1, a young artist asked the Zen master, "I am doing the most ordinary work in a most basic position. I feel that I have no future, and I am very unwilling. " The Zen master picked up a rope around him and lit it. Looking at the dazzling fire, the young man said thoughtfully, "Zen master, I understand that even the most common rope has its own glory!" " The Zen master said, "Fuck off! I mean, I'm burning my life and talking to you! "
2. Teacher: Xiao Ming, why did you fight again? Even if you win the fight, you can't do anything, and you can't beat others. Xiao Ming: Who said that? I can rub my way. Teacher: Can you do judo? Show the students Xiao Ming: How to perform here? Teacher: Then go to the playground? Xiaoming: Only hotels can do it. Teacher: Get out! !
3. My buddy and I went to eat Lamian Noodles, and there was a beautiful woman sitting opposite us. My buddy said to me,' Does she look familiar to you?' I thought, how do you know just by looking? I decisively took a bite of Lamian Noodles, beauty, cooked! See if my buddy has any questions.
4, high school chorus, our class sings the Yellow River chorus, and the monitor leads the singer, but he is particularly nervous. Finally, it was our class's turn. The monitor said, "The wind is whistling! The horse is barking! Ready ... call! " . Since then, he has been immortal in our school. ....
One day, the cat and the dog got married and then divorced. The judge asked, "Why?" The dog said, "since we got married, cats seldom come into the house. Their behavior is a bit strange." The cat said, "No, I'm just chasing mice!" " "Dog:" Listen! "
6. Somehow, it's very hot recently. I went downstairs and bought a small pudding. I was chatting with a classmate in the shade, so I put it in the sun. Yes, two minutes later, I went home with a bag of hot milk. . .
7, temporarily sharing a small house, originally separated by a big room and a small hall, only to find out at night that the next door shared a small woman, who was not ugly, and she became wicked. She was bored in bed and found a small hole in the partition wall. Maybe she hung up her clothes before and suddenly felt the opportunity came. I quickly leaned down and almost peed. There is a hovering eyeball in it! !
8. Teacher: "You can use it to make sentences." Student: "Since you asked me to make a sentence, I'll make one." The teacher is stupefied.
9. Teacher: "Are you aware of the shortcomings of sleeping in class?" Student: "I know." Teacher: "What are the shortcomings?" Student: "The disadvantage is that it is not comfortable to sleep in bed."
10, I saw Xiaoli next door just after I went out, and I was very happy. I asked, "Why is Xiao Li so happy today? Did you find the money? " Li: No, I didn't pick up the money. I picked up a box of condoms. I said, "Really! Give me a few! " Li: This is a large size. Your husband can't use it! "Me: Your husband can't use it! suddenly ...
1 1. Both husband and wife have lovers outside and often go out to find excitement by themselves. They seldom spend the night together. One day, both of them were at home, feeling a little guilty, so they were gentle. I don't want the two of them to sleep until the early hours of the morning, when my wife suddenly turned over and sat up and said loudly in her dream, "Oh, no, my husband is back!" " "My husband got up at once, and quickly picked up all the clothes! Jumped out of the window ..
12, the vampire bat came back covered in blood, and the bats were very envious. They asked him where he got so much blood. He took the bat to a big tree and asked, Do you see that big tree? Answer: Yes. It: Damn, I didn't see it.
13, I was watching TV with relish and was interrupted by an advertisement. I muttered, "It's really annoying." The wife smiled and said, "What's bothering you? Look, handsome, find the gap. Time will pass quickly. " After the wife finished, the second advertisement was interrupted. That's a bathing advertisement made by Lin Chi-ling. I turned to look at my wife and said, "You should find the gap this time."
14, one thing at the same table, love to sing old songs. I went crazy again the other day, singing "The Man who Tied the Horse". At this time, I couldn't help it any longer. I opened my mouth and said, "You are bad. Boy. " The goods froze on the spot and stopped humming for two days. As a result, I sang Bad Boy, Bad Boy. The unlucky child said, "You are mighty and magnificent." This is naked revenge.
