65438+1October 16, I read the world for the first time without complaint. In the preface, I was deeply attracted by the author's ideas. He mentioned the frequency of our complaints and how negative effects affect our quality of life. As long as we try to make a little change. Billions of people can live in a happier world.

But what surprises me even more is how much benefit "no complaining" and "no complaining about challenges" will bring to our children.

The book A World Without Complaints mentions that criticism and satire should be eliminated as a kind of complaint in addition to the complaint itself.

I think for parents, if it is ordinary difficulty to be a person who doesn't complain, then "not criticizing children" is the difficulty of hell.

When children are disobedient,

When children are slow to respond,

When children should get up instead of getting up,

When it's time for the children to go home,

When children don't do their homework well,

When children's grades are not good. ...

Every time, parents will endure and endure in these moments that appear countless times every day, but in the end they can't hold back that wave of criticism.

Raising children is like a paradox. The more you ask them to be good, the worse they are. The more idle you are, the more unintentional you are.

The author mentioned a scene of himself and his daughter in the book.

He said that his daughter's grades have always been good. He doesn't know how his daughter did it. Similarly, for a while, his daughter's grades suddenly deteriorated, and he didn't know what happened.

It is obvious that her daughter is not satisfied. So my grades improved later.

Coincidentally, in the lecture tour of 18 1000 people, Teacher Fan Deng mentioned a question many times. He asked the audience: The best time to educate a child is when he does something wrong or when he does something right.

The answer is when you do it right.

When he does something wrong, you criticize him, his adrenaline will be high, and his mind may be full of "fight or flight". There is no spare brain power to listen to your sermon.

But when he does something wrong and doesn't know it, you praise him. Tell him, "You did a great thing today, that is, you were punctual. Like this, getting ready before the appointed time is punctuality. Punctuality is highly respected by everyone. I really appreciate your behavior. You are the pride of dad. " He will remember this. And constantly strengthen this right thing.

So I think education can be achieved without criticism. It should also be achieved without criticism.

I think this story of getting along with children is in many books.

Many people think that "other people's children" are fake. Why did someone else's child, her father bought her an Apple mobile phone, and she said she wouldn't play it and let her father keep it? I buy a mobile phone for my child. Will the child really give me a hug and stop studying every day? Someone even asked Mr. Fan Deng if the things he mentioned about him and his children when he was studying were made up by Mr. Fan Deng to achieve the effect of telling books.

Is it made up? Of course I believe it's not made up.

Then why do other people's parents and children say "that's your own grade, just be satisfied with yourself"? Other children have gone to school. And my children are really content with the status quo and have bad grades every day?

It's not because children don't make progress, it's because parents.

It took the author of "A World Without Complaints" more than half a year to complete the challenge of 2 1 day without complaints. If we don't complete the challenge ourselves, we can't assert that our children can't "feel dissatisfied, so try their best to improve their grades."

We must give up an intuitive thinking that children have to criticize if they don't do well. He won't change without criticizing him.

We should ask ourselves: Is this true? Is the child having a bad time? Or are we not doing well, and the children are just learning from us?

Won't it change without judgment? Is there any counterexample to prove that children will change even if they don't criticize?

Shall we criticize children for their sake? Or for ourselves? Is it because you can't vent without criticism? Can't we express our disappointment? We want to see the children because we are injured? Admit that they are still under our control?

Or are we afraid that our children will be seen doing something wrong and think that we are uneducated parents?

Accepting life without complaining about challenges is to give children a gift.

Let him know that we don't have to rely on complaints to get our attention and sympathy, admiration or anything else. And it will make the family happier and happier.

There are times when elders in the family don't complain. He will be more sensitive to other people's complaints and more alert to other people's manipulation attempts. He will protect himself from these emotions. I will also distinguish what is really "good to him". No longer allow others to manipulate him, accuse him or attack him in the name of "doing him good".

As the mother of a four-year-old child, I began to accept the challenge of not complaining from June 65438+ 10/9 this year, and it has been 10 days since then. I haven't succeeded for a day.

I am ashamed to say that every time I challenge the time reset, I can't help but criticize him angrily.

He used to make me look shocked and hurt when I was angry. Since I told him that complaining, criticizing, getting angry and attacking are all wrong. 2 1 day without complaining about the challenge.

He is very calm now. Every time I get angry, he will tell me calmly: Mom, your bracelet needs to be changed.

2 1 day no complaint challenge: wear a purple bracelet on your hand. Every time you complain, take off the bracelet and put it on with your other hand. Until the bracelet remains unchanged for 2 1 day.