Because of poor living conditions (parents and children live together just to breathe, or even lie in a bed), or because parents are not careful enough, it is not uncommon for children to inadvertently witness the process of making love. Embarrassed, the question worth pondering is: When children witness adults (or parents, or brothers and sisters ...) having sexual intercourse, what effect does it have on their sexual psychology? Recommended reading: Early pregnancy reaction hydatidiform mole. Children of different ages inadvertently witness adult sexual intercourse, with different attitudes and different reactions. Many children aged 3-4 still share the same bed with their parents, and some still share the same bed. Parents don't have sex until their children fall asleep. Because the husband and wife get carried away with sex, the action is too big and fierce; Or because of ecstasy, the cheerful sound made during sex awakened the child. When parents find that their children wake up, they should immediately stop their actions and pay attention to their behavior; If a child asks a question in a daze, he should explain it calmly and tactfully to cover up the past and easily dilute the impression that the child witnessed sexual intercourse. Children aged 5-6 or older inadvertently witnessed adult sexual intercourse. Although they don't understand the reasons and secrets, they are a little curious and fun. Curious, just want to find out; Fun, just want to imitate. They waited, looking for an opportunity to see it again.
They spy and send messages among their peers. They ask a series of questions in front of other trusted adults. Play the game of "making love" whenever possible. Boys, in particular, often play "making love" games against each other's wishes, and vulgar imitative behaviors. 10 ~ 12-year-old children inadvertently witness adult sexual intercourse, which is no longer puzzling and curious. They often compare some sexual behaviors with the violent behaviors of some sex criminals in movies and TV plays, and put forward their own opinions on social customs.
They confuse sex in the life of legal couples with sexual violence committed by illegal hooligans. They think that their father "bullies" their mother; Brother-in-law "ravaged" his sister ... Recommended reading: The boy suffers from a strange disease "from ruin", and the child accidentally bumps into you having sex: how to deal with it?
Jean-Claude Leamdre, a psychoanalyst, believes that children who come across their parents having sex will have a strong mental shock, so they must be calmed down and repaired in an appropriate way.
Peeking at parents' sex scenes satisfies children's curiosity about sex and the origin of life. If his/her cognition of sex is "like an animal", that is to say, sex has no emotional color and is similar to pornography, then it is necessary to repair the concept. In order to fix it, we must turn to dialogue.
Through conversation, help the child say what he/she sees, explain to him/her, and let the child correctly realize: "We have sex because we love each other. The love between parents is different from their love for their children. It's a way of love between lovers. It is this way of love that you will be born. " Involve other family members.
Adult relatives other than parents can make the conversation easier if they are considerate and understanding of their children and open-minded. Children who think they are guilty don't have to worry about facing their parents directly when telling. Southern Hunan always dislikes her mother-in-law gossiping about her life. Some time ago, my mother-in-law came to celebrate her five-year-old grandson's birthday. Seeing the intimate behavior of southern Hunan, her face grew long, and she specially called southern Hunan to the room to lecture: "The child grows up day by day and is sensible. You husband and wife should also restrain themselves. Don't always cuddle in front of the children.
If you kiss and hug like this, the children will learn from you in the future, and you will kiss and hug the little girl in kindergarten. What do you do? "Although Xiangnan said yes, he was not convinced:" In the west, it is normal for couples to hug and kiss in front of their children. What age is this? It's still so old-fashioned! "However, what happened next changed the attitude towards the south 180 degrees. My husband had a few more drinks that night, and as soon as he lay down, he became restless.
Just as the two were touching, the son suddenly interjected: "What are mom and dad doing? Why don't you turn on the light? " Nan suddenly broke out in a cold sweat and collapsed on the bed. Fortunately, my husband was calm, put on his clothes and carried his son out. It turned out that when my son got up to go to the toilet and heard the sound of his parents' room, he felt something was wrong and wanted to come and see what was going on. Since then, southern Hunan has never made out with her husband in front of her son. She even thought it was shameful to do so. Moderate intimacy is beneficial and harmless. Whether we should make out in front of children or not, every family has its own understanding and different scales. However, it seems inappropriate to go to extremes. For example, family members are required to dress neatly at home. In addition to the intimate actions between parents and children, husband and wife must be as polite as friends. Home is a place to rest, which can make people relax and fully enjoy their family happiness. If you do that, you will only make family life rigid and lifeless.
Another way-the husband and wife are too close in front of the children and make some outrageous jokes without considering the children's feelings, which is obviously wrong. In fact, it doesn't matter what adults do in front of children. It is important that every family member can feel warm, cordial and natural from these intimate actions.
Frequent hugs and kisses between husband and wife can let children know that their parents really love each other. The love and affection between parents and the intimate relationship between parents will become an important classroom for children's emotions and love, and a useful reference system for them to treat emotions and intimate relationships as adults. At the same time, children can also realize the important role of feelings in intimate sexual relations. They will understand that "sex" means more than reproductive satisfaction. More importantly, parents set an example to express their love, which helps children correctly understand the pornographic and violent content they come into contact with from TV programs, movies and online games every day. However, when couples are intimate, they must not ignore the feelings of their children. Perhaps the child is not "cold" about your intimate behavior and is still playing with his own toys; However, it is also possible that your children are jealous and feel that their parents have neglected their existence. At this time, you should bring your children and join your affectionate ranks. Before the parents go to work and the baby goes to kindergarten, a hug or kiss from the family begins the day's work and study. Such a family ceremony will make family members feel happy. Is it bad to get in touch with adults and make out with children?
"Is it bad for such a young child to touch hugs and kisses between adults every day?" Many parents worry that their children can't understand the feelings between their parents. Premature contact with children will inevitably lead to precocity of children, which they think should be avoided in front of younger children. In fact, the younger a child is, the more naturally he can accept his parents' intimate actions, and the less likely he is to show surprise, incomprehension and embarrassment. The child's psychology is very simple. In their eyes, the intimacy of parents is only a part of family life, and there is nothing special. When couples are intimate, they can tell their children that mom and dad love each other, and only two people who love each other can hug and kiss, not just do it with anyone; Moreover, hugging and kissing are a way for adults to express their love, which children can't do; However, you can play games with your favorite children, hold hands and whisper to each other to show your friendship.
Proper and natural intimacy between husband and wife can help children plant the seeds of "mom and dad love each other, so they hug and kiss" in their young minds, and help children form a healthy sexual concept. If parents rarely show intimate behavior in their children's early childhood, but show more intimate behavior after their children go to primary school or middle school, or children spy on the intimate behavior between husband and wife, at this time, children have accepted some sexual concepts learned from society, but they are more likely to form incorrect understanding and produce curiosity, shyness and even disgust.
Not all intimate behaviors between husband and wife are beneficial to children. Some explicit love words and indecent actions between husband and wife, especially the sexual life of husband and wife, must avoid children. Children should be encouraged to sleep by themselves when they are 4 to 5 years old. Don't let your child do strenuous exercise, drink too much water or get emotional before going to bed. Before having a rest, parents had better make sure that their children are asleep.
If you accidentally encounter a situation like going south, don't worry too much. Answer the child's question calmly and frankly, telling him that this is an act of expressing love between husband and wife, and the child can't imitate it, otherwise he will get sick. And tell him that if the door of our dormitory is closed next time, knock before entering the dormitory, so that the children will be more polite.
This answer not only gives children the necessary sex education, but also does not give them bad hints. You know, the more nervous and aggressive you are at this time, the easier it is for children to associate it with bad things.