Miss Robin.
A long time ago, when I was very young, I met a robin girl, which is true. At that time, there were still many expectations for the future, and a large part of that expectation was for girls. For me, dating a beautiful girl is part of my life dream.
But I didn't know it was a robin girl, really, I didn't know. If I knew, I would definitely not date her, let alone fall in love with her after dating, thus falling into a terrible love tragedy-maybe I like reading tragic novels, but if I am called a character in tragic novels, it is a very proud thing. Especially when I was only a supporting role.
I met her in the university library. During that time, going to the college library was an engineering course I had to do every day. Nevertheless, I have never seen her before. I have been in college for two years and have been to the library at least 200 times, but I have never seen her. This is really a strange thing.
It's a day in March. I forget what day it is, but it's definitely not a weekend. Few girls come back to read books on weekends, and I seldom come. In a word, this is an ordinary day, except for her, which is not without mention.
It seems that I was reading a book about German classical philosophy or a biography about philosophers. I remember something about Nietzsche and Salome, and I can only read so much in the whole book. So when I finished reading this gossip, I lost interest in continuing reading. I closed the book, looked up first, and my eyes fell aimlessly on the ancient chandelier on the ceiling. This chandelier never lights up. If the school hadn't been stingy with the electricity bill, it would have broken down long ago, as if it were just a pure display. Judging from its ancient taste like a ruined aristocrat, I guess it is roughly the product of the 1930s and 40s, and there is a kind of sadness that can only be reflected in troubled times. However, it is also possible that my guesses are all wrong. This chandelier was installed only a few years ago, but it looks very old because no one cleans the dust all the year round.
I think of a dirty chandelier, which means I'm really bored. I understand it myself. Then, I looked down and my eyes fell on the diagonal of the table at will. At that moment, my brain went blank and I couldn't concentrate on any goal. I can't hear a sound in my ears, but I vaguely feel that someone is humming in the distance. I had the fastest and deadliest heart attack. It huddled up and hit my chest like a hammer.
I saw a girl.
The girl sitting there is simple, which is a kind of simplicity that other girls can't imitate. She leans forward slightly, leans her head slightly to one side, puts her left hand on the page of the book, and gently holds her face with her right hand. She has soft light, but it should be my illusion, which is caused by the light at night and the silence of the library. The girl is wearing a white shirt and a dark gray wool coat. Perhaps it is the simplest collocation, but even now, I have never seen such a simple and unforgettable dress. Her head is low, her helix is moving, and her hair is tied in a ponytail at the back of her head. I haven't seen her face yet, but I seem to know what she looks like and I don't understand why.
At that moment, maybe I saw my own tragedy.
She is a handsome girl. Maybe not everyone thinks she is beautiful. But beauty is a very vague concept. Her comeliness is rare, and only a few women will show it at a very young age, just for such a short time. And I saw her at this time.
In fact, I couldn't help but notice her, because my long table is in the corner of the library, and there are only me and her at the table. But why didn't I feel her existence until now? I thought about it, and I remember that there was really no one opposite when I sat down. She came here after I studied.
She changed her sitting position, turning the page with her right hand and holding her cheek with her left hand. The sun shone on her side face, and her hair and skin turned golden yellow. The girl probably felt the light and raised her right hand to cover her right face. There is a small blue mark on the cuff of the shirt on the right wrist. I think she should be a girl who studies hard.
Just when I guessed what the other person was reading, I suddenly noticed that her body was shaking slightly, from her hair to her shoulders to her hands covering her face. I don't understand what happened to her. I didn't know what happened until I heard the sound of tears dripping on the page.
She is crying.
I don't know if anyone else in this world has encountered what I am experiencing. In a quiet place where no one else exists, when you see a girl, you are moved at first sight, but the girl is obviously crying, and there is no way to cry in any sound.
She quietly shed tears on the table, covered her face with her hands folded, and tears rolled down her cheeks. She wiped it once with the back of her hand, wiped it again after a while, then lowered her head and reached into her pocket, but nothing came out. Finally, she raised the back of her hand and wiped her cheek.
I sat in a chair silently and thought for a long time before I took out a white handkerchief from my coat pocket. I'm not in the habit of carrying a handkerchief. It is always strange for boys to go out with handkerchiefs. Maybe I happened to be an eccentric person that day, and I had a white handkerchief enough for a pilot's neck scarf.
