Click in and have a look. More popular is the screenshot of Zhihu's answer. The content is a bit long, to sum up:
The heroine of the story is an excellent girl. After meeting her current husband, she fell in love without hesitation.
However, after their relationship, she soon discovered that she was not his type. No matter how good you are, you will not be recognized in the eyes of lovers.
Although the other party "reluctantly" married her, when the girl he really liked appeared beside her husband, she realized that the source of all her fears was this unloved unrequited love.
In her reply, she said:
"It is not surprising that he refused to show his kindness. He likes me better, more because of his sense of responsibility to me, as well as his own conscience and self-discipline. "
The heroine in the answer finally decided to divorce her husband by agreement.
Other bloggers also interacted in Weibo: Will you marry someone you don't like? Hot reviews won't come back, but I am.
There are more than 200 likes below.
I can't help thinking: how many people, like her, have entered a "single arrow" marriage without love; How many people don't have the courage to leave like her and get stuck in an unhappy marriage life all their lives?
In order to discuss this topic more deeply, we launched a questionnaire survey among fans and collected 159 valid questionnaires. Among them, women accounted for 76.58% and men accounted for 20.25%; 18-30 years old accounted for 88.1%; 87.97% of the respondents have a college degree or above; Heterosexuality accounts for 87.34%; 89.24% of the respondents have never been married. In this survey, we have not received feedback from fans who have experienced divorce or widowhood.
We found that among married fans, except one who felt that he didn't like his other half very much when he got married, everyone else felt that he liked his other half "better" or "very much" when he got married.
Among unmarried fans, 37.59% think they may marry someone they don't like so much in the future. On this issue, the feedback from men and women is obviously different: 53.438+03% of men think they may marry someone they don't like so much in the future, while only 33.33% of women.
Fans of different ages have different choices. /kloc-None of the respondents under the age of 0/8 thought they would accept someone they didn't like so much in the future, but among the people aged 18-25, 43.42% thought they might marry someone they didn't like so much in the future.
To our surprise, 72. 15% people think that marriage is not necessarily unhappy when they marry someone they don't like so much. This ratio far exceeds the ratio of marrying people who don't like it so much in the future. In other words, even people who don't want to marry people they don't like so much are optimistic about marrying people they don't like so much.
So, what is the married life of people who don't like it so much? Today we will talk about this topic together.
0 1. If you don't like it enough, you won't have the courage and motivation to follow up.
Peach, female, 29 years old, married for 3.5 years.
My husband and I never realized that getting married is almost entirely because of the requirements of both parents, so we have no feelings for each other. After more than three years of marriage, we are like a pair of roommates, living separately and being polite. It seems calm, but only we know what it's like to live a normal life.
We hardly feel anything. He doesn't want to go home after work, so I invite my friends out as soon as I have time. Even after that, we were too lazy to talk to each other.
This kind of life makes me feel uncomfortable, and I feel that a marriage in name only is meaningless. But when I tell my parents that I want a divorce, they will only keep telling me that feelings are made together and we should take the initiative to operate. However, if you don't like each other enough from the beginning, where can you get the courage and motivation?
The survey shows that:
Similar to the hero of the story, parents' demands are one of the reasons why many people marry people who don't like themselves so much. So, what other factors will make people willing to marry people they don't like so much?
According to our survey, the top three reasons are: the other person likes me very much, the other person is suitable for life, and I think I should get married for various reasons. Among the fans who choose to marry someone they don't like so much, 59.62%, 57.69% and 30.77% think they will marry someone they don't like so much for the above reasons.
We also found that men and women have different choices on this issue. Among men, "wanting to be stable" is as important as "feeling that you should get married"; But among women, the other party has good material conditions, which has replaced "I think I should get married" as one of the reasons for the top ranking.
Besides, among the fans who participated in the survey, none of the men thought that they would get married because of "parents' demands" and "No Country for Old Men". But many women do.
02. "Not so fond" may make the right person unsuitable.
Koala, female, 26 years old, married for 2 years.
My husband and I have never liked each other very much. We are more suitable. We all think each other are good teammates, and getting married becomes a natural thing.
I can't evaluate whether my married life is good or not, because it all depends on where our contradictions occur. When the contradiction occurs in something that has nothing to do with me, "appropriateness" will promote us to solve the problem better. But if the contradiction occurs at a point that is very important to me, and the "fit" can't be solved, I will think, I don't like him so much, why should I live with him with so many differences?
So I think, we should like it enough first, and then consider whether it is suitable for both sides. Because even if it is appropriate, this antipathy may shake the marriage.
I feel guilty for not liking her as much as she likes me.
Gary, male, 35 years old, married for 8 years.
Many years ago, when my life was even lower, I had a female friend who liked me for many years. Later, she became my wife.
I hesitated when she proposed to get married, because our feelings for each other were not equal at that time. She likes me very much, but I just think she is good and care more about the "benefits" of being with her. But I also think that feelings can be cultivated at any time. So I said yes.
After marriage, I deliberately recalled various anniversaries and tried to find the place where she moved me. However, I still can't like her as much as she likes me. She once complained half-jokingly that "you don't care about me", and I know I owe her.
In order to make up for it, I try my best to support my family, spend as much time with her and her children as possible, and take the initiative to help my family. These behaviors make her and her relatives and friends think that I am a good husband. But I don't think I can do it. Because if the feelings needed to maintain a family are a fixed value, she pays much more than me.
I don't know if it's right to marry someone you don't like so much, but this situation may have complicated requirements for both parties.
