Topic: Why do children cry-do children's tears often drive you crazy? Children crying is a problem that every parent will encounter, and it is also the biggest headache for parents. In the face of children's hysterical crying, parents are often helpless! Do children's tears often drive you crazy? In that class, we will learn how to deal with the crying of children together. Let's take a look at the main content of this lesson! In this lesson, we mainly learn from you through four parts. How does the child cry? The first part: we mainly analyze the reasons why children cry, find out the reasons, and then we can prescribe the right medicine! Part II: We mainly study the problems that crying may cause! Part III: Case analysis. Part IV: What we want to bring to you are seven measures to deal with children's crying. Let's start with the first part: six reasons why children love to cry. Reason 1: Children are naturally sentimental, and from a natural temperament, they are children with negative "emotional essence". When children with negative emotional nature encounter unsatisfactory feelings, they usually use negative emotions to express them, such as crying and losing their temper. This is his personality tendency, but parents don't understand it, and it's easy to get angry with their children, so that parents and children often get upset and can't teach them calmly. How should parents deal with the crying of a naturally sentimental child? Here are two suggestions for you: 1. Calm teaching II. Teach parents patiently and meticulously, and educate their children patiently! Reason 2: Crying is a means for children to obtain, that is, crying in a threatening way and using crying as a means to achieve their goals! For example, a child wants a car and cries because he is not satisfied! Nowadays, parents spoil their children too much by having fewer children. Treating children crying is the biggest headache for parents of only children. Beat, loathe to give up, coax, he doesn't listen, often at the expense of accommodating the child's request, ending the child's crying behavior. And this just provides a successful example for the child to cry next time, making him cry more fiercely and joyfully next time, forming a vicious circle. When we see that our children's wishes are not satisfied, we cry, and our parents are soft-hearted and achieve our goals. This cycle leads to crying as a favorable weapon for children to achieve their goals! It is very effective for children to feel "crying to get what they want" or "avoiding doing what they don't want to do". It should be said that children crying is the product of parents' doting. Spoiled children like to take me as the center and ask adults to do this and that. If they can't meet his requirements, they will cry on the ground. When children find that crying can attract adults' attention and compromise, crying becomes a powerful weapon for children and will never work. At this time, the child becomes a crying child. It is the most common thing for children to threaten their parents by crying, which makes parents very helpless. Children often cry because some desires are not satisfied and they "protest" or "approach" their parents and "yield". So, how do children threaten their parents with crying? How can parents effectively stop it? I suggest that when children cry, parents may wish to take the following three ways to deal with it: first, cold treatment; Second, divert attention; Third, execution. First, let's look at what cold treatment is. (1) Cold treatment) Once you find that your child is "threatening", you can take a "cold treatment", that is, ignore him and tell him, "Speak well, or I will ignore you." Or tell him clearly: "Mom doesn't like to hear the baby cry. Mom will come to see you (or give you what you want) after you cry. " Don't force your child to stop crying at once, but sit quietly, or simply do something else. Wait for the child to "calm down" and then reason with him, so that he can realize his mistake and feel that crying and screaming can't "blackmail" his parents. Only reasonable demands can his parents be satisfied. If a parent's mistake causes a child to cry, be brave enough to correct it. Once the child stops crying, give him what he wants at once. After several times, the child has experience and no longer threatens adults with crying. It should be noted here that the opinions of adults in the family are sometimes inconsistent. One is to take care of the children, and the other is reluctant to let the children cry. As a result, the strength is offset, which encourages the child's crying and threats. When the only child is rolling and crying on the ground, I suggest that parents keep quiet, or they can choose to go away and do other things and ignore him. Crying is essentially a temptation for children to their parents and a means to attract their attention. You ignore him and coax him, which virtually encourages his crying behavior. If you ignore him, his crying will fail, and the motivation to cry will be gone, and it will stop soon. "Parents' cold attitude must last for a period of time, so that children can understand that their practices will cause parents' unhappiness, make him feel a little awe, and reduce unreasonable demands in the future." (2) divert attention. What if a wayward child is crying? Parents can distract his attention by talking on a mobile phone, telling a complicated thing (when the child is not present), telling a small joke, etc., and arouse his curiosity, and he will forget to cry. I believe that as long as parents don't spoil their hearts, there will always be ways to deal with their children. It should also be reminded that parents' opinions must be consistent, and no one can be soft-hearted, otherwise the child's crying will stop. Remember: the more interested children are, the faster they can get rid of crying, such as letting them