1, ten years, ten years, I thought the country had forgotten me.

I just chatted with my friends, and some of them talked about you, do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight, because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was really too much! I didn't treat you like a pig at all!

3. Sorry, director. Well, according to the background and personality of the role, I want to be naughty in rhythm in future performances, but it is a bit contradictory. what do you think?

As far as wisdom and martial arts are concerned, I have always been a little higher than him, but now there is a Xia Zixian, and I am afraid he is a little higher than me. It is because of you that he is a little taller than me!

When I laugh, my smile is full of bohemian temperament like a poet, but behind this bohemian, there are delicate and warm feelings. When I am silent, I look up like a pure and graceful girl in the choir and a noble with a deep and elegant head. Yes, I am such a man who perfectly combines various seemingly irreconcilable qualities.

6. I once had a sincere love before me, and I didn't cherish it. I regret it when I lose it. The most painful thing in the world is this. If God can give me a second chance, I will tell this girl that I love her. If I have to add a time limit to this love, I hope it is 10 thousand years. Let's share Stephen Chow's classic funny sentences. I hope you like it!

7. Can you be professional!

8. So I grabbed the fly, burst its belly, pulled out its intestines, and then grabbed his neck with its intestines and pulled it hard. The whole tongue is sticking out! I'll start over! The whole world is clean. Now everyone understands why I killed him!

9. A friend asked me to borrow money. It's easy for me to say. I'm in charge of less than ten dollars, and I have to discuss with my wife about more than ten dollars. Didn't he say you didn't have a wife? I said, so it's not negotiable. friends. . .

10, Cao Cao took his son Cao Chong to visit Liu Bei. Cao Cao went to the door and shouted: Cao Cao came to visit with his youngest son! ? Liu Bei:? Oh, honey. Come as soon as you come. Did you bring any fruit?

1 1, it's 36 degrees today, and it's as hot as death, but my family only has an electric fan. My mother brought my only electric fan from the living room into my room. My mother has been like this all these years. Every year in the hottest summer, she will bring the electric fan into my room and let me use it alone, while she silently turns on the air conditioner in the room.

12, chatting in the lab, a girl said: I really want to marry a rich husband. ? The other said:? Me too. ? Then I interjected curiously: Why talk about shopping, beauty and jewelry when you have money? Unexpectedly, the two girls' eyes lit up and excitedly discussed: if you have money, you can do research at will! Yes, let your husband buy any reagents you want. ?

13, A said to B: Mulan disguised herself as a man and joined the army as her father. I don't believe it at all. This is complete nonsense. In the army, I ate and lived with so many soldiers, but none of them found out that she was a woman. Do you think it's possible? You are so stupid. If Mulan slept with you, would you say so?

14, what did you say? You can tell such a lie? Do you have a conscience? I'm sorry about your parents, right? Is it worthy of this country? Hold a press conference to clarify, or I will skin you, tear your bones and drink your blood!

15. When I came to this company for an interview just after graduating from college, my boss told me earnestly: Although the salary is not high, you can get rapid growth here, which is the most important thing for young people. Now that two years have passed, the boss has not lied to me. I look like a man of 40 years old.

16, a recruit went out for training. When he saw six stars on a uniformed shoulder by the roadside, he was shocked by the six stars and saluted them to show his respect. It was a slap in the face when the platoon leader ran over. It's property security to pay homage to fart.

17, I'm a man, dating, and I invited a girl to eat KFC. ***45 yuan, I took out a bill for 100 and gave it to the cashier. The girl said I had change. It's my treat today! The cashier took the fifty she handed me, but she took my 100 yuan back and stuffed it into her bag. . The cashier and I were stunned and at a loss. . .

18, it's hard to drive a young man crazy. First, let him fall in love, and his best friend wins love with a knife. Then, you have to cut off his financial resources, obliterate his future ideals, ruin his health, be cheated in playing games, break his football, eat mutton skewers and have loose bowels, drink a little wine and be beaten, lose ability and despair. It is easy to drive a young woman crazy, as long as she is not allowed to take selfies.

19, it's really disappointing. Hearing your voice, I think you are a very emotional and imaginative person. Look at you all over, I know you have no connotation.

