First, scan for 5 minutes, cover and back cover, preface, table of contents, etc. , and determine the three purposes of this reading: 1, preview 2, read each chapter intensively, understand the tools of learning positive subjects, and output after learning a chapter. 3. Read the whole book and consider whether to study the courses in the positive discipline system in depth.
Secondly: skip reading 15 minutes, the title, bold type and table in the book, and understand the structure of the book-the core of positive discipline: kindness and firmness, why and how to do it.
Finally, read the first chapter for 25 minutes to get the most important knowledge points:
1, the "seven important senses and skills" that a capable person must possess-
Cognition of personal ability-"I can do it"
Cognition of my own value in important relationships-"My contribution is valuable, and everyone needs me"
Perception of power or influence in my life-I can influence what happens to me.
Strong introspection ability: the ability to understand personal emotions and use this understanding to achieve self-discipline and self-control.
Strong interpersonal skills: good at cooperating with others, and establishing friendship on the basis of communication, cooperation, consultation, sharing, affection and listening.
Strong overall grasping ability: treat all kinds of restrictions and behavioral consequences in daily life with a sense of responsibility, adaptability, flexibility and integrity.
Good judgment: use wisdom to evaluate the situation according to appropriate values.
2. Traditional strictness (excessive control) and pampering (unlimited) can't help us cultivate such children, but positive discipline (authoritative, kind and firm) can, and compared with the short-term effects brought by punishment and reward, positive discipline can achieve long-term effects. Four criteria for effective discipline:
Are kindness and firmness parallel? (Respect and encourage children)
Does it help children to have a sense of belonging and value? (spiritual bond)-the primary goal of all people
Is it effective for a long time? Punishment is effective in the short term, but it has long-term negative effects.
Can you teach children valuable social skills and life skills and cultivate their good character? (e.g. 1)
3. Four R's caused by punishment: resentment, revenge, resistance and retreat.
4. Positive discipline is based on mutual respect and cooperation, which combines kindness and firmness, and takes it as the cornerstone to cultivate children's various life abilities on the basis of self-control.
My feeling: Every mother loves her children, and I am no exception. The joy of being a mother in the early pregnancy, watching the children sleep beautifully, every smile and growth of the children will make me want to give them the best in the world, but with a baby who can only sleep and has difficulty breastfeeding, he gradually learns to turn over, sit, climb, stand and walk, which brings me surprises every time. I am often angered by the children's behavior, and sometimes I even look ferocious and swear, and I regret it afterwards. What did the children do wrong? What did I do wrong? Why is it so difficult to be a good mother? Yes, besides having a heart to love children, I also need to learn how to love, love myself and love children. Being kind and firm is not only a respect for children, but also a respect for yourself and the situation at that time. Positive discipline has a great theoretical system of family education, and I will learn and practice to be a kind and firm mother through these tools. From today on, let go of preaching, respect children and respect yourself.
2 1 day practice reading book 5-positive discipline 2-4 chapters;
First, after learning the method of improving reading efficiency for the second time, I found that my goal was unclear when reading the book "Positive Discipline". The three goals I set are relatively large, basically the contents of the book, which makes me feel that the purpose of reading is not strong and the reading efficiency is obviously not high. So the next day (26th) re-established the reading goal and rhythm: the book can be divided into chapters. Chapter 65438 +0-4 is some theoretical basis of empirical discipline. Why? Chapter 5-10 is the introduction and application cases of some discipline tools. How? Chapter 10- 12 is the department that expounds the comprehensive application, benefits and results of positive discipline in the overall situation. After sorting out the framework in this way, I have a global view of the whole book and a feeling of overlooking the whole book.
2,2-4, including 1, explains some basic concepts in the book:
1, what is self-esteem? Teach children to evaluate themselves instead of relying on others' praise or opinions. This is what is said in Two-way Parenting. We should cultivate children with internal drive. Children are willing to do something because they feel good inside, not for the evaluation of others.
2. win VS win the child? Winning children is to seek their cooperation with respect on the premise of giving them self-esteem. I believe that children can contribute their own strength to cooperation. Winning children means that adults beat them by means of control and punishment. The foundation of winning children is: friendliness, care and respect. There are four steps: express your understanding of your child's feelings-express sympathy for your child instead of forgiveness-tell your child how you feel-and let your child focus on solving problems.
3. Adler's basic concepts: A, children are social people; B, behavior is goal-oriented; C, children's primary purpose is to pursue a sense of belonging and value; D, misbehaving children are children who lose confidence; F, social responsibility; G, equality; making mistakes is a good opportunity for children to learn; H, ensuring that the information of love is passed on to children-these concepts explain to us why positive discipline is effective.
The birth order of children has an important influence on the development of children's personality. Knowing this plays an important role in getting into children's hearts. This chapter is not the focus of current research. I want to know about the twins and share them in the follow-up study.