15. I just took my sister's children to buy snacks and saw a dollar on the way. I was too lazy to pick it up, so I asked the child, "Did you see that dollar?" The child said, "I saw it. What should I do?" I said helplessly, "Pick it up."
16. Today, the second-rate girlfriend confessed again. "What kind of person can marry a beautiful goddess with high IQ and emotional intelligence?" I said, "Blind."
17, when I was a child, my parents took me home one day and caught me in the middle when I was walking … I don't know which nerve took the wrong line and sang a smoking song "A chicken in my left hand and a duck in my right hand …" My father glared at me and slapped me … Who knows my mother went on to sing "I suddenly made me vomit blood …" There was a toad in the middle.
18 One day, while watching If You Are the One, I suddenly asked my wife next to me: Why are there 24 female guests if You Are the One? The wife answered without thinking: 1 hour 1 ... holy cow, really amazing!
19, my girlfriend thinks I'm short and poor. It's been almost a year since we broke up. Just now, she called me and said she was pregnant, and the man lost contact. What a sad cry! Don't know how to comfort! Me: "Nothing! Having a baby, my brother is coming! " I put out my cigarette and sang, "There are so many people watching your jokes, and I am just one of them. Don't be romantic. I'm happy and no one wants me to be single. . .
20. Teacher: Why do you always fail in the next class? Xiaoming: Because you didn't teach the class next door! ! ! Teacher: Get out. ...
2 1. There is a "physiological touch" in the classroom. The teacher said, "Everyone should have heard that pain is divided into twelve grades in medicine. The first level refers to the pain of being bitten by mosquitoes, and the twelfth level is the most painful level, which is the pain of women during childbirth. " At this point, someone raised his hand and asked, "Teacher, is there a grade 13 pain?" Another student volunteered: "It's just that a woman was bitten by a mosquito during childbirth!
My friend is getting married next month. I'm nervous. Why? Just like an exam, it is inevitable to be nervous when you see others hand in their papers. As more and more people hand in their papers, you hand them in hastily. If you don't hand in your papers then, the teacher will drag you to hand them in. . . What a painful understanding. . .
23. When I was a child, I often did bad things with my friends in primary school. One day, my friend told me that my father was not at home! I went to my house and stole a glass of wine. While we were talking nonsense in a daze, his father suddenly came back. My little friend stood up and said to his father, Dad, don't fucking hit me! I didn't drink! ! Then the whole street was crying.
24. In the morning, I went to the bank to withdraw money. There were too many people, so I chose number 48 and called it number 9. When I sat down to have a rest, a girl smiled and dreamed of Duke Zhou, holding the number 14 in her hand, feeling that young people nowadays are really too sleep-deprived. . . In order to let her have enough sleep, she quietly changed our number and hid her merits and demerits and fame.
25. Two men met in the hospital. One person said, "Our temporary workers are really unlucky. We don't like people at ordinary times, and we have to be responsible for something! " Another person said, "I have the same experience as you." The person in front asked, "What, are you a temporary worker?" "No, I'm a spare tire."
26. The fat man said to his girlfriend, "It's so hot that I want to eat you." The girlfriend said shamefully, "It's very spicy, but how can you be willing to eat this baby?" The fat man wiped her sweat and said, "Because you are a sweaty baby now!" " "
27. A woman I met in middle school happened to be in a new environment. She is not far from me. It was past ten last night. I called her and wanted to treat her to a midnight snack. She said, would you please have a midnight snack? I don't know if she didn't see the caller ID or something, but she actually said, fast food is 300, and overnight is 800. Is this really good?
28, canteen, friends checkout, 46 yuan, meal coupons issued by our unit, 6 yuan per person, gave six. A friend came over and said, "Six, six, forty-eight, give me two more pieces." The proprietress said bitterly, "Young man, don't fool me."
29. Early in the morning, my drinking buddy's wife called me and scolded me, saying that I shouldn't let her husband drink so much and let him still lie in the kennel! Wait for a while said it was his own bed, damn it. Forget it, I quickly loosened the toilet that I had been holding all night!