20. Dare to ask what kind of woman is a real woman. God replied: there is no inflation.

2 1, a woman can't be too beautiful, too beautiful will be called a vase; Women can't be too smart. If they are too smart, they will be called invisible killers. Women can't be too sexy, too sexy will be said to be beautifully dressed; Women can't be too gentle, too gentle will be said to have no opinion; Women can't be too tough, too tough will be scolded by men and women; Women can't be too cute. If they are too cute, they will be called naive and ignorant. It's too hard to be a woman!

22, I will try your chop suey noodles! Curry fish balls doesn't taste like fish or curry. Defeat The pigskin was so badly cooked that I didn't even chew my head. Defeat Pig Korean pine fell off in one clip, failure! Never pick carrots, too much muscle, failure! The most ridiculous thing is that the large intestine is not cleaned at all, and there is a lump of shit. Are you kidding?

23. How come? Even a pair of underwear and a piece of sanitary paper have their uses.

24. The father took his son to buy cold medicine. Because they are acquaintances, the drugstore owner asked, how can you catch a cold? Father said: That's the boy, kicking the quilt at night. Unexpectedly, my son retorted that it was not me. It was you who arched the quilt and made me catch a cold.

25. Do you think you can't be found by hiding? It's no use! An excellent person like you is as bright and outstanding as a firefly in the dark, no matter where you are. Your melancholy eyes, your sparse beard, your magical knife technique and that dry martini all fascinated me deeply. However, although this is excellent, there are rules. Anyway, you have to pay for last night's accommodation. Don't you have to pay that woman?

26. A buddy went to work in the morning and bought a baked sweet potato before breakfast. There were no seats on the bus, so I stuffed sweet potatoes into my fart pocket. After catching up with the empty seat, the buddy quickly stepped forward and sat in the seat. At this time, I heard a slight rumbling sound, and a large piece of brown broken melon pulp was squeezed out from my ass, still slightly steaming.

27, go out, my wife has confessed, don't sit in the first row by car, don't stand up with a vegetable clip, don't drink bad belly, don't pick wild flowers on the side of the road, don't bring lovers into the house.

28. It was cold, so I went to the bathhouse to take a bath and found that the junior high school teacher I hadn't seen for more than ten years also came down to pay the bill. I tried to pay the bill for him, but he refused, so he threw away 100 yuan to pay the bill. The beauty shop clerk said, sir, there is not enough money. Your consumption is 15 and his consumption is 3 13. I am drunk, too.

29. I heard that there is a kind of bird in the world that has no feet. It can only keep flying and flying. When it is tired of flying, it sleeps in the wind. This bird can only land once in its life, and that is when it dies. When I heard this story before, I felt sorry for the bird, and there was always a little sadness in my heart! Later, I heard from a friend that there was a bird named Angry Birds.

30. In ancient times, Guan Yunchang played chess and scraped bones to heal wounds. Today, I watched a belt stop bullets.

3 1. I always thought I was good-looking and not ugly. To this day, there is an empty seat next to me on the bus. A dozen girls passed by, and none of them wanted to sit next to me. My heart suddenly became clear.

32. When we were young, we were the Monkey King: being naughty and making trouble. When we were young, we were pigs: we did whatever we wanted and stumbled. In the prime of life, we are Friar Sand: hardworking, upright and honest. When we are old, we are Tang Priest: wordy, troublesome.

33. Is Xia Zi an exclamation point or a period in your mind? Is your mind full of question marks?

34. One day, the bear gave the dog a brain teaser. Seeing that the dog could not answer for a long time, the bear said contemptuously to the dog. Look at you, you are as stupid as a bear! Ha ha! ? The dog suddenly flew into a rage and shouted at the bear. You son of a bitch, I knew your dog wouldn't spit ivory! ?

35. As soon as a sister paper in the office broke up with the male ticket on the phone, she immediately shouted: I want to be a queen, and I want 72 male concubines in three palaces and six hospitals. A colleague in the corner floated faintly: that's not the queen, that's the actress! The whole office burst into laughter.

36. Don't blame me for being too frank! It's insignificant that you want to take my life.

37. A girl is gentle and affectionate. The boyfriend she met is honest and methodical. One day, he said to the girl in a matter-of-factly way: Our relationship is already very good, but I still hope you can open your eyes again and see what shortcomings I have, so as not to regret it. The girl replied, Oh, I can't see clearly now.

The latest 20 16 the most classic funny sentences the latest 20 16 the most classic funny sentences.

