This process is divided into three parts. The first stage: I don't think about tea and rice, I can't sleep every night, and I am so thin. My weight went from 5 1KG to the last 39KG；; The second stage: self-abandonment, overeating, soaring to 89KG, successfully obtaining another self; The third stage: repentance, reborn, reborn after 40KG. It all started with a breakup.
After 500 days and nights of soul trekking and self-redemption, I can finally shout out when I return to the sun: I came out alive.
Looking back, everything in Dou Yun has faded. Zhang Shuishui, I even feel that I should solemnly thank you for leaving me.
It all started with an accidental meeting seven years ago.
I was an undergraduate at that time. I've been boring since I was a child. I only read, write and do my homework. I came all the way from the senior high school entrance examination, so I lost many choices in my life.
Probably because of my plain appearance and my insulated physique, my emotional history in the first 20 years of my life is empty. After I went to college, I was inspired by my roommates' wonderful love storm and their unyielding training.
I began to look forward to love. This is how Zhang Shuishui parachuted into my love life. At that time, he was still studying in Jiangcheng, a famous university in China.
It was the weekend, and the first snow fell in Quancheng since winter. There are not many people on campus because of the heavy snow and strong wind. At that time, I was eager to meet love and dressed carefully every day, hoping that the drama of love in the study room, love in the library and even love in the restaurant would be staged soon.
In fact, the first encounter with Zhang Shuishui is still very graphic.
That day, I was dressed in red and braved the snow to meet my cousin in the Red Chamber Square. We made an appointment to go to the movies.
"Hello ~ classmates, please stay" is followed by hurried footsteps. The dull and powerful footsteps flying in the snow don't need to be too attractive at all. The boy with this rhythm is simply a walking hormone with a man's unique magnetic voice.
As soon as I turned around, I bumped into him because of the unstable road conditions. This is the first time I have had such close contact with a boy. In an instant, the deer hit me, and I was a little unstable under the inertia, but he was a good helmsman. When my right hand was hooked, I stood up firmly. I wonder, is this the beginning of my love?
I don't have time to feel the impact in a hurry and end it in a hurry, but I already have expectations in my heart. When I looked up at him, I felt that I was blushing, which is exactly the face of my boyfriend I expected. Ying Ting's nose, angular lip line, fair skin, and more importantly, he has a pair of my favorite eyes.
That day, he came to see his classmates, and his roommate was studying in our school. In fact, he has been to our school twice, so it is easy to find classmates. Later, he said that I was dressed in red in the heavy snow, and my figure and walking posture were very similar to his first love girlfriend, the girl who once tore his heart and lungs.
I guided him all the way to his destination. When he left, he asked me for the phone number and QQ number of the dormitory, and we established contact.
In the first four years of long-distance love with him, I studied in different cities, which was the sweetest memory in my life. He has a perfect person across the screen, asking questions every day, and his love is covered on the cold LCD screen. Never been in love, he spoiled me. I swear, I will love him in my life. I met him strangely when I was in love. He likes to come to me when he is in a bad mood, and he will vent his emotions on me every time he comes.
At first, I thought he missed me too much. He always likes to hold me tight when things are over, and the whispers in his sleep are basically the same sentence, that is: why did you lie to me from the beginning ... I know, he missed his first love again, the one he loved for four years and finally married a woman of the second generation.
All the good things between him and me came to my city after graduation and finally came into reality from the screen. At that time, we lived together. After graduating from graduate school, I joined a great company with the recommendation of my tutor. The vice president of the company is my brother. Through my own efforts, I got along well in this company and my position was quickly promoted. In the third year of graduation, I saved 300,000 yuan.
Although it is not much, it is quite good in Quancheng and among my classmates. So, when he offered to buy a house, I took it all out without saying anything. The market value of that house is 950 thousand, and he asked his parents for 600 thousand. At that time, he jumped ship many times and finally joined a Japanese company. After he paid the remaining 50 thousand with the money on the card, the balance was only enough for him to buy two boxes of instant noodles, transfer them to the back room, pay taxes and so on, all of which were filled in after I paid my salary.
When buying a house, he said that his name should be written on the room book, because his parents meant that his family would pay two thirds. I don't want to be unhappy with his parents before marriage because of this, thinking that it doesn't matter whose name I write sooner or later.
Originally thought that after the house was handed over, we would start our own happy life. Unexpectedly, we gradually became the most familiar strangers.
He started as a shopkeeper, and I, in order to buy clothes for this family, got several air conditioners this month, and I will finish the whole cupboard next month. It took me six months to make this family look brand-new. In order to save money, I painted the walls of the whole house flat by myself, and he always didn't come back in the middle of the night on the grounds of overtime.
I cook breakfast for two people every morning, and he is still sleeping until I go out to work. We usually can't communicate for a week, and gradually, I feel as if something happened between us.
In fact, my parents also think that he is not the right person to get married. There is a reason for this. At that time, the house was renovated and has moved in. My parents came to see me. My father is a restless man. When he sees something wrong at home, he will help. There was something wrong with the shower nozzle in the bathroom. Father felt it was a waste of water and uncomfortable to take a bath, so he began to dismantle it and prepare for simple repairs. After opening it, it was found that the problem was serious and needed to be replaced again to solve the real problem. It was after 9 o'clock in the evening, and the nearby hardware stores were closed.
