Looking back now, such a small child has suffered from the misunderstanding and adaptation of his parents for so long, but I didn't realize it.
Entering the park is the first milestone for the baby to face the society, but the problem of adapting to entering the park is not just the "separation anxiety" mentioned in many online articles.
A series of maladjustments when children enter the park are often caused by many easily overlooked but extremely important reasons. Even, from beginning to end, many parents didn't know why their children were so anxious at that time, and they never knew that "sand in shoes" made their children so miserable.
What can parents do to improve their children's adaptability to the park?
The reason why children resist.
Separation anxiety &; The new environment is not suitable.
Engaged in preschool education for so many years, every September 1, we will see children crying in the classroom, and parents are red-eyed outside the classroom; Or the child is silent in the classroom, and the parents peek at the child again and again under the door; The children tried to rush out of the gate again and again, and the parents almost stumbled out of the kindergarten, but they kept secretly watching the kindergarten gate. ...
Almost every child will have anxiety about entering the park, ranging from a few days to months.
Many parents know that it is normal for children to feel uneasy when they enter the park. If you do a good job of soothing and guiding the anxiety of separation, children can naturally adapt slowly.
Children's anxiety about entering the park is not only because of their separation from the old environment, but also because of their adaptation to the new environment.
What makes children feel uncomfortable is often the details that many adults have never thought of, just like a grain of sand in a shoe, which is almost negligible, but it will bring strong pain. Sometimes a small detail will be the reason why children resist kindergarten.
However, the language expression of children of this age is still immature, and it is difficult to express the specific problems encountered in the process of adaptation. When parents see that their children are unwilling to go to kindergarten, they only think it is "separation anxiety".
As a result, many parents only care about helping their children with "separation anxiety", but they never know that their children have had such a painful process in the process of adapting to the park.
Some parents may think that I am exaggerating, so let's analyze what "sand in shoes" will make children feel uneasy.
external cause
These details turned out that children care so much.
For the first time, a person
As we all know, children around the age of 3 suddenly enter a new environment like kindergarten, which will not adapt to the environment.
Some parents will say, "Our children are adaptable, and everyone can play well outside.".
But it's still different. Children before the age of 3 are accompanied by their parents. Even if they are left to play on the playground alone, the children know that their parents are nearby and have psychological support. Entering the park is the first time that a child really faces a strange environment alone, and it is a whole day. Such psychological challenges are enormous.
Toilet and cot
After all, the kindergarten environment is different from the home environment. Toilets, nap rooms, restaurants and even classrooms in kindergartens are very different from the environment at home.
For example, some children may generally use cartoon-shaped toilets when they go to the toilet at home, but they are specialized small toilets in kindergartens, and some may even be squat toilets. This is a huge difference in environment.
There may be parents who will say that children are used to the white pony barrel now, and there will be no problem in adapting.
But again, there is a huge difference between going to the toilet with the help of parents and going to the toilet entirely by yourself.
For example, we may sleep at home with our children, and the baby may sleep in a big bed. Although some families let children sleep by themselves, the small bed in the master bedroom is also next to the big bed, so psychologically, children still feel that they sleep with their parents.
But after kindergarten, every child will have a separate cot. Children who are used to sleeping in a big bed suddenly go to sleep in a small bed, which will also be uncomfortable. The direct manifestation is that they refuse to sleep and cry, which is very uncomfortable.
There are many similar examples. Some parents may think, "this is a trivial matter, and children will get used to it in a few days."
But in fact, at the age of 3, a little difference is already an obvious unsafe factor for children.
Different eating habits
Maybe every family has different eating habits and even food for their children in the process of raising children.
For example, fruit, many families provide fruit to their children every day, but the way to eat fruit is different.
In order to let children absorb more vitamins in fruits, some families will paste all the fruits for their children to eat; Then some families will beat these fruits into juice.
I discussed this problem with my parents. Parents think it can not only supplement water, but also supplement vitamins. Why not?
But they just ignore that in this process, children's teeth need to be exercised and chewed, so many children often drink juice or eat puree at home. When he first entered the kindergarten, he really couldn't eat the fruit provided by the kindergarten.