38, a buddy, once couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, he played with a drift bottle and got a sound. The other party is a sister paper. Say: It's so boring. Who can tell me a joke? My buddy is also kind, hesitated for a long time, and felt that he could not make my sister's paper chilling, so he sent a sentence: You are so beautiful, you two scolded all night.

39. I just woke up and did nothing outside, so I stopped by to learn from my teacher. You suddenly mentioned marriage to me. I haven't brushed my teeth!

40. The standards of Chinese teachers in primary schools in the new era: teaching pinyin, changing compositions, reciting poems and songs, writing spicy papers, understanding Locke's animation, telling current events, disciplining naughty students and dealing with the best parents. Concentrate on your grades, scratch your scalp, give test questions, forget all about eating and sleeping, change your homework, and help you in the middle of the night. Wen can write a test question and go online to dispel doubts. In short, being a teacher is not easy!

4 1, in the afternoon, my father scolded me, and then I got emotional and slapped me. At that time, he wanted to ease the atmosphere. He wanted to say? Dad, are you hungry? Shall I get you something to eat? , at that time the lips verging? You didn't eat, did you? Then I was slapped hard.

42. Did you see it? This guy talks about his mother-in-law all day, as if there were a fly all day. Sorry, not one, but a bunch of flies around you, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Fly into your ear, help!

43. Bao Longxing: You are a lemon head, mouse eyes, aquiline nose, eight eyebrows, ears, big mouth, old Qiang teeth, wick neck, high and low shoulders, long and short hands, chicken breast, dog belly and useless waist. If I were you, I would have killed myself.

44. You used to be in my heart, then slowly you ran into my stomach, then I digested you, and then you ran into my large intestine. Finally, you became a fart, and then I let you go. You are a fart. I won't let you go. Can't you stay in your intestines and enjoy it?

45. My wife will work overtime this weekend. The wife said:? No need to send it. I ride an electric car by myself. ? I said:? Are you sure your wife said: I am a good driver! ? I said:? Yes, as long as there is no big turntable, it will always be time for work, right? The wife said:? What do you mean? I said, what if you turn home at the turntable? ?

46. Having dinner with a buddy, he said: My wife is on a business trip and finally lives like an emperor. She can turn the sign every night! ? I asked with envy and jealousy. How many brands can you turn him over in an instant? Wash dishes, don't wash dishes, watch TV, play games and chat until you turn to what is written? Sleep? Until the brand. ?

47. After all, I am a western soldier. If you let me kiss you, I will. Then my image is not completely ruined!

48. I want you to meet Pizad's boyfriend. Bad and ugly hairstyle, no money, no schooling, average sexual ability, but a good-looking talent. Ha ha laugh

49, cut the crap! You chased me for three days and nights, and I won't kill you because you are a woman. Don't think I'm afraid of you!

50. Go to the newly-opened canteen for lunch, wash your hands as usual before meals and turn on the tap. As a result, there is no water. Aunt in the canteen said: our faucet here is voice-activated! ? Me:? High technology? Then I clapped my hands, but there was still no water. Ah! Ah! ? I called twice, but there was still no water. See aunt twist a head to the operating room shouted? Open the water valve! ?

5 1, not afraid of thousands of beautiful women, but afraid of beautiful women's discharge: dark eyes are called micro-electricity, and eyes are hot and high pressure. Unrequited love is called direct current, and double love is called alternating current. Love at first sight is called electricity, and two of a kind is called electricity. Love is like a battery, you should always charge it!

52. Can you be professional!

53. Shit, you are a piece of shit. Life is cheaper than ants. I drive a Mercedes, you pick your nose. Eat! ? Eat shit!

54. A friend asked me to borrow money. It's easy for me to say. /kloc-I'll be responsible for anything less than 0/0 yuan./kloc-I'll discuss it with my wife if it's more than 0/0 yuan. Didn't he say you didn't have a wife? I said, so it's not negotiable. friends. . .

55. On the anniversary of our company, I signed up for various lectures on roast whole sheep and jiaozi. My brother said weakly that I could only cook uncooked rice into cooked rice, and the group was instantly quiet. .

56. Have dinner with an idiot friend. He just became a father and showed off to me: my son looks exactly like me. [Funny joke] I was just about to answer, when Aunt Ding looked at him with sympathetic eyes: It doesn't matter if you are ugly, just be healthy and lively.

57. Who said I was cross-eyed? I just focused on one thing to change my previous view of things. Why? I can't make a rumor. Do you want to sit in my seat?

