We will feel very hurt when we hear these words, because behind these words, it is a personal evaluation of you.
You are lazy, stupid, unpunctual and indifferent. You're so fucking lucky.
A large part of your self-worth evaluation comes from the evaluation of outsiders. If others make negative comments on you, then you will have low-value comments on yourself.
Such negative self-evaluation will affect your self-confidence and self-esteem, thus affecting your later life.
In China's family, we often hear comments from our parents.
A small number of parents always show their tolerance, understanding and vitality in front of their children. They have their own principles and discretion, can tolerate children's mistakes and correctly point out their mistakes.
A child who has experienced positive comments in childhood may not be a talented person when he grows up, but he will definitely be a confident person. Because he recognizes himself and believes in himself. He is willing to accept the challenge and is not afraid of failure.
Failure is like a fall when you were a child. Stand up, he can continue to fight.
However, most families in China give their children a negative evaluation. So, in China, a child is immortal. His name is "other people's children".
We grew up with this "other people's child". Even if we try harder and spend 120 points, we still can't compare with this "other people's child".
Because he is too "excellent".
He is a complex, he combines all the perfect aspects of human beings.
He doesn't make mistakes, doesn't eat ugly, dresses neatly and appropriately, speaks pleasantly, and his academic performance has always been among the best, so he can be admitted to a famous university, enter a famous enterprise, earn a high salary, be familiar with interpersonal relationships, and never miscalculate in love. Happy marriage, loving husband and wife, never blushing. The children born are also sensible and smart.
Negative comments do great harm to children. Those words, actions and expressions, like sharp knives, stab us straight in the heart.
If we can't protect ourselves and strive to form a hard scab, then we can only let the tip of the knife sink into the soft heart again and again until it becomes bloody, festering, corrupt and dirty.
And when you have children, you will forge your own knife and stab your children.
Criticism is easy to do, because anyone can open his mouth and say irresponsible things, but the harm to children is unparalleled.
Listening seems to be just a way of silence, but in fact it can connect the hearts of parents and children better than negative comments.
Many times, the child did something wrong, or the parents thought that the child did something wrong. They can't help but say, blame and scold their children, and don't give them a chance to explain, or even if they explain, adults will think that their children are lying when they are angry.
In the long run, the distance between them is getting farther and farther. It is not important for children to express their inner feelings, because parents will not listen at all.
The correct way is that parents need to put a low profile, sit down calmly, face to face with their children and listen to their feelings and thoughts.
Listen to him with your brain and body at the same time, so that you will find that your previous thoughts and your attitude towards him are based on an immature and isolated self-judgment.
Don't be too hard on your children when you find that your thoughts and behaviors are also very limited.
Everything parents do is to make their children feel that they are not antagonistic, but stand on the same side and watch the changes in the world. He should not be the product of the projection of his parents' inner thoughts, but should be himself.
As a parent, all you have to do is accept a real child.