Once she took her children to the mall to play, and Eva asked her mother to buy him ice cream. My friend thought it was rare to take him to play. Buy it. But when she handed the ice cream to the baby, the baby burst into tears. The friend froze on the spot and asked him what was going on. But the child just cried by himself.
It took her a long time to understand that the child only wanted the cone below. She suppressed her irritability and discussed with the children. Then mom will help you eat first. But as soon as she touched the ice cream, Eva cried even harder.
You see, it's unreasonable and illogical. It feels just to make trouble! The friend said angrily. Finally, my friend had to go home with ice cream in one hand and the baby in the other, holding back his anger and vowing never to take the child out to play again.
I think the scene described by this friend should be familiar to me and other mothers. Because of a little thing, Eva lost control of her emotions, and her happy family holiday became a "long-term", which is not the patent of a 2-year-old child. Many times, we just shout in vain:' You just cry' or' Don't cry', but in fact psychologists provide another angle of attention, and learning to communicate with body language may be more effective.
1), stop: stabilize your emotions.
Harvard psychologists tell us that in psychology, anger is a kind of' secondary emotion' in professional emotional management, that is, this emotion is caused by other' root emotions'. The causes of anger are generally: shame, fear and guilt.
My friend told me that in fact, every time a child falls down in public, she always tells herself: Steady, don't panic. However, with the escalation of the child's cheating behavior, she would shout loudly every time, threatening to leave alone, and even couldn't help hitting the baby once.
Why can't you control your emotions every time? Often when the child is crying, in order to leave the' scene of the incident' quickly, adults who are equally upset will choose to hold the child's hand or rudely pick up the child and leave. Others pretended to leave in front and threatened the children. But this kind of "body language" conveys the avoidance of "collapse events". It is wrong to have emotions.
In order to stabilize our emotions first, psychologists suggest that when a child collapses, we can stand up first and mobilize rationality to imagine what kind of root emotions the child has touched. Once the root cause of emotion is discovered, it is easy for adults to calm down first. For the face-saving Leo girlfriend, the collapse of the child in public makes her feel very shameful.
2) Kneel down: face up to the child's emotions.
Rousseau, a thinker and educator, once said that the three most useless educational methods in the world are: reasoning, losing your temper and deliberately moving.
When a child collapses, if we don't use rational thinking, whether in language or body language, what we express to the baby is nothing more than' You shouldn't cry',' What's the big deal', or even' You unreasonable guy', but if we consider it from the child's point of view, when he feels collapsed and overwhelmed by emotions, he actually needs the help of his parents. If a girl breaks down and cries when telling her boyfriend about the pressure of work, as a normal boyfriend, she should not say: You are so melodramatic.
Another friend said when discussing with me how to' subdue' the collapsed child, although I gently asked him,' Baby, please tell your mother what happened to you. But the child simply ignored it and continued to cry. When I asked him if he was going to squat down and talk to the child, she froze. Is he going to squat down? Like friends, many parents think they are already asking their children "What's the matter?" I hope to guide my baby to a rational track. But it's overlooked that it's hard for a baby who just learned a language to get so much information at once.
Primitive body language can convey a lot of emotional information. In fact, at this time, it is good to squat down and hold the child. After other physical contact, look at the child's eyes and help him express his emotions. Most children will gradually calm down.
3) Take the child by the hand and leave.
William Goldfarb, an American psychiatrist, once said: The most important thing in educating children is to treat them as people with equal personality and give them unlimited care.
Once I took my baby to an early education class, and just had a little time between classes and lunch, I took him to the nearby library to borrow books on a whim. As soon as I entered the door, I heard a child crying in the hall, which was particularly harsh in the quiet library. A little girl about two years old, rolling on the ground.
We have been watching mother's handwriting. First, let's help the child up. Instead of shouting loudly, we whispered a few words. Then she hugged the baby, and finally the baby magically took her mother's hand and left together.
Some parents, after their children's emotional breakdown, even after their children stop crying. It is still a difficult thing to take the child away and send him the wrong message of emotional shame. Or leave with the child in his arms, so that his wrong emotional expression can be recognized.