30. On the bus, a little boy of about four or five years old has been holding on to the decorative chain on his mother's clothes. After a while, he will say, "Mom, I like this. Can I have this after you die? " His mother looks black. "I can give it to you if I am not dead."
Editor's note: A woman is squatting in the toilet without paper. After squatting for a long time, I found someone next door, so I knocked next door and asked if there was any more paper. The woman replied, if I bring paper, can I stay here with you? I had no choice but to settle it with money, and then I rummaged through my bag and asked next door if I could change some pieces. After a while, a few coins were stuffed next door!
The wonderful idiot laughed to death.
Shopping guide: "pretty girl, do you want to buy this dress?" You look particularly sexy and beautiful in this mini skirt. ""Oh, really? I think this skirt suits me too. " "You really have an eye. The best thing about this miniskirt is that you bought it, so you also give a pair of pants to prevent exposure. Oh, can you afford it? " "ah? So what? Then I don't want it. "
1, I'm a little nervous when I go to my girlfriend's house for the first time. After dinner, I sat down to have tea with her parents. Basically, her parents asked me a question and I answered it. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. Just as she was talking, her father suddenly said, I dreamed of hitting someone with my car last night. I immediately replied: this dream is all reversed. I think you were hit by a car. Suddenly I feel that the whole world is quiet.
2. It's convenient in the company toilet today. Suddenly the phone rang next door, and a man said, "Hello, Mr. Wang, I'm eating. I'll be right there. " My heart is really different. Do you eat in the toilet?
Today, I saw a group of people sitting there having a rest. I couldn't help it, so I played them a March of the Volunteers on my mobile phone. Get up, people who don't want to be slaves. As a result, they chased and killed me for five blocks. Fortunately, I ran fast, otherwise I would be finished! !
4, and the girlfriend has always been a wife, and the background is cut. Today, I met my girlfriend and her boyfriend shopping. My girlfriend kissed me when she came up, then hugged me and said to her boyfriend, This is my wife! My best friend smiled and said, your wife? Lend me a few days. ! Me:. . .
One day, I saw my 7-year-old son washing socks, so I wanted to praise him, but when I saw my son's washing basin, I was shocked and said, "You son of a bitch, it's outrageous to wash socks with our vegetable basin." He said, "But Dad, I used to wash socks with this basin!" " "I said angrily," what? I said why sometimes the fried dishes are smelly socks. So it was you, little bastard! "
6. A student is asking for Buddha: Ask Buddha to turn Qianlong into the creator of the Great Wall. Buddha said: What is the reason? The student said: That's the answer to my history paper just now.
7. I remember once going to my little nephew's house for dinner, and he always wanted to play with me. Play dead suddenly when you are bored. I didn't expect him to give me "artificial respiration" when he came up. Horse eggs ... made my mouth water.
My wife took her daughter shopping. When she passed the beef soup restaurant, the baby asked,' Mom, can cows lay eggs? I said, "How can cows lay eggs?" Then why does it say cow eggs? "Silence! ...
9. A buddy went on a blind date and the woman refused. Then the man said, "I knew my dad lied to me." My dad said that as long as I said that my family had three villas and two sports cars, you would promise me. They are all deceptive. " The woman said, "Actually, I was joking with you just now. I hope to have a boyfriend." The buddy said, "Haha, actually I was joking just now."
10, my girlfriend complained today. Girlfriend: Honey, if only I could lose ten pounds! Me: No, isn't that 250?
1 1. I called my good friend: Where is it? Gay friends: On the way to work. Me: Go to Nimaby and come out. Hey, there's a girl. Gay friends: I'll ask for leave. ...
12, I: Honey, my relatives are here. Boyfriend: Oh, let's eat out at night. Me (affectionate): You are so kind to me ... Boyfriend: How many? Me: I am menstruating! Boyfriend: When did you get your period? Why don't I know? Is my uncle here? Is this an earthling?