I handed the handkerchief from the desktop, put it next to the girl's book, and then looked down at the book. She seems to feel it, and her body is a little stiff. After a moment's hesitation, she picked up a handkerchief and wiped away her tears. After another time, she obviously stopped crying. Later, she held the handkerchief tightly in her hand and continued reading.
I've been flipping through books for a long time, page by page. In fact, my mind was blank and I didn't see anything in my glasses. I didn't stand up until the fluorescent lamp on the ceiling came on.
The girl is a little at a loss. Holding a white handkerchief in her hand, she probably didn't know whether to give it back to me or keep it, so she looked up at me. Her eyes are a little uneasy, reminding me of frightened birds. They are very clever, and they have something I am familiar with. But I still don't understand.
"I'm going to return the book. I don't want to see it. " I said, "Do you want to continue?"
She thought about it, shook her head, closed the book at will and stood up with me. Her personality seems easy-going.
I noticed her book when I returned it. Eric Siegel's love story. The banker's son fell in love with the baker's daughter in college, but he didn't cry-who would cry for a love story, and it was as far away as the United States, an ancient story in the 1970s.
She and I walked out of the library, and both of them were silent. After all, they didn't know each other. We walked as far as the door. At the door, she stopped, probably to say goodbye to me or something, and then went her separate ways. But I don't want this. Just before she spoke, I got up the courage to speak first.
"You keep it." I explained, "handkerchief."
"Thank you ..." She whispered.
"Actually, you're welcome." I said, "Will you invite me to dinner?"
I spoke very quickly, and she probably didn't hear me clearly at first. But after two or three seconds, judging from her surprised expression, although she fully understood what I said, she still didn't understand what I meant. So I had to repeat it in a low voice.
"Will you invite me to dinner?"
"Why?" How did she react?
"I am hungry, and there is no money in the meal card." I said, "I waited in the library all afternoon and didn't meet anyone I knew."
I know this reason is as far-fetched as the Martian invading the earth, but I can't think of any other excuse. The girl looked at me with a somewhat inexplicable expression. Then he shrugged and said yes. She is really an easy-going girl and obviously very kind.
Then we went to the canteen. It's a little early to eat now, but there is no other way. Halfway, let's get this straight. She asked me what to eat, and I said the same as you. As a result, she made two identical bags
I didn't say much at dinner. She was a little glum, and she only ate half of her meal. In the same atmosphere, I ate my share of the meal gloomily.
"Your share, okay?" I asked in a conversation.
She nodded her head. So I ate another half of her. Actually, this is beyond my appetite. I'm not a useless person. I just want to buy time. I secretly hope she didn't see it.
"I also read love stories." I said.
"Oh."
"I read it in middle school."
"hmm."
I was a little discouraged, so I kept my mouth shut. The girl seemed to feel that her attitude was too cold and looked at me apologetically.
"I'm not used to ..." She explained the sentence gently. "... talking to people you don't know. "
I nodded silently to show my understanding.
"I'm not used to it. I am licking a stranger's rice. "
She cocked her head and smiled, and the ponytail behind her head jumped up like a joke. After that, she seemed to relax a lot.
I finished my dinner easily. Then the two went to return the tableware.
"I said, you haven't seen a movie, have you?"
"A movie?"
The film was directed by Arthur Shearer, and the heroine Ellie MacGuao also won the Golden Globe Award. Writer or Eric Siegel. "
"Oh, is it adapted from a novel?" She shook her head. "I haven't seen it."
"Well ... then ..." I hesitated for a moment and asked, "Are you busy later?"
She looked at me from the side. I looked intently at the ground ahead.
"It's not, but what are you trying to say?"
"This movie is showing in the school cinema, so I ... want to invite you to see it tonight."
She didn't speak for a while. I dare not look at her expression, so I can only continue to concentrate on the ground.
"I didn't listen to wrong? Are you going to invite me to the movies? "
"In principle, it means this."
The girl sighed.
"We don't know this classmate very well, do we?"
"Not strange, but not strange at all."
"Then what do you want it for?"
"To pay for dinner just now." Reluctantly, I replied, adding, "And you have just read this novel."
"。 . . . . 。"
"The movie is good. 1970 Oscar for Best Original Music, the music is very touching. It is often played in coffee shops. "
"I know quite a lot." The girl put her hands in her coat pockets indifferently. "Ask a question, don't you have any money? You want me to take you to dinner. How can you invite me to the movies? "
"This. . . It is my friend who manages the screening hall, so it is very easy. "
"Really?" She gave me an incredible look.
