At present, our eldest son has just turned five, our second son is two and a half, and our third son has just turned 1 year.

Three children, each sleeping in a room, can sleep by themselves until dawn.

Get ready for bed at about 7: 30 every night. We go through the process before going to bed, and they go back to their rooms to sleep consciously.

After all three children are asleep, it will be a free night for me and my teammates.

This period of time is beautiful and precious for us, and it is also so indispensable.

This is my own reading time.

In the meantime, I'm still studying that terrible two-year-old child. Those who missed the last reading note can click to review "There are three seasons of parenting, but many people only stay in the first season".

The theme of today's reading notes is about sleep. To paraphrase the title of the book, it is: "Farewell to the farce before going to bed-how to let children sleep well".

In his book, john ross Mond explains many key issues of infant sleep, and his views just sum up our family's views on sleep all the time.

For example,

Say no to sharing a bed,

Marriage is the most important relationship in the family.

We should set a firm goal and let children form the habit of sleeping alone.

Parents should also buy more time for themselves. ....

In addition to these novel ideas, John Lomond also gave specific training methods.

Seeing these little tricks he wrote to help me sleep, I want to give him a high five. Isn't this always the case in our family?

So when I saw what he wrote about sleep, it really aroused my * * *.

1

This is a lesson about separation.

Which parent doesn't want their children to sleep quietly every night, without crying or making trouble?

As soon as the child falls asleep, parents can unload the hustle and bustle of the day and enjoy their own time.

However, not all children can fall asleep quickly and end this farce before going to bed.

As John Romon first said in the book "Terrible Two Years Old", babies are always close to their parents from birth to two years old.

Therefore, they certainly don't want to be separated from their parents. At a young age, they also know that separation is a painful thing, and the anxiety and fear that comes with it are also something they don't want to face.

In the final analysis, the root of children's fear of sleeping alone is fear of parting.

In order not to be separated from their dear parents, they may cry or make noise before going to bed, they will postpone their bedtime in various ways, and they will even go looking for trouble. ...

Just to avoid parting.

At this time, parents' coping style is very important.

As parents, it is necessary for them to teach their children the lessons about parting, which will also profoundly affect how children face and deal with other situations about parting in the future.

If the child doesn't want to sleep alone, parents choose to lie down with the child or pat the child to sleep.

This sounds like a reasonable thing, and this is exactly what many parents are doing.

Children will instinctively cry to find what they want; Parents will also protect their children by instinct.

However, this instinctive protection is not always the best for children.

John Lomond first pointed out in the book "Terrible Two Years Old" that if parents always avoid the pain caused by parting, then children will never feel the real difference and they will never really grow up.

In this way, every time they are separated from their children, they will object and resist.

As children grow older, this problem will eventually become a huge obstacle to their growth.

For children, it is easy to fall into the dilemma of being unable to face separation; For parents, they always feel guilty for not doing enough for their children.

The key to making children independent lies in how parents deal with the problem of parting. Every night before going to bed, parents and children have the best opportunity to practice.

At this time, parents should be able to accept and understand their children's resistance, knowing that this is the price they must pay to cross the barrier of parting.

At the same time, they should continue to tell their children firmly but gently that they must sleep when it is time to sleep.

It is not easy to do this, but if you stick to it, the problem will be solved and the benefits will last for a long time.

Our three children sleep in their own rooms very early, and basically go back to their rooms to sleep after confinement.

So it is natural for them to sleep in a room alone, and the temporary difference in sleep has little effect on them.

Of course, after they are two years old, they will deliberately postpone their bedtime every night.

However, my teammates and I have always stood firm. When it's time to go to bed, I need to wash and get ready for bed.

The children are very clever. Once they know that our position is unshakable, they won't "fight" too much on this matter.

Then, it's easy to fall asleep on time every night.

2

Sears intimate parenting method

Parents' nature is to love their children, and they can't help but want to love and accompany their babies, and don't want them to be hurt a little.

They are deeply afraid of crying and being left with psychological shadow by their children, which is why many families choose to sleep with their children.

John Lomond also discusses Sears' attachment parenting method in The Terrible Two Years Old.

A key message of Sears' intimate parenting method is to advocate parents sleeping with their children.

Sears claims that children who don't sleep with their parents are prone to psychological and spiritual trauma, which is likely to lead to various types of emotional problems.

Many parents nodded in agreement, which also found a reasonable basis for them to sleep with their children.

Sears pointed out in the Intimate Parenting Law that it is the loneliest time of the day for a child to go to bed at eight or nine o'clock every night. Young children will be taken to lonely beds by their parents. After their parents simply say goodbye, they will face the night and loneliness alone. For children, this is the most painful moment, and they feel helpless and lonely as never before.

Sears' series of statements is to convince parents that it is terrible and harmful to let children sleep independently.

