"Quiet."
"Put on your hat."
"Give me the book."
"Don't do that."
Is this imperative conversation normal between you and your child? Did it work? Is your order only temporary? However, this imperative communication did not change some habits of children, but only stopped their behavior at that time. Even for naughty children, it has no effect at present.
So what kind of communication is more conducive to parents to optimize their children's behavior?
The book "Parents' Language" points out that it is against human nature for parents to constantly give instructions or orders to their children, which is of no benefit to their brain development. The language environment that developing children are exposed to in their early years will have a very different influence on their brain structure and development, which will directly affect the differences in children's character building and learning ability.
The author of Parents' Language is Dana Suskind, a professor of gynecology and pediatrics at the University of Chicago. She won the "Outstanding Project Innovation Leader" award from the University of Chicago School of Medicine. This book "Parents' Language" is the crystallization of her 30 years, which has aroused great repercussions in American academic and educational circles.
The Language of Parents tells us that a good early language environment affects children's thinking ability and outlook on life.
First, parents' language will have an impact on children's brain development.
The development of our brain is divided into congenital genes and acquired nourishment. Congenital genes provide blueprints for the development of the brain, just like architects provide architectural blueprints when building houses. Acquired nourishment refers to social nutrition, just like the materials needed to build a house. Of course, the stronger a house is built with qualified materials, which come from the relationship between children and parents, that is, the language environment.
In addition to caring for children's growth in every possible way, a good language environment also has a positive impact on children's brain development. Because there is a neural connector in the human brain, it is the connection point of each neuron, connecting hundreds of billions of nerve cells in the brain, and determining who we are, our way of thinking and behavior. Parents' language can stimulate the nervous system, promote the connection between brain cells, and help improve children's thinking ability, and the best time for stimulation is three years after the child is born.
Second, parents' language will have an impact on their children's growth.
One is the influence of mathematics. If a child hates math, it's because he didn't arouse his interest through early language stimulation. Children's poor math ability is due to the lack of intensive practice when they are interested.
The second is the influence of spatial ability, which means that children have no ability to understand the physical relationship between things. This is also a skill related to mathematics, which shows that language stimulation does not help children understand things.
The third is the influence of thinking. Parents' praise for children shapes their positive thinking mode, which can be divided into fixed thinking and growth thinking. Growth-oriented thinking is more conducive to the cultivation of children's excellent quality, so parents should instill in their children that hard work is the key factor to harvest growth, not that ability determines everything.
The fourth is motivation and determination. Using encouraging language and appreciating children's behavior can help them acquire the ability to solve problems. Using taboo words or negative words to children will hinder their brain development.
Fifth, use less imperative language and more suggestive-suggestive language. Mandatory language is the restriction and command to children to input information, including reprimands and demands. Hint is suggestive, which induces children to comment or choose the input information. Therefore, it is helpful for children to improve their self-regulation and executive function. The function of self-regulation and execution is to help us keep calm when dealing with problems, not to provoke a certain reaction and aggravate it.
Sixth, parents' language helps to cultivate children's sympathy and morality, and improve children's kindness. Studies have found that children who are praised will be more generous after being praised for a few weeks. Nouns are sometimes like a mirror, which shows us who we really are. In addition to the language of parents, the influence on children also requires parents to have kind, moral and well-behaved parents.
Third, how do parents create a good language environment
Finally, there is a dialogue. Parents take turns to participate in the dialogue with their children. They should understand the language of children in different periods, such as learning to interpret the language clues provided by children in infancy and give appropriate responses. There are also children's language signals when walking. Respond to children well and wait patiently for their response. Ask children more open questions, "how to do" and "why", so that children's thinking world is not bound.
"Parents' Language" tells us that a good language environment is conducive to children's growth, including the number and quality of parents' language, good ways of parents' language, parents' habitual positive use of words, and parents' ideological infection by setting an example.
So sometimes it's not that children don't listen to their parents, nor that children are too stupid to understand you. Maybe there was something wrong with our speech at first, which led to poor communication between us and our children, and finally we misunderstood each other.
About the author: I am Fan Rui, a treasure mother who loves learning. I live a brave and hard life, crossing Qian Shan, walking through the sea of people and hugging myself warmly.