It's like a dull pain in the most secret corner of your heart, which occasionally pops up to remind people.
But I still think it's beautiful Although there is no, it is sweeter than sake.
0 1.
September 20 14, school season.
I reported to a university in the north with a heavy suitcase. I left my hometown town for the first time and stood on the street of the provincial capital city. I couldn't help looking around when I met the bustling faces.
My brother was ordered to pick me up, and they finally arrived at the station after several trains.
When I got off the bus, I saw that the school gate was full of students and parents. I stayed for a short time for a second, just thinking about lamenting the style of the university gate. A boy came over and stopped in front of my brother and said, "Hello, classmate, which college are you from?"? I'll tell you how to report there. "
I can still be mistaken for a student in his thirties, but my brother is so happy that his eyes are wrinkled. He smiled and turned to me, then looked up and made a gesture. "I'm not, she is."
At this time, the senior saw me standing by and said a string of "I'm sorry".
I smiled and said it doesn't matter, secretly making faces at my brother. I hurriedly reported the name of the college. I didn't expect that we were from the same college, and I felt very cordial at once.
The senior said that he happened to have something to go back to college, so he could take us directly.
The first time I walked into the university campus, I found that its vastness far exceeded my cognition. The road connecting the school gate is very long, and dozens of flower trees are neatly arranged on both sides of the road. At that time, white flowers were full of branches, and the rich aroma made me remember that September forever, and I also remembered the seniors who were always one step ahead of us. A pair of sky blue denim trousers with a white T-shirt is refreshing and neat, and the pace is not urgent or slow. The tone of the answer was calm and slow.
He introduced me some information about the school. He said: "Our school covers a large area, the canteen is cheap and delicious, the bathroom is clean, and there are many supermarkets ..."
I nodded like a garlic, but in the end I only remember him as a sophomore majoring in Chinese language and literature.
02.
University life begins, followed by military training for half a month.
I saw him again at the first military training meeting. He is a teaching assistant for freshmen majoring in Chinese language and literature, following up military training.
Still dressed up, blue jeans, a white T-shirt, thin short hair covered the hairline, as if it were not in the sultry September.
He looked at the team standing neatly and turned to look at our professional team. Our eyes met. He froze for a second, then smiled at each other.
There is no intersection.
Later, I learned his name from others. His name is Zhou Yanze.
As the name implies.
I haven't seen him for six months.
Next semester, the school model contest and the school sports meeting will be held at the same time. More than 0/68 girls in the college/kloc-were called to participate in the model audition. I was careless, so I walked casually, and I got lost when I walked.
I signed up for the team selection of the school sports meeting, kicked a few goose steps and was elected as the team leader.
The senior in charge of training asked me why I didn't take part in the model league competition and sent me to the model league in one fell swoop.
Zhou Yanze is also there. He is a temporary supervisor and will give us corrective measures.
I haven't seen him for six months. He seems to be handsome again. The broken hair on the forehead is still fine, and the clothes are clean and tidy.
After the first day of training, he suddenly came up to me and asked me, "Why didn't you come at first?"
I glanced at him, then turned my eyes to my toes and said, "Because ... I don't want to come."
He asked, "Why?"
I said, "It hurts to walk in high heels."
He continued: "Then why come again now?"
I looked innocent: "I said I was dragged here by force." Do you believe it? "
He has an incredible face. He paused and said, "Add a WeChat and I'll pull you into the group and train to read the notice."
That night, I hid under the covers and went through his circle of friends one by one. Most of them are landscape photos and some shared poems and sentences. The only photo with him is that of the basketball team. In the photo, he stood in the back row in a white and black basketball suit, wearing a blue wristband on his wrist, and the curvature of his mouth was just right.
This is simply a handsome heart!
Love at first sight did not escape Zhong Lian's fate.
I secretly saved that photo and put it in the WeChat collection. Quietly began a secret love that no one knew.
03.
After that, I followed his example and rummaged around the library, reading books and poems he had read.
He likes to run in the school playground after dark, and I also take time to see him in the name of fitness.
I ran slowly on purpose, trying to be caught up by him after running a lap. Unexpectedly, he found me, ran up and patted me on the shoulder and said, "Are you here to run?"
I pretended to be startled and replied, "Yes!"
"Do you want to join us?" Zhou Yanze slowed down and followed me.
I shook my head: "You first, my physical strength is poor, I really can't keep up."
Zhou Yanze gradually ran away. I chased him on the back for a semester, and gradually I was able to stand side by side with him.
In the second semester of my sophomore year, he sent me a message: How about going running at night? Together?
Me: OK!
Zhou Yanze: 4: 30 pm.
Me: So early?
Zhou Yanze: Go early and come back early.
I calculated the time to leave the dormitory and arrived at the gate of the playground at 4: 20. Zhou Yanze is already waiting there.
