Lawrence Cohen Model, a clinical psychologist, is good at children's games, game therapy and parenting education. He held playfulness seminars for parents, teachers and early education professionals all the year round, and expanded his reading of two other books, Playfulness 2 and The Art of Rough Games. But you really have to be patient to finish reading it. The text of this book is very small. If you don't like reading, you can also buy classes online. Well, the main points in the book are recorded:
1. Cup theory can use children as cups. When he is tired or feels lonely and sad, just like the glass is empty, he runs back to add water to you. After filling with water, the child runs out to explore again, and you are the child's reservoir. If children always feel that the cup is not full, they will be clingy, anxious, or self-enclosed. They may be as shy, insecure, or reckless as the children at the dance.
2. Games can help children develop self-confidence and stay away from powerlessness: children learn about the world through games. They learned to cook, stir-fry, clean up, go to work, quarrel and take care of the baby. They look at everything around them and learn in their hearts. Practice this game repeatedly, and the child will become more and more confident.
3. Games can cultivate you and stay away from loneliness: from the first affectionate communication between parents and babies, games have become a link between parents and children. When people play games, they can draw closer to each other and cultivate intimate feelings.
4. Games can cultivate emotional resilience, so as not to fall into deep sadness: the game may be fake, but it needs to be true to cheer up from sadness. Children's inner pain can be overcome through imaginary games. For example, injection games can overcome the pain left by children because of injections.
5. Children with a sense of security and attachment can comfort themselves. When they are alone, they can solve their emotional problems, concentrate and form good ties with their peers. Some parents are often confused by their children's crying when they pick up their children from kindergarten. Teachers say he is very good all day. When children are with strangers or teachers, children with strong sense of security and attachment can temporarily store all the bad emotions and express them when they meet the main attachment object-"Thank God you are here."
6. The shaping process of self-confidence: The first wave of self-confidence came when I was born. They will think I can drink milk when I cry. When I laugh, someone laughs with me. Thereby improving self-confidence; The second wave of self-confidence begins around 1 year. When children find that they can say "no" to others, they realize that they are independent individuals. At this time, if the sense of strength is respected, rather than being * * by the authority, the child can maintain self-identity and thus form self-confidence. The third wave of self-confidence comes from the world of peers who have found their place in the world. It may be the whole process from kindergarten to adolescence.
7. There must be both challenges and care. We can make an analogy between brick and cement. To build a solid wall, both are indispensable. Bricks are strength and challenge, while cement represents care and respect.
8. Competitive games, let the children win first, and then gradually increase the difficulty: when to increase the difficulty, we don't have to let the children, this needs our own observation.
For example, playing chess or playing ball, if the child says, "I'm bored, will you let me?" You can say, "Well, I didn't try my best. Do you want to try your best? " Or you can take the initiative to ask your child and say, "Should I try my best and not always let you win?" Then look at the child's reaction. Sometimes, even if the child knows that you let her go, he loves to enjoy the process. Sometimes, children like challenges, and even if they lose, they enjoy it.
9. It is meaningful to win children and let them win. "Let him win or let him have the final say" is a game that allows him to take root, get rid of his inner tension and unhappiness, and let his children go all out. This is a game for him to test his wings.
10. Reduce the pressure of winning or losing. Some children will pay too much attention to winning or losing, and they will be particularly depressed if they lose. If they win, they will laugh at each other's failure. This kind of emotion is very infectious. Play with other children. If one person laughs at failure, other children will laugh with him. Finally, every child will be afraid of being laughed at. In this case, we can turn the winning and losing emotions into "playing" emotions in the game. For example, when playing games, you can brag about how good you are, "No one can beat me", and then, when you lose, you can pretend to cry, making it funny, and the children start to laugh. The significance of this is that it can help children release their nervousness in the face of victory or defeat. The joy of victory and the pain of failure can be expressed in a funny way, which can help children get through this overweight process.
1 1. Fighting is to release children's aggression. In psychology, aggression is regarded as the vitality of life. If aggression is completely suppressed, it will be unfavorable to physical exercise, self-confidence cultivation or self-cognition. Therefore, don't think that children who love fighting must like fighting. These two completely different concepts will let children release their emotions and learn to control their own strength and impulses. If they are not allowed to practice in the game, he may actually go to actual combat exercises.
12. Games that let children control their emotional impulses. Emotional impulse is reflected in that some children can't help talking in class, and some children always grab toys and fight when playing with other children. For example, a 5-year-old boy can't help talking in class. After class, the boy plays class games with other children. He is very serious. Children's behavior in this game can be gradually reflected in real life. We can design some imaginary social scenes, "Let's play a game of grabbing toys, and I'll pretend to be my brother and grab your toys" to see the children's reaction. This kind of emotional scene can be exercised in the game.
13. Role-playing games can be used to repair emotional wounds. Usually, let children play a stronger and more controlling role, and you play a lower role. For example, giving a child an injection will make him feel afraid of the hospital, so play the doctor's game with him, let him be a doctor, you be a patient, he will give you an injection, and then you pretend to cry and be funny to resolve his emotions in humor.
14. Help children break through obstacles at critical points. The child fell on the swing and became afraid of the swing, so afraid that he didn't even want to go to the amusement park. At this time, you need to find a "critical point". What is the critical point? It is at the critical point that children feel safe, and at the critical point, children will be very scared. For the swing, 20 meters away from the swing, the child will quit, then this 20 meters is the critical point. When children start to be nervous, screaming and crying, they reach the critical point. The critical point is the psychological key point to cure children's fears. At this time, the child's mentality is also weighing, with our security support behind and challenges ahead. It's time for children to break through themselves. At this point, we should not retreat or force him to move forward easily. You can refer to the active listening in "Pets", hold her, let him calm down for a while, and say, "How about we touch the swing?" Encourage him to take a step forward. Slowly overcome children's psychological barriers.
15. Give girls more courage and give boys more care: boys have strong education, but lack emotional connection. When encountering problems, boys tend to solve them by themselves. Girls, on the other hand, get a lot of warmth, can't spread their wings and fly, and lack a sense of strength. Therefore, we should try our best to contact boys in the game to make a girl's doll more energetic.
?
16. Don't give all the game scripts to the media. All children are influenced by the media (Altman, Logger Vick, etc. ), which will limit children's game imagination. Once they follow the fixed script, nothing will change. Real role-playing games are free to play during the game.
17. Get down. There are two meanings. One is that adults have to bend down and sit on the floor to really play with children. The other is that adults should be mentally down, follow their children and play whatever they want. For younger children, we will lower our height and play face to face with them; For older children, we should adapt to their way, whether it is shopping or going to the stadium, or in front of TV or computer.