"yes." I insist on affirmation.
But, I ... . "
The girl was at a loss, as if she hadn't spoken for a whole minute. I think I will fall to the ground and die of a heart attack at any time in this minute.
A minute later, she sighed slightly again.
"So, when does the movie start?" She asked.
I think she is really an easy-going and kind girl.
It is not entirely a lie to say that the film projectionist is a friend. I am a movie fan. I was a frequent visitor to the film screening room in the first two years of college, and sometimes I stayed there until midnight, so I got acquainted with the administrator. We often make noodles together at midnight. When encountering a rare film source, the other party will also take the initiative to inform, which is such a friendship.
In fact, Love Story was not shown tonight, but because of this friendship, we came to the screening room and watched this famous American love movie in the 1970s. There are very few people in the screening hall, so probably everyone is not interested in old movies. In fact, it is very beautiful, and there is always a touch of sadness. Sad love is touching.
The film seems to be in tears. Although I am a stranger around, although she has read the novel, she was already crying when the famous line "Love means never having to say sorry" appeared.
I knew she would cry, and I was embarrassed when I first saw it a long time ago. I reflexively reached into my coat pocket and searched for it for a while. The handkerchief I collected has been given to her. The girl probably rang, so she took it out of her pocket and wiped the tears from her face.
I kept thinking when she dried her tears. It felt like I took her to the movies the day before. It was this love story, and she cried at that time. I have a familiar feeling about her.
We sat in our seats silently, watching the subtitles of the English cast at the end of the film turn from page to page in the sad ending. We didn't leave until long after the music ended.
"Do you want to. . . . Look again? " I asked.
She shook her head.
It's all dark outside, so the students either go to the classroom for self-study or have left the classroom to go home. It's a little cold and the road is a little deserted. I put my hand in my trouser pocket and followed her slowly forward, feeling disappointed, because I thought she might leave at any time.
"You seem indifferent," said the girl. "Just now, at the cinema."
"I have seen it many times." I replied, "I was the most sad when I first saw it, but I got used to it later."
"You have seen it many times, why do you want to take me to see it?" She has some doubts.
"Every time I go to see it with different people, it feels like a new movie."
"Do you often take girls to see it?"
"You are the first in college." I said, "Besides, I took a boy with my roommate to see it last year, on Valentine's Day."
"Boys?"
"Crying too much. I pretended not to know him. He was lovelorn that day. "
The girl smiled, but soon stopped laughing and bowed her head.
What can I do for you? She asked softly, "Would you like to walk with me for a while?"
I nodded. That's what I pray for.
We walked around the school playground, and there were still boys playing three-on-three basketball on the basketball court next to the playground. There are several girls sitting on the railing watching, there are a bunch of schoolbags at their feet, and a girl is smoking. In the dark, cigarette butts light up with the rhythm of basketball crowding out. The dog came to the basketball court by the river. This is an artificial river that leads to the lake outside the school. We walked across the river from the arched stone bridge. In summer, the riverside is a good place for love, which is often occupied by many couples. But now the spring is chilly, the street lamps are far and dark, and few students recite foreign words by the river after dark. However, there is a slight wind blowing across the river, and some water plants are swaying from time to time.
She walked slowly to the river, stood there, and looked at the lighted place opposite. She is wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, simple white sneakers and a thin body wrapped in a gray coat. Later, we sat down on the river bank and sat on wooden chairs on the shore. The bush beside the wooden chair is sprouting green shoots. The girl put her hand in her freshman's pocket and bent down slightly, as if she were studying to see the scenery under the river, her eyes vacant.
"Thinking about movies?" I asked.
"No, it isn't." She said, "I'm in a bad mood today."
"Oh."
I am silent.
"It's much better after watching the movie." After a long time, she said, "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"well. . . . Have you ever been lovelorn? "
"。 . . . . . Sure. I said, "I often fall in love before I start."
"。 . . . . 。"
"Every time someone says I'm sorry, I think of the line' Love means never saying I'm sorry', but I never use it. . . . "
I suddenly feel a little strange. When I turned to look at her, I found her eyes were red.
"I'm sorry, I'm just kidding. . . . . "
"Nothing, it's none of your business."
She covered her eyes with her hand. A faint inhalation sound. I looked at the reflection of the moon on the river, and the reflection was very vague.
