Before you decide to become a monk, you'd better know what Buddhism is and establish a firm Buddhist belief. Being a monk does not mean shaving your hair after applying for a master in a temple, but at least living and practicing in a temple for one or two years. Only when Master thinks you can blend in with this monk group and you feel comfortable becoming a monk will you be shaved. I recommend two monasteries to you: 1. Dabei Temple in Haicheng, Liaoning Province; 2. yuquan temple, Huangmiao Town, Xingtai, Hebei. I have been to these two monasteries, and the environment is very good, suitable for practice. Go and have a look if you are interested. Amitabha!

By the way, no matter what, you can't commit suicide. Because everyone is a Buddha in the future, if he commits suicide, he will kill the Buddha, and Buddhism is not allowed. Wish you all the best! Amitabha!