Recently, I was reading the book "Good Children are Educated", which said that when parents can't guide and accept children correctly and timely, children can easily establish contact with the world and develop the ability to think and solve problems independently.

Recently, Weibo hot search. A 13-year-old girl in Anqing, Anhui committed suicide after New Year's Day.

And with the determination to die, I swallowed the pesticide first and then jumped into the pond.

The reason why the child is so determined to commit suicide is because the little girl won the first place in the whole grade in the monthly exam, and the class teacher questioned her grades.

I thought that little girl had finished the test paper in advance. And let the little girl retake the exam to prove that she didn't cheat.

But in the eyes of the little girl, this achievement is because she played normally, so she did well in the exam, but the teacher denied her. Such behavior is unacceptable to the little girl.

Because of the psychological gap, the little girl died violently in order to prove her innocence.

In the latest suicide note of the little girl, it is revealed that she chose to commit suicide because she lacked the ability to solve problems, in order to get rid of this pain.

Behind this decision, because children can't effectively solve difficulties and pains, they can only think of death to seek relief.

More is that children don't have enough courage to cross it and overcome it in the face of difficulties; Chose to be a deserter in the face of difficulties.

This reflects that children's ability to resist setbacks is weak, and their emotions are easily out of control when they encounter things, and they cannot handle things in a better way.

The strength of anti-frustration ability affects whether a child is confident or inferior; Bully or scum; Climber or quitter.

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The so-called ability to resist setbacks is a person's adversity quotient, which determines whether a person is brave enough to cross, stop or go to a dead end when facing difficulties.

The strength of adversity quotient depends on one's cognition. In cognitive psychology, there is a phenomenon called learned helplessness, which tells us that I have nothing and know nothing, and a series of negative thoughts are internalized.

The resulting experience is not to find a way to solve it, but to keep retreating and eventually trap yourself in a cage.

In the book "Adversity Quotient: How Should We Deal with Bad Events", there is a small case: seligman divided the puppies into three groups when he was doing learned helplessness's experiment. The first group has micro-electricity, but the nose can touch the switch.

The second group has micro-electricity and can't touch the switch. The third group is tied up but has no micro-electricity.

At the beginning of the experiment, seligman found that the puppies in the second group would suffer painfully.

The next day, seligman put the puppies in a device called a shuttle box, and installed a baffle in the box, so that the puppies in the first and third groups could jump out of the cage quickly.

The second group of puppies lay down in pain. Since then, scientists have found that almost all animals can learn learned helplessness.

Learned helplessness just passively accepted a series of bad things, instead of trying to solve the problem, he would only suffer.

In life, parents will let their children learn learned helplessness if they handle their children's affairs too much or deny them too much.

Long-term passive acceptance of negative language or bad things will cause children's adversity quotient to be too low, which will hinder authorization and prevent children from growing into problem-solving and confident children.

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I recently read a chapter in the book "Good children are taught". How to improve children's ability to resist setbacks? For children, the ability to resist setbacks can be continuously improved through daily life. Let children know how to express their emotions and how to get out of the immediate predicament.

There is a small case in the book: when Xiao Tao first entered kindergarten, his grades were not good. After careful communication with parents, the teacher found that the child was a little autistic.

When parents come back deeply, they decide to guide their children with emotions in daily life, so that they can express their emotions and overcome the immediate difficulties.

Momo is very popular in the Go class, because he wants to go with his brother and sister, because his big friend has many courses and loves to beat him.

After class, Xiao Tao's mood has been bad, so my mother listened carefully to Xiao Tao's problems with the method of * * *, and practiced Go with Xiao Tao at home.

In this way, the chess skills of Momo Weiqi have been improved. In the next class, Xiao Tao is the elder brother and sister who won the championship in Senior One.

Behind the victory is Xiao Tao's mother's guidance, letting the children vent their emotions, and then customizing their goals with the children to improve their chess skills, thus overcoming the immediate difficulties.

In the face of difficulties, listen carefully in time, appease children with * * * methods, then customize goals with children and practice constantly, and finally the children overcome the difficulties.

After the guidance of her parents, Xiao Tao's autistic tendency gradually disappeared and she learned how to solve the difficulties.

Let children know how to vent their emotions, how to face difficulties, and how to customize the way to get through difficulties.

Difficulties are only temporary and will not last forever. As long as you have enough courage to face them, no difficulty will be overcome.

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Someone once said: For the sake of children, we must give them new works, so that they can dare to face the criss-crossing new world and keep sprouting and growing.

Facing the criss-crossing world, instead of overprotecting it, it is better for children to face it themselves, adapt to the world in the process of exploration and constantly overcome difficulties.

Instead of constantly denying children, it is better to give them affirmation, so that children can have the confidence to face the ups and downs of the world and solve the obstacles that cross in front of them.

Instead of worrying about children's bad temper, it is better to teach children to vent their emotions in an appropriate way, learn to customize the goals of progress, plan the road to growth, and spend one difficulty after another.

So as to gain self-confidence, as a climber, constantly cross the mountains in front of me, take root and sprout in this world, and constantly sprout and grow.

May all our children grow up to be climbers, dare to climb, never flinch in the face of difficulties, walk out of their own life path, achieve their goals and meet a brilliant life.