With the development of information network, there are more and more sources for parents to obtain parenting information, but various contradictory views also plague millions of parents.

For example, do you want to hug the children more?

Some experts say, don't hold a child, lest the child become dependent and independent;

Other experts say that to hug, we should build children's sense of security.

In addition, do children need early education? What kind of early education is good early education? Miss the sensitive period of children, is it irreversible for children to develop a certain skill? Wait a minute. Various experts have different opinions, which makes parents panic. If they don't have scientific parenting and make mistakes, will they delay their children?

In this regard, Ms. Chen Xin, who graduated from the University of Connecticut in the United States with a doctorate in developmental psychology, compiled a book "Parenting choices that parents are most concerned about today" after more than ten years of "Investigation on Kindergarten and Primary Education in the United States" and educational consultation of millions of parents.

In the book, she gave detailed answers to parents with detailed cases and children's psychology theory.

Today I will simply refine it for you. What is this 13 question? And what is the correct way? Solve your parenting confusion.

Q 1。 How to build children's sense of security?

As soon as the child was born, the first person who came into close contact with her was her mother.

If the baby can trust his mother and establish a safe attachment to his mother (or caregiver), the baby will feel safe.

The easiest way to build a baby's sense of security is to hug the child, have close contact with the child, and have skin relatives.

If the baby sticks to his mother, let him stick.

When his sense of security is established, he psychologically knows that his mother (caregiver) has been supporting and protecting him, so he can explore the world without sticking to his mother.

Q2。 Is early education necessary? What is good early education?

The developmental characteristics of children's brains determine the necessity of early education.

In the first three years of life, the baby's brain develops rapidly. Newborn babies know the world mainly through sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch. Therefore, the balanced development of all senses is the best early education for infants.

Many parents' misunderstanding of early education is to choose a better early education institution for their children.

The author thinks that life is education. The main force of early education is family, and children's early education lies in the communication between parents and children. Seeing the world in children's eyes, children bite things with their mouths, touch all kinds of materials and toys with their hands, climb, roll and turn, all of which are the ways for children to explore the world.

Under the premise of safety, it is the best early education to let the baby explore the world with parents and their parents.

Q3 missed the child's sensitive period, so it can't be redeemed?

The sensitive period and critical period of children are different, and there is no strict boundary definition. Even if you miss it, you may not be able to achieve the best development, but it is not irreversible.

In child developmental psychology, the window of sensitive period is very long, not just a few months or years.

The window of language development is before 12 years old, so the best time to learn a foreign language can be set at 12 years old. The window of sports development is before the age of 7, and the emotional control is between the ages of 2 and 6? Social skills are 5 to 8 years old, and the best time to learn instrumental music is before 12 years old.

This is quite different from what we usually know as the sensitive period window.

Q4。 Should children watch TV?

Babies under two years old are not suitable for watching TV. If they watch TV too much or too early, children are prone to attention disorder.

For children after two years old, parents can use multimedia appropriately according to their age and characteristics, so that children can learn from various channels.

However, we should also pay attention to the ways and means, for example, parents should control the time of watching TV, choose suitable programs for their children, watch programs with their children and interact with them. In addition, children should be provided with outdoor sports, social activities, games and other activities to make their studies develop in a balanced way.

Q6 The child has a big temper, what should I do?

Children will have negative emotions, and children's emotions cannot be controlled as freely as adults, largely because their brains responsible for emotions are not yet mature. If children have emotional problems, parents can guide them like this:

Step 1: Help children understand emotions (for example, anger, sadness, jealousy, happiness, etc. )

The second step: identify with the child's emotions; Children can be happy or angry and sad.

The third step: let children learn to express their emotions appropriately; For example, mom, I am angry because XX broke my pencil case. )

The fourth step: through listening and thinking, guide to deal with emotions and solve problems (for example, what if the pencil box is broken? Oh, we can repair it, or we can buy another one.

Q7。 How to cultivate children's self-control?

Many studies have found that from 1 to 3 years old, babies gradually have self-control. In many cases, they can wait for a short time. For example, boiling water is a little hot. At this time, you can tell your baby that the boiled water should be cold before drinking. On the child's birthday, tell the baby that the cake will not be eaten until everyone sings the birthday song together.

Parents should cultivate their children's self-control in the details of life, but they should also reasonably meet their children's requirements, let them make decisions within a certain range, and properly control their desires.

Q8 How to praise children correctly?

Appreciation education is very important for children's self-evaluation of the future. It is necessary to evaluate children concretely and sincerely and stimulate their intrinsic motivation.

For example, after the child has achieved certain results, praise the child, "You work hard" instead of "You are smart". In this way, children know that they will make progress if they work hard, and this result is growth thinking.

Children will gradually understand that through hard work, we can make progress.

Q9。 What should children do if they encounter setbacks?

The best way is to face setbacks with children.

When children encounter setbacks, give them emotional support, identify and channel their emotions, and make them realize that failures and mistakes are also a part of life.

The most important thing is to cultivate children's thinking mode and problem-solving ability. In this process, parents' love becomes the backing of children's strong will, which is the core of frustration education.

Q 10, do children want to be the first?

Life is not a competition, there is no need to keep up with the joneses all the time.

Early childhood education in the United States does not encourage individualism and competition, but learns to cooperate and share, and rarely compares children. We can pass on an idea to children. Everyone has his own characteristics. We should maintain our strengths and make up for our shortcomings through our own efforts. Only in this way can the child's intrinsic motivation be aroused and he can make continuous and positive progress.

Q 1 1。 Do children have to be happy all the time?

There is no absolute happiness in the growth of children. As a normal person, we have to experience all kinds of emotions and unhappy moments, which may be a good opportunity to educate our children. Children's cognition and recovery of emotions is an important basis for the cultivation of children's emotional intelligence.

Q 12。 Is there a contradiction between children's "obedience" and independence?

Regarding children's obedience, it is not to ask children to obey unconditionally, but to let children learn to listen.

The ability to listen is very important for learning (listening and understanding) and socializing (understanding other people's intentions and emotions).

How to cultivate children's listening ability, parents should set an example and respect their children.

Parents respect their children's ideas and choices, which is the basis of cultivating their independent thinking.

From this perspective, children can only have the ability to think independently if they learn to listen and deal with the information input into their brains. The two complement each other.

Q 13。 Will learning destroy imagination and creativity?

As for imagination and creativity, we can understand it this way: children input the information they see, hear and feel into their brains, and after being processed and digested by their brains, they re-understand and integrate it to become the information they get and understand, and finally express it in their own unique way.

Children's learning is the combination of continuous input ability, understanding ability and expression ability, and it is the foundation of imagination and creativity.

Ok, the necessary questions and answers about "parenting choices" that I will interpret for you today are as above.

I hope that in the process of parenting, you will no longer be confused. On the basis of understanding the law of children's physical and mental development, parenting will return to rationality and calmness.