Time: one morning

Location: someone's house

Characters: female thief, female host, male host.

The thief rummaged through the room nervously. She dug out a camera worth 8000 yuan from the closet, stuffed it into her bag in a hurry and rummaged it again, but found nothing valuable. She ran to the cupboard again. As soon as she opened the door, she heard footsteps upstairs outside. The thief held his breath and heard footsteps fading away. She rummaged through it again and found a passbook. When she saw 30,000 yuan, the thief was very surprised and put it in the bag. Then she heard footsteps, and then she heard the sound of opening the door with a key. She was startled. She used her quick wits to get into the quilt.

The hostess outside came back from a business trip with two travel bags in her hand. She opened the door with a key and pushed the door in. When she saw a man sleeping in bed, she thought it was her husband.

Mistress: Hey, slacker, I'm back. Come out and give me a hand

(The hostess walks into the room alone with two bags)

Mistress: What's the matter? It's dawn and you're still sleeping. Get up!

(The master walks over and shakes the quilt cover on the bed, but the female thief tightens up in the quilt. )

Small three: don't get up yet, ok, I'll let you get up! (saying, grabbing the broom) I'll count to three, or I'll really get beaten up. (She holds up the broom) One, two, three.

Female thief: (Just after shouting, the thief in the quilt suddenly sat up) I got up.

Mistress: (startled and surprised) You, who are you?

Female thief: I'm ... I'm Zhang Yun.

Hostess: How did you get in?

Female thief: I came in through the window.

Hostess: No, we live on the sixth floor. Did you fly here?

Female thief: From the door. (conveniently pulls out a bunch of keys)

Mistress: Tan Feng's key.

Female thief: Tan Feng ...

Moderator: What's your relationship with Tan Feng?

Female thief: Never mind.

Hostess: Never mind? Why are you sleeping in our bed?

Female thief: Yes, that's true.

Mistress: You, you bad woman, get out!

(The thief sneaks to the door, and the woman sits on the edge of the bed in dismay)

Female thief: (slowly touching the door again) My bag.

Mistress: (Picking up the bag on the bed and throwing it at the female thief) Take your stinking bag and get out!

(The thief took the bag and left) (The woman stood there, feeling very sad)

Man: (coming back with a stack of exercise books) Why are you back? Didn't you say you would come back the day after tomorrow? Well, why not call the school first? (Seeing the cigarette butts on the table, I quickly put them away)

(The hostess looks at him blankly)

Man: What's the matter? You are tired. Take a break.

Mistress: Come back. You still have me in your heart. You, you should get out of here. (Raise the broom and run after it)

Male host: (inexplicably) What's wrong with you? Make it clear, don't get angry.

Compere: When did you start?

Male host: (mistakenly asking him about smoking) Oh, I'm sorry, after you left.

Xiaosan: You! Where is it?

Man: At home, at school, and sometimes at colleagues' homes.

Moderator: Who else knows about this except me?

Man: Everyone knows it except you.

Hostess: All right, all right, you come with me!

Man: Where to?

Mistress: Get a divorce.

Man: What? Divorce on such a trivial matter?

Mistress: A little? Do you still have moral standards in your heart?

Man: Well, isn't it a confession? Wouldn't it be over if I handed it in? (Taking out cigarettes and cigarette butts from his pocket) I won't do it again.

Xiaosan: Don't interrupt! Let me ask you, where are the keys?

Man: (touching his pocket) Hey, where are my keys?

Mistress: Don't pretend, you'll forget what you gave others.

Man: Who did I give it to?

Mistress: Ask yourself.

Man: Don't be ridiculous. Who are these keys for?

Hostess: So, how did that woman get in?

Man: Which one?

Hostess: I just got back. You didn't invite the woman lying in bed. Why is she lying in bed?

Man: Why, someone was at home just now.

Hostess: Unexpectedly, I've only been out for a month, and it's such a mess when I come back. What will happen in the future?

Man: Wait, do you think that woman is a thief? I forgot my key when I went out this morning. The thief took the key and opened my door. After looking at each other for a long time, they suddenly realized their anger and hurried to rummage through their things. )

Xiaosan: Alas! My gold necklace is missing.

Man: My camera is missing.

Xiaosan: Find the passbook quickly! (Two people turn over the bedside table at the same time) It's over, it's all right!