Yes, but many parents may not know this detail. Although the kindergarten will cut some fruits into small pieces as much as possible to help the children chew, because of his lack of chewing ability, the children will directly choose to give up the fruits.
But children won't tell their parents, because even 3-year-olds know that if they say "I didn't eat fruit today", their parents will be angry, so they can only express it by resisting going to kindergarten.
For example, some families will make orange juice, some will make fruit puree, and some will cut it so that children can bite it off one by one and chew it before swallowing it. However, as we all know, there are many veins in oranges, and some children may chew it well, which makes it difficult for them to swallow it, and some even vomit, so some parents give up.
If children often encounter this problem, the most direct manifestation is that they don't eat oranges in kindergarten because they feel that they can't chew normally. If they are forced to chew, they will vomit. This experience is also very uncomfortable for the child, because he is uncomfortable with the way of eating fruit that is different from home.
Another example is drinking water. Kindergarten will provide children with a small water cup. The water cup has only one handle for children to grasp.
Looks simple? Don't!
Because some families have never let their children drink from such cups, this has caused them a little difficulty.
For example, some families will provide sippy cups, and some families will provide cups with two handles, mainly for fear that children will knock over the cups. But parents just ignore their children's ability to hold this single cup with one hand or both hands.
Therefore, like holding a water cup, parents can give their children exercise at home in advance. If the child can hold this cup, maybe he doesn't find it difficult to drink water.
Children are anxious when others take a nap.
Some children will be anxious when they arrive at kindergarten, because they have not formed the good habit of taking a nap at home. /kloc-when children are going to sleep around 0/2 o'clock, these children who are not easy to fall asleep are anxious.
Among them, some children can't sleep because of short sleep time, but the nap time in kindergarten is uniform, so everyone should sleep in such an environment. Then, for this child, lying in bed is boring, unable to sleep and do other things, which is really boring, which is one reason why he doesn't like taking a nap.
Another reason is that other children can fall asleep slowly under the comfort of the teacher, but this child can never sleep. During a two-hour or even longer nap, the child's heart has to bear the psychological pressure of "everyone else is asleep, I am still awake". He actually lay helpless in bed. I know I should sleep, but I can't sleep. I can't do it myself. Very uncomfortable.
Yes, these are trivial things, like a grain of sand in a shoe. Some parents don't think it's important even if they know. After a period of time, children will naturally adapt.
However, you have spent so much energy to alleviate and prepare your child's separation anxiety, but you have never thought about what problems your child has encountered in the process of adapting to the new environment.
intrinsic factor
What bothers children the most?
Just now, we discussed some influences of external factors on children, whether it is maladjustment of environment or lifestyle. For a three-year-old baby, entering a strange place, as long as there is a little discomfort, will have a great impact on him. This can also be one of the reasons for its anxiety about entering the park.
Now let's talk about internal factors. In fact, there are two very important points that will cause children's inner anxiety.
A feeling of lack of love
For every only child, there are almost six adults in the family taking care of the child, and the love of the six adults is concentrated on one child. For this child, he enjoys everyone's love, but other adults will help him solve the slightest disappointment.
After entering the kindergarten, basically a class-according to the current kindergarten model in Shanghai-will have two teachers and a nurse. Three adults may have to take care of more than 30 children. In any case, it is impossible to take care of and care for children one by one. The child's heart will feel the lack of love.
Over the years, we have often seen this phenomenon. Some parents, especially grandparents, will feel a little anxious before their children enter the park, and they will unconsciously say in front of their children, "When you get to kindergarten, only the teachers and aunts, not so many people take care of you. You have to be more capable. "
Is this sentence familiar? The original intention may be to encourage children to be more capable and learn more to help themselves, but in their hearts, he will feel: "Oh! It turns out that there are not so many people who love me in kindergarten. I am so pitiful. " In his mind, going to kindergarten may lose a lot of love.
When parents say anything to their children, especially in the sensitive stage before entering the park, any words, actions and even behaviors are very critical.