play with their favorite toys or turning on the TV to let them watch their favorite TV programs. (3) Enforcement) First of all, parents should be clear about what can and cannot be given to their children! Never give what you cannot give. Principles must be strong! "These three methods are actually very simple. The key is whether parents can be merciless when implementing them. Children are smart and can easily read their parents' minds. Therefore, parents must stick to the principle and never give anything they can't give. "In addition, I remind parents that when taking cold treatment to ignore the baby, the whole family should be consistent, especially those with grandparents. When parents educate their children, it is best for grandparents not to interfere, but to strive to safeguard their parents' authority, so that children will not be xenophobic and know how to respect their parents. First, parents can severely criticize in simple language and tell their children that they disagree with his unreasonable demands. Other parents can use the method of diverting their children's attention to guide them to pay attention to another thing they are interested in, so that they can gradually forget the unpleasant things ahead. Parents should create a self-reliant environment for their children, so that they can gradually develop early good habits through long-term contact and personal practice. For example, encourage children to get up on time, go to bed on time, eat by themselves, arrange toys by themselves, and participate in housework as much as possible. The above is the correct way to stop children from crying! There is a right way and there is a wrong way! The wrong education method is not conducive to the healthy and happy growth of children! Let's analyze it together! (Wrong way to stop children crying and threatening) 1. Coax with things or wishes. What is the harm of this practice? Coaxing may work for a while, but it will fail after a long time. In the long run, children will know the role of crying and losing their temper, and parents will lose their prestige in their children's minds. 2. Threats and beatings. We say that intimidation and abuse are the stupidest way of education! Intimidation and abuse may be effective for a while, but it is easy for children to form rebellious psychology, become stubborn and uncontrollable, or have fear and inferiority, forming a cowardly character. 3, accommodate to meet the unreasonable requirements of children, that is, everything is done according to the requirements of children. When a child cries, parents get angry and feel distressed over time. They think that children are still young, so they will give in to meet their unreasonable demands, forming a bad character that children threaten to satisfy their personal desires through crying. Parents should never spoil their children. 4. Criticize other adults in front of their children. Some parents try to stop their children from crying and threaten to win their children's favor. This method is also undesirable, because it will encourage children to pass on their mistakes to others, weaken the status of adults in children's hearts, or make children cry more violently, which will have a great negative impact on their future education. Reason three: the language expression ability is not enough. Because parents or people with children are too considerate, children don't have to talk, just hum or cry or point, and adults also know what they want, which makes children's language expression ability unable to grow, so they often express it by crying. Faced with this problem, parents should try their best to teach their children to express and describe their feelings in words. When the child can't speak, patiently induce him to talk more, guess more and communicate in multiple languages to develop the child's language expression ability. I will be able to express myself correctly in words, and the children will no longer cry angrily. Of course, I won't develop into "threatening to cry". Reason 4: If parents can't fully meet their children's basic needs, they will often be ignored by their parents. Such as: children whose parents are not often accompanied and close; Or adults are always busy taking care of the young, or busy with their own affairs. If children's basic psychological needs, such as being loved or feeling safe, are not met, they will feel anxious and show signs of crying or unhappiness. Especially when there are guests, children sometimes feel neglected and deliberately "cry disobediently" to attract the attention of adults. Countermeasures: You can tell your child afterwards: If you want everyone to pay attention to you, you can express it in words, such as "I don't think anyone cares about me! "Don't ignore children's usual needs for attention. Reason 5: You cry when you are unwell, cold, hot, hungry, thirsty, uncomfortable to wear clothes and bitten by mosquitoes. Tell adults: I am not feeling well and need to be taken care of. Countermeasures: Comfort my children more. Reason 6: Cry angrily because of failure. Let's move on to the second part of the topic. If problem children still loves to cry because the child is crying, the problem will become more serious if this bad habit continues to develop. The severity is as follows: (1) overbearing and unreasonable, that is to say, taking advantage without losing, has become or is becoming an unwelcome person among children; (2) effeminacy, that is to say, can't stand a little injustice. When I grow up, I am likely to become weak and sensitive and develop a depressed character; (3) sentimental, such children are easy to live in fantasy, unhappy and passive. (4) love picky eaters; (5) Parents of selfish and willful children should pay attention to it. They must observe carefully from an early age, listen carefully, patiently understand and distinguish the child's crying, and