1. The exam is the pain of breathing. It exists in every corner of me. It hurts to take a seat, not to take a seat, and even to sleep. Examination is the pain of breathing, rolling back and forth in the blood, the pain of regretting not reviewing, the pain of hating not reviewing, and the pain of wanting to study most.
Four people were playing mahjong when they caught fire. They didn't notice. The fireman arrived and shouted inside, How many people are there? At this time, I just played cards alone: 40,000! The fireman asked again: How many people died? At this time, another person played cards: 20 thousand! The fireman was startled and asked quickly, where are the others? First there was a loud noise, and then there was a scream: burnt.
One day, I went to the library to borrow books, the title of which was Divorce, the work of Mr. Lao She. There was a wait, and then a voice asked, Who wants a divorce? I quickly said: I want a divorce! ? Just finished, a classmate next to him said in wonder: Is there a divorce procedure here? Why don't I even have a girlfriend? I'm getting divorced! ?
4. Go shopping on eBay and talk to the clerk about the freight. What an American! A white man entered from the other end of the chat box and told me: Free delivery to you! Qin! ......？ Pit dad! ! ! Did Qin learn this from domestic sellers? Honey? ! ? outcome
5. The junior math students buy medicine, and the female boss enthusiastically asks: What do you buy? Classmate: I buy vitamin B2. Female boss training charge: give you medicine, twice a day, 2 tablets at a time, and give 2 yuan 5 tablets. The student curiously opened the medicine bag and looked: No! I buy vitamin B2. How to give me vitamin B 1? The female boss is very cultured: Don't you take two vitamin B2 tablets? Exponents with the same radix are added. I wonder who taught you math? Dead brain!
When the teacher was giving a lecture, the students kept chattering. The teacher slapped the blackboard eraser angrily, and the classroom was suddenly silent. The teacher said: in the past, the county magistrate judged the case like this, and the class was silent. ? Suddenly, a student shouted:? No! ?
7. In recent months, Lao Li sat in front of the computer and played online games as soon as he had a rest at noon. Colleague Xiao Cao couldn't help asking him: Li Ge, these are children's games. Your son is in high school. Why are you so fascinated? You don't know, do you? Lao Li stopped and pointed to the virtual gold coins awarded in his game and said, how much do you think this is? Millions! Isn't it comfortable to make money without giving it to your wife?
8. Dad: Show me the report card. It took Xiao Qiang a long time to get out his report card. Dad: Geography 57, history 58, politics 59! What do you do in class? Xiao Qiang: The test questions are too biased and too difficult. Dad: What's the bias? What's the difficulty? Xiao Qiang: The geography exam is about places I haven't been to, and the history exam is about things before I was born. I haven't attended political meetings. How do I know?
9. At three o'clock in the morning, the doctor's phone rang. ? Hey, the other end of the phone was very flustered: doctor, our baby just swallowed a condom. ? The doctor said: take him to the hospital, and we will meet in the hospital in ten minutes. ? He got dressed and was about to go out when the phone rang again. He picked up the phone? Hey, there was a calm voice on the other end of the phone: it's okay, doctor. We found another one. Don't bother. ?
10. The launch of Tiangong-1 indicates that students at school don't know how many more physics, chemistry, mathematics, English and Chinese composition questions.
A humorous story (classic) 1. The dog said to the kitten, guess how many sweets I have in my pocket? The kitten said, you guessed it. Can you give it to me? The dog nodded: well, I guess I'll give it to you two! The kitten swallowed and said, I guess five dollars! Then, the dog smiled and put the candy in the kitten's hand, saying, I still owe you three dollars.
2. The white snake played by Angie Chiu seems to come from the sky, and the white snake played by Eva Huang seems to come from the sky! ! !
3. What did the senior say he said to the opposite sex the most during his four years in college? Three or two meals?
4. Primary school final exam. Fill in the blanks: There was a game yesterday (). I thought for a while. You should fill in nouns. I did. I saw a movie yesterday.
5. "Dad, I'm hungry." "Hey, hungry. I'm dad. "Dad, I'm serious." "I thought you were hungry?" "Are you kidding?" "no, ...
6. When taking the bus, I heard an elder sister say on the phone, "Hey, Brother Liu, how old is your son? Twenty-eight. Oh, just right. Do you have a girlfriend? No? Great! I have a 25-year-old sister That policeman is sexy and single. Do you want to see her? By the way, what does your son do? Oh, a software author! Oh, I'm sorry, Brother Liu. I have a bad signal here. Talk to you next time! "
7. When watching American TV series, I encountered a difficult subtitle translation. I have no mother. She died giving birth to my brother. ?