Street swindler (three-person sketch)

A: Everyone wants to get rich. I will take a shortcut to a well-off life, visit the antique market and spend some money to buy some cultural relics. Why buy it? 10 thousand yuan is resold to one household, depending on whether the buyer is confused

B: it's not easy to get rich. Busy all day, doing some business with friends, and didn't sell it for two days. What happened? Five dollars to buy two thousand dollars to sell, there is no fool who suffers. Hey, Saner, it's been two days and we haven't sold any of them. What can we do?

Don't worry, old four, many things happen. You should also be the nurse of your children. If anyone asks again, I'll start with a lower price. I can't go any higher and I can't sell it. Anyway, this thing of ours is fake. Sell one by one, as long as you make money. All right, go wait.

B: Ah.

C: It is said that money is the master. With a lot of money, you can walk all over the street and buy whatever you see. Bargaining is the most professional. Hey, man, what are you selling?

Shh, keep your voice down. Ancestral cultural relics, do you want them?

C: Ancestral cultural relics? What artifact?

Let me tell you something, sister. Our family has been Buddhists for generations. Since my grandfather's grandfather's generation, every generation has to cast a golden Buddha as a sacrifice. You see, this is my grandfather's grandfather's generation, this is my grandfather's father's generation, this is my grandfather's and this is my father's. It's my turn Unfortunately, I was laid off. In order to make a living, I took this thing out behind my father's back and sold it for a few dollars. Alas, I can't help it.

C: Well, it is said that there are secret recipes and ancestral crafts. He also said that the cultural relics were dug up from the ground and didn't know they had been handed down from ancestors.

A: Sister, you don't understand this. I'm telling you, think about it. Some things are not handed down from generation to generation. However, what has been handed down here is valuable and worthless. What is valuable becomes a cultural relic. Look, this color, Huang Chengcheng's, is pure gold. Who wants to sell if there is a way?

Really? Let me have a look.

A: Forget it, don't bite, it won't be easy to sell if you leave teeth marks.

Is it true?/You don't say.

Why is it not true? If the bank charges were not low, I would have sold it to the bank so as not to be embarrassed and conspicuous in this street.

C: How much is one?

A: Two dry blocks and one.

C: Is it so expensive?

A: Is it still expensive? If it is sold to the bank, the gold will be sold for more than 1000 yuan, not to mention cultural relics. If I take it to Guangzhou and sell it to cultural relics dealers, I can sell it for at least 5 thousand. Don't take it if it's too expensive.

B: Hey, isn't this the little golden Buddha? how much is it?

A: I sold two pieces to this elder sister, but she still thinks it's too expensive. Oh, I can't. Who knows who wants this goods!

Let me see.

A: Hey, hey, don't bite, it won't sell well if you leave tooth marks.

B: It's true! I will buy one. But the money is not enough. Less, brother. I only have 1000 yuan. 1How about 300 yuan?

A: Impossible.

What should I do? I don't have enough money with me. In that case, your price is lower and I'll take all four of you. I'll take one first. I'll give you more than 1000 yuan here first. I go home and get my passbook to withdraw money. Is it okay?

You keep your word. I'll give you 19 10, but you have to put your mobile phone here.

B: OK. You must wait for me here.

Are you really waiting for him here? Forget it. I want the remaining three, like you said, 1.3 thousand?

Look at you. They said they wanted it all. What shall we do? Anyway, I'll sell it to whoever gives me cash. Take the money.

C: One, three, three, nine. Here you are, 3900.

Ok, big sister, here you are. I'm telling you, big sister, don't sell it if you regret it. This is my business card. Call me if you want to see me again.

Ok, ok, goodbye.

B: How about it, Sang Na? How much did you sell?

A: 3900. We'll divide it when we go back. Let's eat first

B: smoke before you buy a bag.

Yes, no problem. Boss, pack Chinese cigarettes.

(voiceover: change another one. This money is fake. )

A: What, fake? Just took it out of the bank. How can it be fake?

Let me see. Oh, really. That son of a bitch lied to us. Go find him!

A: Where can I find it? Admit that it is bad luck. Anyway, our thing is fake. Let's go.

Take money (three-person sketch)

Old man: the party's policy is great, and we farmers are also very rich. What do you want to ask me? Walnuts are planted halfway up the mountain. Walnuts are so big that two or three are enough to eat. You don't believe it? Walnuts in my house are like steamed bread. You said you had enough food. Hi, my old man lived in his 60 s and had his first deposit. No, I went to the bank to withdraw money and plant a mountain of good walnuts. I want to withdraw money!

Shop assistant: Hello, old man, I'll handle it for you right away.

Old: Take some money. ...

Kemp: Grandpa, what are you?

Old: Oh, no! Oh, no! There is a thief. ...

Don't worry, old man. Fasten your pants first and speak slowly.