The survey shows that:
Both stories mention that marrying someone you don't like so much will make people feel uneasy and helpless. Our survey also found that most people (94.3%) think that marrying someone they don't like so much will have negative consequences, such as making themselves or their partners unable to feel emotional satisfaction or real connection (82.55%) and enduring negative emotions for a long time (66.44%), and nearly half of them (45.64%) think that marrying someone they don't like so much is more likely to cheat.
Love and marriage are two different things from the beginning.
Lao Xiang, male, 59 years old, married for 34 years.
My wife and I were not married on the basis of liking, which was quite common in our time. But there are also people around me who like each other very much and get married. Either way, there are good and bad in the end. So in my opinion, there is no golden rule whether you can marry someone you don't like so much. It depends on how you understand love and marriage.
Like it is a very personal thing. Young people don't have a saying: I like you, it has nothing to do with you. But marriage is a matter of two people, even involving two families. This process can't be irrelevant.
On the other hand, I think love is emotional, but marriage needs rationality more, because there is a contract between two people, and there must be a transfer of rights independent of personal will. Based on these two aspects, I think liking and getting married are actually two different things from the beginning. They can be interdependent or independent.
The survey shows that:
What do our fans think of the relationship between love and marriage? In the survey, we found that nearly half of the people (48. 10%) felt that love and marriage could be separated, while the other half (5 1.90%) felt that they could not be separated.
The ideal state of marriage is not fooling around, but loving each other to death.
Milk candy, female, 35 years old, married 10 years.
When I decided to marry my husband, I didn't feel that I had to be with each other. But we are very close from living habits to three views. This makes me feel that living with this man is not tiring. I thought he was a good marriage partner at that time.
It is precisely because we didn't particularly like each other at first, so in the subsequent relationship, we have always been very calm about our feelings, and we will not always care about how much the other person likes me, but spend more energy on life. So in many time nodes that we think will go wrong, such as cohabitation, having children, and the seven-year itch, we all passed smoothly, even unconsciously. I think such an effortless marriage may be smoother than a vigorous marriage.
I remember a long time ago, an elder told me that the ideal state of marriage is not fooling around and not loving each other until death. Judging from my own marriage, this sentence is very reasonable.
The survey shows that:
Is it not optimistic to marry someone you don't like so much? In the survey, we found that only 27.85% people think that marrying someone they don't like so much is doomed to be unhappy, and most people don't agree. Even 48. 10% people think that how much they like each other has little to do with whether they can maintain their marriage for a long time. This seems to be exactly what this story shows us.
06. Marriage is a process of showing yourself to each other and then living together.
Half moon cake, male, 30+, married for 7 years.
In my opinion, whether you can marry someone you don't like so much depends not on whether you like it or not, but on whether you are ready to get married.
Marriage needs two people to support each other and be independent of each other, which is difficult to grasp. It took my wife and I four or five years to find this degree.
I was in a bad mental state for a while and often couldn't control myself in the middle of the night. I didn't want to affect my wife, so I drove out, found a deserted place, and came back alone until the early hours of the morning.
My wife is actually worried about what will happen if I go out at night, but she knows that I don't want others to interfere more, so she overcame her worries and didn't ask more questions. When my parents asked, she also covered for me. Our "not supporting" mutual support was precisely the most appropriate way at that time.
After two people get married, they will gradually show themselves completely to each other, and there will inevitably be bumps and contradictions in this process. However, if two people are ready to live together, they will put them away first and then take the initiative to adjust to the state where they can live together. This process requires enough patience and determination, far from liking it or not.
The survey shows that:
For many people, marriage is more complicated than liking and needs a lot of things other than liking. Our survey also found that 83.54% people feel that marriage needs to be maintained by emotions other than liking (such as affection, dependence and responsibility), and even more by these emotions.
07. Love for each other can grow deeper and deeper in the process of marriage.
Yu Zhen, female, 74 years old, married for 5 1 year.
When I first met my husband, I looked down on him. But my mother likes him and insists that I marry him. After struggling fruitlessly, I got married, but I kept giving him a bad look after marriage.
Once, I accompanied him to visit relatives, got sick, and had a bad attitude when I was at his relatives' house. At that time, his face was ugly, so I thought, if he felt that he didn't get along with me and wanted a divorce, it was just my heart.
But later I learned that his face was ugly not because of my performance, but because he felt that he didn't take good care of me. At that time, I suddenly understood what my mother told me and valued him as "simple and honest, which would hurt people." So, I also tried to get along with him, and slowly, I found more and more advantages of him.
After living together for so many years, our feelings have had twists and turns, but they have been rising. Especially now that we are old, we can't live without each other. Many "love words" that have not been said before will now be said, and things that have not been done before will now be done (for example, we will hold hands when we go out).
This is not because of habit, but because we have been together for so many years, and we have slowly put each other in our hearts. It's called liking.
The survey shows that:
Is it possible to "get married first and then like each other"? In the survey, we found that 77.85% people think this may happen, and more people (82.9 1%) think that their marriage can cultivate their love.
In the interview, I felt more than once that it is difficult to generalize the relationship between love and marriage. The questionnaire survey also found that more than 1/6 married people (17.64%) felt that the quality of marriage had little to do with their liking for their partners at the beginning.
I think marriage is probably unbreakable. The triviality of life will break people's romantic fantasies about marriage, but some people will turn simple likes and dislikes into deeper connections with each other in daily necessities. This kind of connection includes support, dependence, trust, understanding, and many unspeakable truths. They can come from liking, but they are more complicated than liking.
It is this deeper, more tenacious and more complicated emotion that finally maintains the marriage relationship.
The above is about whether the 80-year-old monkey and the 87-year-old rabbit get married. It's about sharing marriage. I saw 80 male monkey wood and 87 female rabbit fire. I hope this will help everyone!