Mother's guilt, many working mothers, when it comes to children, will feel guilty because they are too busy to spend time with their children. Only by creating a better environment and material conditions for children, the following is the relevant content about mother's guilt!

Mother's guilt 1 mother's dictation:

My husband and I are very busy at work. I have to meet my clients every three days. Overtime is common, and my husband will travel every once in a while. I really don't have time for the children, so I have to ask my mother to help us with the children. I feel guilty that I can't always be with my children, so I try my best to give them the best material conditions.

But every time I go to my mother's house, I am not close to my children at all. I want to use money to make up for my daughter's guilt, but the effect is really bad.

Now the social pressure is obvious to all. In order to give children a better life, many people choose to let the elderly at home take care of their children, but they are very busy.

However, many parents, especially mothers, will feel guilty because they have no time to take care of their children. This sense of guilt may lead parents to make mistakes in their children's education.

As compensation, many parents are accustomed to giving their children whatever they want because they have no time to accompany them, which seems to make their children's hard work valuable and enhance their dependence on themselves.

In fact, no matter how beautiful clothes and advanced electronic products are, they can't give children real love. The sense of security comes from the strong attachment between children's intimate care.

However, the fact that "we are all too busy" objectively determines the status quo that parents don't spend much time with their children. On this basis, how can mothers solve their guilt?

Experts from Gymboree Early Education Center suggest spending limited time on effective interaction: spare 10 minutes every day as much as possible;

Even if we don't meet, it's better to call the children and tell them a story than to ask them repeatedly, "Do you miss your mother?" Give mom a quick kiss "works well. Let your child feel that you are paying for him, instead of begging him all day.

If this 10 minute can be together, then snuggling together and reading children's books can make children feel more happy and warm.

Take on the obligation to take children to early childhood classes. Early education class is the best interactive opportunity. Generally, an early education class lasts only 45 minutes, and many parents give this task to their elders.

As we all know, a large part of the games of early education institutions can enhance the interaction between parents and children. These 45 minutes can make children feel happier with you.

Don't put the cart before the horse between your own task and the nanny's task. You can ask the nanny to mop the floor for you. You can feed the child a meal because she saves you time.

You can ask the nanny to cook for you, but you must insist on breastfeeding your baby. Remember, the nanny is for you, not for the children. Do what you should do for your children.

Although I am busy at work every day, if we can ensure high-quality parent-child interaction, we can better maintain the parent-child relationship.

In order to make up for their guilt, many parents take their children out as soon as they meet, buy snacks and toys, and shop for hours, which may even be useless for short-term interactive education.

Honey, relax. Your guilt will make your children nervous. If you feel guilty, seize every opportunity to get along with your children. If you can only take a little time out of your busy schedule to spend with your children, let this little time be the most effective opportunity for parenting education.

Mother's Guilt 2 Whether around us or in many families, we will find that more or less many mothers classify themselves as "I am not a good mother" or "I am an unqualified mother". Why should we underestimate ourselves?

Wouldn't it be nice to think "I'm a great mother"? From the subconscious level, this is also a masterpiece of superego.

According to the self-standard of "being a good mother at this level": "Now I am a bad mother", mothers with this kind of psychology have more or less a deep or shallow sense of inferiority.

Guilt is a kind of self-consolation

Mother's guilt is bad for both mother and child. Why does mother cling to such a bad mood?

Since no one pointed at his nose and said, "It's all the mother's fault that the child looks like this!" "Why do you want to live with a sense of guilt that will hurt your mother and children? Why do many mothers have this kind of psychology?

The root cause is "to make the mother's heart hard and guilty can make the mother's heart good."

You can make yourself feel better by making yourself feel bad?

Isn't it inconsistent? Yes, "contradiction" is one of the characteristics of the subconscious.

Here I want to mention "superego" again.

The "superego" responsible for ethics, crime and punishment will jump out at this time, because guilt belongs to the responsibility of the superego, and the running track is as follows:

Children → My fault → Must be punished → Feel better after being punished.