58. In Tibet, no matter how hard you try, you can't boil a pot of water, which shows that the environment is very important. Riding a bike, no matter how hard you try, you can't catch up with BMW, which shows that fairness is very important; A man, no matter how excellent, can't have children without a woman, which shows that cooperation is very important; So sometimes, it is not enough for us to work hard, but also to learn to adapt to the environment and cater to the rules. Right?

59. The so-called? Finger belly for marriage? Pointing to his girlfriend's belly, he said to his parents, Dad, Mom, are we getting married?

60, feed feed! Don't be angry, everyone. Anger will offend you! Wukong, you are too naughty. I told you not to throw things around. Why are you doing this? Look, I haven't finished yet. You threw the stick away again! Moonlight box is a treasure. If you throw it away, it will pollute the environment. What if you hit a child? Even if you can't hit children, it's wrong to hit those flowers and plants! Do you want it? Wukong, how can I know what you want if you don't tell me? Although you look at me sincerely, you still have to tell me what you want. Do you really want it? Then you can take it! You don't really want it, do you? Do you really want it?

6 1, a clever mother will teach her children to call their father first, and then you will feel very happy and loving, but the winter experience is more profound. The child wakes up in the middle of the night and calls his father, and then his mother kicks you and says that the child calls you Ni,

62. I went to eat hot pot with my girlfriend. I pointed to the pot and said, look, this hot pot is just like us! She nodded: well, I am as hot as a spicy pot, and you are as cold as a clear soup pot! I shook my head: no, I am the spicy one, and you are the one next to spicy. This meal is a farewell dinner!

63. Elder sister, you are not afraid of being laughed at. Be careful, even the dog will faint.

64. I went home from a holiday with my husband for a long time and saw an unspeakable pair of underwear hanging on the balcony. I casually said, throw it away, it's still rotten. The second cargo head didn't lift, saying, I dare not throw it. When you come back, you find that I'm missing a pair of underwear. I'm afraid I can't make it clear.

65. It's dangerous here. Go back to Mars!

66. When I was a child, I made a dynamic in space today, saying: I dropped my mobile phone, but fortunately it didn't break. The following comments: Your height saved it.

67. Save it! Change your image and be a promising mountain thief!

68. My friend and I drove out the day before yesterday. One of Lu Yu's sisters stopped our car anxiously. She said to help me catch the 17 bus ahead, and the children were left behind. My buddy is trying to catch up at the next stop. I'll go. I want to ask, is this child his own?

69. In the first 20 years, we ate, slept, played and enjoyed life. For the next 40 years, I was struggling to support my family; And recently 10 years, squatting at the door every day, greeting passers-by?

With your wisdom, it is difficult for me to explain it to you!

7 1. Look at you. You are so mean and shameful. How can you come out with me and wander the rivers and lakes?

72. There are three stages in life: first, the moonlight family who earns money on their own conditions is called a loser; Second, if you lose yourself and start to gnaw at the old, this is called mutual loss; When you reach the age, you find a partner just like you. It's called couples losing!

73. Don't look at how others cut your hair. It will make you nervous and popular. You should cooperate! Look at your hairstyle, it doesn't match your face, your figure, your hairstyle, it doesn't match at all! Brother Huan! What exactly do you want?

74. I met my friend in the street today and saw a blood mark on his neck. I was surprised and asked, What's the matter? Who defeated him? The friend said in distress situation: You are right, you can't buy a fake gold necklace! Ya's quality is so good that I was robbed by thieves when I rode my bike to the street. Shit, I dragged it for a long time and almost strangled me.

75. Bitter B's life always has endless work, endless resentment, endless fat man, endless grandfather, endless SB, endless father. When can I have endless money?

76. ridiculous! I dare say that in front of me, no one dares to pretend, please be quiet!

77. I can't stand you! You are so ugly, do me a favor, everyone is a fairy, and stop sexually harassing me, okay?

So I grabbed the fly, burst its belly, pulled out its intestines, and then grabbed his neck with its intestines and pulled hard, oh! The whole tongue is sticking out! I'll start over! The whole world is clean. Now everyone understands why I killed him!

79. In the group performance "We are All Family", the monitor came to comfort us and said not to be nervous, and then announced the curtain call. Please enjoy the program "We are All Family" brought by our class.

