So I want to introduce to you what is self-love? What is Sony Ericsson? And how to apply it to our family education.
What is self-love? Simply put, it is to do what you like. Love yourself and satisfy yourself, such as eating your favorite food, fruit, egg tart, ice cream, soybean milk, fried dough sticks, mala Tang, playing your favorite projects, such as swishing Tik Tok, playing games and watching movies and sleeping in. For example, what is my son's project? I like to fall in love with my little sister, so I like to eat and sleep, to be an escort, and to accompany my eldest brother with his second and third children. Husband likes climbing mountains, reading books and spending time with his wife.
Self-love means doing what you like, doing what you want, conforming to your heart and making yourself happy and satisfied.
There are two forms of self-love, one is positive behavior. For example, I work hard, I am positive, I am optimistic and I am diligent. These are all positive behaviors of self-love.
One is negative, negative behavior, such as laziness, procrastination, giving up, inferiority, shrinking, etc. These negative behaviors are self-love. Of course, these positive, negative, positive and negative are all quoted. We usually look forward to it. Children's good behaviors, such as washing hands, drinking water, eating favorite fruits and doing homework happily, are all positive behaviors, good behaviors and self-love with good behaviors.
Sometimes, he also wants to finish his homework early and then go out to play. But he can't finish it. He just went to the toilet for a while, drank water for a while and played with an eraser for an hour, but he didn't finish writing for three hours. He just complained there. That's unfortunate. There is so much homework. How could I be so unlucky? Huh? I'm so pathetic, I still want to give up when I meet a problem.
We talk about this kind of procrastination, this kind of friction, this kind of complaint, this kind of giving up easily. Does he love himself? Of course it is. When he is tired, he allows himself to slow down, be lazy and complain. Huh? He adjusted in his own way, and when he met a problem, he thought, I'm so tired, I may not be able to do this problem, forget it. Don't embarrass yourself. He allowed himself. Huh? Let yourself go. Although this is not very good in the eyes of others, he found himself a more comfortable way to accomplish his goal. Ah, this is self-love, right? This is also self-love that seems to be a negative behavior.
A person has both positive and negative aspects, whether he is serious or procrastinating, giving up halfway or never giving up. This is self-love.
Ok, let's talk about Sony Ericsson. What is Sony Ericsson? Let's start from the child's point of view. Let's take an example to define what Sony Ericsson is from the perspective of children. As a child, it is to do what parents like. Do what parents want him to do, and exchange his own efforts for his parents' satisfaction in order to get his parents' love. This is Sony Ericsson.
Then when children are young, they have to rely on us to survive. Therefore, children seek love just like adults, usually through loyalty, obedience, recognition, obedience and understanding.
Self-love means listening to yourself, doing whatever you want, and completely following your heart. But what is Sony Ericsson? I will do whatever my parents want me to do, and I will do whatever my parents want me to do. I will agree with my parents on this matter, and I will support him.
Take eating and drinking Lazarus, for example. Self-love means you can choose what you want to eat, drink, play and sleep, right?
But Sony Ericsson is different. We often hear your children and their mothers discuss: Can I have ice cream? Just one bite. Can I eat two lollipops today? Some children eat no matter how much they eat. The mother will think it's best to eat a few more mouthfuls, but the child obediently stuffs a few more mouthfuls every time. Is this the child that mother sees in her eyes at this time? Don't! Mother's eyes are fixed on his healthy and strong next generation. The child managed to swallow these foods just to satisfy his mother's fantasy. Seeing the satisfied smile on his mother's face, the child was relieved. Some children must hold the empty bowl high after eating a full bowl. Mom, look, what is he saying? I ate too much. Don't worry, I'll be good.
At this time, this food has begun to go out of shape, right? This most basic and instinctive need has become a tool of love. There is no right or wrong, and we are not criticizing anyone. We're just talking about phenomena.
For example, there is always such a phenomenon in small classes in kindergartens. For example, the teacher said, Yiyi, do you have to pee? Yiyi will proudly say loudly that Teacher Yiyi didn't pee, and will soon pee his pants. Why is this happening? Because at home, a child who has been scolded by his mother for wetting his pants and bed will feel that it is not good to pee, and his mother doesn't like it, so when he arrives at kindergarten, in order to please the teacher, he will pretend not to pee, but he can't hold back, so he wets his pants. So this is pretending not to pee?