This punishment is guilty.

The superego sacrifices a punishment called "guilt" to itself. Although the mother's consciousness will feel uncomfortable because of guilt, the subconscious will feel better because of guilt.

After committing a crime and being punished, my heart tends to be stable.

The problem is that superego is unreasonable and can be said to be a crazy judge, just like saying that the punishment for stealing 1000 yuan is that children who cut their wrists and break bowls are punished all the year round.

There is a so-called principle of "no second trial for one crime" in our law. After being convicted and punished, a person should not be tried again for the same crime.

But my mother's superego is irrational. After autonomy, she will still be punished again and again ... She will feel guilty and be punished for a lifetime, so that her mother will never get rid of the identity of a sinner and be punished for a lifetime.

Mother's guilt is actually a kind of self-comfort, a work that achieves self-forgiveness, self-comfort and self-confidence through self-punishment. The pure purpose is for oneself, not for the performance of comforting, comforting and loving children.

A mother who always says "I'm sorry, son" seems to be full of maternal love, but in fact she is just a selfish mother who soothes her heart;

Guilty mother seems to sacrifice the most, but in fact she is the worst. Why do you say that?

Because in the field of psychoanalysis, they are the mothers of children with heart disease to comfort themselves.

Guilt is a doctrine of reflection, reminding us not to make the same mistake, not a completely useless emotion.

If you feel guilty after hitting your child in anger, you can remind yourself not to make it again in the future.

The guilt of making achievements in the future is valuable. Guilt that doesn't help the future is just an inertia, but many mothers live with this morbid guilt.

The guilt you create can only be eliminated by yourself. Mother should judge her superego first, bid farewell to the idea that all inertia is caused by me, and tell herself: so far, this level of torture is enough, there is no need to continue!

Working mothers with sensible daughters should think: Alas, poor daughter, it's all my fault that my mother can't take care of you wholeheartedly ... I'm sorry or heartfelt praise: it's really great that my baby daughter can learn to take care of her siblings when her mother is not at home. Thank you. What about you?

A mother who blames prenatal education should think: son, I'm sorry! It's all my mother's fault for not doing prenatal education well. Still use: Baby son, your life is up to you! Mom believes in your mentality and accepts her son's true colors?

Shit, mom's true face

I saw a mother express such complaints in a parent-child discussion community forum.

It seems that there are only good mothers in the world. Colleagues and neighboring mothers are very concerned about their children, and other mothers in their children's school seem to be very smart.

After reading the articles shared in the community forum, I feel that everyone is good at educating children. There is no mother like me, let alone a good mother. I don't even know if I am qualified to be a mother.

Why do some mothers feel that they are not qualified to be mothers? Compared with other mothers, I feel bad, as if I am not qualified to educate my children, and I feel like I have a personality problem?

Because I have decided that I am not good enough in self-awareness, I am deeply uneasy about being a mother, and I am often trapped in the idea of whether I can do well and whether my children will be influenced by me.

Many mothers classify themselves as poor mothers and unqualified mothers. Why do they underestimate themselves? Don't you think I'm a good mother?

On the subconscious level, this is also a masterpiece of the superego. According to the superego standard of being a good mother at this level, I am now a bad mother. This kind of mother has a deep sense of inferiority.

Inferiority mothers worry that their children are worse than others' children and that their shortcomings will be exposed to others through their children. This kind of mother will regard the child as a shield of inferiority, and care more about whether the child will show the bad side of the mother, rather than whether the child will grow up healthily and happily.

The only animal on earth that will torture itself because it is not good enough is human. Like a dog, there is no superego. It won't lie on the sofa worrying about how I am so worthless.

On the other hand, even if others don't bother us, they won't let themselves go.

Because human ego and superego are separated, the other ego I expect, that is, superego, is always torturing myself.

It is very likely that we have never been called "bad guys" in our lives, but we criticize our own shortcomings every day.

The most heartless person in the world is himself.

I always felt sorry for my mother, and she was terrible and unbearable. But it is even more regrettable that the children who grew up under this mother.

