The title page of the book says let our children mature, free and bloom in love and kindness! Let our home become a warm, harmonious and loving destination! These two sentences are very attractive to me. This is my initial heart for children. This is my yearning home. I can't wait to say no. ...
The author of this book is Hai, a famous family education expert, the founder of Haotu Family Club, a heavyweight guest of New Oriental Family Education Forum, and a special expert of Beijing Satellite TV's early education column. Once, she was an efficient, competent, arrogant and dedicated professional elite. Her heart is full of fighting spirit, but at the same time she is very anxious. Now, every day, she is gentle and smooth, with a calm heart and a faint sense of happiness, all because of Long Er and a profound acceptance.
Happiness begins with acceptance. What is acceptance? Let's start with a children's book, lighthouse.
Two little mice (Ding Dong and Lilac) went to explore the forest and brought their compasses according to their father's request, but they lost their compasses on the way and got lost.
Lilac said, "Hai Wuwei will never be disappointed in us." That's true. The sea is fearless and can understand any mistakes.
Ding Dong said, "Anyway, I really hope I haven't lost my compass."
This is acceptance! Children can imagine their parents giving positive feedback where their parents can't see them, and gain the strength to face difficulties from it. What is precious is the support and understanding given by parents, not accusations and abuse!
Every parent wants to make their children happy. We devoted all our love to their children and even planned their growth path early. Although our love is beyond doubt, is this the love that children need? In the process of raising Longzi, the author shared the cases of her family members in Haotu Club one by one, so that we can know how to get acceptance and how to make acceptance make children happy. Love doesn't need a reason, it needs a method.
The first stage is enlightenment. It turns out that educating children must first educate themselves. Children are born with wisdom. If he does enough, he can do well enough. The role of parents is more of companionship, support, counseling and guidance.
The second stage is to dust off, clear up your emotions in time and restore your sober self. The emotional peace of parents is the most important education. If a mother can't accept her emotions first, I'm afraid it's hard to accept her children's emotions. We have to raise ourselves before we can see our children.
The third stage is to tear down the platform, let your life bloom, give your child the freedom of life, and raise yourself well, so that you can know how to raise your child well. It is a kind of life's understanding and pity for life.
Acceptance is an ability! Everyone can have it, and at the same time, they can constantly improve it. Listen carefully, * * * love, draw a line and give me information. Listening is divided into four steps: holding back, self-awareness, self-questioning, and dusting off Taiwan Province. Only when parents refrain from talking can children have a chance to say what they want to say. The advantage is to leave a space for children to feel freely and to transform, extract and integrate their knowledge in a smooth flow. When listening becomes a habit, awareness can run through every detail of life.
* * * Emotion is a psychological term put forward by Rogers, the founder of humanism, which refers to the ability to experience other people's situations in order to feel and understand their emotions. When we have negative emotions, only by listening and loving ourselves can we restore our spiritual strength, transcend narcissism, turn to listening and loving our children and show our acceptance to them.
Raising children is a gradual process of letting go. Parents need to quit gracefully. How can I be decent? When children practice becoming masters of their own territory, it is appropriate to accompany and support them and watch them gradually fill their territory with their own consciousness with appreciation. Four steps to draw a clear line, clear territory, draw a clear line, toss yourself and allow children.
The purpose of making rules is to protect children and support them to go smoothly in society and get happiness all their lives. Find the standards you want to rely on for your children. The scale in your heart is different. When everything happens, the choice will be different. Knowing the location of the yardstick, the next step is not to let the child do it naked, but step by step. The purpose of making rules is to make children gradually familiar with the relationship and logic of things in the world. As long as it doesn't violate the natural law of children's inner life growth, parents can make rules if their words and deeds are consistent.
"My Information" is a way of expression, which can clearly express your present situation, thoughts, feelings and needs without hurting others. In the relationship between husband and wife, the common use of "my information" can create an intimate and harmonious relationship between husband and wife. In parenting, the common use of "My Information" will help children understand their parents' wishes and needs, and can trigger their conscious cooperation.
These are the ways we practice our receptivity. The process of spiritual practice must be very difficult, because we have broken the traditional habits, and all the "platforms" we have built must be dismantled step by step. These "platforms" are accumulated over time, which requires time and patience, as well as our awakening. Lu Yao once said: "Everyone has an awakening period, but the time of awakening determines the fate of the individual." When we can accept ourselves unconditionally, the feeling of happiness will come to us. When we look at things or things, we will be tolerant. We allow our imperfections, allow our children to grow up at their own pace, and stop clinging to trivial things. Things have passed and all relationships will be repaired. We may not be a perfect person, but we must be a complete person. Acceptance is a kind of power, a kind of power that gives us inner strength. I am fine, you are fine, we are all fine!
When we accept ourselves and raise ourselves well, love will be rich, happiness will be everywhere, and happiness will not change with the external situation, so we can find the ability to be happy in good times and bad times! Children are around us, always feeling the respect and tolerance of their parents. Even if they do something wrong, it is also wrong, not people's fault! The child still thinks "I am good enough". At this time, the acceptance of parents has made children happy. In the process of accepting his own growth, he can easily see the truth, goodness and beauty of the world around him, and gradually become accepted and happy! Mutual acceptance, mutual happiness, acceptance and happiness go hand in hand, and our lives bloom accordingly!
Unconsciously, the book club with love has reached the fifty-ninth session. Thank you very much for the teacher's love and guidance, the classic golden sentence of President Quiet Zhiyuan, the true feelings shared by Teacher Zhu, and the ardent expectations of book lovers, which have made me go further and further in this group. Personal happiness, interpersonal happiness and group happiness have gradually developed at different levels. Here, everyone goes hand in hand with happiness, and the happiness of the group also blesses everyone, the happy individual. Thank you for inviting me!