Look, I didn't pee. I won't give you any trouble. I am a good boy. You like me. When you grow up, son, you will wear clothes that he doesn't like very much but are in line with your aesthetics. Playing with educational toys carefully selected by parents, listening to positive stories and watching educational movies, are these combinations courting?
There is also about sleeping. When children are young, we usually allow them to sleep when they are sleepy, right? How many people have this freedom when they grow up? If our parents get up early and are dissatisfied with staying in bed, what is it that we get up early? It's Sony Ericsson!
What you do to obey your parents is called courtship.
Tell me another story. My daughter likes drawing very much. I asked him, do you need to find a teacher for you? My daughter said, I don't want to learn from anyone. I just want to change in the way I like. I just want to draw my own picture. He's almost 12 this year. He started taking orders online this year, and someone paid him to paint. At first, he only dared to charge five yuan a bill. After receiving several orders, he found that the pay was not proportional to the gain, so he adjusted it to 15. Then he quickly took two more orders, and he changed it to 50 orders, and then took a few more orders. Together with the previous order, he was buried by this order. He said, ah, this speed is not good. After receiving the order, I can't submit the manuscript, and then I feel that the manuscript will affect the quality and my reputation will be ruined. What should I do? He said that I would rather have fewer classes than lower my quality, so he changed it to 150 yuan.
This way, he is more expensive and takes two less orders. Then, his daily topic becomes, I haven't handed in the manuscript today, and there are still four orders today. Alas, everyone's single owner urged me again. After a while, my daughter told me, mom, I used to draw pictures, which was my favorite. I draw pictures every day. But because my mind is full of orders, I don't want to draw, and I always want to avoid these orders. I said, have you thought about why? He said that the single owners who paid the money always asked me to draw according to their opinions and ideas, and they gave me money. I must follow their ideas. But when I draw by myself, I can draw at will, he said. When there is no list, I will follow my own mood. Spend if you want, and draw if you don't want. He said, mom, I want to return all these lists. I don't want to lose my hobby because I earn this money. I said, okay.
So what is this kind of painting? Is it self-love? Totally self-loving. If. Whenever I take a stand at this time, for example, I want to tell him that you have taken other people's money and you have to do things well. Then the child may insist on handing in these paintings. Is this painting self-love or self-love
There are still many children who want to compare their paintings with others and wait for the teacher to praise them. They don't want to paint, and they can't give up halfway because their mother has taught them money for a whole period of time. So is painting self-love or courtship at this time?
When we look back at all aspects of life with these concepts, do we reflect and feel? No criticism, not to say which must be right and which must be wrong. I just look at these phenomena from another angle.
For example, my daughter likes singing very much. I actually take him to ktv several times a week. He is particularly intoxicated and likes singing. Very happy, sometimes I just don't sing, just shake my head and jump up and down. Do you think this kind of singing is self-love or love?
Once grandma wanted to go, and then we went together. The child sang, and we listened to grandma quietly ask me that he was out of tune. Why don't you tell him you're still there to refuel? I said he sang for fun, so if you correct him, he will always think of me, right? Am I wrong? Am I out of tune? Do you still want to consider my singing skills? Then this singing is not happy, is it?
Ladies and gentlemen, if I really correct him at this time, he may sing more correctly and accurately. So, are these four kinds of love or seeking love? Has it become Sony Ericsson? But grandma is unhappy. Can she be happy enough to eat? You are irresponsible, you will delay him, I say delay.
Grandma will accomplish nothing in the future if she keeps nagging. People will say, you are still engaged in education. What do you think of your children? A worthless child. I can't laugh. We always have many standards in mind. What will happen to us if we can't meet this standard? We will feel like losers, we are idiots, and we have problems.
Therefore, children sing with self-love from an early age. You must be kind to him. I don't know if he will become a success. Your love for love first destroyed his self-love.