Because once the mother is dissatisfied with herself, the child can only become a poor child; As long as my mother gives off my stink;

No matter how good the children are, they are all poor children, and no matter how beautiful they are, there is no hope from the beginning. No matter how much you educate your children, it's in vain. A mother who thinks she is very bad will pass on this smell to her children intact.

Mothers who always cling to the idea of "I am not a good mother" are actually stupid, because they never think that this idea is good or bad for their children, but simply sigh to punish themselves, comfort themselves and settle their hearts. They are mothers with a sense of inertia and guilt.

As far as psychoanalysis is concerned, inertia guilt is one of the phenomena of masochism, and masochism is a psychological symptom that consciousness produces pleasure when being abused by others. When masochism is applied to one's heart, it is masochism, that is, enjoying oneself in the act of abusing oneself.

Guilt is a representative player of self-abuse in the spiritual field. The reason why my mother is trapped in the role setting of a poor mother is precisely the self-comfort from self-abuse.

Guilt, mother's tragedy

This is the story that happened in the clinic.

My mother came with her freshman son. The mother was worried because her son lived a hermit's life, and they sat side by side on the sofa in the consulting room.

When the mother described her son's symptoms to the doctor, the son first showed a disapproving expression, and then suddenly yelled at his mother: Shit! Shut up! My mother was speechless and sighed reluctantly.

I was surprised at the time. This is ridiculous. How come... After the son finished speaking, he ran out of the clinic alone, and after the mother walked out of the clinic, she sat in the armchair in the corridor.

I followed her out and asked my mother if my son would scold her like this at home.

The mother said that since the second year of high school, her son occasionally speaks ill, but it is the first time to swear outside like today.

I asked my mother why she didn't blame the children. Mother replied: it's all my fault, but I didn't teach the children well. He was very good and obedient when he was a child. I can't take care of my child wholeheartedly because of my busy work, but I pay great attention to his schoolwork. If I need help, I will do anything else, but I am very strict with my lessons.

Children are hard, but I didn't realize it at all. It will be more difficult to do well in the exam before junior high school, and later I found out that my child was forced to get sick by me.

After my son went to high school, he didn't study at all, and it was useless to scold and beat. The child's way of resisting is to shut himself up at home without saying a word. Whenever he gets angry, he will smash everything in the room.

At first, I would scold him, but I didn't stand up and scold him because I was wrong first. I don't know when, as long as I nag a few words, my son will talk no big or small. If I scold him for it, he will shut up completely or throw something in the room, and even scold me later.

When I first heard it, I was so surprised that I was at a loss. But when I think about it, I think it's all my fault. If I want to scold, I will pretend not to hear, thinking that it will be all right in a moment.

The child swore and threw things, but the mother couldn't say a word. This situation is unexpectedly many. The mother worked hard, but the child failed in school, got a heart attack, was weak and passive, and became a loner or a rebellious child, which made the mother feel guilty and felt it was all my fault.

It was all because I didn't take into account the children's thoughts at that time, because I was busy at work. "It was all because I pushed myself too hard at that time ... My mother made a series of accusations against herself and decided that it was all my fault. From then on, I couldn't lift my head in front of the children. Mother's authority gradually declines, and parent-child relationship tends to deteriorate.

In the face of a guilty mother, the child will feel that her mother is uncomfortable because of me at first, and feel sorry for her mother;

If the mother continues to show the child's wrong behavior, it will enter the next stage: the child thinks that the mother has really done something wrong to herself, and that she is not wrong, and that "mother is not sad because of me, but I am right" can get rid of guilt;

Later, it turned out that you were right. You must ask your mother for sin and start attacking her: Have you done anything for me? You ruined me.

Once the mother can't refute, the child will take the lead and attack more violently; If it continues to develop, it will cross the border out of control, and the child will become a monster of cursing and violence and a tragedy of a guilty mother.

Ways to get rid of guilt

Guilty mom belongs to the type of super mom. My mother will work hard because of guilt. Where is my mother?