"I don't want to cry any more. Twice a day is enough. "
"。 . . . . . Just three times. "
"。 . . . . . You saw it in the library. . . . 。"
"At that time, I thought you were reading a tragic novel. I think it is normal for girls to cry when watching Love Story. " I paused and asked, "Is it because of emotional problems?"
The girl nodded quietly. She was quiet for a while.
"In fact, it was a breakup letter received yesterday. But it has been cold for a long time before. I don't feel anything when I sleep at night, but I don't know why I am getting more and more sad in the library today. Feel too wronged. How come... Broke up. How do you mean broke up? Where did all those favorites go before? Why am I sitting alone in the library? "
I don't know whether she is asking me or talking to herself. But I think my heart is cracked, too. A girl I like is talking about a lover who makes her sad. I am just an audience. Those words flooded into my heart like ice water.
"What is the reason? Disharmonious personality? " I asked calmly.
"I don't know. He suggested it. " The girl wanted to think, "it should not be the cause of personality disagreement. We have known each other for a long time. The primary school is in a school, so is the middle school. Although the arts and sciences were not in the same class later, they were always in tune, and almost no one confessed to anyone, so they naturally walked together. My family lives close, too. In the last two years of high school, I often went to his house to review engineering. Although he is a bit macho in character, he takes care of me. "
"Then why did you break up?"
"Probably went to a different university. He likes the north, but I'm going back to this city to take the college entrance examination. Because my parents said they would always come back. So I came back after the exam. I feel uncomfortable coming back here from a small city. . . . . . "
Before she finished, I suddenly understood why they broke up and why I thought she was familiar. I should have known this feeling long ago, as early as the moment I met her.
"Are you the child of a robin?" I whispered:
She paused, turned to me, and saw something in her eyes. But the doubts soon subsided, and she understood the name almost immediately. Her eyes were named for you.
"Yes, I am the child of a robin." The girl said, "I'm a robin girl."
Only the descendants of robins can understand the meaning of this name. She really is. She is a robin girl. More than 20 years ago, her parents accepted some inspiration from heaven, accepted some fate, left the city where I am now, moved to other places, stayed there to live, set up a family and have children. They are called the first generation robin. Their offspring are called the children of standard robins. These children have accepted their fate and will leave those places one day and migrate back to their strange hometown when they grow up.
"How do you know I am?" She asked.
"I have friends who are robins' children. "I explained," Robins' children all feel the same way. "
"Very similar?"
"The way you talk, the way you look at things, and your attitude towards people are all aura."
"Really?" She looked at me for a moment, then turned to her face. "So, do you understand how we broke up?"
"Understandable." I said, "I'll tell you if I don't add anything to you."
She nodded.
"You used to be in a small city, grew up together, familiar with each other, have a good impression on each other, so naturally called lovers. At that time, you didn't realize that you were a robin's child. Maybe you don't think it's important, but it is the most important thing. One day, you will return to this city from that small place. This is fate. You can't resist it. If he can accept this, then he may move with you. However, he has his own flight direction, which is just the opposite of yours. Even if you can ignore long-distance love, you can shuttle between the two places and spend a few years in college together. Two people will eventually separate, which is determined by climate, living habits and adaptability to habitat. No one is wrong, just can't disobey. In short, love can't compete with distance, even if you can fly-what's more, it's not that simple. "
The robin girl sat motionless next to me, feeling like a broken-winged bird.
"Yes, that's it. You are all right. " She sighed softly. "I'm sorry. But after listening to your words, I feel very calm. Very lonely, I have been lonely since I was a child. "
"Maybe I'm tired."
"Maybe. I'm tired of crying at the movies. "
We stopped talking and looked at the river in silence. The river was rippled by the wind and flooded in circles. It was a little cold at night, and her body curled up.
"You really watched that movie with many people."
"Not much."
She smiled and rested her head on my shoulder. Maybe she really feels tired. I really want to hug her, but I can't move. I can't even move a finger. My heart almost jumped out.
"Just lean on it, okay?"
"Of course."
"I don't know why, I think you are very kind." She whispered, "but we just met."
"。 . . . . 。"
She closed her eyes. I feel as if she is going to sleep. But it felt like after a while, she opened her eyes. Sit up straight and don't lean against me. I feel lost.
"I'm thinking about you, indeed, I am a robin girl. So, should I find a robin boy? "
"。 . . . . I don't know, maybe. I said.