Lao: Can I take my time? My passbook was stolen by a thief!

Camp: Ah! Did you steal your savings?

Old: Yes! I told my wife last night that I would take money today and buy saplings later. My wife said I was forgetful and afraid of losing my passbook, so she sewed it in my pants. In the morning, I went out and got on the bus. I held my legs tightly all the way and peed. This fucking thief! what can I do?

Don't worry, old man. Think about it. Did you put your passbook somewhere else?

Old man: Hey, my old man has lived for more than 60 years. He has seen all the strange things, and he has never seen such a clever thief!

Kemp: Smart thief?

Lao: Yes, I stole my trousers through cotton trousers!

Kemp: Really?

Lao: Why not? My old man can still coax you! The thief who got a thousand dollars tried to kill me.

Don't worry, grandpa. Please have a cup of boiled water first.

Lao: You're right, I'm in no hurry! That is our family's hard-earned money! By the way, the little secret passbook has to come to withdraw money. My dad is waiting here. After waiting for you for three days and nights, I can't believe I couldn't wait for you to be a thief!

Kemp: Old man, get up and sit in the chair. The ground is too cold and you will get sick. It doesn't matter if you lose your passbook. You can report the loss.

Old: report the loss? What do you mean by reporting the loss?

A: Reporting the loss means losing the original passbook. We will cancel your lost passbook and issue you a new one.

Old: Money or my money?

Kemp: It's still your money. Grandpa, according to the regulations, users must show their ID cards when reporting the loss.

Old: not a penny less?

Kemp: Not a penny.

Old: Oh, comrade, you really saved my life-Bodhisattva! My old man knocked a disc for you!

Hey, old man, come on! Serving users is our job.

Old: Oh, I'm saved! Well, please report the loss to me quickly.

Kemp: I will do it for you. Grandpa, do you have an ID card?

Old: ID card? My old man doesn't travel far, doesn't live in a shop, and is not my suction pot. What's the use of taking it

Boss, according to the regulations, users must show their ID cards when reporting the loss.

Old: Oh, don't you want to embarrass me? I told you, I didn't bring it.

I didn't mean to embarrass you, old man. Grandpa, think about it. If your passbook is really stolen or lost, others can withdraw cash or report the loss without your ID card, won't your deposit be gone? Therefore, the ID card is the most direct and effective voucher for users to withdraw money or report the loss.

Lao: Yes, that's the truth. So, I have to go back and get my ID card?

Kemp: That's right. Grandpa, is your home far from here?

Old: once and for all, it will take half a day at the earliest. Just,

What's wrong, old man?

Old: It's just that it's going to rain again this day! God is against me, too

Yes, it is going to rain. What can we do? Hey, grandpa, do you have a phone at home?

Lao: No, my wife said that the phone we installed was an earring for the deaf, but it was not safe!

Does your neighbor have a phone?

Lao: Yes, yes, my neighbor runs a brick factory and is very rich. He has installed two telephones. Call me if you need anything. Obviously, it is angry with me 1.

Do you know his home phone number?

Old: No? Just like "if you want to be smooth, you have to be smooth", it gives me calluses.

Oh, "Smooth hair", 8686 1 86, not bad. I'll call your neighbor and ask your family to send your ID card, so your old man won't have to go there again. By the way, grandpa, his name is …

Old: Zhang Laoshuan.

Hello, this is Wudu Jinqiao Savings Office. Are you a neighbor of Uncle Zhang Laoshuan? Can you put his wife on the phone? What? His wife went to town? You saw her get on the bus? Ok, thank you!

Old: My wife is in town?

Yes, that's what the neighbors said.

Old: Well, it's true that the devil will also mention him. Honey, why are you here?

Wife: You old deathlessly, you are crazy!

Old: You are crazy. Why do you swear when you open your mouth

Wife: scold you? Your memory was eaten by a dog!

Don't worry, grandma, speak slowly.

Wife: This old woman ran naked before dawn, leaving her pants sewn with passbook at home. What do you use to withdraw money?

Old: Oh, look at my memory!

Kemp: Grandma, Grandpa, he, he said, let the thief wear cotton trousers and stole them.

Wife: A thief? Wear cotton trousers? Ha ha ha ha ... you old bastard, thanks to your imagination!

Old: Comrade, I'm really sorry for the trouble! Let's withdraw money.

Camp: Nothing. You are our God, and God sometimes forgets things. Come on, get the money.

Wife: I forgot to wear pants again, so I won't twist your ears!

Lao: Hey, let go, it's already twisted!