So is reading, right? Speaking of reading, too, I liked reading novels very much when I was a child. My mother thought that except Chinese and math, they were all idle books and did nothing.
So what should we do? I have to wrap up the book and write Chinese on it. In the middle of the night, my mother saw that the light was still on in the room and suddenly broke in to have a look. I held up a Chinese book and my expression melted immediately. Still studying? Don't be too tired.
What is the cover of this book? This is for my mother. It's for love, right? It's raining hard. What does MengMeng do? It is self-love. Perfect, everyone is happy. The words are coming. What if many children have good reading habits or watch their children stride with big books? If you all think that this is a child's self-love, then you are a little hasty. Maybe he's just pandering to you.
When I was a teenager, one day I suddenly found that I had no ink on my chest. At that time, I especially admired those who were proficient in ancient and modern times. Then, I want to make up for myself. Where can I make up for it? Just borrow from those famous Chinese and foreign books, but they are all so thick. When can you finish reading them? Then go to the library to find the abbreviated versions of those famous books.
Then I rummage around day and night, and then I can show off to others and say, look at me, what have I read, then what is this reading? Sony Ericsson is right!
Of course, I don't represent most children, I only represent myself. A person like me who has no ambition can only represent myself.
Tell another story about marriage. I used to have a colleague whose mother's friend introduced him to a blind date. He said the introducer was very good with his mother, so he didn't have the nerve to refuse. What is this? This is Sony Ericsson, right? Later, I got married again. After marriage, don't talk about love, even friendship. What did his mother say? She said she could make do with it. She has been with her children all her life, and then after more than 20 years, he will settle down. Is this self-love or love?
Seek love with life, seek love with unhappiness, and seek love with self-destruction. Don't say that we desperately control our children. In fact, if we don't give enough love, if children lack love, children will pounce on even an understated position in order to get love.
Only when we give enough love, children don't have to worry about courtship and don't have to be so demanding of love.
Then I will talk about it next. Like self-love, there are two forms: positive and negative. What are the positive behaviors? Ah, confident, cheerful, optimistic, enthusiastic and happy, right? Diligence.
For example, I think of my little girl, who has a daughter. She called her mom mom, she and my mom, because we have a good relationship. She studies in Beijing Language and Culture University. His mother told me, alas, my daughter is so sunny. Student Union, Red Cross, Basketball Team, Postgraduate Entrance Examination. He is angry every day and has no time to talk to me. A child sent me a WeChat on a weekend. Mom, I miss you. When I heard something was wrong, I said back. As soon as the child entered the door, he burst into tears before he could sit still. He said, Mommy, I can't hold on. I feel really useless. He said I didn't have enough time. He said that some students in our class are busy until two o'clock in the middle of the night every day, writing papers and reports, and doing a lot of things in the club. But I am sleepy until twelve o'clock every day, and I really can't support it, he said. I can't compete with others at all. She said I wanted to sign up for all the clubs. But I am really busy. I'm really useless.
He said, I forced myself not to sleep, work for a while, work for a while, and then found that I couldn't sleep recently. I have a bad headache, but I can't sleep. He's been talking for days. I said, who told you to apply for so many projects? He said, nobody, it's me. I want to apply. I think more participation, more experience and more practice can help me learn more. I'm afraid of being left behind.
I said, who told you to participate more, experience more and practice more to learn more? Whose voice is this? He is my own voice. I have this voice in my body all the time. He paused and said, no, this is my mother's voice.
I said, are you afraid of being left behind by others, or are you afraid of your mother's dissatisfaction? Alas, the child cried even louder. He said I had tried my best, but he was never satisfied with me. He always thought I was lazy. Let's get to the bottom of it, what is behind these seemingly positive sunshine and high-spirited behaviors? I am in love. Those who are smart and sensible with excellent grades never give us any trouble. To love the child you love and think about is probably to feed us adults with his little body to get our satisfaction and love.
At the same time, Sony Ericsson also has its shortcomings. Right? Inferiority, listlessness, indifference, laziness, and no effort will all exist. Even when you are upset, be alert to whether your child is courting you.