13, I just saw a news that a 17-year-old pregnant woman beat a junior two student, and the reason was actually sung by Faye Wong: just because she gave you a second look in the crowd. Now that I think about it, it's fucking terrible.
14, a boy confessed to his childhood girl: "I loved you since I was a child!" The girl was startled and said, "Why did you peek at me going to the toilet?" ! "
15, when I was a freshman, a classmate confessed to the goddess of senior three, and the goddess said, "I don't like children!" Who knows that these two goods came with a sentence: "We can not have children first! "Emma, too witty, our class laughed for a semester! !
16, I was so angry. I found a new mobile phone yesterday and called a husband according to the phone book. Originally, I wanted the other party to come to me to get my mobile phone. I said, "Where are you?" The other party: "What the fuck did you ask me?" Me: "It's about you." The other party: "I have nothing to do with you." I hung up the phone and decisively dropped my phone. Go to hell. Excuse me, did I do something wrong?
17, a classmate told me: "Today, I confessed to the girl I liked for a long time, and she wanted to invite me to dinner. Although I was reluctant to keep the appointment, I didn't have the courage to refuse in order not to hurt the goddess' heart, so I went to eat some! "Me:" You should be happy that a girl invites you to dinner. Why should you force it? "Classmate:" Because she told me to eat shit! " "I: ...
18, Yankee who can speak simple Chinese, please come here, please translate the following text: Uncle, uncle asked my aunt to come and help. Then my aunt saw uncle Lala and asked why. My uncle replied: My uncle kissed my aunt, and my aunt complained about my uncle. My uncle just hit my uncle. Please help me translate it in English!
19, I made a password with my classmates in college. When I went to the Internet cafe, I said I was going to the library. Once I skipped the evening study, and we shouted: Hurry up, go to the library, there will be no place for a while! Suddenly found the guide nearby ... I'm glad I dodged a bullet.
20. Xiaoming has been fond of Xiaoli for a long time. One day, the teacher asked, "What is the motherland?" Xiaoli replied: "The motherland is my mother!" Xiao Ming shouted: "The motherland is my mother-in-law!"
2 1, has a crush on a girl in the next class for a long time. I wrote a confession note today and put it in my pocket. During the break, I saw her chatting against the railing. I hurried over and took out the note in my pocket and stuffed it into her hand. I turned and ran away, feeling uneasy about two classes. Later I found that the note was still in my pocket, but I didn't know where the dime in my pocket was. How strange!
22. The man next door suddenly came back early from a business trip and felt something was wrong at home. He immediately locked the door and forbade his wife to go out. For three days, however, he didn't go out. This morning, he opened the closet door and pulled out the people inside. This man has no strength to fight back. . . . . What a new skill.
23. My wife is in confinement, and her husband burned himself. She said that you should go to the wife next door, and she agreed. After a while, her husband came back with a black face. My wife asked what was going on, and my husband said yes, but my husband refused, so I agreed. His wife said angrily, "It's too much. He doesn't want to think about how many times I helped his wife when she was in confinement ..."
24. Mom: "Why do you wash clothes with soap?" Me: "There is no washing powder at home." Mom: "Then you can just buy a bag. You can't wash clothes with soap!" " "Me:" My classmates and I are used to this in the school dormitory. If the washing powder is gone, use soap, soap and shower gel, shampoo and toothpaste! "My mother looked at me in surprise and said," If the toothpaste is gone, I won't wash it. "Me:" Not necessarily. We can consider using shoe polish! " "
I didn't wear glasses when I was in the graduate class last night, but I vaguely saw a girl sitting next to her boyfriend with tape on her back. Lz helped her take it off with a helpful attitude. I don't know that someone else covered the scotch tape, and somehow got a piece on my back, and so on. Dude, stop fighting, stop fighting, my face still hurts.
26. I got a fitness card with my colleagues half a month ago and often went swimming. Today, just after a walk, a colleague told us seriously: NND, the water in this swimming pool must have not been changed for more than ten days. We looked at him in shock and asked, how do you know? My colleague said, I'll go, because the water today is more salty than the water a few days ago.