at the same time try to make the child cry less, and actively encourage the child to laugh, play, listen and talk more. Then you must not raise a crying child. Skim through this part first, and we will enter the third part of the case study! Case analysis1-Children's wayward parents are the main reasons1-"Don't stop crying!" "Don't play with toys, don't watch TV and don't eat!" "As long as you don't meet his requirements in time, you will cry your eyes out! "..." Every time I eat, Ms. Chen in Fuzhou has a headache. Her daughter must have at least three hands to eat a meal. One carries a bowl, one feeds a meal, and one performs. "Sometimes, her father, grandfather, grandmother, grandfather and grandmother are all there. Everyone takes turns to coax, or cry. You can almost form a circus! " Ms. Chen said ridiculously. After reading the case, let's analyze it together! In fact, children's waywardness is mostly caused by parents! Children's bad behavior is closely related to parents themselves. Let me see: 1. What does a child want until he cries, until he has talent. This is because you once let him gain experience: if he cries, he must have it! Don't eat well because they know that you will feel distressed if you don't eat, and you can't starve them! Parents are always too worried about their children, afraid that they will run into hunger! 2. Since children are basically only children nowadays, many parents always give their children everything they want, and they can easily meet their children's requirements. In the long run, children have many wayward behaviors. "From birth to growth, children will constantly breed many demands. Many parents often worry about their children, afraid that they will cry, be afraid that their children will be noisy, be afraid that their children will be hungry, and be afraid that their children will be unhappy, so they will satisfy their children unconditionally and unprincipled as soon as possible. Over time, they will form an unreasonable and willful character. " How is the child's waywardness formed? When children's unreasonable demands are not met for the first time, they will make demands by crying and other means. Parents generally can't bear to watch their baby cry, and they will compromise after a long time. When the child cries for the second time, parents often realize that they should stick to the principle this time, but when the child cries more severely, parents often compromise again because of softhearted. In this way, it has experienced the process of "from rejection to final satisfaction" again and again, which invisibly encourages and negatively strengthens the wayward behavior of "children crying to solve problems". In fact, the initial crying of "willful" children is only a "private matter" because they are unhappy. They never thought that "crying" would solve the problem-there would be toys when crying, people would take care of them when crying, they would go out to play when crying, they would not be scolded when crying, and everything would be fine when crying ... So, "crying" evolved from the initial emotional expression. In other words, if "crying" is related to "willfulness", it is also the result of adult intervention. In fact, most of the root causes of children's behavior problems are parents! If parents can adjust their parenting mentality, many problems will be solved. The next case 2 is the educational experience of an American parent. Let's share our study together! Case study 2-Let children know that crying can't solve the problem. One day, little Carl suddenly burst into tears for no reason. My wife can't sit still She will see Carl in his room soon. I grabbed her and asked, "Do you think Carl is hungry?" "No, I just fed it." The wife replied. I asked again, "Is he ill?" "No, these days are quite good." The wife said. I said firmly, "then ignore him, let him cry and stop crying slowly." I said. "Why? Why do you have to make him cry? I'll coax him and he'll be fine. Children will cry like this. " My wife looked at me puzzled. I explained to my wife that he is neither hungry nor thirsty, nor is he sick. He just wanted to get our attention when he was crying. Don't ignore him. If he is satisfied this time, he will feel that crying is a weapon. No matter what unpleasant things happen in the future, he will inevitably cry. If he is not satisfied, he will know that crying can't solve the problem, and he must try to solve the problem in a more ideal way. My wife listened to my explanation and didn't jump over as soon as she heard the child cry as usual. Soon, little Carl's crying stopped. When my wife and I secretly went to see him, he was lying in the cradle playing happily! I advise young parents not to skip their children when they are crying. Let them know that crying and begging can't win the attention of others. If others don't value themselves, they should find happiness for themselves. Some people will question, how can a child understand such a profound truth at such a young age? Well, this truth is hard for adults to understand, let alone children. But I think, according to the parents' training methods, children will definitely feel this when they grow up. Parents should have the principle of parents. I believe many children have the problem of crying, making noise and complaining. If you want to get rid of this situation of "being threatened by children", parents must set rules and cannot accommodate their unreasonable demands. Ignoring crying is not punishment but rational love. As for whether letting children "cry" will encourage their bad habits, such as the "willfulness" you are worried about, it depends on the result of "crying". So much for our case sharing. Let's enter the fourth part of the topic! The fourth part is seven coup to deal with children crying. We say that instead of using "blocking" to stop children from crying, it is better to use "leading" to let children learn to deal with their emotions naturally and learn to be reasonably satisfied! Coup 1: Children have the right to "cry", so when children cry, if you feel bored, you can do your own thing without waiting around, just tell the children: Mom knows you are unhappy, then you can cry, and we'll talk after crying enough! If you just leave, it may scare the child, because the child will misunderstand that you don't want her-leaving is actually equivalent to not letting the child "cry." Coup 2: Never be a "good person" when the child is crying-well, don't cry, mom promises. This is a child's natural "crying" and will become "utilitarian"-crying is a tool to get satisfaction. Of course, it doesn't mean that you don't care that children cry all the time. This means that when you refuse your child's unreasonable request; Coup 3: When the child has finished crying, tell the child what you think (why you are not satisfied), especially how you feel, tell the child some truths that the child can understand, and gradually guide the child's cognition of others, which will help the child get out of the "egocentric period" and learn to express "dissatisfaction" in different ways. Coup 4: Release-"Cry loudly when you are sad." Regarding this article, I will share a short story with you: Story: Mom and Dongdong were walking together, and Dongdong accidentally fell down. Help Dongdong up. Look at his red face. My mother judged that he must have fallen in pain. Mother didn't scold him "why don't you be careful" or "be brave, men don't cry" Instead, he squatted down, touched the place where the child fell and said to him, "If you feel very painful, cry loudly at your mother." Say that finish, mother put her arms around Dongdong. Strangely, Dongdong's crying soon stopped. Mother wiped away tears for Dongdong and asked him, "Does it still hurt?" Dongdong shook his head, took his mother's hand and said, "Mom, let's go. I don't hurt anymore. " Hearing this story, I think everyone will have different feelings! ○ In fact, a child's pain cannot be quickly relieved by a word of "courage". On the contrary, if you tell your child to "cry if you want", your recognition and tolerance for his feelings will comfort him. "My mother knows my pain, and my mother cares about me", so the pain seems tolerable. ○ Similar situations include: the little goldfish died and the child was very sad; Grandma wants to go back to her hometown, and the children are very reluctant; Because of the weather, the plan for an outing was temporarily cancelled, and the children were very disappointed. Let's tell the children that mom knows you're sad because ... you can cry if you want. Children's emotions need to be released properly. Tip 5: Humor-"Your tears are very important." Let's share another case: Lily was reading a book, and Tintin turned around and took it away. Lily cried loudly when she saw it. Tintin immediately returned the book to her, but Lily still kept crying. The teacher came over and said with a smile, "Lily, your tears are actually very important. You see, teachers need water to mop the floor, mothers need water to wash dishes, children need water to wash their hands, and your tears are also water. If you can still cry, I'll take a cup and collect your tears for everyone, okay? " Hearing this, Lily immediately burst into tears and smiled. Another mother said: "There is a child crying and crying, crying a jar of tears." What are the advantages of this clever plan? ○ In this way, the child will naturally calm down his emotions and will not feel embarrassed at all. You should judge under what circumstances you can use this humorous means. It is generally not suitable to do this when there is an event that is more "fatal" to children. Coup 6: Look at yourself-"Please look in the mirror." Case: Whenever she cried and refused to eat by herself, her mother said calmly, "If you like to cry, sit in front of the mirror with a chair and cry loudly. If you think crying looks good, then continue to cry; If you don't feel good, come back and continue to eat, okay? " After that, mother put the chair in front of the mirror and motioned for Fanfan to sit down. Fanfan looked at her red eyes in the mirror and said to her mother, "I want to eat by myself." Analysis: ○ Use the role of the mirror, let the child imagine himself in the mirror as other crying children, and experience from this angle: how does he feel when he cries others? Many times, children will automatically stop crying. ○ It is very important that the mother should keep a calm attitude and let the children feel that this is not punishment. He can choose whether to cry or not. Coup 7: Discussion For example, your child is obsessed with watching TV, but as soon as it is bedtime, his mother will immediately turn off the TV and order him to go to bed. At first, this simple and quick treatment will cause children to cry. Later, my parents discussed another way. It's time to go to bed, and the child is still watching TV. Mother said, "Honey, you can watch it for a while and then go to sleep, ok?" Or say, "After I call one, two, three, you go to bed, okay?" This will leave room for children to change their emotions and think, and children can easily adapt when accepting requests. In fact, if the child is a flower, as a parent, whether to make a flowerpot or soil is a choice! The result of selection is completely different from the growth of "flowers"! Finally, remind parents that in the face of children crying, parents must calm down, calm down and analyze the causes of the problem, find out the reasons and then prescribe the right medicine! This is also an example for children to deal with problems calmly! Children are very imitative, and parents' words, deeds and ways of doing things will become the objects of children's imitation! Please parents and friends must be good role models for children!