Give another example. A senior three student dropped out of school because of depression. His parents were so anxious that they ran for him together. Because his parents divorced a long time ago, they each had a family and a child, and the child lived by himself since childhood. Then one day the child said, I haven't felt it for many years, and my parents have been running around for me. He said that I thought they didn't love me anymore, and I felt so warm at this time. In order to see this situation, I would rather be ill all the time.
Then in this case, the child's illness will not get better, because he is using it to ask his parents for love. Seeking love does not always show obedience, attachment, flattery and approval.
Many times, when a child can't get your attention, your attention and your satisfaction no matter how hard he tries, he will blow himself up and take revenge and choose a more intense way to ask for your love. If children quarrel with you, are they asking you for conquest and love? The child was sad and ignored me. Are you accusing me of not loving me enough? Whether the child is crying and rolling so that you can see him and satisfy him, whether he is asking for your love, whether the child is timid, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of not doing well, afraid of not meeting your requirements, afraid of being unhappy, afraid of not getting your love, these are all efforts made by the child to get your love.
It is sad for a child whose life is booming to try to get love. Their energy should have been used to develop their lives and strengthen their bones and muscles. They should have been able to concentrate on their own life conversations, but many parents are young and many children are tired, so the problem comes. Is one of your child's behaviors self-love or courtship?
For example, your child will do his homework when he comes home. Is this self-love or courtship? Is it self-love? Of course it's possible. The child likes studying these days and wants to do his homework when he comes home. This is entirely out of self-love. This is entirely possible, so is it possible that it is out of love? Of course, it is also possible. Then I go home and do my homework, and then I go to play after I finish. Mom likes this. Mother likes such a child, and the child does it. After a while, the child didn't want to do it when he got home. He wants to play games for two hours first. So is this self-love or love? Self-love, right? If you say stop playing at this time and he pretends not to hear you, is it self-love or love?
If he satisfies himself first, he is loving himself. If he is angry, I won't listen to you. What is that? Ask for your love, right? He ignored you and stressed to you that I was angry with you. I was tired. You didn't see it. You didn't understand me. You didn't love me. You didn't love me soon. Interesting, isn't it? Exactly the same behavior. Is it self-love or courtship? Therefore, you don't have to be happy to see your child's good behavior. Don't be sad to see the child's bad behavior, because the most important thing is not this behavior, but his side. What the hell happened?
Therefore, it is useless to raise children only by paying attention to behavior and not by heart. Therefore, indiscriminate love is to be with your heart, observe and judge with your heart. Well, this is one of the most important psychological methods of undifferentiated love. We will talk to you in the second class and finally talk about a subject. The first is very important, indiscriminate love. We call it the law of loneliness, that is, you choose to learn and you choose to grow. You have to ask yourself. Treat your children and your family with undifferentiated love. Never ask the opposite question. You can't ask me to treat me indiscriminately just because I have learned to love indiscriminately. This is putting the cart before the horse.
Moreover, it is enough for one person in a family to really learn to love indiscriminately. You just walked in here, and you still have a long way to go. So practice the second one slowly. Is this self-love or love? Every time you practice, you are taking a step towards your heart. Slowly, you will give your child more self-love and less love. We should change quantity and quality slowly. Don't worry, the third rule is very important. Children's love is also your self-love, right? For example, you said that your child got 100. Why? In order to make up for your wandering heart, you are too scared. Your child scored 100, and you will feel safe and powerful. Therefore, if you ask your child for love of 100, it is also your self-love. You should understand yourself and let go of yourself. Conversely, parents' love for us is parents' love for them, right? Therefore, from this perspective, you should forgive yourself and your parents. When you let your parents go, you actually let yourself go. Fourth, the harmony of family atmosphere is the top priority of family education, so everyone should maintain good family relations, especially husband and wife relations, and allow your lover to love himself more.
All right, thank you. So much for the second lecture. See you next week. Assign homework. Use spells at least twice a day in your life. Am I helping my child love himself or courting? Or self-love or courtship, in short, self-love or courtship. Then punch in every time you use it. Record your feelings and experiences in the application process, at least twice a day, no matter how many times. Ok, that's all for today. Thank you.