5. There are wrong ideas and behavioral purposes behind children's bad behaviors, but the children themselves don't know, so we adults need to learn to decipher the "password" hidden in children's bad behaviors, and then effectively help children change their bad behaviors-four wrong ideas and wrong behavioral purposes A, seeking attention B, seeking power C, retaliating D, and giving up on themselves? The primary purpose of everyone's behavior is a sense of belonging and value. When children make bad behaviors based on these four misconceptions, we can pass "Could it be ……"? The "purpose suggestion method" helps children understand their wrong purpose and use corresponding tools to win cooperation.
2 1 day, practice fast reading book 5-positive discipline chapters 5-8;
1, "natural result" and "logical result": natural result refers to anything that happens naturally. For example, if you stand in the rain, you will get wet and get hungry if you don't eat. This is a way to help children develop a sense of responsibility. The premise of use is to ensure the safety of children and others, and spend time training children.
The logical consequence is that family meetings or class meetings need the intervention of others, with the purpose of encouraging children to choose responsible cooperation and creating beneficial learning experiences for children. It has four R's, namely, relevance, respect, reasonableness and prior knowledge.
For example, a child always forgets to bring lunch to school. The natural result of this is that he is hungry. In order to change this situation, parents need to talk to their children and tell them in advance that if they don't bring lunch, there will be no adults to send him meals, and the children need to starve (reasonable correlation). Parents also believe that children can take the responsibility of bringing lunch. Parents and children can discuss it together and try to remember to bring lunch (respect).
But many people in life ignore the correct use of these two consequences. When children make mistakes, they punish and preach, not logical consequences. For example, if a child forgets to bring lunch, parents may keep preaching: I told you so ... or beating and cursing, or even using humiliating words such as "How are you so stupid" and "Can't remember anything". These may be effective in a short time, but they have no long-term effect. Children don't learn to shoulder their due responsibilities, even after work. Forgetting to bring food will not improve, and the parent-child relationship will enter a vicious circle.
The main purpose of discipline is to motivate children to do better. We need to understand children's behavior and long-term effects. How to look at and solve problems is a compulsory course for each of us: no one can make mistakes. Don't cling to shortcomings, look at the overall situation, see the advantages and encourage children. Children only behave better when they feel good (and so do adults). Mistakes are the only way for us to grow and learn. When we solve problems with our children, we can brainstorm and let them participate in the discussion, refer to them and find out the solutions to the problems. Let children become problem solvers and participants, not bystanders and receivers.
2 1 day Practice reading book 5-chapter 9 of positive discipline-12;
First, the importance and necessity of family meetings and how to carry them out (this method is suitable for children over 4 years old, and children under 4 years old can also participate in some activities as appropriate, so it is also a good tool that I regret that I can't practice at present. I'm considering whether to start a family meeting with my husband now. To be determined ...)
Some elements of family friendship: once a week instead of once a day; Decisions should be consistent; The last item of the meeting is to plan family entertainment activities for next week; End with a family activity; Sitting around a clean table.
The benefits of family meetings for parents: avoiding power struggle, but conveying the attitude of mutual respect and controlling the situation in life, setting an example for children to listen, respect and be responsible, and practicing the skills we hope children can master.
The benefits of family meetings for children: listening, brainstorming, problem solving, mutual respect, caring for others, problem solving, cooperation, taking responsibility in a friendly atmosphere, and gaining a sense of belonging and value.
The book lists many examples of correctly using family meetings to solve children's messy rooms and share housework. I think the success of the family meeting is because it is held in a respectful and friendly atmosphere, aiming at solving problems and letting children participate in the formulation of rules. Just like the "kindness and firmness" advocated by Zhengjiao, every * * * abides by the rules formulated by the whole family, not by others.
Second, I can use it in my life after reading Positive Discipline:
1, set a "positive pause angle" at home, because I am a person with poor temper control. I always get angry and easily get angry when children are abrasive or disobedient. Now I know that in this case, I need to spend some time to calm myself down, because anyone can only do better when he feels better. One of the most beneficial cases I learned from the book is that the next time my daughter insists on holding her before we finish eating, I will take her back to the bedroom and tell her a story. If she has emotions, I will accompany her to express them and give her a loving hug when she calms down-I will start to show my children how to handle their emotions with respect when she is angry, instead of being angry alone or leaving the children alone in the room, about one year old.
2. Decide what you do, not what you want your children to do.
3. Let your child know what you will do in advance.
4, kind and firm action, rather than just saying no, if you have to say, the tone should be kind and firm, and the less you say, the better.
5, let yourself avoid the power struggle through emotional withdrawal, and concentrate on solving problems after both sides calm down.
6. Use daily schedules to avoid power struggles.
7. Avoid fighting before going to bed and share the happiest and saddest things of the day with your child.
8. Design some secret codes to remind children what to do (this is also useful for adults).
9. Give your child a choice instead of asking, "Do you want to wear red clothes or blue clothes?" Finally, add, "You decide."
10, using "Once you ..., we will ..."
1 1, use pocket money to teach children how to manage money, not as rewards and punishments.