However, John Lomond put forward a completely different opinion in his book.

There is no need to feel guilty by setting a good time for children to sleep every day and letting them learn to sleep by themselves.

Children need to learn to be independent and adapt to parting.

In addition, parents also need to have some time completely to themselves.

This is very important for children, parents themselves and the relationship between husband and wife.

three

Understand the meaning of marriage

Parents and children sleeping separately can deepen children's understanding of marriage.

Let them know that husband and wife are not only an independent whole in the family, but also the most important relationship in the family.

Children who sleep with their parents for a long time may not understand the meaning of marriage, and even mistakenly think that marriage is a relationship between three people.

Children need to know that the relationship between husband and wife is the supreme existence in the family, so that they can respect their parents and marriage.

Parents shape the independence of marriage from the beginning, and children can be independent.

Sleeping with parents and children seems to be a considerate arrangement, but it will actually enhance children's dependence and greatly hinder their emotional growth.

More importantly, whether the mother sleeps with the child or the father sleeps with the child, it destroys the intimate and important relationship that should exist between husband and wife.

Children are the crystallization of parents' love, and their arrival should be to close the relationship between husband and wife.

If the arrival of children alienates the relationship between husband and wife, it will subvert the meaning of this love crystallization.

Harmonious family relationship between husband and wife is the best way to bring children a sense of security, and it is also the most suitable soil for children's healthy physical and mental growth.

I also agree with this view that the relationship between husband and wife is the most important relationship in the family.

This is like a foundation. Without the cultivation of this healthy foundation, all beautiful things can't blossom and bear fruit.

So in this matter, my teammates and I have always been very tacit, and we are the only ones in the dormitory.

Otherwise all three children want to sleep with us. Is there any trouble? Except for some special circumstances, of course.

Our relationship must be higher than our relationship with children.

four

Sleep training method

So what can children do to develop good sleep habits?

Let's take a look at John Lomond's summary in the book.

1. Set the bedtime.

Don't wait for the child to run out of electricity and be exhausted.

The more tired a child is, the later he goes to bed, and the easier it is to get excited.

It is difficult for them to fall asleep when they really should.

Instead of waiting for the children to go to bed every day when they are tired, it is better to set a bedtime every day and go to bed when it is time.

For young children, 7:30-8:30 pm is a reasonable time to fall asleep.

2. 30 minutes before going to bed

Take photos of things to do before going to bed and put them where children can easily see them.

Tell the children that these pictures tell the story of how every child in the world goes to bed, and convey to them the idea that going to bed is a very common thing, and he is not the only child who needs to do it.

Familiarize them with every step in the picture. Whenever you finish something, take the children to see the pictures and ask them what to do next.

This is to give children the impression that every child in the world will sleep like this, so the principle of "universality" is very effective for children of this age.

When a certain behavior no longer becomes an individual behavior, the possibility of children's resistance will also decrease.

With so much preparation, when you really go to bed, you can prepare a small timer, set it for five minutes, and talk to your child about the day.

As soon as the timer rings, parents turn off the lights and leave, and it's time for the children to go to bed.

3. Five-minute principle

In this way, children may slowly accept going to bed as they accept the fact.

If the child continues to cry, parents can visit him every 5 minutes or so.

At this time, parents' attitude is very important. Don't show anger and impatience.

Just walk into their room naturally, make sure that the world they are familiar with still exists, that their parents are still a part of their life, that everything is fine, kiss them again, and then leave the room naturally.

The whole process should not exceed 1 min.

After leaving the room for 5 minutes, if the child is still crying, go back to the child's room again and repeat the previous process.

At first, the child may cry for a long time, but after a few nights, it will definitely be fine.

In the end, children will understand their parents' intentions and what parents should do.

This five-minute principle also applies to children who wake up in the middle of the night and go to see it every five minutes, just like before going to bed, until the child falls asleep again.

John ross Mond's three principles of sleep are really what our family has been doing.

We always believe in the goal that children need to sleep by themselves.

With this clear goal, we will not take measures that can only solve the problem temporarily, such as cuddling, coaxing, breastfeeding, sharing a bed, etc. These are all temporary solutions, not permanent solutions.

Although it is not easy, it is necessary to find the right target, overcome all difficulties, and let the children sleep well independently.

I have written How Three Babies Don't Need to Sleep before. You can also look at the actual summary of three children's sleep.

A good sleep, a good sleep is so important.

Finally, I wish Xiao Baobao and the big baby a good sleep.

# Hello, new life #

About the author

Rachel from Holland has three babies (4 years old /2 years old/1 year old). Share daily life with Sambo, explore early education games that are entertaining and entertaining, and give high-quality companionship to babies in a simple and warm-hearted way. Wechat official account: There must be my thoughts on the trip to Kids3Go.