After I chose liberal arts in my sophomore year, I was completely immersed in the world of literature, history and philosophy. I became a little casual, so did my life and study. I only study what I am interested in, and everything I feel bored is left in a desolate corner by me. The more the teacher preaches, the more I resist and rebel. It seems that this is a common problem and hobby of every young person. It's just that I'm a little more isolated, away from this world and fleeing to books, where I found myself and the life I wanted to find.
At that time, I ran to the library as soon as I was free, until I got familiar with the teachers in the library and could speak with expressions, and finally left the school forever. Every Saturday when school has a half-day holiday, I will take a nap in the library. It's very quiet there, and students will use half a day's free time to go out for a carnival and vent their depression and worries that have been suppressed for a week. And I like reading quietly at the desk by the window, which faces the sun and is very quiet. Reading quietly can make people meet a different world in the book. Travel freely, in any corner of time and space; Take a leisurely stroll in the path where everyone gathers in ancient and modern times; Meditate leisurely and overlook everything in the world at the top of the mountain.
In the process of human development, what is finally recorded is only one fragment after another. Because what happened in these clips, some people were enough to affect the operation of the whole process, so they were remembered and recorded in history. Similarly, in this life, what people can finally remember by others and themselves is only fragments and scenes, which string together the memories of this life. In these fragments and scenes, what happened and who appeared will also affect and change people's lives. In the past years, many fragments have been clearly remembered by me and repeated over and over again, just because there is such a you in these fragments!
I remember that Saturday, the weather outside the window was fine and people had been playing football on the playground. I sat there as usual, holding the then popular Unbearable Lightness of Life in my hand and listening to Fang Datong's songs in my ears. This is a completely incompatible combination. In my opinion, books and music are just like staple food and dishes. The perfect combination will make them taste different. With my usual temperament, Milan Kundera's works should be accompanied by Schubert's lyric music, so as to find the feeling of European classical romanticism and feel the confusion and obscurity in the wave of modern society. At that time, I was accompanied by Fang Datong's songs, just because you like his songs, so I wanted to listen to them.
Of course, the reason why I remember that Saturday afternoon so clearly and remember many scenes in that afternoon is mainly because a person appeared in the following time, a person who appeared inadvertently.
That day, after reading for a while, my eyes were a little dry, so I looked up at the window. I just looked up for an instant and suddenly found myself facing another person. It's you, dressed casually, but still elegant and exquisite. To be sure, my heart is beating uncontrollably. You seem to be looking at me, too I don't know if this is an illusion. You really look at me. I feel a little hot on my face. That moment should be reddish! That feeling seems to last until today. I subconsciously picked up the book and covered my eyes. I don't know why you are staring at me. Should I talk to you? How am I supposed to talk to you? Will you resent me for seducing you? My heart seems to be getting worse and worse, and my heart is beating a little strangely. I still restrained myself, because the sense of humbleness in my heart was aching again.
Suddenly I remembered the song "The farthest distance in the world". The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death. It's that I stand in front of you and you don't know that I love you. The furthest distance in the world is not that you don't know I love you when I stand in front of you, but that you are stubborn and dare not say I love you! Are some words in some poems beautiful to read? When one day, after you have experienced the scene described in the poem, you no longer feel how beautiful it is. You will only feel that it is full of heartbreak and sadness, and it is deep sadness and pain!
A few minutes later, you turned and left. A few minutes before you left, I seemed to be on an island, shouting my name and raising my head. But soon the island sank, and I sank before I left, so I had to dive into the vast sea. You left, with black hair floating on your plain white shirt, leaving only a figure at the door of the reading room, in my heart. At that moment, I stood up and breathed a sigh of relief. I want to follow you and watch your back, but my feet are still on the ground and I can't move at all.
Some scenes have gone, and I will come back to tell you one thing, alone. Of course, I will also tell you some emotions and some dissatisfaction. There was a time when I often had an impulse to scold myself because of some scenes. In the library, you and I sat opposite each other, only once. What a great opportunity to know you! But I missed it unequivocally. No, I gave up rudely. In fact, every time, who can feel the sense of humility that I have had since I was a child? From small to large, what I learned is patience, retreat, unbearable, and continue to bear it. In front of you, my sense of humility is infinitely magnified to the extreme. As people who know you have commented, 100% talented women, 100% virtuous women and 100% beautiful women can be met but not sought! And I, I am nothing, do I need to describe my humbleness? I will only shrink back, and I don't even have the courage to know you and become an ordinary friend of yours!
In fact, I have always felt that I have such a weakness that I can't get rid of. The university chose football without hesitation. What this sport needs is a kind of courage and fighting spirit, and what is important is the wisdom of grasping the opportunity and sizing up the situation. Every time the ball comes to you, you have to fight to the death. If it doesn't appear in front of you, you should fight for it. My teammates take good care of me, knowing that I am not qualified to play forward, and let me play forward for exercise. Unfortunately, I gradually changed from striker to defender, from defender to goalkeeper, and gradually I quit the team. I think I haven't got rid of that cowardice or found that courage, at least I haven't found the courage to stand in front of you!
For a long time, that cowardice has already evolved into another sense of humility circulating in the world. In front of you, I can't find a proper self-confidence, but I often have a strong sense of humility. One day, maybe you will understand that what people who love you can give you should not be inferiority, but self-confidence, courage and the power to change everything; But the person you love may give you courage and strength, but it may not give you confidence. In front of her, you will feel humble and that you are always not beautiful enough and not good enough! The countless scenes that passed by you, although they didn't bring me any changes, left me countless memories that I will never forget.
My university and school library buildings are all near the sea, and the sixteenth floor overlooks the sea. At that time, I was used to making a cup of hot tea with Lycium barbarum, sitting by the window wearing headphones, letting the sunshine lean lazily on you, getting familiar with beautiful music, whispering in your ear like an old friend, and being intoxicated by the world in the book. As I am now, I am sitting on the sixteenth floor, dreaming of a person in my heart, dreaming of taking her to feel the melancholy atmosphere and see the quiet and mysterious world in my heart! Every day, just spend an hour or two, bathed in the sunshine in the book, appreciate the joys and sorrows of this world, feel the warmth of human feelings, and feel the dream life!
All the scenes that have appeared in the past and will appear in the future seem to be repeating that year. That afternoon, you and I spent those short minutes at the same table! Still repeating, an unfinished dream!