Ben: My mother doesn't feel guilty. She raised her children at will. Not only will she not take good care of her children, but she will also lose her temper, abuse and beat them, and she will not feel sad about it. She thinks I'm right. It's all your fault.

If children talk back to my mother and complain about what you have done for me, they will be scolded in turn, "It is enough to give birth to you, raise you and raise you." What else do you want? " Children can't offend my mother at will, because her mother thinks she is right, and it's useless for children to refute. It will only play hardball and hurt more.

Ben, is my mother too brazen? Still too confident? Anyway, my mother is better than a guilty mother.

In fact, it is a good thing for mothers to criticize and scold their children directly. Children can at least resist, be unhappy, and reflect on whether they have really done reprimanded behavior.

A mother with a sense of inertia will not reveal the true nature of the problem. Children can only guess through their mother's subtle emotions and know that there is a problem, but it is like looking at flowers in the fog. I don't know if I am wrong or my mother has a problem.

I can't tell whether my mother's behavior is self-reproach or performance; I can't contradict my mother, and I can't apologize to my mother.

Powerlessness and inexplicably depressed sadness, such as chronic toxins, are escaping and spreading in children. Children don't know why they are so sad, why they are so passive and powerless, so they are more afraid of their mother's guilt.

If you think that you are actively raising children, your children are becoming more and more unstable and negative, which is probably because of guilt.

In China, there are countless sorry mothers. As long as there is something wrong with their children, they will feel sorry. As a mother, it is natural to have such emotions, but if this mentality becomes a habit, problems will arise.

Just like a drizzle, it won't make you feel wet. I'm sorry that my mother will be guilty if she is not careful.

So mom must be able to reduce self-blame. Every mother will do something wrong and fail.

When you see a child in a certain state and think it's all my fault, please shake your head and wave away this idea. This kind of bobbing exercise is not for your own good, but for the children's good. Shake your head, mom is a good mom.

I am a very good mother.

Just as there is no perfect person in the world, there can be no perfect mother.

But reading the posts of mothers in social forums or online communities, I feel that every mother is perfect, and children are good at teaching, taking care of learning and taking care of life.

Other mothers can't help but be anxious: What about me? Where are my children? In contrast, they become incompetent mothers and poor children, so they are anxious and anxious. They want to follow suit, but because they can't do it well or can't, they fall into the mood of regret and self-blame.

In fact, the mothers of online celebrities must be anxious, because a mother who is not good enough and anxious is a portrayal of all mothers.

There is no perfect mother in the world, and if there is, it is also the misfortune of children, because the children born of perfect mothers are not good enough.

The most important explanation of the word mother is that all mothers are complete. Although not perfect, it is complete for your child; I was born imperfect, but as a mother, I am complete. This is the correct solution.

A complete life breeds another complete life. Even children born with defects are the same as a whole.

No mother who is not good enough gives birth to a child who is not good enough, and a perfect mother gives birth to a perfect child. Only a complete mother can give birth to a complete child. Children are born to the most suitable mothers, and mothers give birth to the most suitable children.

The way you are now is the result of your life. This is your best appearance, a complete whole, with advantages and disadvantages. There is no need to compare with others.

For children, a little imperfect mother is the most suitable; In the same way, for a mother, a little imperfect child is the most suitable.

This is fate, a dream combination that no one can copy. In a bad mood, want to be like other mothers? There are hundreds of kinds of mothers in the world, no matter what they look like, no one can replace them. Only they are complete mothers and can be competent for their children.

Did anyone accuse you of being a bad mother? Just yourself.

You turned yourself into a bad mother, giving off an unpleasant smell and turning your children into bad children. Now you are a very good mother. As long as she is alive, she is 100% mother. A living mother is a perfect mother-as long as she is alive, she can always take care of her children;

As long as you are alive, you can laugh with your children; As long as you are alive, you can immediately reach out and hug your child;

As long as you are alive, you can let your child call mom. As long as you are alive, you can always let your children fall into your arms. You are the only mother with the best children in the world!