8. When boarding the plane, flight attendant MM greeted the guests at the gate of the plane, a handsome flight attendant MM:? Welcome to join us. What handsome guy are you? I'm Scorpio, and you! ? The stewardess looked shy: Really, what a coincidence. Oh, I am a Scorpio, too.
9. Since the last time Sister Milk Tea posted on Renren.com that her meal card was lost, students all over Tsinghua have been looking for it. It is widely rumored in the Jianghu that the younger sister of milk tea got lost in Beijing. Then the rivers and lakes shook, and heroes from all walks of life in Tsinghua came out in succession. ....
10. When I was in junior high school, I was fascinated by martial arts novels. I was watching Jin Yong's "Eight Dragons" in class when the teacher found it and confiscated it, and then shouted: Give me all the other seven books. . .
Humorous jokes (selected articles) 1. Doing logistics often requires going out to load goods. Yesterday, a phone call came, and I said, it may be very late to get to your factory. I can't pack it all by myself. Tomorrow. ? Customer:? It's okay. I'll leave two people to help you install it. ? I can't get rid of it, so I have to go. Where I went, my client left me a woman who was nine months pregnant. .......
2. A detail emperor once again verified a very subtle phenomenon today: all women who reported their mobile phone numbers like XXXXXXXXXXXX. Men all like XXX XXX xxxxxxxxxxxx.
I joined a new company as an assistant. As a newcomer, I am diligent. I go to the company first every day to clean and water a pot of flowers on the table. I also think that when it changes, I will definitely get everyone's praise. A month has passed and nothing has changed. Then one day, someone told me: I don't know who is so boring, so I water the fake flowers.
4. When you take the subway in Modu, you need to bring enough clothes all year round: Line 2 wears spring clothes, Line 3 wears summer clothes, Line 4 and Line 8 wear autumn clothes, and Line 6, 7, 9 and 10 must wear winter clothes! As for the 1 line, if conditions permit, it is best to install it naked. . . (@ Daily Shanghai)
My brother-in-law learned yesterday that I was bullied by ATM and decided to take revenge for me this morning. Arriving at the scene was a 10 minute persuasion education for that ATM machine. A little classmate at the back asked, "Uncle policeman, do you withdraw money?"? Why don't I take it with me and educate it ... "Brother-in-law takes 100 (press the key in the upper left corner) and comes out 1000. Brother-in-law was extremely excited: "You know this product quite well ..." After that, brother-in-law inquired about the balance, ~ silent ~ saved 900. (@ Zhan)
6. I wish all boys to be as strong as Oracle Bone Inscriptions in the new year; Girls are as beautiful as Ubuntu; Peach blossom luck is as frequent as IE poisoning; Wallet is as big as Gmail; Promotion speed catches up with Microsoft patching; Chasing a girlfriend is as rampant as a trojan horse; Life is as happy as after reinstalling the computer; Writing programs and coding are as passionate as chatting. Happy new year to you all! (via:@chon2 19)
7. 1, first catch the thief, then curse the mother. 2, the crowd looked for him thousands of Baidu, suddenly looking back, the man was in the canteen at the door. 3. Ask what the world is like, and make people want to vomit as soon as they eat it. 4. The bright line at the foot of my bed, hey, there is a bottle of hand cream on the ground. If anything happens, I will become a meteor. 6. Strong women in business don't know the hatred of national subjugation, but also sing nunchakus across the river. Twitter, Mulan is playing video games! !
8. In a word, 1, there is no wood to burn. We have reached the front of the mountain, but there is no road. 3, the sale didn't close, and Renyi also ran away. I have experienced many storms, and I have never seen a rainbow. 5, thousands of miles to send goose feathers, gasoline costs are too high. 6, one hero and three gangs, I am afraid to become _. 7, the sky has not fallen on me, so I am still bitter and hungry, what a world! 8. There was a way to do things, but there were too many people leaving.
9. The Spring Festival Evening of the Year of the Rabbit is 1. N words are omitted here. 2. You buried it! 3. The eyes are black and the heart is red. Red eyes, black heart! Tuo (Tuo), you are more experienced than me. 5, I have talent, you are a genius, not just two more than me. 6. I have been much better since I got mental illness. 7. Don't thank the dam, but thank the Three Gorges. 8. Today's society pays attention to calmness! 9, pig farmers do foxes!