27. A boy confessed to the female boss of a cold meat shop: "Do you want to sell 2000 yuan for a catty of meat?" The female boss said: "sell! ! "The boy said," You are about 120 kg. I have reported it! " "
28. In the park today, I saw a boy professing to a girl. The girl was very angry and said, "What do you like about me? Can't I change it? " ! The boy replied tactfully, "I like you alive!" " "
29. Walking in the community the other day, I saw the young couple across the street teasing their children, so I went up to tease them: Baby, call your uncle quickly and see if you and your uncle have dimples. Is your father teasing them? ..... Why don't the neighbors across the hall look at me in the wrong way!
30. Get up in the morning and feel refreshed. Look in the mirror and say that you are handsome again today. My wife came by with a long story: You can brag. I was beaten and had to wash my face and brush my teeth. When I left, I kissed my wife and said to her, well, my wife has become beautiful again. If your wife is shy, you will only tell the truth. Me. . . .
Editor's note: A boy confessed to a girl and said, "I am willing to give everything for you, and I am willing to sacrifice everything for you. As long as you are willing to be my girlfriend, if I tell half a lie, my surname will be written backwards! " The girl glared at the boy and cursed: "Come on, you are Tian! The opposite side is also a field! "
Laugh at stupid men and women, laugh at you.
1. Last summer, I delivered a courier and knocked at the door. A girl is in it. MengMeng said, put it at the door, I'm naked. . .
My IQ was surprisingly high in an instant, and I replied tactfully: no, I need an autograph. . .
The young man on the train is a very punctual and beautiful girl. She wants to strike up a conversation, but she doesn't know what to say. I didn't expect the girl to talk to him first. She said, handsome, do you have any gum?
The young man said excitedly: Yes! Yes!
Sister said: that. . . that . . Can you have one?
3. Me: Brother, lend me some money for urgent need!
Friend: What did you get into again?
Me: If you lend it to me this time, we will still be friends.
Friend: Shit, what if I don't borrow it?
Me: No, we are related!
Friend: What do you mean?
Me: I got your sister pregnant!
My brother in my hometown suddenly called me to borrow money. At that time, I asked him why. He said that his girlfriend is pregnant and she is still short of money.
I got angry at once. Your girlfriend is pregnant and wants to borrow money to abort the baby. If it is a man, he should take responsibility! I won't borrow it!
He added: Then promise me to marry your sister. . .
Damn it! ! !
After the holiday, the girl secretly loved by the landlord in the company has never come to work. I thought she resigned, so sad.
Colleagues advised me that a blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise.
She came to work today, very happy, and brought us wedding candy.
The best second-rate humor, beauty, is your dog short of a father?
Guide: My friend is not feeling well. I went to see a doctor with my friend and took an X-ray. Then, he showed the diagnosis report and film written by the doctor to the experts. When the expert saw the report, he began to shake his head and make a squeak. My friend's heart immediately cooled, and all kinds of ideas came to my mind ... My friend asked the expert in a trembling voice: Am I hopeless? The expert said indignantly, you are nothing serious. Now you are just a young doctor, and your handwriting is really ugly!
1, the boss found that the office security door was broken. He ran to the nearest prison for help and asked if anyone could unlock the lock. Soon, a prison guard brought a prisoner, and the prisoner opened the door easily. The boss said, "admire, admire, how much does it cost to open a lock?" Prisoner: "Oh ... I took 300 thousand from the lock last time." Boss: ......
My friend is a hen-pecked wife. I don't know how his wife provoked him. He was furious: "You mess with me again, just like this piece of paper." Then he shredded the paper in his hand. The wife said nothing and slapped him: "I will make you angry." See what you do to me? " Said, her hands rested on her hips, glaring. Who knows, my friend held back for a long time and said, "You ... don't bother me."
I was worried about my father's Alzheimer's disease, so I took him to see a doctor. The doctor asked him to do an evaluation test, and the result was not satisfactory. When I came back, I asked him why he didn't answer well. He lowered his voice and secretly said, "I asked him (the doctor) such a simple question in Doby."
