Some people say that they were born in XX, others say that they are XX, and others say that they have not felt grown up since they were 20 years old.
When it was my turn, I said my actual age and thought of a question that many friends once asked me:
How old would you like to be if you could go back in time?
At that time, my answer was this: even if there was such a "if", I didn't think I would really get on that time machine and go back. Because even if you "go back to the past", everything in the past will still repeat itself according to the historical trajectory. I don't want to repeat it, so I choose to stay in the present.
The friend said: That means you are satisfied with your present life!
That conversation soon reached the 1 10 anniversary of high school, and the year I entered high school was the 100 anniversary of the school. 10 and 20 seem to have a magic power, because you will find that your life, the city you live in, the country where the city is located, etc. will change greatly every ten years.
I didn't go to the school celebration.
I thought I would think it was an indifferent thing, but later I found myself wrong because I would have regrets if I asked myself. Only then did I understand that the question of "going back to the past" asked by my friend has a new meaning: "going back to the past" is not to escape the disappointment of the present life, but to face the people, things and things that have escaped in the past; Regain lost strength.
So, I made a decision:
Go back to the way you used to go.
Since I went back to my high school alma mater.
I rummaged through the past things at home and found out the school badge, student ID card and library card of high school. When I arrived at the gate of the high school, I said to the doorman, Uncle, 10 years ago, I was a student in Class 1 10 here. These are my student ID cards when I was at school. Do you think you can bend the rules and let me go in and have another look before I go? I can leave you my ID card and pick it up when I go out.
Several guards looked at each other. A doorman asked me to call the school teacher and said that I would let the current school teacher bring it in. But then he was immediately stopped by another doorman: just let the little girl in and register.
In this way, I returned to my alma mater, starting from the boulevard at the school gate, to the teaching area, library, sinking square, swimming pool, tennis court, volleyball court, basketball court, football field, sports ground, dormitory building, small garden, supermarket, laundry room, water drawing room, canteen ... I don't know how long it took, but I finally returned to the school gate.
Although this journey is aimless, every place will remind me of my days at school, the ups and downs of gathering with my roommates and friends, the days of taking my younger brothers and sisters for military training, the days of getting up early every day to play basketball with several classmates in my class, and the days of watching football in the boys' group after class. ...
This journey is like a farewell ceremony.
Make up for the regret that you can only sit in the school bus and look back at the campus after school, and all the unspeakable goodbye.
In the following year, I returned to junior high school in the same way, to the place where my primary school was located, to the place where I lived as a child, and to every place I wanted to go but never went. I sorted out all the books, letters and articles of my childhood. ...
Coincidentally, many primary school students, junior high school students, senior high school students, college students and teachers who lost contact before have resumed contact (thanks to social apps such as QQ, Weibo and WeChat, of course).
July 20 12, I experienced a new test of my life.
I became a mother without any danger. There are more emotional elements in this memory.
I returned to work before the maternity leave expired. The reason why I didn't choose to rest at home during lactation is that my heart can't rest and the environment at home can't let me rest.
So, I've been busy. Go to work, take care of the baby, read family education materials, and continue to study ... Life has not changed much, but it has become more willing to be alone.
Looking back now, that state is actually not what I like, just to adapt. Until I realized that "can't stop" was a big problem.
So two years ago, I set up this official WeChat account. It was originally called [Early Education Exchange], and a year later it was renamed [Mother Good Teacher]. Then this year, I changed my name. This time, the name of the official WeChat account is very different from the previous two times, because it has nothing to do with children, wives, mothers and teachers.
I finally returned to the original point and returned to myself.
Many friends came to ask this name: What does it mean? Such a complicated name is hard to look up and remember! Why did you change your name? ... and so on.
Including last week's group psychology class, the students in the group also asked me why. In fact, people who really understand you will understand without explanation. People who don't understand what it means still feel that curiosity can't be satisfied even if it is explained.
It turns out that I am also a curious person. I want to know, understand and learn everything I don't know and understand. This ability is used in work, but it is deeply liked by leaders. Just using it in life becomes a burden. And this kind of burden, many people have not had the appropriate channel to release and put down.
This story was gradually perceived by myself after I wrote a memoir on the official WeChat account: while writing down the words, I let go of not only my nostalgia for the past, but also a relief from the past. Whether it is happiness or regret, it fades away with the seal cutting on the tip of the pen.
I began to review every article in my past.
At this time, I found a more interesting phenomenon: I would feel that the diary of the past day now looks so ridiculous and insignificant; I will feel that there seems to be nothing to blame myself for what I thought was wrong before; I will find that what I once thought was right, and seeing the other person from another angle is right. ...
Looking forward, I know that I have people and things to escape from, and I have a past that I have never had the courage to face. Like every ordinary life, I have everything worth having; At the same time, there are also unbearable, insufficient and unattractive aspects.
I decided it was time to face people and things I didn't like again.
I contacted the leader of my last job, thanked him and her for training me, and apologized for my mistakes;
Some friends who were deleted by WeChat came to add me again. This time I chose to pass and told them: long time no see;
I didn't want to celebrate my birthday for many years, and I never celebrated it. This year, I chose to go to the same place on the same day and sing the same song;
When I saw those relatives who were unkind to me and my family again, I told my family: everyone is fighting for something for himself, just to ensure his own life. So let bygones be bygones.
Some things have passed, so let it pass.
This sentence was a graduation message from a best friend of mine in high school and was recently given to a friend.
"The past experience and the mark left on you have kept you in my heart. But there are always people who are willing to listen to your story, and there are always people who feel cherished and understand your happiness and pain. It's not too late, only late. "
When you feel that you can't face it and let it go, you will feel a burden anyway. On the contrary, when you put it down first, you will find that everything is different and you can start again.
Stop and look back at every step.
You can start with what you have done every day, the people you have met and the emotions you have had. Then go to the places you have been, the cities you have been to, and the feelings you have been to; Previous people and events, places, memories and moods; Finally, you don't want to face yourself.
There is a line in Game of Thrones: You don't know anything.
In fact, we have always been very small.
We think we are strong, so we try to be more perfect, but all we want is a complete life.
Imperfect perfection, ignorant fearlessness.
-this is the original force we need and the most indestructible force.