He wore jeans and a white shirt instead of sportswear.
From my point of view, I drifted back to the afternoon when I reported as a freshman. The boy in jeans and a white T has a warm face.
He saw me, stepped forward and waved the milk tea in his hand. He said, "I won't run today, so I'll sit on the steps of the playground and blow the evening breeze at school."
It was May in the north, and in another month, his junior year would be over.
He wants to go out of the campus and go to society.
However, I still don't have the courage to speak my mind.
04.
On that day, we sat on the highest step of the playground, facing southwest, watching the crimson sunset diffuse into the sky and gradually disperse, and no one spoke.
The evening breeze blows through our clothes and hair and makes a sound in our ears.
Milk tea gradually bottomed out.
Zhou Yanze seems to be tired of sitting. He changed his posture, put his hands behind his back and leaned back.
Finally, it's irrelevant: "Is your ear bone perforated? I have never seen it before. "
Me: "Yes, for a long time. I only recently wore earrings. "
Zhou Yanze: "Nice."
I smiled and didn't answer the phone.
He said: "When the junior year is over, it is even a college graduation. It's been three years. I didn't expect it to be so soon. I remember that year when you were a freshman, I mistook you for someone else. I actually saw you first, but you really look like a junior high school student! "
His body trembled with laughter, and his eyes were trapped in memories, deep and far.
He said: "The road to the north gate of the school has gone countless times in three years, and every time I can think of the fragrant flowers that took you to report."
I listened to his gossip, but I just laughed until I was about to cry.
It turned out that he also remembered.
It was the first time in my youth, and my heart beat for two years.
Zhou Yanze looked at me and then at the horizon. He said, "I will take a photo of graduation photo next year. Do you have to take a photo with me? "
I said, "All right."
05.
In the second half of his senior year, Zhou Yanze signed a contract with a company in the south, became a writer, and began to be busy with his work.
On campus, I have sat on the steps of the playground where we sat together countless times, watching the sunset glow countless times and counting the arrival of his graduation day.
I have made up my mind. I want to wrap a bunch of sunflowers, chamomile and iris flowers to congratulate him on his graduation.
Sunflower is sunny, chamomile is fresh, iris is elegant, one is silent love, the other is silent difficulty, and the other is silent yearning.
If he understood me, he wouldn't have to talk. If he doesn't, I will keep silent and observe the whole process.
Finally, the graduation season has arrived. The person I am waiting for will come back soon.
I fantasize that he looks like a scholar in a bachelor's uniform. He must be a scholar, handsome and clear.
I also fantasized that he saw through my flowers at a glance.
In early June, he sent me a message: I will shoot graduation photo tomorrow. You promised me before. Remember to find me in front of the teaching building.
I can't hide my excitement. I ordered flowers in advance, got them in the morning, put on makeup, put on a white skirt, and then walked through clusters of people wearing bachelor's clothes to the teaching building.
I saw him standing on the steps and waving to me, and the generous bachelor's uniform covered him. It's really elegant
"Happy graduation!" I handed him the flowers and said with a smile.
We asked a passing classmate to take pictures for us. He looked at the camera with a smile on his face, and I just wanted to look up at him.
Then, I made a bold move and looked up at him. He noticed that I looked up and down at me, thinking I had something to say, but I just took a quick look at him and then looked at the camera.
Maybe it's providence. In that series of snapped photos, one was that I looked up at him carefully, and the other was that he looked down at me with a smile on his face.
I put these two in the WeChat collection and sorted out the rest and sent them to him.
We agreed to give him a good farewell before he left school.
Two days later, I was having a class in the classroom. He sent a message saying that the company was in a hurry and asked him to go back at once.
I didn't see him off. It was not until he left that he discovered the secret I had hidden in the bouquet.
I wish him a pleasant journey and a bright future through the screen.
This is just a farewell. I can't say it.
We may never see each other again after this trip.
06.
Later, I graduated smoothly and entered the workplace smoothly. I heard that he got married with a girlfriend and a lovely daughter.
I deleted all his contact information, knowing that there is no need for us to meet again in this life.
Maybe many people don't understand why I would rather miss it than say I like it.
I want to say: because I am not sure about the other person's mind, because I am not good enough, because I am afraid of losing it too early. Therefore, I would rather look far and near than break up in discord.
I dare not gamble. After all, the seemingly sweet intersection between Zhou Yanze and me is only for me, and others think it is normal.
This is good, isn't it? Everyone's youth may have regrets that he didn't speak. If I brush my shoulders completely, then he may not be my "moon" from the beginning.
Don't say that youth leaves no regrets. Some regrets can only be remembered with beauty if they stay in youth.
I will always remember the boy who walked among the flowers in September, but I will not stubbornly miss him.
I admit regret, just as I admit every heavy rain when I was young. After the rain clears, the new story will continue.