I am usually a thrifty person. Once my girlfriend watched me play CF, and at first I played two shuttles of bullets. She said, I usually save one person, and playing games is too wasteful. I turned around and said loudly, you know a P. I usually die before I finish a shuttle. It's a waste not to type it!
My wife spent 20 yuan pocket money last week! I have no money to buy a decent pack of cigarettes at a friend's party this week. At this time, the son said to his wife: the school pays the money and the information needs 100! His wife gave him a red-haired grandfather without saying anything. After my wife went out, my son gave me the money and said earnestly, "Dad, this is your loan. When I get married, you must help me ... look at my son's back, he is so full of vigor and vitality. I am full of joy! " !
6. On the bus, a father was holding a little girl. Lori was reciting an ancient poem when she was reading it: "At noon on the day of weeding, soil was buried in the mine, and my father went over and blew it to 250. "The whole car is laughing!
7. Me: I was so angry that my big mouth actually said that I looked like a pig. Friend: Shh! Keep your voice down Me: Why? I'm afraid others will hear what the big head said about me? Friend: Not afraid of being heard, but afraid of being heard by pigs. Me: Huh? Friend: You should fight more pigs.
8. A couple wants a divorce and can't fight for custody of their children in court. They all want this baby. The judge was annoyed and said impatiently, "Well, don't divorce first, go back and have another child, and then divorce. There is no need to argue."
9. I went to the gym today, because I was indoors for work reasons, so my skin was white and tender, and because I was too thin, I was greeted by all kinds of eyes as soon as I entered the gym ... At this moment, a muscular man walked in front of me and said to me with a smile: Hello, Mom. Out of politeness, I silently replied: Hello, son ~
10, I met a good brother yesterday. His face was blue and he was smoking. Say to me: Brother, I can't turn my head. I was very surprised. I'm worried about asking him if he's guilty. He: My neck was stiff last night. .
1 1. Today, I met a beautiful woman holding a puppy on the road, stroking and saying, "Baby, are you hungry? Tell mom. . "After listening to this, I felt that her relationship with the dog was unusual, so I went up and asked," Beauty, does your dog lack a father? "
12. In class, the teacher sat by the fire and said to the students, "Think twice before you speak, at least count to fifty, and count to one hundred for important things." The students scrambled for the number and finally said, "ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred." Teacher, your clothes are on fire. "
13, Xiao Ming said to the master: My parents abandoned me and my girlfriend didn't want me. Master, can you change my life? The master's finger points to a mountain. Xiao Ming thought for a moment and said, Master makes me feel as calm as a mountain. Shouldn't I be so impatient? Master: I don't want to be a fucking master. There is also a hill over there. Leave me alone!
14, in front of a young woman, with a graceful figure and a good face, was also waiting in line in a bag of hip skirts. A young man standing next to her has been clamoring for a young woman to hug him. The young woman kept silent. Later, shota got angry and pulled the skirt corner of the young woman with her hand and said, Ma Ma, if you don't talk to me again, I will pull your skirt! At this time, a man next to him said: children can't get used to it. If you don't hug him, see if he dares.
15. On the bus, there was a young couple with a child. The child kept crying, and then the young father tried to coax him, so he held him in his arms and threw him high. Suddenly, with a bang, the child's head hit the top of the bus, and the child cried more happily.
16, girls and college students went climbing, and one of the boys secretly loved girls. The girl climbed to the top of the mountain and looked at the great rivers and mountains of the motherland. She couldn't help but move in her heart and shouted: motherland, my mother! The boy shouted at once: motherland, my mother-in-law!
17, I took the bus with my girlfriend today. Because there is no seat, there are old people next to me, and my girlfriend is carsick and lying in my arms. I saw an old man who was not very old next to me, so I got up my courage and said, Uncle, my wife is pregnant. Can you stand for a while? We will get off soon. Uncle readily agreed, and his girlfriend suddenly shouted: Dad!