80. Goddess: Call me Queen. Diaosi: Eight Empresses. Goddess: What about you, pig? Just two words. Diaosi: Tortoise!

8 1, Xiao Qiang! Xiao Qiang, please order, Xiao Qiang! Xiao Qiang, you're dead! You and I have lived together, sharing weal and woe for so many years, and have been teaching books as my own flesh and blood. I can't believe the bald black people nowadays!

82. When there is no money, every time I go to eat hot pot, I think about how much I spent when ordering food. Now I finally have money. When I go to eat hot pot again, I don't have to bother: just use the calculator on my mobile phone.

83. ridiculous! I dare say that in front of me, no one dares to pretend, please be quiet!

84. In the 1960s and 1970s, it was generally believed that Fahai imprisoned Xu Xian to catch demons. In the 1980s and 1990s, people basically agreed that Fahai was embarrassed by Xu Xian because he liked white snakes. But in 2 1 century, the public almost felt that Fahai had a big fight with White Snake because he wanted Xu Xian!

85. Elder sister, you are not afraid of being laughed at. Be careful, even the dog will faint.

86. Take the expressway by car, approaching the service area, and the driver roared:? Go to the bathroom and get ready in advance! ? A friend next to me asked weakly:? How do we prepare in advance? Do you want to take off your pants now?

87. It's our duty as citizens to get rid of violence and be safe, and it's my personal interest to do good deeds and accumulate virtue, so I help the old lady cross the street once a week, and I will do it two or three times if it's a national holiday!

88. Sick children: Why should we wipe the cotton ball before the injection? Father: That's alcohol. Get your ass drunk first, then the injection will stop the pain. ? Sick child:? But I still hurt! ? Father:? That's because your ass is good at drinking!

89. It's really disappointing. Hearing your voice, I think you are a very emotional and imaginative person. Look at you all over, I know you have no connotation.

90. At the end of the exam today, after classmate A came out of the classroom, classmate B asked her: How was the exam? A classmate said: It's so easy. Classmate B said after listening, really? A classmate burst a swearing sentence:? Shit, where can't I take the exam? .

9 1, Bohu, don't be so awesome, okay? I swear, if I gamble again in the future, I will let the ugliest woman in the world gang-rape every night until she is in pieces and shaky. Is it okay?

92. Lu Xun's possession of Chinese, Gauss's possession of mathematics, Li Yang's possession of English, Newton's possession of physics, Dalton's possession of chemistry, Doraemon's possession of history, Zhou Enlai's possession of politics, Darwin's possession of geography and Columbus and Li Daoyuan's possession.

93. If a man is fined for parking illegally, he will quarrel with the police and a woman will persuade him. If a woman is fined for parking illegally, she will have an argument with the man around her, and the police will persuade her.

94. Today, I came up with a trick to find a seat in the library: Step one: find a seat with sister paper; Step 2: hand in a prepared note and write: classmate, I like you for a long time and hope to associate with you; Step 3: If sister paper immediately puts away her schoolbag and leaves, then congratulations, you have a seat; If sister paper smiles at you, congratulations, what else is there for self-study? Of course, the possibility is very small.

95. My sister's dormitory m-girls? Baby? . There is a girl named? Jiaowa? , petite and lovely. There is one? Eve? I like to eat apples. There is one? Kuva? , in good condition. What's my sister's name? Huluwa? Snoring because of sleeping

96. The school held a sports meeting. As there are few boys in the class, the Sports Commission tries its best to attract people to participate. Ironically, a 200-kg roommate was assigned to take part in the triple jump. After we knew it, we were greatly surprised and questioned: Can we jump into the pit if we are so fat? Who knows, my roommate has a well-thought-out plan and says with a smile: Don't worry, just like me, there are pits wherever you jump. ?

97. I am a completely clean woman. I go home before 9 o'clock on time every day. I'm not having an affair with any man. I like painting and listening to Irish CDs. I lived like this until my 40th birthday yesterday, and my parents kicked me out of the house.

98. I just went to dinner and saw tea eggs. I think that I have started running for the third year, and I haven't eaten tea eggs before graduation. I was cruel and asked how much it was. The boss actually said: no, this is what we use to show off our wealth! ?

99. proprietress: Your son has no asshole, your father sells asshole, your own asshole is rotten, and you like to eat chicken asshole. Big ass, you don't have your own business, and you bother me?

100, my admiration for you is like a raging river, endless, like the Yellow River.