The girl raised her wrist and looked at the time.
"It's getting late. I think I will go back. "
"Oh, ok."
"Thank you for the movie. Oh, yes, "and a handkerchief. "
She took a handkerchief from her pocket and hooked it on her finger. At this time, just as the wind blew, the handkerchief flew up and slowly fell down, covered with drinking water. She and I watched handkerchiefs float away like white waterfowl.
"Oh, I'm sorry. . . . . . "
"This is my only handkerchief. . . . . . "
"You're joking again, aren't you?" She looked at me and smiled. "I'll give you one back, don't worry."
"Handkerchiefs are not important." But I said, "Can I see you again?"
"Of course."
The girl stood up and adjusted her clothes.
"See you in the library tomorrow. I will give you a handkerchief. "
"the library?"
"I don't go much, but I will go tomorrow." She said, "Goodbye then."
"Don't I need to send it?"
"No, I don't live in school. My family lives far away. "
"Oh, ok, goodbye."
"See you tomorrow."
She waved to me and turned away.
I sat on the wooden chair and watched her walk away. It was not until a few hours later that I realized that I didn't even know her name or what she was studying. However, since we have an appointment to meet in the library tomorrow, let's ask her tomorrow.
However, I never saw her again.
I went to the hospital for surgery because of acute appendicitis that night and was discharged a week later.
The first thing after discharge was to look for her in the library, but she was not there. I waited in the library for a month, but I didn't see her.
So will the next two years.
I had never seen her at school until I graduated. It was as if she had never existed, or rather, only existed for an afternoon and evening, and I happened to see her.
I only met her once.
I want to see her again. I have something to say to her. I regret not telling her that night. If you tell her, maybe nothing will be easy to squeeze toothpaste. Maybe she will always wait for me in the library.
Yes, I want to tell the girl I met by chance: you are a robin girl, and I am also a robin's child. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that night, because I've been carefully hiding my identity. Even I forgot myself, but I remembered when I saw you.
Actually, I've only seen Love Story three times. The first time I saw it was at my first girlfriend's house in middle school. After watching the movie, I had my first kiss. The girl I fell in love with for the first time thought that there would be no tragedy as long as we fell in love. But they both forgot one thing-I am a descendant of a robin. When I had to move back to my present city, she asked me again and again why I left her. She is a very weak bird species, and she can't live without her birthplace. I had to move. There is no reason. I told her I couldn't stay because I was a robin's child.
I'm afraid of migration, fear of parting, and fear of heartbreaking things. I'm afraid of my fate. Others may not, my Jay. But you have to understand. Because you are a robin, with the same thing. We are all Robin's children, and Robin's children will fall in love together. It should be like this.
But I never saw her again.
Time passed gradually, I graduated, worked, went to other places, left other places, and returned to this city. On the trip, I also met other Robin's children. We recognized each other in the vast sea of people and then passed by. Children can easily recognize each other. But we have all learned to hide ourselves and it is not easy to reveal our true identity.
Strangely, the longer time goes by, the more I miss the girl crying in the library. But I can't remember her wool, and I recall that vaguely delicate and pretty. That beauty is rare.
Only once, when I was watching a Japanese movie, I found it on the face of the little-known actor in it.
I have collected almost all the films of this actor that I can find.
One day, my new girlfriend found these movies on the computer. Why is it all done by one person? Too arrogant. She laughed at me and said.
No, you don't understand. I mumbled an answer to her.
Because you're not a robin's child.
Yes, my current actress is not a descendant of Robin like me. She grew up in this city and lived an ordinary life. In my opinion, she is just an ordinary bird, a bird raised by an ordinary bird. But that doesn't stop me from liking her. I like the peace and relaxation when I am with her, and the way she smiles. I have been flying in the sky for a long time, and flying alone is very tired. I want to land next to her. If possible, I don't want to leave her for other places in the future.
However, in my heart, there is always the sound of wings flapping, reminding me that I am different from others.
I still often think of that robin girl, but it has nothing to do with love.
I just hope to meet her somewhere again one day. Then tell her that there are many robin children like us in this world. We are not alone.
We walk around and let nature take its course. We flew from one place to another, in a familiar city and in a strange city. One day, when we are tired of flying, we will land somewhere and fold our wings. But our letters are always in other places, here, there, anywhere, in our hearts.
If you are a robin's child.