Unstable sense of belonging
The establishment of a sense of belonging is a long-term process, in which parents and children need to work together to establish it.
Before the establishment of a sense of belonging, when children first entered kindergarten, they definitely lacked a sense of belonging. Because mutual trust was not achieved, this sense of belonging was unstable.
Love or a sense of belonging is usually a feeling in the child's own heart.
Every child's personality is different. Some children will show this feeling clearly, and some children will hide this feeling silently in their hearts, which may erupt after a period of accumulation.
If parents can help their children build a sense of love and belonging, relatively speaking, their children will feel safer and accept the new environment outside their home more quickly.
It is in this sense that children's success in adapting to parks is of great significance.
Parents' anxiety
In addition, internal factors, including anxiety and anxiety of adults, will also affect children's emotional instability.
Whether it is mom and dad or grandparents, when the baby is about to enter kindergarten, it may start to be anxious earlier than the baby.
Some parents may be anxious since their baby is about one year old, because some big-name bilingual kindergartens have to queue up to apply, and parents may unconsciously express the emotion of "what if they can't go to this kindergarten?"
Some parents may start to feel anxious when their baby is about two years old. The baby will go to kindergarten in a year. Now he knows nothing and rarely talks. What if he can't communicate in kindergarten? The teacher doesn't know what he wants to do. ...
The anxiety of adults will naturally permeate each other in the family.
When I was three years old, I was really going to enter the park. Some parents are also anxious because of this comparison. For example, when parents see that children of the same age have eaten with small spoons and put on their own shoes, they can take the initiative to communicate with their children and look after them. After comparison, they will find that my baby can't wear clothes yet. No one helped him get dressed in kindergarten in winter. What should he do if he catches a cold?
We adults have experienced a lot of things, so it is normal to have the idea of planning ahead, but sometimes, this anxiety in our adults is unconsciously revealed, which is often the reason why children are emotionally unstable in the future.
Especially when school starts in September 1, in fact, adults' anxiety and crying are not worse than babies.
I have been a teacher for many years and I have always been very touched. Every year when I enter the park in a small class, some children are actually very excited and happy when they come in, because they have adapted to the environment before and know that this is a place to play games for themselves. But when he stepped into the classroom door, or turned to look at the door after a while, if his parents still stood at the door reluctantly, even if they gave him a thumbs-up to encourage him, he would be depressed immediately, because at that time he felt that "my family will leave soon."
In fact, only our teachers can really understand what these babies are thinking.
Sometimes the baby is having fun, and it's just a blow for him for his parents to go back. Many times, the baby doesn't cry and the parents cry outside. When you cry, the baby's feelings are on the edge. In fact, he may be a little bit reluctant, but when he sees your mood, he will be infected immediately. You may have left by then, but you affect the baby's mood all day.
So we often suggest that parents who send their children to kindergarten on the first day must be very rational parents at home. If you are very emotional, you should know that you may affect not only this day, but the mood of children entering kindergarten every day.
Both parents and teachers love their children very much. Whenever such a little guy steps into the house, we very much hope that he can come in smoothly, and then the parents trust and happily give the child to the teacher. Everyone is happy and has no negative emotions.
Therefore, if you really want your children to walk through this door smoothly, then parents must restrain their emotions, because your emotions will affect the emotions of children who have just entered the new collective and new environment.
summary
To sum up, there are two factors that cause children's anxiety about entering the park:
External factors: Pay attention to children's adaptation to the environment and living habits. Children may not take the initiative to say that parents should ask questions skillfully and keep in touch with teachers.
Internal factors: Pay more attention to children's love and sense of belonging, and be sure to adjust the mood of every adult, because your anxiety and happiness can affect your baby's mood.
As teachers, we will do our best to help children adapt, and we will also pay attention to all kinds of details and give feedback to parents in time. But after all, there are many children in the class, so it is impossible for the teacher to be with a silent child in real time. Therefore, if parents can capture their children's inner thoughts from their emotions and language in time, and maintain real-time and efficient communication with teachers, it will help children adapt to the park more smoothly.