhaling, the diaphragm will drop and squeeze the organs below, so the stomach will expand, not the chest. Therefore, when exhaling, the diaphragm will rise higher than usual, so you can take a deep breath and spit out more carbon dioxide that is easy to stay at the bottom of the lung.

Abdominal breathing is a common breathing method in yoga and psychological hypnosis. I regard abdominal breathing as a universal mood adjustment switch, and 20 deep breaths are enough to adjust an angry person to a calm rhythm.

As soon as people calm down, many words are spoken without thinking, and now they have time to pass through their brains, their hearts and then flow out gently and sincerely. Abdominal breathing is also a method of keeping in good health. Abdominal breathing 15 minutes every day is also extremely beneficial to health.

The key points to note are as follows:

1, take a deep breath and breathe slowly.

2. Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth.

3. Inhale and exhale for about 15 seconds. That is, deep inhalation (bulging belly) 3? 5 seconds, hold your breath 1 second, and then exhale slowly (abdomen) 3? 5 seconds, hold your breath 1 sec.

Dr. Thompson, President of American Hypnosis Association, is an expert in child psychology. She introduced the method of guiding 2-year-old children to do abdominal breathing-yo-yo.

That is, let the child lie flat. Both parents and children assume that there is a yo-yo above the child's stomach. Parents hold the yo-yo, and the child's stomach lifts the yo-yo and falls down again.

Then, imagine cutting the yo-yo rope with scissors. Now, let the children control the yo-yo to go up and down. This method is specially designed for children who are about 2 years old and still don't understand the concept of abdominal breathing.

The second skill: take the initiative to pause.

Active suspension is a method of individual psychology. That is, when anger is on the verge, leave the scene, stay in a place where you feel comfortable and relaxed for a while, and then continue to solve the problem.

I saw an interesting example at a psychology seminar. One classmate plays the husband who didn't come home until two or three in the middle of the night for three days in a row, and the other three students play his wife.

The first wife's treatment is to refuse to open the door and engage in a cold war. The teacher asked the classmate who played the husband, will he come home late next time? "Husband" replied: Yes;

The second wife opened the door and yelled at her husband. The teacher asked her husband again, and the answer was: I'm going to be late.

The third wife said to her husband, I am very angry that you came back so late for several days. I'll go to the study first and talk to you later. The classmate who played the husband said that her behavior made me realize that my behavior had a great influence on her. When she went to the study, I was going to think about what to do in the future.

The third wife used the active pause method, and the study she went to was the active pause angle.

Active suspension is suitable for everyone. It should be noted that active suspension of classes is not a punishment, but a method of emotional transformation. The activity pause angle can be a study, a bedroom or anywhere on the balcony at home.

But that place had better be a special corner, and it should be arranged in a way that you particularly like. It is best to be elegant, warm and pleasing to the eye, such as placing some lush plants, beautiful flowers and using some essential oils that make you feel happy physically and mentally.

The third skill: vent and transfer.

It is said that some stressful companies will prepare a vent room for their employees, which will be filled with sandbags for them to beat up. When an employee with a volcanic eruption came out, the thunderstorm had dispersed and he became all smiles.

The mother in the picture book Angry Soup provides a very interesting method. One day, the boy Hoth met several things that made him angry. His mother cooked a pot of soup. They screamed at the soup, stuck out their tongues, banged on the pot with spoons, and then took a breath of dragon. Hoss smiled, and so did his mother.

Sister Hawes used the punching bag method. The steaming soup diverted all the negative energy of Hoth. In addition to cooking a pot of angry soup, mothers can also clean up the garbage at home, throw all the anger into garbage bags, and then tie it up and throw it into the trash can in the community. Imagine that you have such a big bag of gas. Throw it away and you will feel relaxed immediately.

There is another psychological adjustment method, that is, you lie in bed and imagine yourself lying on the beach. The waves will take away all your anger and rush to the deepest and deepest seabed. This kind of imagination is a kind of self-hypnosis therapy, which is very effective.

Finally, I wish every parent a good temper, a good family atmosphere and a good mood for every child.

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Ndjila international early education

Senior guidance institution of family education, senior researcher of child psychology.

Share the growth resources for free and see the children's further future.

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