After he came back from working overtime, his face stinks since he learned about it. He even dragged me into the room and asked my father why he didn't consult him in advance when he started repairing his things. The quarrel between us is getting louder and louder, and my father is very sad outside the room. The next morning, my father went to the hardware store and bought the gate and shower. After solving the problem, the old couple rushed back to their hometown, which made me feel particularly unhappy.
Going home on holiday, my mother said earnestly, daughter, you are not suitable for Xiao Zhang, and we will not discuss his attitude towards me and your father. Think for yourself, does he have you in the center of daily life, and is he tolerant enough when things go wrong? Your father and I have lived most of our lives and met many people and things. We don't think Xiao Zhang is a down-to-earth child. You are our only daughter, and we don't want you to marry the wrong person. ...
I couldn't fully understand what my parents said at that time. After all, I was deeply in love with him. I have always felt that if you love someone, you should believe it to the end. I still love him without reservation, although he gave me a colder and colder face and almost no communication. I always feel that when my work is a little free, we can talk about the future. I am paranoid that nothing can't be solved by communication.
Until that happened: one day when I was cooking, I was distracted and knocked over the pot cooked on the fire, and all the contents of the soup pot spilled on the ground. My eyes are nearsighted 1000 degrees. It happened that when I took a taxi home that day, I took off my glasses and rested for a while, and then I lost them as soon as I got off the bus.
Because I couldn't see the situation on the ground clearly, I slipped and fell heavily on the ground. With a click, my first reaction was that the bone was broken. It really hurts. You know the pain in your heart, but you can't say a word. My first reaction was to inform Zhang Shuishui quickly. I hope he can appear by my side at once. I sent him a message with deep pain: Zhang, I had an accident, so I called 120, for fear that he would not receive the WeChat message. I also specially dialed him, but his mobile phone was always unanswered.
After a long pause, I was finally able to speak loudly. I called my best friend. I didn't know I had a pelvic fracture until I was admitted to the hospital.
After being hospitalized for half a month, two girlfriends took turns to take care of me. They have rich experience in love. I have poured my life and inner anguish on them in recent years. At the same time, they concluded that there must be something wrong with Zhang Shuishui. They say that this is not the right way to exist in love.
After leaving the hospital, I realized the problem and wanted to talk to him seriously about our problems, but he shirked it on the grounds that there was no time. Not only that, he also increased the number of business trips, and sometimes he didn't go home for ten and a half days. Sometimes you don't talk even when you come back. I think it's time for us to finish.
Growing up, although I am a little white emotionally, I have been pursuing academic and professional progress, and I have a sense of pride in my bones. I don't want to be treated like this by him At that time, I thought, if you don't love me, then I will set you free and start a decent ending. No harm is the best ending of this relationship.
When I broke up with him, he was surprisingly happy, more like a relief. He said simply, thank you for your efforts in recent years. I will transfer the money you paid for buying a house to your card at one time. Finally, he gave me a meaningful look, but in the end he said nothing. I still don't understand the meaning of that look.
After breaking up, I packed all my things and moved out. After all, the owner is Zhang Shuishui. Although I paid for a full set of furniture and appliances at first, in the end, I still don't belong to this family.
The past seven years have ended like this. At the moment I left, I felt that my body and mind were hollowed out. Although I told myself intellectually that it was over and I wanted to start a new life with dignity, I couldn't help feeling sad when I thought of the past. I didn't know what I had done to make him so cold to me. When I was half asleep, I remembered the sweet past when we were together. In those two months, I lost a lot of weight and plummeted. In the end, I only weighed 39KG, which was the lowest weight in my adult life.
What really broke me down was a message from my girlfriend soon after. The girlfriend said: Zhang Shuishui is actually married, and the bride is his colleague. He got married less than half a year after I broke up with him?
The bride is from this city. It is said that grandpa was the deputy commander of a military region before he retired, and many relatives in his family also held important positions in this city, which can be regarded as a noble family. I think that Zhang Shuishui entered this company two years ago, and at almost the same time, his attitude towards me changed 360 degrees. I can't help thinking about it.
I feel very sad, on the one hand, for Zhang Shuishui's care, on the other hand, for his wonderful seven years. I can't figure out that during this time, I kept eating to cover up the cruelty of this world, so there was the birth of that 89-pound fat girl.
When such a chubby me appeared in the mirror and looked at myself, I found that the whole world had fallen, and my mood had not changed because I had become a strange myself. The road of life is very long, the past is over, the future belongs to me, and life is a feeling for myself. If you give up on yourself again, no one will respond with sympathy, because you are just you.
I began to try to get rid of the past and unhappiness. I am crazy about fitness and enjoy another kind of pleasure brought by torture. I find that when I abuse myself desperately, my body and soul will get a real sense of fulfillment. Slowly, I feel my change in this reality, which is also a kind of enjoyment with a sense of accomplishment.
Sometimes it's really not a bad thing to meet love rat in life.