18, Ma Ma called me again and forced me: "I don't have any requirements for who you are looking for to fall in love and get married. Just have a house and be a man. " I scoffed: "Can't women?" She was silent and said nothing. The next day, Tianma called again: "Does she have a house?"
19, a beautiful woman was carrying a big bag of things on the bus (it's time to go shopping in the supermarket), but there was no seat on the bus, so she found a man and said, handsome boy, can I sit for a while? I'll pay you back later. The handsome guy replied: Well, all right. An ugly girl started to learn in an instant, walked up to a man and said the same thing. Result. . And the man said, get out!
20. While drinking coffee at Starbucks, a beautiful woman came up to me and asked me, "Handsome guy, do you mind taking a picture?" My husband smiled: "Of course not!" "Then the beauty picked up the coffee cup and took some photos for herself.
2 1, Lao Wang: Why is Xiaoming so sad to see you today? Xiaoming: Today, the dean found out about the appointment and found my girlfriend ... Lao Wang: No wonder you were talked to by the dean! Xiao Ming: It would be nice to have a chat. The key is that the dean let the boys go, especially not me! ! ! Lao Wang: …
22, men are a little colored. Once I was sick and hung water in the hospital, looking at the beautiful little nurse who was preparing salt water. The man took advantage and said to the nurse, Come on! I'll wait for you in bed! The nurse listened, paused for a few seconds, and then smiled: Then, you can't scream!
23. Two thieves are communicating. One said, "Stealing a better roof can sell for hundreds of thousands. I think the plane is the most valuable. The newspaper says that a plane costs tens of millions. " The other said, "That guy is so big, how can he steal it?" He just stole it and hid it there. " The thief said, "You idiot, when the plane flies into the sky, it will only be bigger."
24, old seven, tell you something! Recently, a female colleague in the company took a fancy to me and always looked at me when eating. Old seven: Come on, I'm losing weight!
25. Colleagues rent a house and get off work late. Usually her son gets home first, so the landlord always invites the children to eat together at dinner. My colleague felt embarrassed and told his son sternly that he was not allowed to eat in other people's homes, and his son accepted it gladly. The next day, the landlord invited the children to dinner again. Children are embarrassed to say that my mother won't let me go to your house for dinner. The landlord paused and was about to let him. The child went on to say that ordering food is ok, and dishes are ok.
26. Policeman: "What did you do? Honest account! " Rogue: "At that time, I went to Ms. Huang's company to see if there were any specific cooperation intentions. As a result, she said that she was too busy to talk to me, so I patted my ass and left. " Policeman: "the question is, why the fuck are you patting Ms. Huang's ass?"
27. When I went to the toilet, I saw that only the abbreviation of NC was marked on the toilet door. English experts in the same trade said: NC is a men's toilet. Then suddenly enlightened, enter, take off, squat, in one go. Suddenly, the light flashed. What's the abbreviation of the ladies' room?
28. At work this morning, a beautiful woman fell in front of me and was about to help me. My friend gave me a hand and asked, Do you have any money? I thought about it and left, little man. Want to correct me? Are all the little girls out to commit crimes now? Later, a friend went to help her up, and then she got the phone number to talk about Sheng Huan. Something seems to be wrong!
29. Going to the movies yesterday was extremely expensive. I said to the conductor, "Your price here is so high." The conductor said calmly, "This is a price fraud." . Wow, Kaka, I really like being a father.
30. My roommate, the poison-tongued man, is a master of pS. Once, I told him: Do me a favor, and my avatar will be sent to Renren. Help me become handsome! Poisonous tongue man readily agreed, and soon, he finished, give it back to me! I cried in surprise as soon as I saw it. I asked you to help me become handsome. Why did you mosaic me? Poisonous tongue man replied: how can your appearance not be handsome, or put on a mosaic, let people use the method of association, maybe you can still be handsome!
Editor's note: I gave my dad a mobile phone for his birthday the other day. I played with his mobile phone yesterday and found that he started playing WeChat, so I pretended that a stranger had added him. . . Today, he began to tell me that he had a disappointing son. . .